Awakening

by Catrina Burgess

  Whether possible or not, the rules against it were clear. My clan would either shun me completely or lock me away for even trying. It occurred to me that, at some dim point in the past, it had to have been tried, and it’d gone badly enough that a rule was necessary. Was I going to turn into some kind of a monster? The thought shocked me, but I tried to keep to the alarm off of my face, apparently without much success.

  “You don’t have to worry. Your secret is safe with me. Luke and I’ve been friends since we could walk. Our parents have known each other for years.”

  My surprise must have shown on my face, because he continued, “I know his kind usually sticks to themselves, but our fathers grew up together. They aren’t related by blood, but they were raised together like brothers.” Freddy’s expression changed. He looked angry. “Luke says someone has Darla. Someone’s holding her hostage. I told him that I want to come with you guys and help.”

  We could use all the help we could get. But it wasn’t my call to make. “What did Luke say?”

  “That I’m not mage born. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be useful. When he comes back will you help me persuade him to let me come along? I can’t just sit by and do nothing if Darla’s in danger.”

  Luke had made it pretty clear he didn’t want Freddy coming with us. I doubted anything I said would change his mind. I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ll try.”

  Freddy nodded and got up from the table. “Help yourself to as much cereal as you want. There’s orange juice in the fridge.”

  “Did Luke say when he’ll be back?”

  “Nope.” Freddy gave me a smile. “Don’t worry, Luke’s always liked to be a bit mysterious.”

  I took a spoonful of cereal and tried not to worry. But my thoughts kept going back to the last ritual. Every time I heard Luke’s words “take a life” ringing in my head, I couldn’t help but shudder. I had survived the first two rituals. I had no choice but to do this last one to gain power. I wanted to save Darla, but I knew deep down revenge remained my main motive. No matter how many times I kept repeating it to myself, I couldn’t stop wondering if, when the time came, I could actually go through with it. And if I did this awful thing, what would that make me? A savior?

  Or a Murderer?

  * * * *

  Luke came back at dusk. He offered no apology for leaving me behind with a stranger and forcing me to worry about his hide for hours. By the time he walked through the door, I was more than a bit testy.

  Luke smiled as he walked into the room. “Hi.” He’d dressed all in black. A black sweat shirt, black jeans and boots.

  “Hey,” I answered from the couch, before continuing to flip through TV channels.

  Luke had a gray duffel bag in each hand. He walked over and put them down in front of me before joining me on the couch. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m just fine and dandy. Been here all day, watching TV and eating cereal.” I turned and gave him a glare. “How’s your day been?”

  “I went back to Pagan’s.”

  I gasped. “You didn’t. We decided it wasn’t worth the risk.”

  “I know we did, but there were things I needed for the ritual I couldn’t get anywhere else. Not out here.”

  “And were the men…”

  “There was no one around. They trashed the place though.” He frowned and ran a hand through his hair. “They didn’t take anything that I could tell. It looked like someone went through the place and just smashed stuff up for the fun of it.”

  A chill went through me. Pagan’s beautiful converted barn, ruined. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

  “I did.” He gestured toward one of the duffel bags. “Just about everything we need. I also stopped and did some shopping.” He took in my clothes. “I figured you might want to wear something that actually fit.”

  “Thanks.”

  He looked around the room. “Where’s Freddy?”

  “Upstairs.”

  “We should get going soon. There’s something else I need to get, and it may take a bit of time.”

  “Freddy wants to come with us. He wants to help.”

  Luke shook his head. “It’s a bad idea.”

  “I know he doesn’t have any magic, but-”

  “I’m going to help get Darla back.” Freddy’s voice sounded from the stairs.

  Luke stood up. “I told you, it’s not a good idea.”

  Freddy walked down the stairs and over to Luke until he stood toe to toe with him. “I’ve known Darla all my life. If she’s in danger, I’m not just going to sit here and do nothing.” He looked over at me. “If nothing else, I can hang back and be a look out. Or be back up. If you two get caught, someone has to be around to tell your family where to find you.”

  Luke’s expression turned grim. “If we get caught we’ll probably be dead by the time the family comes back.”

  Freddy crossed his arms. “All the more reason you need my help.”

  “The magic they have is powerful.”

  A stubborn expression crossed Freddy’s face. “I’m willing to take the risk.”

  Luke didn’t say anything for a moment. “Okay. You can help when we go after my sister. But you can’t come with us tonight.”

  “But you might need me…”

  Luke held up his hand and stopped him. “What we’re doing tonight isn’t something you can be a part of. We‘ve put you in enough danger by coming here. Somehow they keep finding us, and the longer we stay the more likely you’ll end up on the bad guy’s radar.”

  The two guys stood glaring at each other.

  Freddy was the first to break the silence. “You promise you won’t head off to save Darla without me?”

  Luke nodded. “I promise.” He reached out, and Freddy took his hand. “Thanks again for the use of the car.”

  “You know whatever you need, it’s yours,” Freddy answered.

  Luke turned toward me. “Are you ready?”

  I nodded. Luke picked up the bags and headed out the door.

  Apparently we were leaving. Why the rush? I had no idea. Luke didn’t give me a chance to question what he was up to. Nor was I going to get a chance to change my clothes. Wherever we were going, apparently we were in a hurry. I stood up and grabbed at the sweat pants before they fell straight to the ground. A fist-full of material in one hand, I headed toward the door. Halfway there I stopped and gave Freddy a half smile. “Thanks for everything.”

  “Anytime. Hey, good luck.”

  We were going to need it. I straightened my shoulders and headed out the door.

  * * * *

  I sat in the backseat of the car, attempting to get into a pair of black jeans. Dressing was a lot easier when you could do it standing up. Dressing in a moving vehicle took agility and balance. They should turn it into an Olympic sport, I thought, groaning as I tried to twist my leg up high enough to get it into a pant leg.

  “How you doing back there?”

  “Fine.” I finally wiggled into the jeans, pulling them up and zipping them. “Where are we going?”

  “There’s a certain plant I need for the ritual. Not the plant actually, but an ointment that’s derived from it. A woman who lives out here makes a lot of ointments, teas and tinctures for the magic shop.”

  My outfit now matched Luke’s--black sweat shirt, black jeans and boots.

  I slid over the front seat and settled in next to him. Plants. I knew a lot about plants. Mama used to make her own ointments and teas for the sick. I had just started to learn how to make some of the more popular ones. “What are we after?”

  “Devil’s berries.”

  I gasped. A nightshade plant. One of the most toxic plants found in the eastern hemisphere. “You said what you do isn’t murder, but to poison someone…”

  He held up his hand. “This ointment isn’t for the person you’re helping to crossover.”

  “Then for who?”

  “It’s for you.”

  I was too shocked to answe
r. What did he mean by that?

  We drove in silence for a while before Luke spoke up. “Have you heard of the twilight sleep?”

  I nodded. “Something they did in the eighteen hundreds. A way of putting you under, yet you weren’t really under, you were still conscious. They did it for childbirth, to deal with the pain. If it worked and, if it didn’t kill you, it made you insensitive to the pain.” I stared at him in shock. “Using devil’s berries to bring on the twilight sleep is crazy. They’re too unpredictable.” I searched my memory for the lessons my mother had given me on the nightshade plants. “They can cause vivid hallucinations, delirium-”

  “-Paralysis, convulsions, and even death. I know what can happen when you take the plant, Colina.”

  “And you still want me to use it?”

  He took his eyes off the road a moment to look over at me. “I do. You’ll have to trust me. It’s part of the ritual.” He turned his attention back to the road. “I went by the woman’s place earlier, but she wasn’t there. There was a note on the shop’s front door that she’d be open again after dinner.”

  I studied Luke’s profile. He said I should trust him. I wanted to, I honestly did. Murder and now poison. After all this effort, I still had no power. Would selling my soul be worth it?

  Chapter Twelve

  The Last Ritual

  We pulled up to a cottage set back in the woods. The whole place was painted purple. Twinkly white lights people usually put up for Christmas wrapped around the porch and winked on and off. A pink neon sign flashed ‘Open’ from one of the windows. Over the front door hung a wooden sign with a blue swallow painted on the front of it.

  “I think I’ll wait in the car, if that’s all right.” The blue swallow told me that healer who owned this place was one of my kind. I didn’t know if I could stomach coming face to face with a healer, not when I was just hours away from committing such a horrendous act.

  Luke didn’t look surprised by my request. “I won’t be long.”

  Murderer. The word whispered in the corners of my mind. I would be taking a life. The antithesis of everything my family had taught me. But I had no choice. I wondered if I told myself that often enough would I’d start to believe it. The power I’d gain might make the difference between us living and dying. Or better yet the difference between my family’s killers living and dying.

  Murderer. This time the word whispered on the wind. A breeze moved across my hands, and I looked around. I waited for a face to pop out, or a voice to speak up, but there was nothing but silence.

  Deep down I doubted I could go through with the last ritual. And if I refused to do it? If I turned my back and walked away, what would be the consequences? Luke would be left alone against a slew of men. The odds wouldn’t matter, I knew he’d take any risk, pay any price to see Darla returned unharmed.

  What price are you willing to pay? The words from my dream, my vision, came back to me. I had said over and over that I’d do whatever it took to avenge my family. That I’d pay whatever price needed. But was my revenge, my survival, worth someone else’s life?

  Luke came out of the store minutes later with a small brown paper bag in hand. He slid into the driver’s seat, put the bag between us, and started the car.

  I looked down at the bag, afraid to touch it. “You got what you needed?”

  “Yes.”

  “So where to now?” I looked out the window and wished as hard as I could that his answer would be something trivial. Hey, let’s stop and get some food, or Want to see a movie? Maybe if I wished hard enough, he might change his mind and forget all about doing the last ritual.

  Instead, he answered, “The hospital.”

  And at the answer my heart sank. The hospital. A place full of sick and dying people. I should have realized earlier that the errand he had to run when he dragged me to the hospital had to do with the person I was going to kill. It’s not killing, but mercy, I tried to tell myself. I remembered the bodies I saw as I walked down the hospital hallways--people lying in beds hooked up to machines. Weak, sick and full of pain, but striving to survive, desperate to stay alive. It’s how I always viewed illness as a healer. The fight against death. Death was the enemy of my kind. I, as a healer, would do whatever I had to in order to keep my patients alive.

  A single tear ran down my cheek, the start of a breakdown I struggled to control. I turned my head before Luke could see me crying. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take a life. No matter how much I tried to rationalize what needed to be done, deep down I was still a healer. I wanted to fight to keep people alive. I didn’t want to be the one ending their lives.

  I wiped the tears away and looked over at Luke. His attention remained on the road. He was counting on my help to save his sister. He’d risked his life to save mine, more than once. We were in this together, weren’t we? We only had each other. How could I let him down now? How could I let my family’s death go un-avenged?

  The car came to a stop, and Luke glanced at me. “We’re here.”

  My heart thumped hard in my chest. “But it’s not even close to midnight.”

  “This ritual doesn’t have to be done in the witching hour. We’re not worried about making the veil between the living and dead as thin as possible so you can have an easier time contacting spirits.” His hand came down and rested on the bag. “This time we have the ointment, and you’re closer to the spirit world now.”

  “I don’t know if I can do this,” I whispered. My hands trembled.

  Luke reached out and grasped my fingers in his. “What you do tonight has to be done of your own free will.”

  “And if I decide not to go through with it? If I’ve changed my mind?”

  His fingers tightened. “I won’t lie and say that I don’t need your help. I do. But if you’ve changed your mind, Colina, you can walk away. I’ll find another way to save Darla without you.”

  He looked so earnest that I almost believed him. Almost. I could see the muscle on his cheek twitching ever so slightly and the tension radiating off of him. If I left him on his own, his chances of surviving, of either of them surviving, was nonexistent.

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’ll try. I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try.”

  He wiped a tear from my cheek. “If at any time you want to stop, we will. I can take over. I can finish what needs to be done.”

  Even if I didn’t do it, Luke would. No matter what, this person’s life would be over tonight.

  Luke reached into his pocket and handed me the gypsy’s pouch. I tied it around my neck.

  Murderer. There was the word again blazing across my mind. I slowly opened the door and got out of the car.

  Luke got out of the car, he stopped and leaned back in and a few seconds later pulled out the two duffel bags. “Ready?” he asked, swinging the wide straps of both bags over his shoulder.

  I nodded my head.

  We went into the hospital, and like before, a myriad of sensations rushed in on me. It knocked the breath right out of me. Static electricity slammed against me, frantic whispers buzzed around my head, and a cold breeze crawled across my neck.

  “Remember to breathe,” Luke had told me the first time I came here. I forced the claustrophobic feeling away and concentrated on controlling my breathing. I tried to concentrate on the living--the bodies mingling around in the hallway in front of us. I desperately tried to ignore the dark shadows that kept creeping into the edge of my vision.

  We headed down the hospital hallways, but this time people didn’t ignore us, they stared openly. I could hear people whispering as we passed by and out of the corner of my eye I saw people pointing in our direction.

  Did we suddenly have ‘death dealer’ tattooed on our forehead? How did they know who we were and why we were here?

  “Word spreads quickly in places like this,” Luke said quietly as he picked up the pace. “It’s better if we don’t engage anyone. If we keep to ourselves, no one will bother us.”
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  I squared my shoulders and followed him.

  We went the same way we had the day before. As we came through a pair of double doors, a fifty-something, brunette walked out of a room close by. She was dressed like a visitor, not a doctor or nurse. She saw us and gasped out loud, her hand going to her chest.

  “Death dealers,” she said the words as if she was cursing. Her face twisted into a look of deep hatred. “You’re not wanted here.”

  Luke pointed down the hallway where a small group of people gathered outside a room. “They’ve called and asked for our help.”

  “What you do is sacrilegious.” She stepped into our path.

  Did she mean to try to stop us physically?

  Luke grabbed my hand. “We mean you no harm, but we will pass.” His voice was low and threatening.

  The woman’s eyes widened, and after a moment, she stepped aside. As we went by a string of curse words flew from her mouth.

  Death dealer. I was one of them now, despised and feared by many.

  Down the hall we went. The crowd parted as we came close. An older man with a brown beard stepped forward and extended his hand. “Thanks for coming.” The man gestured toward the room. “We’ve all said our goodbyes. Are you sure I can’t be there when it happens?”

  “I’m sorry, but this is something that has to be done by us alone.”

  The man stepped back. “I understand.”

  Luke walked into the room, and I followed.

  There was someone in the bed, hooked up to a half dozen machines. The only sounds I could hear were the beeping of the machines and my heart pounding wildly in my chest.

  “Close the door,” Luke said without turning around. His whole attention now focused on the person in the bed.

  My hands trembled as I grasped the door handle. I looked out into the sea of sad and worried faces and slowly closed the door.

  Luke carried the duffel bags over his left shoulder. He walked up to the bed and dropped the bags to the floor.

  “Make sure to lower the blinds.”

  I nodded my head and followed his orders. ‘Shut the door,’ ‘close the blinds’, and when he spoke the words ‘kill’ would I just blindly follow along? I took another deep breath and forced myself to move to the bed.