The Return (A Decision of Love Book 1)

by Tzar, Anastasia

  Who you are softens me

  You have what is mine

  My love, my heart, my soul

  All that I have to give

  My tomorrows are yours.

  Tears flowed down my cheeks, my head nestled into his chest. “I don’t deserve you.”

  “Yes you do. We deserve each other.”

  My heart soared when he picked me up and laid me on the bed. My eyes followed his every move as he undressed. Just loosening his tie and throwing it on the chair had my nerve endings on fire. He smiled when he dropped his suit jacket on the floor then unbuttoned his shirt. God, I loved his chest. My eyes followed the path along his hairline to the bulge tenting his pants. I held my breath waiting for him to get rid of his clothes. The shirt dropped on top of his jacket. He walked to the side of the bed bending to kiss me. He’d removed his shoes and socks, all that was left were his pants. Reaching for his zipper, my hand pulled the tab slowly.

  His warm lips covered my mouth working my lips until they tingled. My hand slipped inside his pants, my fingers curling around his erection. I couldn’t be bothered to pull them off, I wanted to feel his smooth skin in the palm of my hand. He moved his hips toward me, groaning. He unbuttoned his pants loosening them, his lips never leaving mine. They slipped down his legs. Last to go were his jockeys. My eyes ran the length of his beautiful body. Reaching for him, I pulled him on top of me, my arms circling his back tightly.

  “Make love to me,” I whispered nibbling on his shoulder.

  Rolling on his back, he lifted me on his abdomen to straddle him. His hands reached under my shirt to cradle my breasts. I wriggled down his body until I was pressed on his erection, feeling it pulse between my legs. I ground into him. His groan emerged from deep in his throat. His fingers unbuttoned my jeans, then he laid me back on his legs so that he could pull them and my panties over my hips and down my legs. Skin against skin. I moaned. He tore at my shirt and bra tossing them on the floor. I returned to the straddling position.

  His hands ran over my body touching my skin with his fingertips. Shivers ran down my spine. He squeezed my breasts pulling me to him, his mouth opening to taste my swollen flesh, his tongue teasing the hardened nipple. I pushed my hand between us to guide his erection to my center.

  His hand stopped me. “Not yet. I want to taste you.”

  He flipped me on my back, kneeling to straddle me. His face bent to my neck where his tongue started its trail of arousal. The muscles in my lower regions knotted into a ball of desire. His mouth moved to the hollow of my neck where his lips sucked on my flesh. I arched.

  “I need you,” I whispered.

  He smiled at me, the one that melted my heart and filled me with joy. “You have me.”

  His tongue continued its descent traveling past my stomach to the juncture of my leg and hip. He sucked and nipped on the flesh of my inner thigh. I writhed under him, my flesh burning.

  “Now.”

  “Not yet.”

  Oh God, I’m not going to make it. Sensations built in my center threatening to explode. He separated my legs with his, sliding between them, his head lowering to my throbbing flesh. The minute his tongue touched me, a hiss of air exploded from my mouth. His hands clasped my knees pulling my legs over his shoulders. His tongue entered me. My eyes closed, and my head rolled from side to side responding to his touch.

  “I’m going to come.” It had been seconds, but his tongue knew my weaknesses, working me into a bundle of screaming nerves. I felt the release start. He lowered my legs, his erection finding me.

  “Now.” I groaned.

  He thrust into me, deep into my core. Oh God, to be close to him made me delirious. I lifted my hips off the bed pushing against him. We breathed heavily thrusting against each other, our rhythm perfectly matched. His hands held my bottom, and my legs wrapped around his hips. My orgasm washed over me. Warmth filled me and I squeezed my legs around him, sensations filling my body. We groaned in unison.

  He pulled me into his arms, folding his body around me, reassuring me with every kiss, every touch, that I was the only woman in the world for him. I was a ball of exhausted nerve endings.

  “Promise me you’ll tell me whenever you feel unsure before it becomes an issue and drives a wedge between us. I don’t want any misunderstandings. I’m not prepared to take a chance with us.”

  The call from Josh pricked at my conscience. What was the sense in upsetting Dan with a meaningless conversation? I decided not to say anything. We’d found our rhythm again. Turning to face him, our eyes connected, my arms went around his neck.

  “You’ll never know because we’re going to be together forever. I love you.”

  His mouth covered mine. At first his kiss was slow and gentle. His tongue tasting me, seducing the inside of my mouth, but it changed as our need for each other grew again. My body melted into the bed. His tongue stroked every available surface, claiming it for his own. His lips ground against mine with both anger and desire combined into one passionate kiss.

  “You’re mine,” he murmured against my lips.

  My heart pumped with excitement when he entered, thrusting into me with a surge of passion that filled me to my core. As my orgasm flooded my senses, I screamed his name, shuddering with a single-mindedness.

  The bed was soaked with our perspiration. He collapsed next to me. Rolling me on top of him, he smoothed the hair away from my face.

  “Are you still worried?”

  Who was worried? I could barely remember my name after what Dan had done to my body and brain.

  “Not anymore. You always erase all my fears. I love you for being so patient with me.”

  “What do you think about having another baby?” He smiled, kissing my nose.

  Wow, that was a drastic shift in conversation “Didn’t we decide one was enough?” My heart was suddenly heavy in my chest.

  “We did, but what do you think about having another one. I want a son. Having another baby is something I’ve wanted to talk to you about for a while.”

  “Why didn’t you?” I rubbed my feet against his leg.

  “When we got married, you were pretty definite about children. You agreed to have Vivie because I wanted our baby.”

  Looking at the hope in Dan’s eyes warned me to tread carefully. “I thought we agreed on one. I’m almost thirty-six, Dan. As it is, I’ll be in my mid-fifties by the time Vivie is on her own. If we get pregnant, we’ll be in our sixties. I want us to have our time?”

  He pulled my face closer, nuzzling my neck.

  “We’ll have our time, Baby. I’ll find it for you. I love being a husband and father. It’s who I am. There are lots of women who wait to have children in their mid-thirties.”

  The pleading in his voice twisted my heart.

  “What about Adam? He’s sixteen.”

  “Adam loves Vivie. We can get a nanny if it’s too much.”

  “This is all so out of the blue. Can we talk more after I’ve had a chance to think about it?”

  “Out of the blue for you, maybe, but it’s been on my mind for months.”

  My mind raced. I thought we’d decided against more children, but obviously not. “I promise, I’ll give it a lot of thought.” Getting out of bed, I went into our bathroom to shower before Vivie woke from her nap.

  After my shower, I went down to the family room. Dan was dressed in sweats and a T-shirt reading a story to Vivie on the sofa. He looked up at me then down at Vivie snuggling in his arm, love shining in his eyes. Dear God, how were we going to resolve this? The pressure was already building in the pit of my stomach. First Josh, and now a baby.

  “Adam called. He’s going to be late tonight, but I ordered a pizza for him as well.”

  Guilt clouded my brain. “Great. I’ll make a salad.” This was turning into a life altering week. The house phone rang sending my nerves to another realm. It couldn’t be Josh. Surely, he’d know that Dan would be home at this time of day. With a slight hesitation, I picked up. />
  “Hello.”

  “It’s me.”

  Shit, what was Josh thinking, calling me now.

  “I’m sorry, Adam isn’t here. He had a double practice tonight.” My voice was cool.

  “I love you.”

  The line went dead. What the fuck. Was he losing it or what? I slammed the receiver down.

  “Who called?”

  My eyes avoided Dan’s. “Someone for Adam. I’m not sure why he called him on the house phone instead of his cell.”

  Dan buckled Vivie into her booster. “That is weird. Adam’s not listed in the directory under the house number.”

  The doorbell rang. “It’s the pizza. I’ll get it.” My legs couldn’t get me out of the room fast enough. I returned with the boxes. Dan and Vivie were pretending to play the drums on the countertop with their spoons. When I walked past, he grabbed my waist and smiled.

  “She’s very musical. Maybe I’ll check into the Suzuki music program.” As he said it, a spoon went flying past his head. Vivie laughed hysterically, pounding her head on her tray.

  He laughed. “Maybe I’ll wait another year.”

  “Good idea.” Vivie had worked her magic again, easing the tension. The child was psychic. Oh Lord, I hope she doesn’t take after her Nana, who thinks she has a mystic connection to the universe.

  Poor Dan laughed his ass off the first time my mother lit smudge, following him around the house as he tried to get away from the smoke. She assured him that it would make him virile.

  Slicing the pizza, a laugh escaped my lips. If Dan were any more virile, I’d be walking around with a constant hard. Masculinity was not a missing link in Dan’s genetic make-up.

  I cut Vivie’s into small pieces, setting the plate in front of her. Dan wiped the red sauce off her plump cheeks every time she stuffed the pieces into her mouth. My heart swelled at the sight of his dark hair side by side with our daughter’s white-blond hair.

  The front door opened. Adam was home.

  “We’re in here. You’re just in time.”

  My son stood in the doorway. As soon as Vivie caught sight of him she bounced up and down her arms open wide. “Adam, Adam.”

  As he bent to kiss her cheek, a smile lit his face. “Hey peanut. I missed you.”

  “Your pizza is on the counter. Dan ordered your favorite.”

  “Thanks.”

  Maybe having another baby deserved more thought. My stomach knotted, Dan was a great dad, but I was getting carried away. I didn’t know if I wanted another baby. How were we going to resolve this?

  Adam looked at us, his mouth full of pizza. “Dad’s moving to Chicago.”

  The plate of salad froze in mid-air. “Did he tell you that?” Recovering, I put the plate in front of Adam, hoping Dan hadn’t noticed the strain in my voice. I’m not supposed to care where my ex-husband lives. Other than Adam, we shared nothing in common. Living separate lives. Never the twain shall meet and so on . . . .

  “He called me today with the news. He’s doing a movie on location here in Chicago. Isn’t that great?” He lounged in his chair, stuffing half the slice of pizza into his mouth.

  Dan’s eyes were glued to mine waiting for a reaction.

  My brain processed what he’d said at warp speed. I gulped swallowing the bile that rose to my throat. I curled my toes nervously. “Well, that’s nice. That means we’ll have you home for the summer.” That should do it. Deep breath. Calm, do not react to the news.

  “Dad’s going to look for a house in Winnetka. If he finds one, I can stay with him, but still be able to visit my favorite girl.”

  He leaned over to tousle Vivie’s hair. She giggled turning adoring eyes to him. No one held a candle to Adam in her eyes.

  A lump of pizza stuck in my throat. I drank ice tea trying to wash it down, but it refused to budge.

  “When is he moving here?” I croaked, coughing to move it.

  “I’m not sure. Soon. He has to find a house or condo to lease.”

  “That’s great. You’ll get to spend more time with your Dad.”

  Dan reached for my trembling hand. He cocked his head at me, his eyes questioning. All I could muster was a half-smile before pushing away from the table to pour more ice tea.

  “That’s good news. I know you miss your dad.” My back was to them, they were unable to see the tears well in my eyes. Could my life get any more complicated?

  Chapter 5

  After dinner, Dan took Vivie into the family room to watch a Disney movie while I hid in the kitchen loading the dishwasher. Adam was in his room talking to his new girlfriend. We encouraged him to remain unattached, hang with a group, but he usually got snagged by a female at least once every six months. That seemed to be the length of his staying power. Maybe if his dad and I had dated more people instead of jumping into the deep water together, our marriage would have made it. Stop thinking about Josh.

  I’d managed to pull myself together without saying anything stupid during dinner, but now, alone in the kitchen, my legs shook. It was one thing to talk to Josh knowing he was way the hell in California, but an entirely different problem if he was going to be within a ten minute drive. Maybe that was the reason for his call to tell me he was moving to Chicago. Now that Adam had spilled the beans, the calls would stop. Maybe.

  Joining Dan on the sofa, my hand stroked his thigh.

  “Are you done hiding?”

  He played with my hair, running his fingers across the back of my neck starting a flurry of tingles raging from my stomach to my toes. He cocked his head to the side, peering at me.

  “What are you talking about? I was cleaning the kitchen.”

  “Baby, we used paper plates. What the fuck were you rinsing for forty minutes?”

  “No, we didn’t. We used china. Didn’t we?”

  His laugh made the tingles rolling around in my lower parts go into overdrive.

  “Disposable plastic. Did you sort it all out? Do you feel better?”

  What man, other than Dan, would be this understanding? Most would be jealous as hell. Why wasn’t he jealous? Oh, God. Was it because he didn’t care that much. Was he staying because of Vivie? Surely not. We had great sex. But then so did Josh and I. I can twist the best intentions into something dark and painful.

  Maybe there wasn’t a reason to confess now that Josh would stop calling. I could relax, get back to my regular routine. The memories of Josh would sink back to the black hole. Tonight, Dan and I could make love without any thoughts of Josh sneaking into my mind. But first I had to get Vivie to bed.

  “It’s time, Vivie. Bedtime.” She snuggled into my arms, already sleepy.

  I gave Dan the look, the sexy smile, the smoldering eyes, the one that told him I wanted more magic. “Why don’t you pour me a glass of wine? It will only take me a few minutes.”

  His voice was husky. “I’ll meet you in the bedroom.”

  He stood up running his hand across my bottom lingering on my want to have sex button. The man was a giant amongst lovers. The energizer bunny.

  He smiled sheepishly. “What can I say? I love my wife. I can’t keep my hands off her.” I carried Vivie upstairs while he went to the kitchen to pour wine.

  Vivie snuggled under her comforter, her elephant clutched in her arms. I leaned over her to kiss her nose. “Night, sweetheart. Mommy loves you.”

  “Night mommy,” she responded, her eyes closing.

  On my way back to our bedroom, I rapped on Adam’s door. “Goodnight.”

  “Night, mom.”

  His light was off, but I heard him whispering to his new girlfriend.

  Dan was propped against his pillows, two glasses of wine sat on the night table. My eyes drank in his naked body, zeroing in on his enormous erection. In addition to being well endowed, his body was perfect: broad shoulders, narrow hips with just the right amount of chest hair to make me want to run my fingers through it. His lips curled into a sexy smile that had my heart racing. He offered the glass of wine to me
after I sat on the bed next to him.

  “Do you have something in mind?” Sipping the wine, smiling seductively at him, I set the glass on the night table.

  He slipped his hand under my t-shirt cupping my breast. He gently squeezed the swollen flesh. His thumb wound its way inside my bra to rub my nipple. I sighed. All my angst was about to fade away.

  “Baby, I always have something in mind.” He nuzzled my neck. “What’s going on? You were distracted at dinner.”

  Reaching for my wine, I took a gulp. “What do you mean?”

  He rolled my nipple between his thumb and forefinger causing my muscles to clench. “With you. You haven’t been this distracted in a while. What’s going on? Is it the idea of Josh living in Chicago? You don’t have to see him if you don’t want to.”

  “I don’t plan on seeing him, but I’m happy for Adam. He misses his Dad. It’s about what’s best for Adam, isn’t it?”

  He took the glass out of my hand. Placing it on the night table, he pulled me into his arms.

  “You’re a great mother. Adam and Vivie are lucky to have you. I’m lucky to have you.”

  “It’s the other way around, but keep telling me. Better yet, why don’t you show me how lucky you think you are?”

  Dan nuzzled the spot on my neck. The one that made my knees weak and started a fire burning in me. It got to me every time. He began the slow task of undressing me. As far as I was concerned no one undressed a woman the way Dan did. He had it down to an art form. He reached under my shirt to unhook my bra. Running his hands over my upper body, he cradled my breasts, stroking my nipples with his thumbs. He held my T-shirt tight across my chest, outlining my breasts with his finger, gently pulling on my nipples with his teeth.

  By the time he was done running his hands over me, I wanted to tear off my clothes. His hand snaked its way under my shorts, his finger running along the edge of my panties, teasing my bits. I was a quivering mess.

  He removed my clothes, his lips mouthing, “I love you,” on my skin until my body writhed with the need for the final act to our three-act play. He lifted my legs over his shoulders, his tongue darting over my hot spots.