The Return (A Decision of Love Book 1)

by Tzar, Anastasia

  “Oh God.” Moaning, I bit my lower lip to muffle the screams that threatened to wake the entire house. The surge of electricity sent shockwaves rolling through my body.

  A hiss whistled through Dan’s teeth. He gave a final thrust, his erection emptying into me. I squeezed around him. Breathing heavily, we collapsed against each other. He set me upright, but my legs caved. He caught me, bringing me into his arms.

  “I love you. Tell me if you ever get bored.” I whispered into his chest.

  “Jesus, baby that will never happen. There’s not a minute of the day that I don’t think about you, want to get home to be inside you. Not one. I love you, Laura. You’re my world.”

  “This thing with Mary and Charlie has really thrown me. My heart breaks for her.”

  “What Charlie did has nothing to do with us.”

  “My head knows that, but it frightens me. A week ago, everything was fine, but now look where they are. He’s having kinky sex with an amazon woman. He’s probably going to go back to Mary, but what about the next time he wants a thrill?”

  “Baby, you have to let them work it out. I’m not going to let anything happen to us.” He pushed the hair away from my face to kiss me. “The only person I’m concerned about is you. Mary will be okay.” He put my hand over his heart. “This belongs to you. I wouldn’t know how to live without you.”

  “Where are we doing it next time?” I laughed softly climbing the stairs in front of him.

  He held my hips, pushing me from behind. I prayed Mary didn’t come out of the guest room to find us naked in the hallway.

  “From this view, we should try the stairs.” Dan stroked my bottom.

  “Hmm. That will be challenging.”

  The next morning Dan came into the kitchen. He planted a kiss on Vivie’s head. Mary and Timothy had already left. His arms wrapped around my waist, his lips kissing me. “How are my girls this morning?”

  “We’re happy. Very satisfied with our man. Aren’t we Vivie?”

  She giggled, stuffing a piece of melon into her mouth.

  “That’s what I like to hear.” He ran his hand across my bottom. “I’ll be thinking about that all day.”

  Vivie threw a strawberry at his head. I tried not to laugh, but she was so happy with her aim. She giggled, giving her dad an angelic smile.

  “She’s your daughter. You talk to her about throwing things.” He frowned at her before scooping her up and swinging her around in his arms. “Aim for your mother next time.” He planted a kiss on her cheek before setting her down. “Have you given any thought to our conversation the other night about another baby?”

  He cocked his head to the side, staring at me, waiting for a response.

  I poured coffee, handing him the mug.

  “Honestly with Mary and everything else going on, I haven’t had a chance. Can we talk about it tonight?”

  The subject was going to have to be dealt with soon. Another baby was not in my plans, but Dan wanted another child.

  “We’ll talk on the stairs.” He kissed me. “I’ve got a meeting scheduled, babes, got to run.” He turned to Vivie. “Be good for mommy. Stop throwing things.”

  “Bye daddy,” she gave him her blinding smile, flashing her aquamarine eyes at him.

  “I love my girls,” he called over his shoulder before the front door closed.

  Adam bounded down the stairs. “Bye, mom. Bye, peanut. I’m meeting Alexa. See you tonight.”

  The whirlwind blew through the house and out the door.

  “It’s just us Vivie.” I turned on Little Einsteins and opened the toy box for her.

  Drinking my coffee, I phoned Mary.

  “How are you doing?”

  “I’m sorting my world out. Charlie left a message on my machine. He wants to meet for dinner, tonight.”

  “Are you going?”

  “I’m not ready yet. I don’t want to fall into a heaping mess at his feet. It’s too soon to face him.”

  “Do what’s best for you. Remember, you don’t owe him anything.”

  “Agreed. I’m going to dinner with Kyle instead.”

  “Whaaat?”

  “I know, right. He left a message on my machine with his number. We just finished talking right before you called. He asked me to go out to dinner tonight.”

  “I don’t believe it. That hulking brute is hot.”

  “And he’s not married. He doesn’t like kinky sex, just the good old-fashioned kind.” Mary laughed.

  “Do you want us to watch Timothy?”

  “No. Thanks. He’s going to my mother’s for the night. Just in case.” Mary sounded excited.

  “Call me tomorrow to give me the scoop. All of it.” Her happiness made me happy.

  I could visualize Mary dancing in her kitchen her blazing smile framed by dimples.

  “Unless it’s X-rated.” She teased.

  “You owe me. If it’s X-rated, all the more reason. I’ll talk to you later. My phone is ringing.”

  “Say hi to Josh for me.”

  I disconnected, staring at the house phone. Had the ring always been that loud, that insistent? Why was he still calling me? The damned butterflies were back.

  Chapter 10

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, baby.”

  “Josh, you do remember that I’m married? Stop calling me baby.”

  The band around my heart tightened. Since he’d started calling, my feelings were a jumble of emotions that took me closer and closer to the edge. Whenever we were on the phone, my eyes were glued to the door waiting for Dan to discover my betrayal, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. He’d been my first love. The man I’d been crazy about for half my life. This was wrong on so many levels, but I wanted this connection. Why? My only explanation was that any love developed in childhood was impossible to let go of, but I’d let go once, I had to figure out how to let go again.

  “Lar, you’ll always be my baby. You could be married to ten men, but you’ll always be mine, and I’ll always be yours. We’re bonded together for life. Remember our vow.”

  He remembered our promise. Geez.

  We were nineteen. We’d gone hiking along the bluffs of the Mississippi. He’d stopped me to look at river boats heading south to New Orleans. While we stared at the beautiful sight, he’d taken my hands in his, vowing to always love and cherish me. Our hands joined, facing each other, he’d told me he couldn’t imagine life without me. Whatever happened in the future, his vow would always be the truth.

  “Don’t ever let go of me, Lar. If I fuck up, hold me tight. I’ll never love anyone but you. I’m yours forever.”

  Tears trickled down my cheeks. My throat ached from the lump.

  “I remember our vow,” I whispered. “You broke it.”

  “I didn’t. The only woman I’ve ever loved is you.”

  “Well, you forgot the fucking cherish part.”

  “You didn’t hold on, Lar. You let me go. Why didn’t you save me from myself?” His moan traveled through the connection landing in the pit of my stomach. “I want to hold you in my arms, to feel your skin against mine.” His voice cracked. “I’m lost without you.”

  Dear God, his voice made love to me. Goose bumps erupted on my legs, making them quiver.

  “Josh, I wanted to be with you forever, but it’s too late. I’m married to a wonderful man who loves me.”

  “It’s never too late to make it right. We belong together. Jesus, I knew at the age of sixteen that you were the one for me. There was never a doubt, not one.”

  My hand covered the phone to muffle my cry.

  “This is wrong. We have to stop. I’m betraying Dan.”

  “Fuck, what about me. Fourteen years. We’ve loved each other for almost half our lives. You gave up on me.”

  “Whaat?” The blood rushed to my head. “You’re crazy. I’m not even going there.”

  “I was screwed up. Shit, every time I turned around, someone wanted in my pants. It was all so new. Up until
that fucking time, you’d been the only woman in my life. Even while we were in the middle of our divorce, I ached for you.”

  Imagining his sheepish grin, a laugh escaped my lips. Hell, I wanted in his pants.

  “So you let them handle it for you. It was off limits to everyone but me, but you passed your dick around like a fucking candy bar. Had you ever heard of the word, no?”

  “You don’t understand, it didn’t mean anything, ever. Think of it like an audition.”

  I couldn’t stop laughing. “That explains it. Why didn’t you tell me you were doing auditions? It would have been easier to accept when you failed to come home until two in the morning reeking of another woman’s perfume?”

  He groaned. “It does sound bad. But those women didn’t mean anything. Most were photo ops set up by the studio. I screwed up. It all went to my head, but it was always you.”

  “They did photo ops of you fucking women. You didn’t tell me you did porn.”

  “No, baby. They were photo ops for the movies, not fucking porn.”

  “God, the photos. Every time I picked up a magazine, there you’d be with some new starlet looking like you wanted to eat her.”

  “Is that a euphemism or do you mean it literally because I can assure you that it never happened? You were the only one.”

  Spasms raged in the muscles of my lower body. A vision of Josh making love to me was imbedded in my mind.

  “Are you there? I want to touch you, taste you.” He groaned his voice husky with desire.

  “Stop. I am not having phone sex with you. I draw the line on that.”

  “Okay, you talk. I’ll have phone sex. I need you Lar. You’re the only woman in the world for me. I want to grow old with you. You can’t fight this, it’s meant to be. Remember the moment we first knew.”

  We were at a school dance. Not together. My date was a jerk who kept trying to kiss me while we danced. Not a kiss on the cheek, but a tongue down your throat kind of kiss. I kept pushing him away, but he’d yank me back into his arms, going at it again. The night was sliding down hill until Josh asked me to dance. He elbowed the guy aside and took me into his arms. Holding me close, he sang in my ear, his breath caressing my neck. After the dance had ended, he held me away from him, staring into my eyes.

  “I do believe I’ve fallen in love with the girl next door.”

  He said it in front of our dates and the entire crowd. Giving me his blazing smile, he took my hand, leading me out of the dance to his car.

  “I remember.”

  “You were radiant that night. That asshole kept trying to strangle you with his fucking tongue. I wanted to kick his ass.”

  “Which you also did later when we parked at your dad’s dealership.”

  “I didn’t try to strangle you, I was worshipping you with my tongue.” My muscles clenched in my lower regions.

  “Hmm.”

  “I’m going to be in Chicago next week.”

  My heart raced. We couldn’t see each other. If we spent time together in the flesh, we’d be under the sheets in a flash. The life I’d built with Dan would be down the toilet. This walk down memory lane was riddled with sinkholes.

  “Vivie needs me.”

  “I’ll call later. Does Adam have football practice today?”

  “He does. I’m hanging up.”

  “I love you.”

  My mind was overwhelmed with everything. The phone calls had to end before I fell into a hole so deep it was impossible to climb out. At what point did things get so complicated?

  Dan’s desire for another baby also loomed over me. I couldn’t keep putting him off, he wanted an answer. The walls were closing in on me.

  I’d planned to return to work at the end of next summer. If we had a baby, I could kiss that goodbye. There was always the nanny option. No, that wouldn’t work. I didn’t want anyone else raising my baby.

  I could start painting at home. Dan had offered to build a studio for me. Vivie would be in pre-school this coming fall, our baby could hang out with me in the studio. It wasn’t the same as working at the art school, but it was the next best thing. I hadn’t painted since the divorce. After Josh had left, he’d taken my desire with him.

  “Let’s go Vivie. Mommy is going to introduce you to the world of art.” Grabbing my purse, I scooped her up.

  We meandered through the art store, Vivie looking in wonder at all the colors. I instantly regretted getting rid of my supplies, it was going to take a couple of years to rebuild my stock. My cart was full, but it was only a smidgen of what I’d need. At least my easels and work tables were packed in the attic above the garage. Excitement buzzed in my stomach. The more I thought about it, the more my fingers itched to get started.

  On the way home, we drove through a fast food restaurant to pick up lunch. We’d picnic in my office, which was never used, while I emptied it for my studio. The light was excellent in there, all we needed to do was add a larger window, skylight, and intercom system. It would be perfect.

  I hauled the toy box into my office, soon to be a studio, settling Vivie on a blanket with her happy meal. Empty boxes were piled all around me, ready for the books and knickknacks that littered my shelves. The walls needed to be painted. Dan and Adam would have to clear out the furniture and bring in my equipment.

  “Mom, what are you doing?”

  “Adam, you’re home. What time is it?” Vivie was asleep on her blanket. I’d forgotten to put her down for her nap.

  “Four. I have to go back for practice in a few minutes. What is all this? Are you going to start painting again?”

  “What do you think? It will be a great studio once I’m done.”

  Adam’s lips curled into his father’s smile. “I think it’s about time.”

  I stared at my son, my heart, reaching out to touch his arm. “Have I told you recently what a great kid you are?”

  “All the time.” He smiled sheepishly. “Does that mean I can use your truck?” He was growing into a replica of his father.

  “Keys are on the counter.”

  “Really? I’ll see you later.” He was gone like a shot.

  “No parking with Alexa. Remember your curfew.” I yelled to his disappearing back. Yes, he was his father’s son.

  I returned to my task at hand. It was my plan to move the boxes out of the studio by the time Dan got home. A bubble grew inside me. A happy bubble. For the first time since my marriage to Josh had collapsed, I felt like the old Laura. Full of expectations. Was it because Josh was back in my life or in spite of it? Hopefully, it had nothing to do with either Josh or Dan and everything to do with me.

  Anastasia Tzar

  Presents

  The Conflict (A Decision of Love: Part 2)

  By

  Anastasia Tzar

  Scheduled for release November of 2014

  Chapter 11

  I tried to push all thoughts of Josh from my mind. I’d spent the day clearing boxes from my studio, but the entire time all I saw was Josh’s smile of approval flash in my mind. God, I was hopeless. Would I never be able to forget or erase my feelings for him?

  I loved Dan. What was wrong with me?

  Vivie was ready for bed by the time Dan walked into the house. He lifted her up from the rug, smothering her face with kisses.

  “Looks like you and mommy have been busy today. There are a lot of boxes in the garage.”

  She giggled, patting his face with her hands. He kissed her nose, setting her back in the midst of her toys.

  He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I shuddered relieved he was home. He always knew just what to do to bring order to my mind. Planting a kiss on his cheek, I continued to stir the sauce for pasta. Smoothing my hair away from my neck, he bent his head to nuzzle my weak spot.

  “You smell nice.”

  “I smell of dust and sweat.”

  He chuckled. “Must be the sauce then.”

  “Ass.”

  His lips trailed across the
back of my neck triggering an explosion of sensations. My body pressed into him. Lord, he felt good.

  “You keep rubbing that cute little ass against me, you can forget the sauce. I don’t care how good it smells.”

  Turning to him, my arms reached around his waist. “I have a surprise for you.” Taking his hand, I led him back to my studio.

  “Right now? What if Vivie walks in on us? It will have to be a quickie.” He rested his hands on my hips, following behind me. “You’ll have to promise not to scream when I work my magic on you.”

  “Okay, lover boy.” Laughing, I opened the door to my studio.

  Dan looked at the room wide-eyed.

  “Did we have a garage sale you forgot to tell me about? How much money did we make?”

  He followed me into the room.

  “It’s going to be my studio. I’m going to paint, again.”

  His eyes glowed. He turned around in a circle to look at the space. “You’re going to paint?” Tears filmed his eyes. “That’s the best gift you could give me. I’ve waited to hear those words since we met.” His voice choked.

  “What do you think?” I turned around gazing at my room.

  He pulled me into his embrace, his heart beating against my chest, his hands stroking my back. “Damn. Just the thought of you in that sexy French maid’s uniform painting the walls in here makes me hard.”

  “You ass. I didn’t mean the walls.”

  “I know,” he whispered nuzzling my neck. “I know that painting is a part of who you are.” He cupped my chin in his hand. “I know how good you are.”

  “You’ve never seen any of my work.”

  “Yes, I have. There are three of your paintings hanging in my office.”

  I pulled back to look at his face. “How?”

  “Dennis, from the art studio, told me how talented you are. He helped me to find some of your paintings. I bought them.”

  “You never told me.”

  “You didn’t want me to know or you would have told me.”

  He’d hunted down my paintings. Hung them in his office. I gazed, with amazement, at the man who held me. He surprised me at every turn.