Faded in to You

by Remmy Duchene

  They chatted until Thaddeus came out of the building. Ravinder watched as the two bumped fists, and he assumed Thaddeus had taught Abhay that. Ravinder smiled and they climbed into the backseat. To Ravinder’s surprise, Thaddeus reached over and laced their fingers together. That simple action made Ravinder’s heart so full, he swore it would overflow. Ravinder caressed Thaddeus’ hand and rested his head back. He stared out of the window, watching the business skyscrapers turn to hotels, trees into slums.

  “We have tomorrow off,” Thaddeus said. “Are you planning on doing anything?”

  “I was thinking of heading into Kolkota. That’s where my parents are from.”

  “Are you trying to find your roots?”

  Ravinder turned his head to look at Thaddeus. “Something like that. I wanted to see where my parents came from, why they left and never looked back.”

  “You may not like what you find.”

  “True, but at least I’ll know.”

  Ravinder cuddled into Thaddeus’ body. Thaddeus wrapped an arm around his shoulder and Ravinder sighed, pressing his face into Thaddeus’ neck. He remained like that until the vehicle slowed down and made a left turn onto a rather bumpy road. He sat forward and peered ahead. They were in what looked like the biggest ghetto he’d ever seen.

  “This is where your parents live?”

  “Yes. I wish I could take Priya away from it, but if I do, she would never get married,” Abhay said. “I could never afford the dowry.”

  Ravinder sighed. He couldn’t believe people still believed in that crap. Why didn’t they call it what it was, selling your daughter to the highest bidder? He wished there was something he could do. Abhay obviously loved Priya and it was killing him to leave her behind.

  The moment the car stopped, a female rushed forward and climbed into the front seat. When she looked back, Ravinder waved at her and saw fear in her eyes. “Hi, you must be Priya.”

  She nodded.

  “I’m Ravinder. This is Thaddeus. We’re friends of your brother’s,” Ravinder explained.

  “You are friends with my brother?” she asked, incredulous. She then shoved a hand back. “Good! It is about time my brother makes some friends.”

  Abhay moaned.

  Ravinder grinned and shook her hand before easing out of the way so Thaddeus could do the same.

  “We don’t have much time,” Abhay said, rooting around in the console of the car. He then presented a small wrapped box. “Sorry I couldn’t come on your birthday. Papaji didn’t leave the house…”

  Priya dove across and hugged her brother. “I do not care what is in this. I am sure it will be beautiful. I love you but I— Oh, no!”

  “What?” Thaddeus and Ravinder chorused.

  “Papaji!” She scrambled from the car and took off running.

  Ravinder looked out of the car to see an angry man sweating profusely and shaking a fist in their direction. For a moment, Ravinder didn’t hear what he was saying until Thaddeus rolled down the window.

  “Thāmbavū!” the man yelled.

  Priya skidded to a stop.

  “Not good!” Ravinder muttered. “Not good at all.”

  “Mī tumhālā sāṅgitalē!” the man shouted.

  Ravinder and Thaddeus exchanged looks. Abhay climbed from the vehicle and began walking toward the man. The older man met Abhay halfway, braced his palms into Abhay’s chest and shoved. Abhay fell. Dust swirled in the air. Ravinder pushed from the vehicle as Priya tried running and got tangled up in her own feet. He was in time to pull her out of the way before her father’s foot stomped into the ground beside them.

  “Son of a bitch!” Ravinder screamed. The anger inside him had gone past rising. He surged to his feet. Abhay’s father took a swing in Priya’s direction and Ravinder put his body between the father and his daughter then braced himself. If this jerk wanted a fight, so help him, God, this creep was going to get one.

  “You’re a fag!” the man uttered with a really thick accent.

  But his fist never made it to Ravinder, for Thaddeus grabbed the father’s wrist and twisted. Obvious pain contorted the man’s face into an expression Ravinder knew well.

  “No,” Thaddeus said. “Not a fag, my fag. Now back up!”

  Ravinder couldn’t believe how cold Thaddeus’ voice was then. It gave off a warning that Ravinder hoped Abhay’s father would heed.

  “Abhay,” Ravinder pleaded.

  But Abhay was busy holding his sobbing sister.

  Thaddeus released the man with a shove before stepping between Ravinder and the father.

  “You can both leave!” the old man shouted, waving his arm around Thaddeus. His face had become a strange purple-like color.

  Ravinder was no doctor, but he was sure the shade wasn’t healthy.

  “I have no children!” he continued raving.

  Poor Priya seemed devastated. She sobbed harder. Abhay tried but even Ravinder knew the girl would be inconsolable.

  * * * *

  The ride back into Mumbai was a quiet one. They stopped at a small restaurant in Lonavala. Though they had conversations, it seemed as if each person tried hard to stay away from the bad thing. Thaddeus leaned back in his seat and stared at Priya and Abhay. She was still clinging to her brother’s hand as if she thought, should she let go, he’d disappear. Thaddeus knew that fear—he’d spent many nights clutching Ko’s hand in a dark bedroom because he’d thought the feds would get him.

  When the hounds had finally come, Thaddeus hadn’t been alone.

  Eventually, they continued on the two hour and forty-five minute drive home. Thaddeus looked into the back to see that Priya had fallen asleep with her head against Ravinder’s shoulder. Ravinder was wide awake and staring out of the window. Though Thaddeus wanted to reach back and hold Ravinder’s hand, he refrained.

  When they were finally back at Ravinder’s place, Ravinder, Abhay and Priya sat silently at the dinner table. Thaddeus felt helpless, so he made them a snack then stood with his shoulder resting against the doorframe, his eyes on Ravinder. Though he felt Abhay’s and Priya’s helplessness, he was worried about Ravinder. His lover seemed overly tired from the ordeal, but Ravinder wouldn’t go lie down.

  The whole scene played out repeatedly inside Thaddeus’ head. He couldn’t believe how close he’d come to dropping that old man like a sack of potatoes. But Thaddeus knew if Abhay’s father had laid a hand on Ravinder, there would have been hell to pay. He cleared his throat and the three at the table turned to look at him.

  “You know what I think?” Thaddeus said. “I think we all need a good night’s sleep. We can tackle this whole situation fresh in the morning.”

  “Thaddeus is right.” Ravinder stood, rubbing his palms against his thighs. “There is a bedroom upstairs for you, Priya, and, Abhay, you can have my room.”

  “You’ve done so much for us already,” Abhay protested. “I cannot accept your room.”

  “Sure you can.” Ravinder patted his shoulder. “After the day you’ve had, you deserve a good night’s rest. Now, come. I’ll show you where everything is. Thaddeus, can you show Priya to her room?”

  Thaddeus nodded and led the distraught woman up the stairs. She sat on the edge of the bed, hands clasped tightly in her lap. It broke Thaddeus’ heart seeing her like that, so he hunched down before her and took her hands in his. “Talk to me.”

  She smiled sadly at him. “You are so kind.”

  “You know what’s happening right now isn’t your fault, right?” Thaddeus asked. “You shouldn’t be caught in the middle of this, of having to choose between your happiness and your brother’s.”

  “I know. But now I have nothing.”

  “That isn’t entirely true, is it?”

  She gave him a much bigger smile then. “I have Abi.”

  “Yes, and Ravinder…”

  “You?”

  Thaddeus grinned. “Of course. Now sleep. We’ll figure something out in the morning.” Thaddeus patted her hand and st
ood. “The bathroom is through that door, and I’ll see if Ravinder has a shirt you can wear to bed.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Thaddeus found Ravinder in the living room and, after snagging a shirt from Ravinder’s bedroom for Priya, he headed back downstairs. This time, Ravinder was outside on the deck, his feet in the pool.

  “What a day.” Thaddeus rolled up his pant legs and sat beside Ravinder. The cool water felt amazing on his feet. Suddenly all the heat in his face seemed to be draining toward the coolness around his legs.

  “You can say that again,” Ravinder said. “There has to be something we can do for them.”

  “I was thinking the same thing.”

  They slipped into quiet again, and Thaddeus kicked the water gently with his feet. After a while, he leaned over and kissed Ravinder’s shoulder then his neck. “Priya is a beautiful girl, don’t you think?”

  Ravinder turned to look at him with an unreadable expression.

  “I was thinking a friend of mine could, maybe, use a model,” Thaddeus added. “It’s good money and he’s coming here in a few days.”

  “That makes sense. Can we talk about this tomorrow? I just want to take a shower and climb into bed—with you.”

  “Are you asking me to stay the night?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well.” Thaddeus gasped haughtily. “I don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to spend the night at a boy’s house.”

  Ravinder laughed. “Even if he’s naked all night?”

  “Why didn’t you say so?” Thaddeus wiggled his eyebrows. “Come on, time’s a wastin’!”

  “Wait—both the bedrooms are taken,” Ravinder said.

  Thaddeus sighed. “I forgot about that. Rain check?”

  Ravinder kissed Thaddeus. “For sure.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Long before Abhay and his sister woke up, Ravinder allowed Thaddeus to talk him into a swim. He drew the line at skinny dipping because he didn’t want Priya walking out onto the deck and seeing them naked. The poor girl was traumatized enough for one lifetime.

  As he straddled the water, Thaddeus swam up behind him and pulled him backward. Ravinder fell against Thaddeus’ chest. He moaned. There was something remarkably alluring about feeling Thaddeus hard against him.

  “When I took this job, I never expected you,” Ravinder said.

  “I’m like that—a pleasant surprise.”

  Ravinder chuckled. “Right.” He turned and tangled his arms around Thaddeus’ neck. “I can’t help but feel bad for Priya and Abhay. Can you imagine having to stay away from your sister because of who you are?”

  “I can’t say that I can.” Thaddeus nuzzled Ravinder’s neck. “I think we should try helping them. I don’t know if Abhay will accept our help—he is very proud.”

  “You’re telling me. He’s a good guy.”

  Thaddeus kissed him, hard. “Yeah. I figured. Okay, let’s get out of the water. My skin is getting all shriveled and I need to pee.”

  Ravinder laughed and smooched him. They climbed out together and got changed. During that time, Ravinder noticed Thaddeus kept rubbing his lower back. After a few instances of it, he walked over and pressed his palm to it. Thaddeus moaned.

  “Baby?”

  Thaddeus offered a small smile. “My back is kicking my ass.”

  “How bad is it?”

  “I’ll be okay. I just need to stretch it out for a bit.”

  “I have some aspirin in the bedroom. Once Abhay wakes up, you go in, take one and lie down for a bit.”

  That happened sooner rather than later and, after a small kiss, Thaddeus left for the bedroom. Ravinder set Abhay up in the kitchen to make breakfast then followed his lover. In the bedroom, he climbed over Thaddeus on the bed and massaged his lower back. Thaddeus growled softly and that alone turned Ravinder on.

  “Damn, baby,” Thaddeus said. “You’re so hard against my ass.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Apologies? What for?”

  “You’re in pain.”

  “I am. That doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a nice cock.” Thaddeus shifted on the bed.

  Ravinder went back to working on his tight muscles until, finally, Thaddeus reached back and grabbed his hand. He climbed off to grab a couple of aspirin along with a glass of water. Once Thaddeus took the medication, he kissed Thaddeus gently and pulled the sheets up his waist.

  By the time he’d tucked Thaddeus in and had made it back to the living room, Priya was awake.

  “Ravi!” Priya greeted. “Good morning. Where’s Thaddeus?”

  “He’s going to sleep for a little longer,” Ravinder said. “He’s not feeling well.”

  The three had breakfast. The conversation was a little sterile, each person probably trying to avoid the elephant in the room. When they were finished, Ravinder stacked the dishes in the dishwasher and turned it on.

  Finally, they sat around, and Ravinder couldn’t put it off any longer. “Okay, we have to talk about this.”

  “This?” Priya asked.

  “This whole situation between you two and your father,” Ravinder said. “You obviously can’t go back there. It wouldn’t be safe.”

  Priya chewed on her bottom lip but Abhay nodded.

  “Yes. I must now find a way to support myself and my sister. I am certain driving for Rajput will not do for income.”

  “There has to be something I can do,” Priya said. “I can cook—maybe I could find a job in one of the restaurants.”

  “Thaddeus and I were talking and we want to help out as much as we can,” Ravinder explained.

  “You have already done so much,” Priya said. “We cannot impose any further.”

  “Nonsense. And, besides, it’s no imposition.” Ravinder rubbed the back of his neck. “Abhay, here’s what I was thinking, right? You can keep the job you have right now. I will talk to Paresh. Priya, have you ever thought of modeling?”

  She giggled. “I’m nothing special.”

  “You don’t give yourself much credit,” Ravinder said. “Thaddeus has a friend who could help you out. This could give you the money to start something, go back to school.”

  “Go back to school!” Priya perked up. “I’ve always wanted to go to university.”

  Abhay laughed. “Well, there you go.”

  The three talked for a while longer. But after dwelling on the bad things in life for a while, the air in the room became so thick that Ravinder felt as though he’d suffocate. Priya went for a swim, and Ravinder leaned back in his chair.

  “She blames me, you know.” Abhay watched after his sister long after she’d disappeared out of the door to the deck. “She blames me for being weak, for not being able to deny who I am—what I am—to save her, and I can’t say I blame her. I hate me too.”

  “You think this is a weakness?” Ravinder asked. “Being gay isn’t something to be ashamed of. Yes, I understand there are responsibilities that you have to your family, but what about your happiness?”

  “It doesn’t matter. I should’ve thought what my being caught in a compromising position with another man would do to her. I never wanted to ruin her life. I wanted nothing but the world for my sister. I wanted a good husband, a great home, beautiful children, an education she can be proud of. Now she’s homeless.”

  “And she knows all that. Abi, she loves you.”

  “But it isn’t enough, Ravi. Just because she smiles doesn’t mean she’s happy.”

  “Did you miss the smile on her face?” Ravinder asked. “Your sister may be homeless, but she’s happy. Besides, she’s not without a home. I’d never let that happen. Where do you stay?”

  “My car.”

  “You can’t be serious!” Ravinder was shocked. “All this time?”

  “Yeah. It’s either own the car that gives me work or get my own place. Housing in this city is not cheap and I need to work so that when I’m supposed to get another job, I have something to p
ut on my résumé.”

  “No, no. This won’t do.”

  “It is, as they say, what it is.”’

  Ravinder shook his head. “I don’t believe that. Did you go to university?”

  “Yes, but I had to drop out partway. My father found out I was gay and told my sponsor. My sponsor stopped paying for my education.”

  “Okay. So all you need is another sponsor, right? How much is the tuition per year?”

  “The university I was going to was twenty-eight thousand rupees.”

  “I’m sorry—thousand?”

  Abhay nodded. “And that was on the cheap side.”

  “What were you taking?”

  “I was going to the University of Mumbai and taking computer science. It’s a Bachelor of Science program.”

  “And it was twenty-eight thousand rupees? Good grief.”

  Ravinder pulled out his cell phone and searched up the current exchange rate through an app he’d bought just before getting on the plane from Bathsheba. To his surprise, it was about five hundred dollars. “Well, I can do that.”

  “Ravi…”

  “Look, you need a hand and I’m in the position to give it.” Ravinder shoved the phone into his back pocket. “I’m sure if the shoe were on the other foot, you’d do the same. I’m not doing this just for you. I can give you money, but that would only help you now. Becoming your sponsor would teach you to fish—know what I mean?”

  “But, Ravi…”

  “No buts. Even if you don’t want to do it for you. Think about what this will mean for Priya.” Ravinder shrugged. “Once you’re finished, you’ll be able to get a job—maybe even with Rajput, and, working for good money, you can pay your sister’s dowry and she’ll be able to marry the man or woman of her dreams.”

  Abhay still protested but, in the end, Ravinder won. It was decided that Abhay would find out what he needed to go back to school. While he did that, Ravinder would sign all the paperwork to become his sponsor for the university. Then, hopefully, Thaddeus’ friend could help Priya out with some modeling gigs and that way they could both have some money coming in. By the time the plan was made, Thaddeus entered the room and dropped a kiss to Ravinder’s head.