Red Leaves

by Sita Brahmachari

  Elder ignored Iona as she continued to mix a dark liquid in a jam jar and afterwards pour it into a plastic bottle.

  Iona stood by the entrance and read the names on a wreath of leaves.

  ‘Why have you got all these names up here?’ Iona stared at the golden writing and started to read out some names: ‘“Amina, Abdi . . . Aisha, Zak” . . . Those two are the kids who’ve gone missing, aren’t they?’

  Elder did not answer.

  ‘Who are all these other people, anyway?’ Iona turned around and waited for a response as Elder mixed her foul smelling liquid.

  ‘All my earthstars at one time or another! The ones I look out for.’ Elder pointed to a leaf and Iona traced her fingers over the letters of her own name. She turned over the leaf next to it and found ‘Red’. Her cheeks warmed as she flushed with hope and happiness.

  ‘So here we are!’ Iona laughed. ‘Some good it’s done us!’

  ‘Give it time. Now, this should do the trick . . .’ Elder said, screwing a lid on the bottle.

  ‘Is Red ill?’ Iona’s voice was full of concern.

  ‘Don’t you worry. Red’s in fine health.’ Elder smiled at Iona and took a glug of the liquid herself. She shook her head and pulled a face as she swallowed.

  ‘Bitter, bitter brew!’ She shuddered and then coughed to clear her throat.

  As they walked through the wood Elder seemed to retreat into her own world, singing and chanting as she went. Occasionally she would rummage in her pouch, scatter breadcrumbs to the winds and laugh as the birds flew down and greeted her in a noisy welcome.

  ‘The rain has gone, my lovelies, and we’re all more chirpy now!’ Elder chatted on as two little blue-backed birds settled right next to her. They seemed almost tame.

  ‘There you are, my nuthatches. Been keeping one of my earthstars company? Little blue veils for your heads too. Treasures, aren’t they? Never lose their balance, not like old Elder, always toppling over these days!’

  It was enough to drive Iona mad. The more Elder trailed around, delaying the moment when she could be reunited with Red, the more full of rage Iona grew. Part of her felt sorry for the woman and the other half wanted to lash out, to shake her and shout at her. Iona hated it when this vile anger rose up inside her because she knew exactly where it came from. Her elbow ached dully. Is there such a thing as body memory? she wondered as she cradled her arm where the last fracture had been. The break that had finally made her decide to leave. Don’t, don’t, just don’t become like him! Iona willed herself and desperately tried to scour her stepfather’s snarl of hatred from her mind. The snarl of rage that always came before a heavy blow.

  Elder sat down on a tree stump and caught her breath. She patted the wood for Iona to join her and then looked straight into the girl’s eyes.

  ‘That’s right. You come and sit with old Elder for a while. We could both do with catching our breath. Now, I have something to tell you!’ Elder turned Iona’s shoulders towards her so that she had no choice but to meet her eyes. ‘Don’t be trailing on forever like old Elder. Take your dog and find a home.’

  Iona watched Elder’s chest heave up and down and felt her armour beginning to crack. What is the matter with me? she wanted to scream. Up until now she had made sure that no one would ever get to that hurt place again and here was Elder showing her a crumb of kindness and breaking through her guard. At least when Iona was angry she felt strong, but Elder’s kindness made something crumple inside her, and she was afraid that if she started to cry that she might never stop. Instead of allowing the tears, she spoke a name she had not heard herself speak for many years.

  ‘You wrote the name Iona on your leaf, but my real name’s Lucy.’ Her voice faltered as she uttered the name, as if saying it yanked her back to a past that she had worked so hard to break away from.

  ‘Lucy.’ Elder repeated as if she was trying to get used to the idea. ‘Tell me, who is this lost Lucy?’

  ‘Just someone I used to know.’ Iona sighed.

  ‘Lucy Locket lost her pocket, don’t know where to find it . . .’ Elder sang, slipping away again out of reach into another world. Now the old woman was struggling to lift her layers of petticoats over a piece of low fencing that led further into a wilderness of brambles.

  ‘You sure we’re going the right way? I can’t hear anything,’ Iona asked doubtfully.

  Elder turned, looked up at the trees as if she was taking direction from them and nodded.

  Iona drew up close to her side and took Elder’s arm to support her.

  She turned to Iona and smiled warmly. ‘You think that man with the posh dog thought that we’re family? You and me . . . and Crystal?’ Elder nodded. The idea seemed to please her.

  There would be no better time for the question Iona had always longed to ask Elder.

  ‘What happened to Crystal?’

  ‘Crystal’s a doll!’ Elder snapped.

  ‘I know that. But the real Crystal?’ Iona asked gently.

  Elder paused and placed her hand on Iona’s hair. ‘If I was your mother I would brush your lovely locks, and find pretty clothes for you and feed you up and spoil you rotten. You’re too skinny.’

  Iona nodded and held on to Elder’s arm a little tighter. Here was the irony. She had longed for her mum to fight for her, to take her side, but her mother had chosen the Ogre over her . . . Elder would never have done that. All she seemed to want was a family of her own to look after.

  She was off now on one of her nature rants, going on about woodlice and some kind of mushroom she was calling a ‘deathcap’. Once or twice she waved to the invisible woman called Hannah she seemed convinced was roaming the woods looking for her children. At one point she bent down and pointed out a strange star-shaped toadstool that grew from the hollowed-out base of a tree.

  ‘Deathcap and earthstar together. Mark my words – from this tree the spirits will fly. So Lucy Locket, this is where I leave you.’

  ‘So where’s Red?’ Iona asked, but before Elder could answer the dog was bounding up the hill towards her, barking in delight and knocking her over, tail beating so hard that it turned the earth into a drum.

  ‘My Red! My Red!’ The dog was licking her face all over, whining and nuzzling into her. Then without warning it turned and ran back down the hill. Iona heard someone shouting and caught sight of the missing girl she’d passed on the street. She was about to call to her when she remembered her promise to Elder.

  ‘Elder’s not a silly old cow, Elder knows, Elder knows what Elder grows,’ the old woman was chanting as she walked away.

  ‘Elder! Your ten-pound note’s in the pram, under Crystal’s mattress.’

  The woman paused for a minute and nodded. ‘You know, Lucy Locket, they didn’t even give me ten pounds for my Crystal. Just came one day and took her away. Said I wasn’t right in the head. It’s made me heart-sore sad all my life.’ Elder sighed as she wandered away singing ‘Lucy Locket lost her poppet, don’t know where to find her . . .’

  Iona was so stunned by Elder’s revelation that for a moment she couldn’t say a word. Then she called out to her, ‘Thank you!’ Elder paused for a moment but didn’t turn back.

  Three women sat at the table outside Kalsis Woodland Store and watched Elder’s painfully slow progress up the street.

  ‘She’s definitely slowing down. I’m not sure she’ll survive another winter,’ Mrs Kalsi observed with a sigh.

  ‘I can pay, I can pay. I can pay my way!’ Elder grinned, brandishing a twenty pound note in one hand and ten pound in the other.

  Mrs Kalsi pushed her chair away from the table. ‘Well, she seems fired up today! Excuse me, ladies. I have a customer to serve.’

  Elder seemed to grow in stature. She nodded to Liliana and Shalini, held her head high and walked into the shop.

  ‘Oh-hoh! Won the lottery then, Elder?’ Mr Kalsi asked as she laid the money on the counter. Elder ignored him.

  ‘I’ll carry the basket and you can choose, tell m
e all you need,’ Mrs Kalsi said.

  Outside, Shalini and Liliana smiled at each other as they listened to Mrs Kalsi chatter on: ‘Good to see you’ve got your appetite back . . . now, let me see nutritional content . . . Apricots – full of iron, you know – and nuts . . .’

  ‘Plenty of nuts in the wood, apples, plums, blood red berries, Elder’s harvest.’

  ‘OK, OK, cans then, with pull-off rings so you won’t need an opener. Spaghetti . . . you still got those old pans I gave you? Matches? Candles?’

  ‘More matches.’ Elder demanded.

  ‘Soap and shampoo? No, no – beauty treatments are my gift.’ Mrs Kalsi insisted and placed them in the basket, along with a box of plasters and some antiseptic cream.

  ‘I know you make your own ointments, but in case you don’t have time. Now bread is good, bagels, waffles, yes, very tasty.’

  At the counter Elder took a few white poppies from Mr Kalsi’s box by the till, then seemed to rethink and grabbed a whole handful.

  ‘Sure you have enough?’ Mr Kalsi laughed. ‘Oh! I almost forgot – I found you this wind-up torch. We don’t need it any more. It might come in useful.’

  ‘Now Elder, are you ready for final comb through?’ Mrs Kalsi asked as she reached out and touched Elder’s hair that was already matted.

  Elder swatted her hand away. ‘Not today.’

  ‘But, Elder—’ Mrs Kalsi began.

  ‘Listen to what Elder says.’ The old woman was shouting now.

  Mrs Kalsi had long ago learned not to argue with her.

  By the time Elder emerged from the store she was carrying two hessian bags crammed full of shopping.

  ‘Stocking up for the cold weather?’ Liliana asked.

  She nodded and looked down at the newspapers that were laid out on the table. A photograph of Zak and the girl Aisha caught her eye. Underneath the picture was another photo, of a woman. The caption read: ‘Family in Crisis.’

  Mrs Kalsi followed Elder’s gaze.

  ‘Still missing?’ Elder asked.

  The three women nodded.

  ‘Elder’s eyes are open wide,’ she said, rummaging in the top of her bag, bringing out three white poppies and handing them to the women.

  ‘Flowers for remembrance – wear them.’ It was more an order than a request.

  ‘Thank you. Do you need a hand with those bags?’ Shalini asked, and stood up to help her.

  The old woman shook her head. ‘Elder can look after herself,’ she said proudly, but every few paces she had to set the bags down to rest.

  The three women sat in silence as they watched Elder cross the road and turn the corner. Silently, one by one, they pinned the poppies to their clothes.

  ‘Where does she go to find shelter in this bad weather?’ Shalini asked.

  ‘Won’t tell me. Says she has her places,’ Mrs Kalsi replied.

  ‘She had a lot of shopping there!’

  ‘Bargain shop . . . only ten pounds!’

  Shalini patted Mrs Kalsi on the arm. ‘It must have cost a lot more than that! You are very kind, Mrs Kalsi.’

  ‘No, no, just doing my duty, nah?’

  Shalini nodded.

  Mrs Kalsi clapped her hands together as if to lighten the mood. ‘But this is good news, now that both children have come to attention of national papers. It will be turning point, surely.’

  ‘You will thank Zak’s father, won’t you, for organizing this?’ Liliana tapped the photo of Aisha.

  Shalini nodded. ‘Poor man – gone grey overnight. I thought that happened only in books, but he really has. His wife and son missing at the same time. Can you imagine?’

  ‘But I thought you told me they are divorcing?’ Mrs Kalsi asked.

  ‘Yes! But you know, they are still caring people. If only Zak could understand that.’ Shalini sighed. ‘My problem is, now he is gone I have nothing to do here.’ Shalini wrung her hands together. ‘Nothing but wait at home for news, and take the phone calls from his brother. Lyndon’s calling every few hours, poor boy. Feeling guilty for not returning Zak’s calls.’

  Most days Mrs Kalsi was able to find a way of getting them to forget their worries just for a moment, but today they were both well and truly lost in their own suffering and now she was also beginning to worry about Iona. It was unlike her to go wandering off for so long these days and without her guitar too. Every time Mrs Kalsi passed its battered frame leaning up against her store room wall it made her fret. That girl’s never gone off before without her music.

  ‘You know the old man who lives next door to me?’ Liliana asked.

  Mrs Kalsi nodded. ‘I haven’t seen him for a while.’

  ‘That’s because he’s been taken into hospital. He hadn’t been in the garden, so I knocked and there was no answer. He’d taken a fall. I feel terrible I didn’t check on him before, but I’ve been so caught up with Aisha going missing . . . I went to visit him today . . . but I don’t think he’s got long . . .’ Liliana placed her hands over her mouth and attempted to compose herself.

  Tears pricked Shalini’s eyes as she stood up and sighed. ‘Every year we go to Diwali fireworks together, Zak and me. I am hoping that maybe he’ll come back when he sees the sky full of lights . . .’

  Liliana and Mrs Kalsi hugged Shalini and she walked away, her shoulders slumped.

  Mrs Kalsi clasped Liliana’s hands in hers as they watched the younger woman go. ‘There is always light in the tunnel. Don’t ever give up hope for your Aisha, my friend,’ Liliana shook her head and kept her gaze on the pavement. Mrs Kalsi took her by the chin and raised it so that Liliana was forced to look her in the eye. ‘Think of old Elder. Whatever torment she has in her mind, whatever discomfort she suffers, there must always be a small seed of hope in her heart, or how would she carry on? You must too, for your Aisha.’ Mrs Kalsi reached over and patted the poppy pinned on her friend’s coat, bringing a faint smile to Liliana’s face.

  ‘Thank you,’ she whispered, clasping both hands over the flower she wore next to her heart.

  Aisha and Zak held each other’s gaze. It had been seriously awkward between the two of them, sharing the confined space of the air-raid shelter and trying to make conversation. At first Aisha hadn’t hesitated to help. How could she leave him injured and at the mercy of the elements? But then, when Zak started showing signs of recovery, it dawned on her that they would be staying inside the shelter together, and that made her feel as if the little private world that she’d created for herself had been invaded.

  Even through his concussed memory haze, the boy seemed to feel her discomfort. ‘I won’t stay,’ he’d mumbled. ‘Just need to get my head straight.’

  Last night she had taken the tepee construction and pushed it tightly up to the bottom bunk so that it acted like a screen between them. As well as the blankets she’d hung all of her clothes over it so that the two of them were no longer visible to each other. It made Aisha feel more secure having this boundary between them, even though Zak seemed only half aware of what was going on and incapable of standing up on his own. He now slept on a mattress on one of the benches. Conker sat by her feet, occasionally padding over towards Zak as he stirred in his sleep. I have nothing to fear from him, Aisha reassured herself.

  Even so she had lain awake most of the night, thoughts whirring around her mind. She remembered how happy she had felt that day she’d seen this boy, as she and her friends had shared a picnic in the woods with Liliana. She remembered too passing him on the path when Elder had started dropping breadcrumbs on their heads. All that seemed a lifetime away now. Is the old homeless woman more than she seems? Aisha shivered. Try to think clearly. You can’t sleep because of the cold and because this stranger has appeared and shaken everything up. Don’t go reading too much into things.

  She felt chilled to the bone because she had given Zak her sleeping bag and even though she’d put on just about every piece of clothing she’d bought with her and covered herself in the spare blanket the damp still seeped i
nto her bones. The reason I’m feeling troubled tonight is because I’ve been living in my own world and now I have to find a way of sharing it. Even the sound of Zak’s breathing changed the atmosphere of the place. But she did feel sorry for him. It seemed as if he’d been through some kind of battle with himself.

  In the bright clear morning Aisha had to creep past Zak with her tepee screen and the blanket she’d taken to using as a towel, so as not to wake him. Conker had stayed by Zak’s side. The ground was still sodden and slippery from all the rain, and little puddles of water had collected everywhere. Later, as Aisha sat on the tree-stump table eating stale biscuits, she watched Zak emerge from the shelter and stretch as if waking from the deepest of sleeps. He peered around, looking for her, calling out her name but he could not see where she sat. She watched him slip and stumble up the steep mud slope to the rough tangle of woodland. Red followed him as if she was more worried for his safety now than Aisha’s. That is such a sweet natured dog, Aisha thought as she watched her struggle up the slope to stay close to the boy’s side. At that moment she had thought about picking up her bag, walking out of the wood and returning to Liliana and her friends, but she didn’t see why she should be forced out by him. Anyway, a part of her was curious to know why he was here.

  All he’d managed to say so far was that he had been looking for an air-raid shelter. He’d mumbled something about a soldier he was following and that he’d stuck posters of her face on trees for a woman with grey hair. He couldn’t remember her name, but Aisha knew he meant Liliana. In the distance she heard the soaring siren of a police car or ambulance and felt a stab of guilt. It was one thing hiding away in the wood, not knowing what was going on in the outside world, but she had tried not to think about what Liliana, Muna and her other friends must be going through and that the police might actually be looking for her. It was odd that the more she thought about that world outside the wood, the louder it seemed to become. Perhaps while she had been here on her own she had found a way of shutting it out. Maybe that was what she’d needed all along, to close off the rest of the world so that she could work out what was really going on inside her. Above them a helicopter hummed quietly now as it moved away and grew louder again as it returned.