His tone was so strained, so persuasive, that I heeded his command. He pulled out momentarily as I flipped myself onto my back, and before I could feel the loss he was back inside. My knees were hiked up to my shoulders.
And fuck, seeing his glazed eyes, the blissed out expression on his face, was so gratifying. Intense. Beautiful.
He leaned down and offered me a tender kiss, his softened gaze on mine the entire time. Our mouths touched and lingered, breathing the same air. I gently sucked on his lip before he lifted up, his arms quivering.
“Reed,” he croaked out the moment before he began pounding me into the bed. A shudder quaked through me. I would feel his thick cock filling me, stretching me, all the way into next month, but I fucking loved it.
I loved that he could give me exactly what I wanted. And what he so desperately needed.
A flush of color moved across his cheeks, then down his chest, and his hands forced my thighs even higher. The sound emitting from deep in his throat was driving me wild. My mouth opened in a silent chant as my eyes practically rolled in the back of my head.
“Goddamn, you’re incredible.” His fist closed around my cock.
He began stroking me in time with his thrusts, and within seconds I blew apart in his hand. My orgasm was so intense that everything went white. Even the sound had been blunted. And just as I was attempting to gain a firm grasp back on the planet, his balls were slapping into my flesh, he was growling, and he came with a shout.
“Uuuuuuuhh, fuck,” he groaned and fell on top of me, panting into my neck.
We didn’t move for several long moments, and though he was heavy against my limbs, I felt sated, happy, free. Alive.
Finally he sank down beside me on the bed and pulled me into his arms. He kissed me on the side of my head. “Fuck, I could get used to that.”
“Don’t get any bright ideas,” I mumbled into his chest, and the deep rumble of his laugh made my heart clench tight.
“Thank you,” he said, licking a stripe up my neck.
“What for?” I looked up at him through slits, I was so drowsy.
“I know that was a big deal for you,” he said, his fingers twining through my hair. “I’m no idiot.”
“Glad it was you, Vaughn,” I mumbled, and he inhaled deeply, bringing me further into the warmth of his arms.
After several more minutes of short kisses and fingernails tracing over skin, he rolled off the bed to dispose of the condom and returned with a warm washcloth.
I reached for the rag, but he resisted. “Let me.”
I sank onto my back and as he wiped off our chests and stomachs, I watched his fingers circling gently over my skin.
“I’ve been thinking about how we can make this work,” I said in a tentative voice.
His hand froze on my chest. “What do you mean?”
“You and me.” He stared into my eyes for a long moment, his gaze alight with opposing emotions—hope and trepidation and affection.
He lay down beside me. “You realize we haven’t even been on a date, like real people.”
I jerked my shoulder. “I don’t give a fuck about coming out to anybody, if that’s what you mean.”
“What I mean is that this can never be normal, not in our world,” he said. “You’re the one who has everything to lose.”
“You have a business,” I said, laying my head against his neck. “You don’t think that’s huge?”
“Sure, but I can go anywhere and open a bar,” he said, burrowing his fingers in my scalp. “You have a brotherhood you’ve sworn to. A life with the Disciples.”
“Yeah, sure,” I said. “But I never found anybody I wanted to lose everything for.”
He grabbed the back of my head and hauled my mouth to his. His lips fused onto mine, and his tongue delved deep inside my mouth. The kiss was desperate and filled with unspoken things. Promises, hopes, and dreams.
When our lips broke apart, he panted into my mouth. “Fuck. You make me want things that I never really had. Never thought I wanted before.”
I pulled his bottom lip into my mouth and sucked softly on it until he groaned. “Sometimes I just wish…”
He gave me a lingering kiss. “Wish what?”
“That it were different,” I whispered into his neck. “Just you and me and the bar, a more quiet life.” I thought about the sound of the glasses clanging, the tap foaming, the hum of the crowd, the woodsy scent of the tables and bar top when you stepped inside the door. It smelled and sounded so familiar, so comforting.
Vaughn lay completely still beside me, and I could hear his uneven breaths. What I envisioned wasn’t even close to the same thing he had going with that fucker who had invested in his bar and then left him high and dry. I wanted to share everything with this man.
“You know,” I said, “there was a time I thought I’d inherit my family’s business and do my metal pieces on the side.”
“What about the club?” Vaughn’s voice was low and scratchy.
“Dunno. Think maybe I needed that stability and support in my life,” I said, confessing my deepest secrets. “But I question whether I need it anymore.”
“You’re fucking serious right now, aren’t you?” He sat up and grabbed my chin. “By screwing around with me, you suddenly realized all this?”
I tried to shake from his grasp. “Christ, you make it sound like—”
I pushed out of his arms and swung my legs over the side of the bed. This was a mistake. My stomach was in knots. What had I been thinking?
“Wait.” Vaughn’s strong arm reached around my waist, and he tugged me back into his arms. I could’ve resisted, but I let him manhandle me. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I just…I don’t want to be the reason why you gave something up in your life.”
“Not giving something up.” I rushed my fingers through my hair in frustration. “Gaining something.”
“Hell, Reed,” he said, feathering kisses across my shoulders and neck. “This is some scary shit. I already had somebody who skirted town on me and—”
“I get it, okay?” I said, unwilling to make eye contact. “It would never be like that. Never. Fuck, I’m putting it on the line. Would be nice to know what you’re feeling, too.”
Vaughn nudged my jawline in order to meet my eyes. His gaze was so penetrating and intense; I thought maybe he was never going to respond. My throat was tight as my heart lodged solidly in place.
“Sometimes I—” he whispered in a choked voice. “I want to be with you so fucking bad I can hardly breathe.”
I closed my eyes and shuddered out a breath. Ah, hell.
“Afraid to imagine a life with you,” he said, his mouth against my lips. “Don’t want the rug pulled from under me.”
“I hear you,” I said, rubbing my scruff against his. “Just a stupid pipe dream anyway. I got no money of my own, only a club that relies on me, and I’m basically shitting on them right now.”
“Hey, that’s not true,” he said. “You’re only trying to figure out your life. That ain’t nothing to be ashamed of.”
We lay silent for a long time, each lost in our own heads. I shifted so that our legs were tangled together beneath the covers.
“Tell me you what you’re thinking,” I mumbled before drifting off.
“About you and me,” he said in a groggy voice, repositioning his arm beneath my shoulder. “Never want to let you go.”
Chapter Twenty-nine
Vaughn
It was after hours at the bar. Lewis and Cherry had already gone home. That was exactly where I wanted to be with Smoke. Behind closed doors where I could touch him freely. Sleep naked beside him.
Earlier in the evening, Mal and Jonas had held a back room meeting, and the Disciples came away buzzing. Something was up. I could see it in their hardened posture, in their watchful gaze.
“What’s going on?” I had asked Smoke on one of his passes behind me at the bar. I wouldn’t normally inquire about Disciples business, but I had a feeling
it might be something directly affecting me. I already knew our arrangement might be coming to an end, no matter how accustomed I’d become to sharing Smoke’s bed.
“Can’t give details. But the Asylum is going down. Should all be over in a couple days’ time,” he muttered.
My breath had caught in my lungs. I wasn’t sure I was comfortable having information that huge. But it wasn’t like I didn’t know it was imminent. Word on the street was that the Asylum had it coming. They had screwed over far too many clubs.
Depending on how crippled the Asylum became, I only hoped that Jake had more important things to think about than whom Smoke was fucking.
I’d be free move back to my apartment or find a new one, more than likely. Guess I should’ve started looking. That thought sat heavy in my gut.
Sure, Smoke and I had confessed our dreams and desires to each other the other night. But the following day, the reality of the situation merely came crashing back in. Neither of us had brought it up again.
Smoke had a bug up his ass the last couple of days anyhow, after he’d spotted Fish and Sawyer out at the compound one afternoon. Sawyer had barely made eye contact this time, and it had made Smoke super anxious. When he brought Sawyer up to Mal, Mal vouched for him through and through.
I grabbed the bin of dirty glasses from beneath the bar and headed to the kitchen to run them through the washer. Smoke reached for the full trash can at his end to empty in the Dumpster out back.
Smoke approached me from behind and pulled me into a scorching kiss. “I haven’t been able to do that all day.”
“After this week—”
“Don’t even say it,” he said, tapping his lips to mine. “We’ll figure it out and make a decision together. I just want to enjoy you right now.”
He had me backed against the cold metal freezer, his lips at my neck, and I groaned as his mouth pulled delicately at my skin. His stubble was prickling my collarbone, and my fingers worked through his hair.
“Let’s take this home,” Smoke said, his fingers tracing along my chin.
Home. That word falling from his lips sounded so right. I closed my eyes against the panic welling inside me over having all of this end.
“Shit!” I heard from the doorway, and my heart made a free fall to my stomach. We both looked up at the same time as Felix shuffled awkwardly backward, his body half turned as if ready to bolt. “I just…sorry…didn’t mean…
He was as much at a loss for words as we were. Smoke took a step away from me, and I felt the loss of heat immediately as a cold dread set up shop in my gut.
“Wait,” Smoke said, ripping his shaky hands through his hair. “Let me explain.”
“No, it’s all cool.” Felix help up his hands to stave him off. “It actually makes a fuck ton of sense now.”
I could barely look at him, so Smoke did the talking. “What does?”
“Why that fucker has been messing with Vaughn.” His statement made me snap my eyes toward him. He didn’t look angry or disgusted, only shocked as his round and wide eyes floated back and forth between Smoke and me.
I finally found my voice. “We didn’t mean for this to…I don’t want Smoke to lose everything…”
I forced my legs to move forward as Smoke looked back at me, confusion in his eyes. “I can leave or call it off,” I said. “Anything to save his ass.”
“Calm down,” Felix said. Smoke shot me a wary glance. “No shame in being attracted to each other. I told you my brother was gay.”
My shoulders relaxed as I let out a harsh breath.
“Seemed like more than that, though.” Felix thumped Smoke’s shoulder to force his gaze on him. “More than just screwing around. The way you were looking at him, fuck—”
Neither of us spoke as if unable to grasp at what to say, how to explain.
All of a sudden we heard the back door swing open, and we froze in place.
“You guys still here?” Jonas’s voice floated over the silence, and he appeared in the doorway with some woman who was definitely not his old lady. His hair was in disarray, probably from her fingers, and a red stain of lipstick was smudged across his chin.
The very idea that Jonas could mess around on his woman, but I couldn’t freely show Smoke affection in my own bar, made me want to punch the fucking wall.
“I was just driving April home and remembered that I left my key ring on the desk.” When Jonas realized none of us had spoken a word, he sobered up quickly, releasing his hold on the girl. “Why so serious? Something happen?”
Whereas I felt a brief stab of relief earlier when it was Felix who’d walked in on Smoke and me, I now had the dreaded realization that he held our fate in his very hands.
The tension in the room grew thick, and I could actually hear the ticking of the clock on the back wall. And this time it was nowhere near a comfort.
Finally Felix shook his head. “Nah, man. Smoke and I were just organizing patrol tonight.”
“All right, then,” Jonas said, his posture sagging. “Catch you later.”
None of us moved until after we heard the back door slam shut.
“Thanks, man, I—” Smoke began, but Felix cut him off.
“This thing serious between the two of you?”
Smoke stared into his eyes and finally nodded. “Yeah. Doesn’t matter, though. Mal would never…”
“How do you know?” Felix asked. “Cory and Jude already softened him to the idea. Maybe it would be different for you.”
“Even if it was…” Smoke said. “The other guys…”
Felix shrugged. “Who knows…they’d probably follow Mal’s lead.”
“Doesn’t mean they’d still show Smoke the same respect when Mal wasn’t around,” I said, nearly desperate to fix everything, make it all right for Smoke. “Listen. Christ. I’m gonna leave you guys to discuss your options…’’
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Smoke said, firmly grabbing my arm. “We’re in this together, goddammit. Or at least, I thought we were.”
He stared at me unflinching until my shoulders dropped and I took a step back. I was totally losing my shit. I thought I’d make it easier by leaving. But that would be walking out on Smoke, the guy I was in love with and wanted to be with. “You’re right. We are.”
We were two consenting adults. It shouldn’t have to be this fucking hard.
“Listen, I only returned to use the restroom and tell you I was heading on patrol. Let me know when you’re back home,” Felix said, heading toward the door. “You guys work it out. Should be able to give whatever this is a fair shot.”
“It’s not as simple as that,” I said, shaking my head.
“My brother was beaten up for crushing on another dude when we were kids,” Felix said. “That shit is wrong. Until you make some decisions, your secret is safe with me.”
After he left, we moved around the bar in dulled silence, making sure things were secure before we closed up shop. Neither one of us spoke a word, both stumbling through our own heavy thoughts.
It felt strange to alert Felix that we were safely home, because by now he’d probably put two and two together that we had been sleeping in the same bed.
Regardless, as soon as we lay down, we clung to each other like lifelines, our limbs winding and clutching, as if attempting to hang on to the last vestiges of what was once our secret refuge.
After tonight, who knew what we’d be? Except to each other.
Smoke made slow and almost melancholy love to me, the only sounds in the room our moans and breaths. His lips rarely left mine, his tongue feathering inside my mouth in an almost constant rhythm.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his lips. “I’m all in. I’ll be here for as long as you want me.”
We didn’t profess our feelings again, but I could see all of his emotions laid bare in his eyes. He was as worried and desperate as I was, and somehow that was a comfort. Though tonight could’ve been so much worse. It might’ve been Jonas or Mal or any
of the other guys walking in on us. There had to be a ray of light in there somewhere.
Chapter Thirty
Smoke
Vaughn and I walked numbly through the next couple of days as if on eggshells because of being found out by Felix, but also with the knowledge that the Scorpions were moving in on the Asylum.
The Disciples weren’t told exactly when or how the attack would go down, to keep us from being implicated. I was feeling so many warring emotions at once. Though I hoped this meant the threat to Vaughn would end, I would never want anybody to die because of it. Even my old club members, who had introduced me to drugs. I had made the decision to put the needle in my arm all by my lonesome.
But we lived by a different set of codes in the MC world. Even if Jake wasn’t taken out with the rest of his club, the idea was that the Asylum’s power would be weakened and they’d think twice about stealing from another organization again.
As Vaughn and I moved around each other at the bar, we barely made eye contact, both afraid of being found out. Felix acted as if everything was normal, but my stomach dropped every time Jonas or Mal looked my way.
Vaughn tried being his usual chipper and outgoing self by razzing the customers and flirting with the ladies, but it was a half-hearted attempt, and I could tell he was beginning to crack.
Once all was said and done, I was finished with hiding. This was for the birds. If my brothers wanted nothing more to do with me, I’d leave the club. I’d said as much to Vaughn this morning, while he lay on top of me in bed and pulled me into a kiss that basically curled my fucking toes. I didn’t want to lose him now that I’d found him. I just didn’t know exactly what that meant. Yet.
Vaughn sent Lewis and Cherry home. The back room was quiet, and still Vaughn and I didn’t dare even steal a kiss on Hog’s Den property. This might’ve been a safe haven for other people, but we were mistaken to think we were secure as well.
I was thankful nobody had walked in the night I had fucked Vaughn on the tabletop. I had been so far gone, I might not have been able to find the sense to give a shit.
The Darkest Flame Page 18