Shelter

by Stephanie Fournet

  But as if on cue, Flora turned her gaze to my sister. “And, my dear girl, what are you doing these days.”

  With clear eyes and only a hint of a tremor in her voice, Ava answered. “I just got out of drug rehab.”

  The bite of bacon I’d just swallowed stuck in my throat. I felt Flora go still beside me. We’d never been a family that dealt in hard truths. I stared at my sister in naked admiration and wondered if this was a skill she’d learned in the program.

  I was proud of her, but I had to admit her honesty gave me whiplash.

  Flora reached her hand across the table and gripped Ava’s. “Oh, my girl,” she whispered, her voice full of compassion and concern.

  And then, before I could respond or step in for her, Ava told Flora everything. The drinking. The partying. The soft drugs. Then the hard ones.

  Our old housekeeper listened with tears in her eyes, squeezing and patting Ava’s hand the entire time.

  “We’re here now, and it’s hard,” Ava admitted. “But I think I have a sponsor, and I’m going to meetings. And I’m just trying to manage one day at a time.”

  Flora nodded and sniffled. “You know you can always call me, don’t you, honey?” She tilted her head toward the back of the restaurant. “You need something to take your mind off your troubles, you can just join me in the kitchen and help me cook like you used to.”

  A smile broke over Ava’s face. She nodded. “I’d like that,” she rasped.

  Flora’s brows rose with assurance. “Or I could come to you.” She turned to her gaze to me. “Where y’all living now?”

  I told her about our house, and her eyes lit up when I mentioned the Saint Streets.

  She gave an excited gasp. “That’s not too far from Elise.” She clapped and held her hands as though she were praying. “She’s going to be just so excited!”

  My stomach tightened. Given what had happened Saturday night, I had my doubts. But maybe Flora was right. And if she were…

  “How is Elise?” Ava charged in. “I can’t wait to see her again.”

  Flora rubbed her palms together, her smile stretching. “Doing great. Working hard. She hasn’t set out on her own business like you,” she said, tilting her chin in my direction. “But that’ll come.”

  I sat up straighter in my chair. “A jewelry business?” I asked, picturing the work I’d seen on her website. Even with the recent downturn in the oil industry, Lafayette had grown in the years we’d been away, but if she wanted to open her own store, it would be difficult to break into a market this size. Still, if anyone could do it, Elise could.

  Flora’s eyes brightened. “Yes, indeed. I can’t believe you remembered that.”

  I’d forgotten little about Elise. I never would have forgotten about her jewelry. It was her greatest love.

  “She works in sales at Buttross Jewelers, but she’s also starting to design her own line there.”

  I didn’t need Flora to know I’d already found this out on my own, but even as she spoke, a flame of pride lit in my chest, warming me as it grew.

  “How long has she been there? Did she go to school?” I heard the excitement in my voice, the fast talking. Flora did not seem to notice. I could tell Ava did.

  “Oh, she’s been there since right before she graduated, and yes, she went to UL.” Her eyes moved back to Ava again. “It was hard at first. She practically lived at ODS.”

  “ODS?” I heard myself ask.

  Flora’s brow arched severely. “Office of Disability Services. Her required English, history, and biology classes nearly did her in.” Then a smile softened her features. “But she made it through.”

  I remembered the years she’d struggled in school. And the years Ava had helped her every single day. I brought my gaze to my sister’s. She was looking back at me. I couldn’t tell if she was thinking the same thing I was — how proud I was of them both. But hearing about Elise’s triumphs made me want to cheer.

  Before I could tell Ava how I felt, Flora spoke up.

  “She has you to thank, Ava Whitehurst,” Flora said, eyes blazing. “Before you started helping her, my Elise would have never thought college was possible.”

  Ava shook her head, deflecting Flora’s praise. “All I did was help her focus and read to her when she struggled—”

  Flora’s hand shot across the table and flattened over Ava’s. “Child, I watched you day in and day out, year in and year out.” Her voice was firm and silken at the same time. “You have to know what you gave to my girl. You gave her the world.”

  For the second time that morning, my throat threatened to close on me.

  Ava’s eyes flicked to mine. “It was all Cole’s idea,” she said, shaking her head again. “I can’t take all the credit.”

  Flora’s free hand landed on my knee. “Well, then I have you both to thank, but Ava, love, an idea is nothing but nothing without action,” she said, that stern tone settling over our table. “You are the one who made the difference.”

  I watched my sister give a grudging smile. “I’m happy I helped in some way.”

  In that moment, I was so grateful to Flora for giving my sister something to be proud of. A contribution she could claim. And, somehow, the fact that she’d made such a difference for Elise humbled me. I wanted to make a difference in Elise’s life.

  I wanted to be in her life. It took seeing Flora and hearing about Elise to admit it to myself, but I’d missed Elise.

  I’d missed her so damn much.

  “Is she seeing anyone?” I blurted, the words escaping me before I knew I’d thought them.

  Ava’s smile of pride broke into one of extreme amusement.

  “Oh my Lord,” Flora said, rolling her eyes. “Heavens, no. That girl spends all her time working. If she’s not at the store, she’s sketching designs at home. She never does anything else. I tell you, it’s unhealthy for a young person.”

  Ava, her eyes dancing, stared right at me. “I agree, Flora. So unhealthy.” Her mouth quirked in wicked delight. “Maybe we should do something about that.”

  Flora’s brows lifted with excitement. “Oh, she would love to see y’all!”

  My heart sped up at her words. Flora was wrong, but that didn’t stop me from pressing. “Really? It’s been so long. She probably forgot about us a long time ago.”

  With speed that belied her age, Flora’s warm hands clutched mine. “No, indeed. She’d never forget the two of you.” She shook her head with insistence, her voice dropping. “After y’all moved away, I’ve never seen somebody cry so much.”

  An invisible blade, sharp and hot, sunk into my chest. I pictured my Elise the day I’d left. Her look of devastation. I’d put it there, saying shit I should have kept trapped in my head. I had been too mired in my own misery to feel the shame of it then, but I felt it now. Back then, I’d thought leaving her alone was the best I could do for her. I knew I’d hurt her. But she’d cried? For us?

  For me?

  I remembered what it felt like to hold her in my arms. The rightness of it. The way it had opened me like a vault. My whole life had been about keeping my shit locked down tight. But Elise had known everything about everything. She’d broken my lock.

  Only her.

  Between taking care of Ava, finishing school, and building the business, I hadn’t made time for relationships. I’d met women, of course. Women who understood that my emotions and my time weren’t up for grabs. I’d held them in my arms. I’d kissed them. I’d taken them to my bed.

  But none of them had felt like Elise.

  Would she still feel like that now?

  The possibility that she could — that we could feel that way together — took form in my mind. It teased and toyed with me, licked me with tongues of flame.

  My parents were gone. I could not relive that night and save my mother. I could not go back in time and stop my father.

  But Elise was here. She was whole. I could see her. Talk to her. Apologize. Live up to what I’d once expected of my
self. My relationship with her was one piece from the wreck of my past that could still be salvaged. I could redeem myself — in her eyes if nowhere else.

  Suddenly, the potential of my life — the potential of the whole spinning planet — seemed infinitely brighter. Richer. More hopeful.

  “Flora, could you give me her number?”

  Chapter 21

  ELISE

  “They asked about me?” I sat across the bar from Mama, too dumbstruck to dig into the grilled cheese sandwich she’d made me for lunch.

  I hadn’t told Mama about Saturday night. And she knew nothing of what I’d once shared with Cole. What he had meant to me. But in the last ten minutes, she’d filled me in on her early-morning visit with the Whitehursts. Cole and his engineering firm. Ava and rehab. Their house that was practically in my neighborhood.

  This little tidbit had made my cheeks flush hot, and my heart thump hard in my chest. If I pictured Cole being just blocks away, I didn’t think I’d be able to go to sleep at night. I’d had a hard-enough time since Saturday, just knowing he was in town.

  “Yep. They wanted to hear all about you.”

  My stomach tightened. What did that mean?

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. They asked if you were still making jewelry, and I told them all about your designs and you working at Buttross and how you and Alberta want to open your own place…”

  My face flamed hotter. No way the Cole Whitehurst I saw Saturday night wanted to hear all that about me. “Oh, God, Mama,” I whimpered.

  She batted a hand at me. “Oh, pish. Don’t be embarrassed. You should be so proud of yourself.”

  I was proud of myself. But the thought of Cole sitting there, wearing that polite smile while he endured Mama’s gushing was enough to make me seasick.

  “Besides, they were delighted for you. So proud! Ava wanted to know if you were still at the farmer’s market, and Cole asked if you were seeing anyone special, and they both—”

  “What?!”

  Mama shot me a scandalized look. “Elise, don’t shriek like that. The customers will complain.” The lunch crowd in the café wasn’t huge, but just then the door opened, and two cyclists came in. Mama moved to greet them as they approached the bar.

  She had to have gotten it wrong. Ava must have been the one to ask if I was seeing someone. No other option made sense. And I was glad Ava was proud of me for how far I’d gotten. I had her to thank for helping me in school, that was for sure. Really, she should have been proud of herself.

  I realized then that I probably needed to tell her so. In person.

  It would be great to see her — if I could do it without crossing paths with Cole.

  Mama walked back to me, her face warming with a wistful smile. “They were a sight for sore eyes. Let me tell you.”

  Her own eyes gleamed. She looked so happy. Mama had often wondered aloud about how Ava and Cole were doing in New Orleans, and she worried about them every time a hurricane looked like it might hit the city again. But it wasn’t until I saw that light in her eyes that I understood just how much she missed them.

  The realization snagged my heart because she wasn’t alone.

  I shoved that feeling aside and checked my watch. It wasn’t quite time to head back to the store, but I needed some air. I’d only eaten half my sandwich and a few of Mama’s kettle chips, which now felt like a box of rocks in my stomach.

  “Here, let me pack that up for you.” She whisked the remnants of my lunch into a Styrofoam clamshell.

  “Thanks, Mama.” I took the box from her and walked over to the register. “What do I owe you?”

  “You don’t get to pay.” She scowled and fanned her hands at me.

  I mirrored her expression. “You can’t buy me lunch every time I come in.”

  Mama smacked her hands on the bartop with mock drama. “I can afford to feed my only child,” she snapped. “Besides, I lost one battle today with Cole and Ava. I’m not losing this one.”

  I blinked. “What?”

  She shook her head in disapproval. “That Cole insisted on paying.” She rolled her eyes. “And then he gave me a ridiculous tip. Who tips a hundred dollars for a breakfast sandwich?”

  My eyes bugged. “He tipped you a hundred dollars?”

  “He did.” Mama crossed her arms over her chest. “So, don’t you dare think you’re paying today. No, ma’am.”

  I couldn’t help but grin at her stubbornness. “So, what are you going to do with it?” At my question, Mama’s scowl cracked just a little.

  “I… I hadn’t thought about it.”

  “Yes, you have,” I teased.

  She gave me an embarrassed smile. “Well, I could always go to SAS for another pair of orthopedics—”

  “You will not,” I ordered. “That’s far too sensible. You need to do something fun with that tip.”

  Her eyes snapped to mine with startled annoyance. “That’s exactly what Cole told me to do.”

  Again, heat rose to my cheeks. I didn’t want to, but I knew I’d be thinking about Cole giving Mama a windfall tip and telling her to spend it on something fun. Because that was just what he would have done back then. Which meant the person he’d become since that night maybe wasn’t so different from the young man I’d known.

  And that was a very dangerous thought. On the scale that balanced the ideal man with the actual one, the side carrying Cole Whitehurst, flesh and blood, tipped down a measure. I had to pull up an image of his expressionless eyes from the other night to lift it back up again. My ideal man would never give me that blank, emotionless stare.

  “Okay, Mama, you win this time,” I said, feeling the growing need to flee to the safety of my car.

  “Yes, I do,” she gloated. “Will you and Bertie come for dinner Sunday? I’ll make a pork roast.”

  I raised onto my tiptoes to reach Mama over the bar, and she leaned in to accept my kiss on her cheek. “We’ll be there.”

  Then her eyes sparkled. “I could invite Cole and Ava!”

  “Oh, Mama, no.” I spoke before I could think better of it. And Mama’s frown told me I’d said the wrong thing.

  “Well, why not? Don’t you want to see them.”

  Oh, crap.

  “Yes, I mean, of course, but…” What could I say now? “Oh, Mama, you remember that night we witnessed a murder-suicide? Yeah, well, right before that, Cole Whitehurst and I were dry humping in the back yard. And seeing how that night ruined Cole’s life, I don’t think he wants to watch me eat pork roast.”

  Yeah, no. I couldn’t go there.

  Mama cocked an impatient brow my way. “But what, Elise?”

  Stall. That was the only clear path I could see. “I just think… m-maybe, well… maybe the first time we get together, it should be just us, you know?” I stammered, saying the words as they came to me. “I mean, they’ve been through so much. Even recently, by the sound of it. Maybe it should be a time when it’s just the four of us. But Bertie’s already coming Sunday.”

  Mama’s mouth bunched in concern. She nodded once. “You’re probably right. I wouldn’t want to put too much pressure on Ava. She’s fragile right now.”

  Ava was always fragile, but I kept that thought to myself.

  “I’ll see about inviting them next week. Maybe I could make crawfish fettuccine.”

  All I could do was nod. As good as Mama’s crawfish fettuccine was, I was going to be busy next Sunday.

  “Bye, Mama.”

  “Bye, sweet baby.”

  Moments later, tucked into the front seat of my car, I pressed my palms to my burning cheeks. It had been almost impossible to push thoughts of Cole from my mind after our run-in on Saturday night. For months after they’d gone, I had missed both Cole and Ava unbearably. And when they’d sold the house, and Mama and I had to move into the apartment off Kaliste Saloom, the longing for them both — and for the home I’d once shared with them — had only grown.

  I had grieved like I hadn’t known was possi
ble. And though I had ached for them both, the pain I’d felt for Cole had been so much sharper. Deeper. Because of what we’d shared. Because he’d left hating me.

  It had taken so long to heal.

  And now they were back. And, clearly, though Cole had run into me completely by accident, they had sought Mama out. I could understand this. She’d practically raised them, just as she’d raised me. Fed them nearly every meal they ate. Washed their clothes. Cleaned up their messes. Loved them. I knew they’d always loved her.

  As I drove back to work, I also had to reconcile the fact that Mama said Cole had been the one to call her. Not Ava. They’d gone to see her at the restaurant, a place I was unlikely to be. With a sinking feeling, I guessed that was probably on purpose. If Cole had wanted to see Mama while being careful to avoid me, catching her at work was a pretty safe bet.

  I had to admit that stung.

  But the more I thought about it, the surer I felt about his intentions. He’d just run into me a few days before. He knew I still lived in town. I was still friends with Alberta. If he’d wanted a reunion for the four of us, surely he would have said so when he called Mama.

  Maybe he still felt the same about that night. Maybe he still hated me.

  Nothing in my life had felt worse than that. But I thought I’d let all of that go. Risen above it. Now it weighed like a cinder block at my ankles, pulling me under. So, by the time I turned into South College Shopping Center, it was all I could do to drag my feet across the parking lot and into the store.

  I found the showroom empty of customers, but Ed stood behind the counter. Without lifting his head, he peered at me over the rims of his reading glasses.

  “What’s the matter with you?” he asked dryly. “You look like someone just kidnapped your bunny.”

  I liked my boss. I liked him a lot. But Ed Buttross was the definition of nosy. It did not do to confide in him. I’d made that mistake the first year I worked for him when I had complained about Alberta’s unpracticed cooking. (We’d had beef stroganoff the night before. Epically awful beef stroganoff.) But for three weeks straight after that, he’d asked about what she’d made or what I’d made or where we’d gone out.