Secrets Behind Those Eyes

by S. M. Donaldson

  “I’m sorry.”

  I spin around and throw my hands out. “You’re sorry. That’s all you can come up with.”

  “Just stop for a second so I can say what I have to say.”

  “Fine but you are walking with me I have shit to do. This better be damn good.”

  He looks terrible I notice for the first time since he stepped in front of me. “Look I will never be able to apologize enough for what you walked in on. I never meant for you to find out that way. The Kelsie part was all Brandon. In case you haven’t heard by now, Brandon has pretty much always called the shots in my life. He’s upset with me right now because I decided to come out to my parents.”

  “You what? Your daddy will cut you off.”

  “I know, but I’m tired of living like this. Anytime I get pissed off with Brandon he threatens to out me to my parents. I’m tired of the way he treats me and treats people I care about. At least if I tell them how I feel then he has nothing over me. I can walk away.”

  I stop him and touch his arm. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Yeah I am. Mostly I wanted to stop and talk to you today because I know I should have said something to keep you out of jail. Don’t get me wrong I was pissed that you took your anger out on my car. But I kinda get it and I really should’ve said something.”

  “It’s a little late but thank you.”

  “I’m sorry you almost lost your scholarship and that you had to do community service and all.”

  “Well. The scholarship I was pissed over. The community service wasn’t bad. I got to help a great family have their own home. I also met the love of my life.”

  “Ryder?”

  “Yeah. At first I thought he was a huge prick. Now I can’t imagine my life without him.”

  “Wow. We dated for a long time and I never heard you talk about me with that tone of voice and the light in your eyes. I’m glad you’ve found happiness.”

  “Thank you. I hate to cut this short but I really do need to get going call me soon and we’ll do coffee or something.”

  He leans in and give me a hug and kiss on the cheek. “Sure thing, but after I tell my parents you might have to buy the coffee.”

  I smile. “Can do. We’ll talk soon.”

  I make my way to my car and I see Ryder’s jeep parked by it. I smile and almost start running to see him. You’d think after the love fest we had going on last night that I’d be tired of him. But I’m not. As I approach him I notice the look he has on his face.

  “What the fuck was that about Scarlet?”

  “What was what about?”

  “Your ex-boyfriend.”

  “It was nothing. He was apologizing for everything.”

  “Oh he was apologizing. I saw you hugging him, what are you going back to him now?”

  “What the hell are you talking about? We were having a civilized conversation. Which is more than I can say for the one you and I are having.”

  “I guess Kelsie’s warnings were right about you.”

  That is a deep cut. “Why in the fuck are you talking to Kelsie about me anyway?”

  “I stopped to get you these fucking flowers and ran into her. She told me if Dustin ever came around again and gave you the time of day you’d go running back.”

  I feel like my body is on fire I’m so pissed. “You know what Ryder I know that woman fucked you up when you were young and you don’t trust women, but I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me so you can go to hell.”

  “What are you talking about my issues with women?”

  “Nelson told me. He told me about the lady that dated your dad.”

  “That was none of your fucking business.”

  “Well you know what? It’s obvious you don’t trust me, you are acting like I had sex with a man, who is gay by the way, outside of school and I have to get to an art lecture at the main campus tonight. So just leave me alone.”

  He growls but I don’t hear a word he says because I slam my car door and fly out of the parking lot.

  I see flowers flying all over the parking lot in my rearview mirror.

  How dare he think that little of me? I wasn’t the one who was the whore he was. What the fuck was he doing talking to Kelsie anyway?

  I call Annabelle on the way to campus and fill her in on the events that just happened minus the part about the lady molesting Ryder . That’s his business. She’s furious like me. We decide to meet for lunch tomorrow as I reach the main campus.

  This is a big art lecture and anyone in my program has to attend so the parking lot is slammed. I finally find a parking spot, knowing I’m going to be a few minutes late getting in there I rush out of my car and start walking fast toward the lecture hall.

  My phone starts ringing and I see its Ryder. I ignore it I’m not in the mood to talk to him tonight. I’m going home to a nice bubble bath when I get done here.

  I finally reach the door to the hall and it is locked. I notice a sign stating that the door is broken go around to the emergency exit.

  As I round the corner my phone starts buzzing. I throw it in my bag and suddenly someone grabs my arm.

  I look up half expecting it to be Ryder. But it’s not and it’s not someone I expected to see.

  “What in the hell?”

  After the words came out of my mouth I felt a dull ache in my head and I starts blacking in and out. I overhear him saying. “You should’ve kept your mouth shut you fucking cunt.”

  My head feels so heavy. I can’t seem to stay awake as he throws me over his shoulder. Then I’m out.

  I wake up tied to a chair in a simple loft apartment from the looks of it. It’s all very confusing.

  “Ah I see you’re awake.”

  I refuse to answer him.

  “Are you going to ignore me or are you going to talk to me. Since you obviously like to run your mouth so much about matters that don’t concern you.”

  “Go to hell.”

  “Now Scarlet that’s not nice. I was hoping that it wouldn’t come to this. I thought maybe your accident would make you see things in a new light or kill you I was okay with either.”

  “Fuck you.”

  A slap cracks across my face. “You have ruined my life you whore.”

  I spit some blood out. “I’m not the whore here you are, so you can go to hell Brandon.”

  Chapter 30

  Ryder

  Why in the hell won’t she at least answer her phone and argue back with me? I caught Dustin as he was coming out of the coffee shop next door to SCAD and I punched him in the face. That’s when he stopped me and explained that what I saw was exactly what Scarlet said it was. I’m so fucking stupid how could I not listen to her and listen to Kelsie. I lost my damn mind when she brought up what Francis did to me as a child. I shiver as I remember my first betrayal by her.

  “Ryder you want your daddy to be a happy man don’t you?”

  I looked at the rug in my room. “Yes ma’am.”

  “Well if I stay your daddy will be happy. Now I need you to do something for me. Will you do that Ryder to keep me happy so I can keep your daddy happy?”

  “Yes ma’am.”

  She sat on my bed. “Come here.” I walked over and sat down she ran her fingers through my hair. “You are going to break hearts someday.” She ran her hand down my chest and to my eleven year old penis. She started rubbing me through my pants. “Do you feel funny Ryder?” I nod, because I do. “Well good. Now give me your hand.” She takes my hand and puts it under her skirt. All of a sudden I’m dizzy and my penis shoot stuff out in my pants. She smiles. “Good job now this is our secret. Go get cleaned up.” I nod and make my way to the bathroom.

  Bringing myself back to the matter at hand. It’s freaking 10 o’clock at night, I know she said she had a thing for school, that’s why I tried to get her before she went in but she should be done by now. I really pissed her off this time. I’ll just text her and hope she forgives me.

  Baby I’m so sorry
please give me a chance to say this in person. I had a lot going on today and Kelsie fucked with my head. When I saw Dustin touch you I just went crazy. I should never have even spoken to her. I’m so sorry. I love you, please forgive me. I’ll let you rest tonight but I’m coming to see you tonight and we are going to talk about all of this. I am going to beg and you are going to feel sorry for me. I love you. I love you I love you.

  I get nothing back. I go into the den and make myself a scotch and water. My phone rings. I snatch it up thinking its Scarlet, but its Judd.

  “Hey man.”

  “Hey you don’t sound so happy to hear from me asshole.”

  “I just had a really shitty day and I need to talk to Scarlet, but she’s not answering my calls or texts. I think I really fucked it up this time man.”

  “Man what the fuck did you do?”

  I start explaining to him the events of the day up to me talking to Dustin.

  “Dude you really fucked up. You know better than to listen to that bitch Kelsie. Why would you even think to let her get inside your head like that?”

  “I know I’m fucking stupid.”

  “Yep you are. Have you talked to Annabelle lately?”

  “Yeah she asked me had I heard from you, but that was when you said your base would be on blackout for a few days so I told her not to worry. Why what’s up?”

  “I don’t know man. We are friends and I know we agreed to stay that way. But something about knowing she’s going on dates and talking to other guys makes me angry.”

  I laugh. “Dude you have a thing for her. But you can’t be pissed with her. You already told me you’re hooking up with some random girl in your unit.”

  “I’m not fucking talking about that right now. I don’t have enough time on the phone. Just make sure she’s okay for me. She hasn’t really be in touch much.”

  “Sure man, I’m sure before this is all over with between me and Scarlet she’ll be over here to kick my ass. So I’ll let you know.”

  “Shit look man I gotta go, we are pulling out for a mission. I’ll be out of touch for a few weeks probably till closer to Christmas. My mom is going to be worried so look in on her.”

  “Will do man. Stay safe. Keep your head down and all that shit.”

  “Roger.”

  I have a few drinks and finally head to bed. Maybe the alcohol will help me sleep. Sliding into my bed it feels so lonely without her. I went from never having a person besides myself in here to having to have Scarlet in my bed. I start to realize my drinks are catching up with me. I roll over to her pillow and smell the coconut scent of her hair.

  ~*~*~

  Waking up this morning I feel just as alone as I did when I went to sleep. I walk into my bathroom and I smell her again. I see her hair crap all over my vanity. I grab some aspirin and take a shower. I’m going over to take her to breakfast and we are going to talk. She’s going to let me grovel and apologize. Then she’s coming home with me and I’m probably not going to let her leave my house again.

  After I slide some jeans and a shirt on I grab my phone off my dresser. Still no text or calls from her. After I put my boots on I jog out to my jeep and head over to her place.

  Pulling up I notice her car isn’t in the driveway. Shit this is like before. I wonder if she went to Cade’s again. But I know she has projects due, she wouldn’t leave town with those due.

  I call Annabelle.

  “What do you want fucktard?”

  “Have you talked Scarlet?”

  “Yeah I talked to her yesterday right after you basically called her a slut.”

  “I didn’t call her a slut.”

  “Anyway, we are supposed to go to lunch today.”

  “Well, I can’t find her this morning. She’s not at home and she won’t answer her phone or even a text. Do you know where she is?”

  “No she’s probably just avoiding you.”

  “Thanks Annabelle, you’ve been so much help.” I say with sarcasm dripping from my tongue.

  “For the record. I hope you can make it up to her because you guys are good together when you don’t have your head up your ass.”

  “Thanks Annabelle. I appreciate it. By the way Judd called me last night he said that we wouldn’t hear from him until closer to Christmas.”

  “Okay thanks for the info.” Her voice sounds hollow as she hangs up.

  I pull in at he florist I bought flowers at the other day. I buy two bouquets of spring flowers and drop them on her door step with a note.

  Scar- I love you. When you are ready to talk I am too. Love Ryder

  I need to head home and look in on the cows. Nelson had an appointment today.

  Now it’s 3 in the afternoon and she still hasn’t called me I’m starting to get a little pissed off, you’d think she’d at least call me and tell me to go to hell.

  My phone rings. It’s Cade, probably telling me to quit harassing his sister.

  “Hey Cade.”

  “Hey I can’t get ahold of Scarlet and campus security is calling me. They said her car has been there all night and it’s had tickets issued. They’ve tried to get in touch with her to let her know it’s about to be towed, but she hasn’t been in class either. I asked them to wait until someone can get there to check it out. ”

  “Why in the hell is her car still there?”

  “I don’t know genius that is why I’m calling you. Where is she?”

  “I don’t know, we had an argument yesterday. I’ve been trying to talk to her but she won’t answer my calls.”

  “Well go down there and check the car see if something’s wrong with it. Maybe that is the reason it’s still parked there.”

  “Okay. I’m already in my jeep driving that way. I’ll call you when I get there.”

  Ten minutes later I’m pulling into the campus parking lot and see her Infiniti. As I walk around the car I can tell it’s been here overnight. I walk toward the big lecture hall and start calling her phone. As soon as I round the corner I hear my ringtone Ladies Love Country Boys. I keep looking for her until I see her phone in a hedge by the door.

  I call Cade back.

  My heart starts racing as he answers. “Hey Ryder you talk to her?”

  I’m already running back to my jeep. “I think we have a problem. Her car looks fine, but I just found her phone in a hedge, but the lecture hall.”

  I hear him slamming things in the background. “Call the cops NOW! I’m heading that way. I’ll call Gable, you call Whisper.”

  I start up my jeep and start circling the campus just in case she’s walking somewhere. “Okay.”

  I don’t even realize the quiver in my voice until Cade speaks. “Ryder. We are going to find her man. Stay calm. I’ve been there man.”

  I wipe a tear that I didn’t realize was running down my cheek. “Thanks.”

  Chapter 31

  Scarlet

  I wake up with a pounding headache. As I try to open my eyes I realize they are almost swollen shut. Then yesterday comes flying back to me. Last night.

  “I’m not the whore here you are, so you can go to hell Brandon.”

  “You are such a stupid bitch Scarlet.”

  “I’m not scared of you. If you were a real threat to me, you wouldn’t have to tie me up. You know that if I’m not tied up that I can kick your ass.”

  “No you can’t kick my ass. You are psycho and will grab something like an axe handle to assist in your efforts. I remember I was there.”

  I chuckle. “I’m psycho? Says the person who kidnapped me and has me tied to a chair, just so he can try to intimidate me. Because he can’t beat me up otherwise.”

  He draws back and punches me in the face. “I fucking hate you. When Dustin started seeing you to cover for himself, I told him you were a mistake. He just planned to use you as a cover for a while and keep his parents from finding out. Then you actually became a friend to him.” He’s pacing around the room. “Here’s the thing Dustin has always been MY best friend
. I’ve always helped him cover up for his preferences. I always filled his needs so he didn’t pick up any random townies to screw. Now all of a sudden after you went to jail he decides he wants to come out to his parents. What did you say to him Scarlet? Who were you going to tell? How did you blackmail him?”

  “I didn’t say anything to him about it. Until today I haven’t seen or heard from him since that night at Swampy Tonk.”

  “You’re lying.” Another crack to my face.

  “No I’m not did you ever think he just wants to be honest about who he is? So that maybe he can have a real relationship with someone other than you. Because if someone is using someone here, it isn’t Dustin using you, it’s you using him. It’s your way of controlling him.”

  He punches me again. “YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT IT! Now he’s planning on coming out to his parents, they will tell my parents and we’ll both be cut off. So Scarlet I’m going to ask you again. What are you threatening him with? Because he wouldn’t come to this decision on his own.”

  “I told you nothing. You’re sex life or love life has nothing to do with me.”

  “YOU LYING CUNT!” Then the lights went out.

  ~*~*~

  “Ah so you decided to wake up.” I look up to see Brandon and Kelsie standing there.

  “What were you hoping I wouldn’t?”

  Kelsie shrugs. “Maybe.”

  I try to smirk. I won’t let them break me. That’s what they want. “Well you’re probably too late because when I saw Dustin yesterday he had planned on coming out to his parents last night.”

  I see a look across both of their faces. “Shut up you skank.” Brandon sneers.

  I’m going to either drive them crazy or they are going to kill me but I’m done with this. “So Kelsie, what’s in all of this for you? Why do you need a relationship with two gay guys?”

  Brandon glares at me. “I’m not gay!”

  “Okay bi-sexual whatever.”

  “I’m not bi-sexual either you dumb bitch.”

  I chuckle. “Oh I’m dumb. You drill another man in the ass and that doesn’t qualify you as bi-sexual? Whatever.”

  Kelsie chimes in. “Brandon is going to marry me. Our two families are going to own this town. I’ll keep his secrets and he’ll keep mine. We’ll have an open marriage and all of the money we want.”