And You Call Yourself A Christian

by E. N. Joy

  “It wasn’t even like that,” Unique told her friend from back in the day. Unique and Joelle had grown up in the same project in Columbus, Ohio. Joelle had always been Unique’s partner in crime. Once Unique got saved, she didn’t hang out with Joelle as much. But every now and then, Joelle would call her up and talk her into going out with her. And every now and then, Unique would give in to the pressure and temptation and go. She hadn’t given in, in quite some time though. She hadn’t given in since the time she ended up going to the club with Joelle, but leaving with her oldest son’s father. That’s also the time she ended up pregnant. That experience alone kept her far from the temptation of running the streets. It didn’t matter how hard Joelle begged her, Unique had not accepted Joelle’s invitations. But now the tables were turned as the two women talked on the phone. This time, it was Unique extending an invitation to Joelle, but not to go to the club.

  “Anyway,” Unique said, exasperation lacing her tone, “it’s Friends and Family Day this Sunday at my church. Girl, just come on.”

  “No, thanks. Like I said, church costs too much. At the church my mother used to go to, we had to pay for everything. We had to pay on Sunday morning to get the Word. We had to pay at Bible Study. We had to pay at Vacation Bible School. That collection basket went around at every single church function. I mean, I understand about tithes and offerings, but do churches have to pass the collection plate around for every single function they have? Sometimes that’s why I never went. On days I was broke, I was scared they were going to pass that collection plate around and I wouldn’t have anything to put in it.

  “Them preachers always talking about the church doors are always open, but so are their pockets. I mean, on Sunday I expect to have to break the Lord off something, but I gotta pay for Bible Study too? I gotta pay for Vacation Bible School? Really? Come, on, ’Nique, you know you have to admit yourself that that becomes too much.”

  “I know that’s how it is at some churches, but not at New Day Temple of Faith, I promise you,” Unique assured her friend. “Pastor only passes the plate around once, and that’s on Sunday morning after you’ve been fed the Word. We don’t take up collection at Bible Study or anything like that. There is, though, a tithe and offering box in the back of the church that people can give to anytime they want. But usually just the saints who are more mature in Christ utilize that; those who know what giving truly is about.”

  “So what you trying to say? That I’m not a giver?” Before Unique could answer, Joelle continued. “Because you know I have never had a problem paying your way into the club on the times we had to pay.”

  “Yeah, that’s because you were the one who always made us run late so that we didn’t get there until after eleven when there was a five-dollar cover charge.”

  Joelle paused for a minute. “Oooh, I guess you are right about that,” she laughed.

  “Yeah, I know I am,” Unique chuckled. “But anyway, I’m not going to keep pressuring you about going to church with me. Just know that the invitation is open for any Sunday; not just Family and Friend’s Day, okay?”

  “All right, Momma. But let me get ready to get off this phone. I have to go get my ponytail sown in. DJ Dizzle My Nizzle is going to be on the turn tables tonight. You know all he play are rappers from the South, so it’s gonna be gettin’ crunked up in there. I can’t even think about wearing my short bob. I’ll sweat it out so bad and walk up out of that club looking like a Treasure Troll.”

  Both Unique and Joelle laughed so hard before Unique decided she needed to get off the phone too. “All right, girl, let me let you go. I told the boys I’d take them to see the twins today.”

  “Awww, y’all going to see Tiny and Toya,” Joelle joked, knowing darn well that wasn’t the babies’ names.

  “It’s Victoria and Heaven,” Unique said.

  “I know, I know. I’m just messing with you, girl. Give them a kiss from their would-have-been godmother, okay?”

  “Okay, crazy woman. Be safe out there tonight.”

  “I will, Momma. Love you. Deuces.”

  Unique hung up the phone and shook her head with a smile on her face while staring at it. Talking with Joelle always reminded her how far God had brought her and where He’d brought her from. Next, Unique looked up. “Lord, I know that by no means am I where I need to be in you. But by God, I thank you that I’m not where I used to be. A mighty long way, God; that’s where you’ve brought me from; a mighty long way.”

  “Are you talking to God again?” Unique’s middle son asked as he climbed up on the sofa bed she and her youngest son slept on. Her other two sons slept on an air mattress.

  “Yes, baby,” Unique replied, her eyes lighting up like they always did when she looked at her boys.

  “You always talking to Him. Does He ever talk back?” He played with the button on his Spider-Man pajamas.

  “As a matter of fact, He does, and right now, He’s saying ...” Unique changed her voice to a deep monotone, “... Unique, if those boys of yours don’t hurry up and wash their face, brush their teeth, and get dressed, I want you to ... I want you to ...”

  Unique’s son sat there looking at her with the most serious look on his face ever. He was on the edge of his seat waiting to hear God’s instructions to his mother.

  “I want you to ...” Unique began wriggling her fingers. “... tickle them to death.” She began tickling her son so hard that tears formed in his eyes.

  “Mommy, stop,” he pleaded in between laughs. “Stop or you gonna make me pee on myself. Stop, Mommy. For real.”

  Unique gave in to her son’s pleas. The last thing she wanted to do was to have to give him a bath and change her bedding.

  After her son settled down from all his laughing he asked, “Mommy, did God really say that?”

  “Say what?” her oldest son asked, entering the room with his youngest brother beside him. They were in their pajamas as well.

  Both Unique and her middle son looked at each other knowingly. “Should we tell him?” Unique asked her middle son.

  With a little giggle he said, “Uh-huh. Tell ’em what God said, Mommy.”

  By this time all three boys were sitting on the sofa bed. Unique looked at them and said, “God said ...” She changed her voice again. “‘Unique, if those boys of yours don’t hurry up and wash their face, brush their teeth, and get dressed, I want you to ...” Once again Unique began wriggling her fingers. “I want you to tickle them to death.”

  For the next few minutes Unique took turns tickling her sons until one actually did wet himself. Before she had gotten saved and had learned to control her temper through the direction of the Holy Spirit, Unique probably would have raised sand, fussed, and cursed for all the extra work her son’s wetting on himself was about to cause her. She would have said some things that might have broken her boys’ spirits and ruined their entire day. But now they all just made a task out of changing the bedding together. She even let the boys work the buttons on the washing machine, where they placed all the soiled laundry.

  God had certainly helped to turn Unique’s life around. The devil was waiting in the wings, though, to turn her life upside down.

  Chapter Two

  “So even though our mommy had them in her belly,” Unique’s youngest son said to Lorain as he, his brothers, Unique, and Lorain stood in between the two cribs admiring the sleeping babies, “they are your babies now?”

  “That’s exactly right,” Lorain said, bending down and kissing her grandson on the nose.

  “And they are going to call you Mommy?”

  “They already do,” Lorain smiled. “Well, they say, ‘Ma-Ma.’”

  Staring from one baby to the next he then said, “So those little things are our aunties, and we’re older than them?”

  Both Unique and Lorain laughed.

  “Enough with all the questions, son,” Unique told him, rubbing him on top of his head. “Besides, we go through this every time you see the twins.”

>   “I know.” A sad look covered his face. “I guess I just wanted sisters and not aunties.”

  Unique sighed and looked up at Lorain.

  “In due time,” Lorain mouthed, referencing the fact that she and Unique agreed that they’d tell the boys the truth about the twins really being their sisters once they got old enough to understand the entire situation.

  “Since the twins are asleep, can we go have ice cream now?” the middle boy asked.

  “Sure,” Lorain answered. “I just bought a brand-new bucket on sale at Kroger. Let’s go.”

  After giving the babies another once-over, everyone left the nursery and headed to the kitchen. Before quite making it into the kitchen, the ringing doorbell stopped everyone’s trek.

  “Hold on, boys. Let me get the door real quick,” Lorain said. She walked over to the door, and then looked out of the peephole to see who it was. Little hearts danced in her eyes as she opened the door. “Well, hello. You’re early.” She looked down at her watch. “About two hours early to be exact.”

  “I know,” Nicholas said as he stood on the porch. “But when you said that Unique and the kids would be stopping by for a spell, I couldn’t miss seeing those boys of mine.”

  Dr. Nicholas Wright was truly heaven-sent into Lorain’s life, and no one could tell her otherwise. She’d met him at the hospital emergency room the day Unique was experiencing abnormal cramping. She was pregnant with what she thought was just one baby at the time. It was Dr. Wright who informed them that one baby had been covering the other and that Unique was carrying twins. That day, Lorain walked out of the hospital with not only the news that she would be raising two babies, but with a new man in her life as well.

  “Mr. Nick, is that you?” the oldest boy called out.

  Lorain opened the door wide so that the boys could get full view of the visitor standing on the doorstep.

  “Mr. Nick!” all three boys cheered, and then rushed Nicholas. They practically knocked him down as arms flung around his legs and waist.

  “Can you play me in a video game?” one called out.

  “No, let’s play some catch,” another one suggested.

  “Hey,” Lorain pouted, slinging her hands on her hips. “I thought you wanted to have ice cream with Granny Lorain.”

  “That was before Mr. Nick showed up,” the oldest boy told her.

  “Yeah, we like Mr. Nick better than ice cream,” another confirmed.

  “Oh, boys,” Nicholas said, almost speechless. “How about we go wear ourselves out throwing the football back and forth, and then we come in for some of that ice cream with Granny Lorain?” He looked up at Lorain and winked his eye at her.

  She couldn’t help but blush. There was something about those soft brown eyes of his that were on the verge of being hazel but not quite, that made her feel like ... like ... she hadn’t been able to put those feelings in words. But it was a good feeling. That much she knew.

  “Once again, Mr. Nick steals the show,” Unique smiled.

  “Hey there, Unique,” Nicholas said to her. He reached out to hug her like he normally would have done, but the boys were still clinging to him.

  “Will y’all get off of him and let the man breathe?” Unique said to the boys, who immediately obeyed.

  “The football is right there by the door,” Lorain pointed. “You boys take it easy on Mr. Nick, y’all hear me?”

  “Yes, Granny Lorain,” the boys chimed before grabbing the football and dragging Nicholas out the door.

  “Yeah, boys, don’t wear Mr. Nick out or anything,” Unique said, even though they were no longer within earshot. She looked over at a beaming Lorain. “Leave that for Granny Lorain to do.”

  Realizing the comment Unique had just made, Lorain shooed her hand in Unique’s direction. “Cut it out. You know darn well Granny Lorain is a Christian for real. The only thing wearing Mr. Nick out is his work schedule.”

  “Oh, come on, Mama Lorain.” Unique had started calling Lorain Mama Lorain for the boys’ sake. Sometimes in general conversation she would refer to both the woman who raised her as Mama, which confused the boys as to exactly who she was talking about. So she just started adding their names after the word “Mama” for clarity. “You mean to tell me that you have absolutely no idea about just how hot Doctor McHottie really is?”

  “If my daughter is standing here asking me if my boyfriend and I have a sexual relationship going on, the answer is no,” Lorain clarified as she sat down on the couch.

  “Come on, you can tell me the truth.” Unique plopped down next to Lorain in anticipation of getting the scoop. “I mean, you two have been seeing each other for well over a year. And you said yourself that he’s not a practicing Christian like you.”

  “But he’s getting there, and with no pressure from me, might I add,” Lorain said proudly. “I’ve only invited him to church once; just to let him know that he was always welcome to come worship at New Day. It wasn’t until three months after that that he actually took me up on the offer. And since then, he’s visited New Day at least a dozen times. He’d probably come more regular if it wasn’t for his work schedule. So like I said, Nicholas’s work schedule might be wearing him out, but it certainly ain’t me.”

  Unique stared at Lorain for a minute. “You are dead serious, aren’t you? You haven’t even thought about backsliding, have you?”

  “Now, let’s not go that far.”

  “Uh-huh, I knew it,” Unique said with a look of victory on her face. “Ain’t no fine doctor like Doctor Nicholas going to hang around all this time without having at least an appetizer.”

  Lorain put her hand up. “Now, let’s not go that far either. We’ve done some kissing, a little rubbing, but that’s about it. That was enough. As a matter of fact, that was too much.” Lorain snapped her neck back and sucked her teeth. “And by the way, could somebody please tell me why I’m having this conversation with my twenty-five-year-old daughter?”

  “Who would you rather be having this conversation with? Your sixty-something-year-old mother?” Unique laughed.

  “Hmm. I guess you’re right. But come to think of it, I’d rather not be having this conversation at all.”

  “Not even with Nicholas?”

  “Obviously Nick and I have had the conversation by now. He knows I’m saving myself until marriage.”

  “Speaking of marriage, are you going to marry him? You said yourself when you two got together that he was looking for a wife, not a girlfriend. Well, you’ve been his girlfriend for quite some time now. So what’s the deal? Tell that cat to put his money where his mouth is and bring on the ring.”

  Lorain remained peculiarly quiet. She fumbled around for something until she set her sights on the remote. She quickly picked it up and turned the television on.

  After a moment of glaring at Lorain flick through channels like a man, Unique kindly took the remote from Lorain’s hand, turned the television off, and set the remote back down. Folding her arms and making a huffing sound, Unique finally spoke. “You turned the man down, didn’t you? He’s asked you to marry him already, but you’ve turned him down,” Unique figured out. “You turned the man down and his ring?”

  Lorain remained silent without making eye contact with Unique. The next thing Lorain knew, one of her throw pillows was being tossed upside her head. She shockingly looked toward Unique. “No, you didn’t!”

  “Yes, I did ... And yes, you should have, yes, you should have said yes.” Unique tossed another pillow at Lorain. This time, Lorain saw it coming and caught it.

  “Hey, watch it. You’ve only known me to be your mama for almost two years, but I still am your mama,” Lorain reminded her. “Never mind I’m only thirteen years your senior, but I still got thirteen years experience of butt whipping on you, so watch yourself.”

  “I can’t believe you are depriving me of a daddy and the boys of a granddaddy. What’s your problem?” Unique was a little frustrated with Lorain.

  Lorain knew Unique
was not going to leave this subject matter alone until she got answers. Lorain threw her head back against the couch and exhaled. “Well, when he first asked me, it was after the twins had just been born. To me, I felt like I owed all of my time to the twins and not to planning a wedding, you know.”

  “Okay, you said when he first asked you. So that means there was another time. So when was the next time?”

  “On the twins’ first birthday, after everyone went home after the party.”

  “And your excuse then was ...”

  “Unique, I’m not making excuses. It’s just that ... it’s just that ...”

  “It’s just that it all seems too good to be true, doesn’t it?” Unique related. “You don’t even feel deserving of someone like Nicholas, do you? You don’t feel like you pray enough, praise God enough, thank Him enough, worship Him enough for Him to turn around and do something so wonderful for you, do you?”

  Lorain nodded.

  Unique nodded as her eyes watered. “I get that. Because that’s how I feel every time I look at my boys.” Unique then shook her head. “I have no idea why God chose me,” she poked her finger at her chest, “chose me to be blessed with such beautiful boys. But He did, and I receive it.” She closed her eyes, still shaking her head. “My God, do I deserve those three blessings running around out there?” She opened her eyes. “And those two blessings sleeping in their crib? And this blessing sitting right here in front of me?”

  The two women smiled at each other. Lorain put her hands on top of Unique’s.

  “All I can say, Mama Lorain, is that if Nicholas is that blessing from God, and you know that in your heart of hearts, then you better receive it. Because the man has made his intentions clear from the beginning. How much longer do you think he’s going to hang around if your intentions don’t line up?”

  Lorain thought for a moment. “Not much longer,” she said. “Not much longer at all.”