And You Call Yourself A Christian

by E. N. Joy

  “I know exactly what you mean, and if I had a name to give you, I would, but I don’t. I’m telling you, I’m not into the dope game. Yeah, I hit a joint once in every blue moon, but not since I’ve been saved. I try to do right by my kids.”

  The officer stared at Unique without saying a word. It was as if she almost wanted to believe her. It was as if she almost felt ... felt ... felt sorry for the young, single mother. “So you said you have three sons, huh?”

  “Yes, three beautiful sons who I’d never jeopardize being away from, especially by getting caught selling drugs.” Unique sucked her teeth. “You think I don’t know that a drug dealer gets jail time? Please. I’d never risk being away from my boys.”

  “Speaking of being away from your boys, while you were supposedly seeing about child support from your baby daddy, where were your three boys?”

  “They were with my ...” Unique’s words trailed off. She wasn’t quite clear if she’d left them at home with her sister, if they were at Lorain’s, or what. That bump on the head had mixed her up a little bit, but not enough to sit there and let someone accuse her of being a dope dealer. A dope dealer she was not; that much she knew.

  After thinking for a moment, Unique jumped up so fast from the table that the officer drew her gun and aimed it directly at Unique.

  “Freeze!” the officer warned Unique. Not two seconds later, the door flung open and two other officers stood with their guns drawn.

  Unique didn’t freeze though. She hadn’t even comprehended the officer’s direct order. Her good sense had left that room and went back to the last time she’d seen her boys’ faces.

  “Y’all stay out here. I’m not going to be but a second,” Unique had ordered her children after parking her car a few houses down from the one her son’s father hustled out of.

  “But it’s hot out here, and I want to see my daddy,” her oldest son had countered.

  Wiping the sweat from her forehead, Unique had to agree that it was indeed hot outside. “The windows are down, and I won’t be but a second, I promise you.” Unique got out of the car and closed the door. No sooner had she done that than some young thug came down from the porch of the house she had parked in front of.

  “What you need?” the Li’l Wayne wannabe asked her.

  “Excuse me,” Unique replied.

  “Man, she don’t want nothing,” another young guy from the porch called out to the young thug.

  He sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes at Unique. Then he turned around and walked back to the porch while mumbling, “Witch, made me walk all the way down here for nothing. I oughtta ...” he looked back over his shoulder at Unique with a crooked lip and threatening look in his eyes, but then kept it moving back to his spot on the porch.

  “On second thought,” Unique said to herself, quickly going back to the car and rolling up the windows, “I’ll only be a half a second,” she promised the boys, locking the door, and then hurrying to the house her baby daddy was at. She didn’t want that young thug retaliating against her by using her boys. She didn’t want anyone having access to her boys in that neighborhood.

  Making a split-second decision, Unique had weighed whether it would have been better to take the boys to the crack house with her or leave them in the car. Having no idea the police would have raided the place, she was glad she hadn’t had her boys in the house caught up in that drama. Besides, the police would have probably attacked them too. And by now, they’d been down at Franklin County Children’s Services scared to death. But as she stood there with three guns pointed at her, she was willing to take all the bullets they could fire off to find out just where her sons were.

  “But my sons, my babies ...” Despite the orders the female officer had shouted out to her, and despite the three guns pointed at her, Unique charged at the door. “I have to go back and get my sons. My boys. They’re at the house. They’re still back at that house.”

  “Ms. Gray, settle down,” the female officer ordered. “I gave you a direct order to freeze. Don’t make me have to use this weapon, Ms. Gray.” She nodded to her two fellow officers. “Don’t make any of us.”

  “Go ahead, shoot me, but I’m going to get my boys. My boys!”

  One of the officers tucked away his weapon and decided to physically restrain Unique. She was in cuffs. He knew he could take her.

  “Please, please, let me go.” Unique kicked and screamed until the second officer who had entered the room assisted in restraining her as well.

  The female officer put her gun away. “Ms. Gray, we searched that house. We turned it upside down. Your boys are not there. No one is there. Anyone in that house was arrested along with you, so trust me, your boys are not at that house.”

  “The car,” Unique cried as her body, weak from fighting the officers, went limp. “I left them in car while I went to the house. I was only going to be a second. I told them I would be right back. So you see, I have to go back. I have to go back to get them. I have to go back to get my boys. I promised them I’d be right back. I promised them.”

  Unique began to weep uncontrollably. It was no good. Every ounce of strength she might have had just ten seconds ago was now depleted.

  “Officer Crouse, can I talk to you for a second.” The voice came from Officer Givens who appeared in the doorway.

  “Sure,” the female officer replied to Officer Givens. She then addressed the other two officers as she exited the room. “Keep an eye on her. I’ll be right back.”

  “Bring my boys back with you, please,” Unique cried. “Please bring my boys back to me. They’re probably scared. I told them I would be right back. I told them I would be right back.”

  With a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, Unique lay on the floor thinking that her boys being down at Franklin County Children’s Services might not have been so bad after all.

  Chapter Nine

  Lorain had no idea how much time had gone by when Nicholas finally entered the ER waiting room. She’d been way too busy praying and trying to figure out how to make her shining moment that had been interrupted by a casting of darkness, shine again.

  Before Nicholas was pulled away from their conversation outside, Lorain had known exactly how she was going to tell Nicholas that she would finally marry him. Well, she wasn’t exactly going to tell him; more like show him. The flashing of the engagement ring on her finger would have said it all. It would have let him know that she was ready. She was finally ready.

  Standing up to greet Nicholas as he walked over to her, Lorain was afraid her little plan wasn’t going to pan out so well. Whatever emergency it was that had pulled Nicholas away from her earlier must not have panned out so well either. That was evident by the dreadful look on his face. Still, Lorain slipped her hand back in her pant pocket for an attempt to play this thing out all over again; successfully this time.

  “Nicholas, is everything okay?” Lorain didn’t know why she asked that. It was apparent that everything wasn’t okay. Still, she had to ask.

  Nicholas didn’t speak. He opened his mouth, but he didn’t speak. He clasped his hands together and stared at Lorain. “Uh, come on, let’s go somewhere else to talk,” he suggested.

  “Okay. That’s fine,” Lorain agreed. Actually, she’d rather they did go somewhere else. Telling the man she loved that she was ready to marry him in the ER room with all those ailing people just didn’t seem right. She’d be smiling, happy, crying tears of joy while others were in pain and misery.

  Nicholas turned on his heels and led Lorain through a door she’d seen patients go behind after the nurse had called their names. As Lorain followed Nicholas down a hall, she had the strangest feeling that everyone was watching her. She spotted Jim. When she caught him watching her, he quickly shifted his eyes from her direction. Something was going on. Lorain didn’t know exactly what it was, but something was certainly going on.

  “In here will be fine.” Nicholas opened the door to the staff lounge area. He moved aside so that L
orain could enter first. That’s when he noticed the head nurse startled by his and Lorain’s arrival.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Dr. Wright. Let me excuse myself,” the nurse said, gathering her composure and whisking by Nicholas and Lorain to exit the lounge.

  Lorain looked at the nurse’s back for a moment as she walked away, and then she turned to Nicholas. “Was she okay? It looked like she’d been crying or something. Does it have something to do with the patients you all got called away to handle?”

  Nicholas felt sick to his stomach. What he was about to do—what he was about to say—he’d said and done on several occasions before in his five years of being a doctor. This wasn’t his first. For some reason, though, this time it was far more difficult than any other time. Not for some reason; the reason being, it had never hit so close to home before.

  “Nicholas, what’s going on?” Lorain was no doctor, but it wasn’t that hard to diagnose that something was not kosher up in that place. Especially with the way everyone in the hospital was acting. “You’re not acting like yourself. Jim was a little weird acting compared to how upbeat he’d been earlier. And then that nurse ...”

  “Have you talked to Unique?” That’s all Nicholas could think to say.

  “Unique?” Lorain shook her head, puzzled at Nicholas’s line of questioning. “No.”

  Nicholas tried to think of something else to say, but his mind was blank.

  “Okay, now you’re scaring me. You’re just standing there like some zombie. You need to start talking.”

  Nicholas agreed; he needed to start talking. He just needed to say it. Just say it. If Nike could just do it, surely he could just say it. “That emergency; it was three children. It was three little boys.”

  “Oh no. I can only imagine how it is when you guys have to deal with sick children. I mean, not that taking care of sick or injured adults isn’t just as important. There’s just something about seeing a child go through . . .” Lorain shook her head. “Then I guess that explains everyone’s mood around here.” Walking over to Nicholas, Lorain took his hands. “Do you want me to pray?”

  Nicholas gently shook Lorain’s hands. “No, hon. Why don’t I pray?”

  Lorain couldn’t hide the complete look of shock that displayed itself on her face. Besides a grace over his food here and there, she had never heard Nicholas pray before.

  “Sure, by all means you can pray,” Lorain replied.

  Even after Nicholas bowed his head and closed his eyes, Lorain still stood there in shock. At first she couldn’t believe this was happening. She honestly couldn’t believe Nicholas was actually leading the two of them in prayer. She was ashamed that she was jumping for joy on the inside. She wasn’t ashamed that her soul was giving God glory for showing her a sign in the eleventh hour that He was doing a great work in her life and in her relationship with Nicholas. She was ashamed, though, that it had taken three sick children for the manifestation.

  “Heavenly, Father, I ... I just want to thank you, first and foremost, for all you have enabled me to do,” Nicholas prayed. “For all the miracles you have allowed me to witness right here in this hospital. I thank you, Lord.” He paused and then continued. “Father, I’ve seen you take a heart that has stopped beating and make it beat again. Lord, I’ve seen you take a brain that couldn’t function, that hadn’t functioned for years, and restore it whole.”

  “Praise God,” Lorain spoke. Her eyes were now closed, and she was fully engulfed in Nicholas’s prayer to God.

  “What I thank you for most, God, though, is the strength and comfort you provide daily in this place to families who don’t always get to experience your earthly miracles with the saving of their loved one’s life. Today is one of those days, Lord.” He gently shook Lorain’s hands. “Today, Lord, I need you to send your comforter like never before to saturate this place. For today we lost not one, but three souls, God. Three young souls.” Nicholas’s voice began to crack. “And, God, I don’t know how I’m going to tell the boys’ family. They were so special. So kind and loving. If I didn’t know any better, Lord, I’d say they were angels right here on earth. They were so loved; so very loved, and they will be missed.” Taking a deep breath, Nicholas closed out his prayer. “So, God, I ask you to give me the strength to say the words that I need to say. In Jesus’ mighty name; Amen.”

  “Amen.” Lorain, so moved by a praying man, a praying man that was her man ... her soon-to-be husband, pulled her hands from Nicholas’s and threw them around his neck. “Nicholas, that was beautiful.”

  Nicholas put his arms around Lorain and squeezed her tightly. He didn’t want to let her go, because he knew that when he did, he’d have to say those dreaded words to her.

  Sensing a presence behind them, Lorain pulled away from Nicholas and looked behind her. In the process, she wiped away the tear that had fallen from her eye. “Oh, hi, Jim,” she said with a sniffle.

  “Oh God, Lorain, I’m so sorry.” Jim walked over to Lorain and extended his hands to her. Although slightly caught off guard, Lorain extended hers to Jim. “They were such fine boys. I know I’ve only met them once, at the picnic, but they were like little angels, those grandsons of yours. I know you are going to miss them. But please know that you have my deepest condolences.”

  “Jim ... wha ... what are you talking ...” Now it was as if the pit had jumped from Nicholas’s stomach to Lorain’s. She looked back over her shoulder at Nicholas. “Nicholas, what is ... What is Jim talking about?”

  All Nicholas could do was exhale.

  That was Jim’s sign that he’d spoken too soon; sooner than Nicholas had spoken. “Oh my, Dr. Wright, I’m sorry,” Jim apologized. “I thought you’d told her. When I walked in and saw you two ...” he looked at Lorain. “And her crying ... and I just thought ...”

  “Tell me ... Tell me what?” Lorain asked Jim. When Jim didn’t reply, Lorain snatched her hands from his and sharply turned to Nicholas. “Tell me what, Nicholas?”

  “Lorain ...” Nicholas tried to speak, but he still couldn’t get the words out.

  “Look, somebody better tell me something before I go straight Mel Gibson up in here,” Lorain warned.

  Nicholas looked over at Jim. “Uh, Jim, could you please excuse us?”

  “Sure, Dr. Wright.” Those words were music to Jim’s ears as he hurried up out of that room as quickly as he could, closing the door behind him.

  Once Jim was gone, Nicholas addressed Lorain. “Baby, you might want to sit down.”

  “Why, Nick? Sit down for what? I’m telling you, if you don’t stop playing with me, man ...” Lorain’s voice hit high pitches and cracked like Usher’s did when he was going through puberty and experiencing a voice change earlier in his career.

  By now, reality was starting to kick in with Lorain. Before, she’d been so fixated on the entire engagement thing and whatnot, that she wasn’t really listening and putting the pieces together of Nick’s prayer. But now, after Jim’s premature condolences and the way Nicholas was acting, it was all starting to come together.

  “Oh my God ... those boys. The three boys you keep talking about. And then you asked me if I’d talked to Unique. Are you trying to say that ... are you trying to tell me that ...” Lorain began to breathe in and out as if a Lamaze coach had taught her breathing techniques. She placed her hand over her rapidly beating heart. Her hands began to take on a life of their own as they went to her eyes, then clinched in fist, then back to her heart.

  “Lorain, calm down.” Nicholas put his arm around Lorain for support and guided her over to one of the couches in the lounge.

  “No. Get off of me!” Lorain removed herself from Nicholas’s arm. “I don’t want to sit down. I just want you to tell me if those are my grandsons you’re talking about. Because in your prayer you said ... you said ...” Before Lorain knew it she was down on the couch anyway.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Lorain,” Nicholas said as he put his arms around Lorain and hugged her.

  L
orain’s insides were screaming—crying out, but a sound never released from her mouth. Her mouth assumed the position for a loud roar of denial, that feeling she was feeling inside, to come out. But nothing ever came out. Let her tell it, air wasn’t even coming out of her nose. She didn’t know how she was even breathing. She could only remember being in this position one other time. She’d done something to upset her mother. The next thing she knew, Eleanor had knocked her upside her head so hard that she felt as if the world were coming to an end. It had hurt so badly that Lorain’s body was in shock. It hurt so badly that her brain couldn’t believe her body had absorbed such pain. Her brain was in so much denial of the pain that it had a delayed reaction. It was like it took forever for the cry that had built up in her little body to come out. Eventually it did though. And just like now, in the hospital lounge, in Nicholas’s arms, the cry that had built up in her body would come out. It came out, but not even the closed door could keep it from ricocheting down the hospital halls.

  Chapter Ten

  Maybe the female officer was a good cop, or maybe she was just a mother. Whatever the case was, right now she was the only comfort Unique had. The Holy Spirit couldn’t even be felt in the room by Unique.

  When the female officer had returned back to the questioning room after being summoned by Officer Givens, the grim look on her face had said it all.

  “My boys!” Unique cried from the floor, witnessing the look on the woman’s face. “My babies! Oh God, my babies! God, nooo. God, nooo.” At this point, Unique really was talking to God. She was screaming at the top of her lungs up at heaven. “This better not be happening, God. This better not be happening.” She looked back at the female officer. “Did you tell my boys Mommy is okay, that she didn’t lie, and that she is coming back for them?” Unique was in complete denial. She put her face down as tears poured out like a water faucet. “My boys; where are they? Please.” Still in denial, she began rocking back and forth in an attempt to comfort herself.