And You Call Yourself A Christian

by E. N. Joy

  “What you heard the judge say,” Jawan explained, “was that the current charges against her had been dropped. This is a new charge, the one involving the incident that caused her to be put in solitary confinement.”

  “Do you mean that knife or whatever it was they found?”

  “Yeah, that one got by me.” It was clear in Jawan’s tone that she felt as though she’d failed Unique after all. “I wasn’t prepared for it. Considering all that the State put her through, I had no idea they would add salt to the wound by pulling something like this.”

  “She must be devastated.”

  “Devastated is not the word.”

  “When can I see her?”

  “I’m still waiting to see her. I’m at the jail now. I’m going to get to the bottom of things. I promise you that.”

  “I know you will. You haven’t let us down yet.”

  “Yeah, well, I feel like I have. I let this one get by me,” Jawan repeated, shaking her head in dismay. “Unique doesn’t deserve this. She just doesn’t.”

  “I know. But we’ll keep praying on our end that God shows her favor and she gets to come home to us soon.”

  “Prayer works. That much we know. The system might not always work, but prayer does.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Martinez. I’ll be waiting to hear from you.” Lorain ended the call and just stood there dumbfounded.

  “I put the flowers in water so that they won’t be wilted by the time we get to the gravesite,” Eleanor said as she exited the kitchen of her home carrying a vase full of flowers.

  On the way home from court, Lorain had stopped off at Floweroma to pick up some flowers to place on the boys’ graves. Korica might have had her favorite meal over there ready for her, but Lorain knew the first thing Unique would want to do was to visit her boys’ graves. That meal would have to wait. Lorain was going to get first dibs on Unique.

  Lorain felt guilty that at a time like this she was competing with the woman who raised Unique. Playing tit for tat wasn’t her style, but somehow she knew she couldn’t sleep on Korica and anything she might have had up her sleeve. Lorain was no fool. She knew Korica had a much stronger influence over Unique than she did. After all, Unique grew up with the woman. Lorain couldn’t compete with just three years of being in Unique’s life with how much time Korica had put in. But she’d be darn if she didn’t try her best, no matter how unchristian-like things might get. That would have to be something Lorain faced and dealt with later. Right now, all that mattered were her daughters—all three of them.

  “What are you looking all pitiful for?” Eleanor asked as she set the flowers on the table. “Your daughter is about to come home from a jail she had no business being in. I’d think you’d be ecstatic.”

  “She’s not coming home,” Lorain mumbled, shaking her head while staring at her cell phone that was still in her hand.

  “What?” Surely Eleanor had not heard her daughter correctly.

  “She’s not coming home, Ma,” Lorain repeated, looking up from the phone and into Eleanor’s eyes. “They’ve arrested her.”

  “Fo’ ... For what?” Eleanor was so beside herself, she had to sit down at the dining-room table before toppling over.

  “For that incident that happened in jail with the knife. You know, when they sent her to the hole.”

  Eleanor closed her eyes and rested her face in her hands. “This is a nightmare. I can’t believe it.” She looked back up at Lorain. “Are you going to go see her? Go ahead. I’ll stay here with the girls. Besides, they’re sleeping good right now. Unique needs you. I’m sure she’s going crazy if the good Lord ain’t keeping her mind.”

  “I can’t. The attorney said something about they have to reprocess her. I don’t know.” Lorain went over to the couch and flopped down.

  Standing, Eleanor asked her, “So what are you going to do? Just sit there and wait?”

  “What else can we do besides wait on God, Ma? You want me to go bust her out or something?”

  “Waiting on God,” Eleanor said mockingly. “You Christians are always using that as an excuse to do absolutely nothing!”

  “Pardon me?” Lorain said, twisting her neck to get a good look at her mother, making sure Eleanor hadn’t lost her head or something. “It’s not an excuse to do nothing. And what do you mean by ‘You Christians’? You’re a Christian too.”

  “Yeah, but not that kind. Not the kind a lot of you who are sitting up in the church are. Humph, I bet that other mother ain’t sitting around waiting on God. Bet she’s going down to that jailhouse right now and throwing her weight around as a mother and going to see about that baby.”

  That did it for Lorain. Her blood had never boiled or risen so high in her entire life. “How dare you.” Lorain stood up from the couch. “How dare you question my concerns as a mother to Unique. I love her, and God knows I do. Heck, I thought my own mother knew that I loved her too. I would never just leave her there for dead. What kind of mother would ...” Lorain’s words trailed off as what she was saying really sank into her head. Once upon a time she had left Unique for dead. Literally. Tears spilled out of her eyes at just the thought. “You’re right, Ma. You’re right. I’ve done her wrong since the day she was born. I threw her in that dumpster, and then went back to school and sat there and did nothing, just like I did a minute ago. I guess a leopard never changes its spots.” Feeling weak, Lorain fell back to the couch.

  “Oh, baby, I’m sorry.” Eleanor rushed over to Lorain’s side. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t. I know you love Unique and want nothing but the best for her. I guess I’m just so angry at this entire situation. It’s such a letdown. One minute you run in here talking about she’s free and is about to come home. The next minute you’re telling me she’s not. I know it’s not your fault, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m sorry I took my anger and disappointment out on you.”

  “No, Mom, you’re right. I bet that heffa Korica is trotting down there using that ghetto mentality of an attitude to get exactly what she wants, which is her daughter.” Lorain quickly regained her composure, sitting upright on the sofa. “And I’m sure she’d use it to get her granddaughters too.” That last thing Lorain said more so to herself than Eleanor.

  “Huh, what do you mean?” The comment had gone straight over Eleanor’s head.

  “What? Huh? Oh, nothing,” Lorain said as she stood up and scrambled for her purse and keys. “Look, Ma, I gotta go.”

  “Go where?”

  “To the jail,” Lorain answered her mother as she rushed toward the door.

  “But you said they won’t let you see Unique,” Eleanor called out just as Lorain hit the doorway. “I don’t mean for you to go down there and get yourself in trouble trying to see Unique.” Eleanor had a worried look on her face.

  “Oh, don’t worry, Mom,” Lorain said right before exiting the house. “It’s not Unique I’m going to see.”

  Chapter Thirty-two

  “How are you holding up?” Jawan asked Unique as she sat across from her in the visiting room.

  Unique didn’t reply. She just sat there looking as though the world had come to an end.

  “I’m going to look into having the charges against you reduced. I wanted to have them dropped completely, but my colleagues, after reviewing the case file, feel that would be a waste of time since you admitted, with witnesses, to owning the contraband. So, I want to treat it as though we have only one silver bullet and need to hit the State right in the heart with it.”

  Jawan tried to sound positive, but none of that mattered. She might as well have been talking to the walls. Unique wouldn’t even look at her to acknowledge her, let alone respond.

  “I was thinking we create some sort of time line of you’re being here and the harassment you’ve been subjected to. I know at one time you told me about death threats, being spit on, other inmates threatening bodily harm to you, etc... . It’s a long shot, but we could prove that you feared for your life. We could use the
fact that almost everyone knows the rumor of what happens to those incarcerated for harming a child. We could say it’s the State’s fault for having you wrongfully jailed for so long. We could also—”

  “Let it go.” Finally, there was some sign of life from Unique. It was as if she hadn’t even blinked since being brought into the room. Now, though, she had spoken.

  Jawan almost couldn’t believe her ears. “What?”

  “I said, let it go. This is useless. It’s hopeless. Heck, I’m useless and hopeless.” Unique looked at Jawan dead in the eyes. “I’m a useless and hopeless case, Mrs. Martinez. I’m sorry to have wasted your time. I know you did most of this pro bono, but I promise you that as soon as I get out of here,” Unique looked around, “if I ever get out of here, I’m going to pay you back for every minute of your time.”

  “Unique, please. We’ve been down this road before, and I’m not going to put on my party hat and blow a horn to help you celebrate at your pity party. Get over yourself already,” Jawan snapped. “Besides, you couldn’t afford to pay me what I’m worth.”

  Jawan flipped through Unique’s case file. “What is it you did before getting locked up? Got a welfare check, did a little catering, pushed cosmetics on the side? Heck, you might as well have been selling dope. At least dope boys are consistent. At least they hustle. At least they put in real work. Some of those thugs don’t sleep for days so that their kids can eat. What did you do? You were satisfied with nothing, or should I say, satisfied with a little bit. So is that what your boys’ lives were worth? A little bit? A monthly check, a commission for a tube of lip gloss here and there, and the proceeds from a pan of wing dings and meatballs? Was that enough? Is that how this is all going to end?”

  Because Unique sat there with tears spilling from her eyes and still not reacting to Jawan’s words, Jawan kept pushing. “You mean to tell me you don’t want to continue the fight, continue the struggle because your boys aren’t here anymore? The heck with a legacy. The heck with them to be able to look down from heaven and say, ‘Mommy made it!’ No, they get to look down and see what a quitter you are. How you didn’t fight for them even after their death.”

  “Ahhhhhggggghhhh!” was the only sound that filled the room as Unique launched at Jawan’s throat like a pit bull. But Jawan was quick and swift. She moved just in the nick of time to see Unique splat on the floor like a fly that had just been swatted. With handcuffs and all, Unique got up and tried to get to Jawan.

  With her hands on the table, balancing, bobbing, and weaving from one direction to the next, Jawan kept taunting. She couldn’t help but wonder where the guards were now that she really might need them. Perhaps they’d cried wolf one too many times and now the guards were used to Jawan and Unique’s visits getting a little loud. “Oh, so you mad now. It took you getting mad to put up a fight. Well then, maybe you should have gotten mad when your boys were alive. Maybe you should have gotten mad enough at all them babies’ daddies to make they sorry behinds help you raise them boys so that you could have your own place. So that they could have their own rooms and not live in somebody’s basement. That’s when you should have gotten mad.”

  “Ahhhhhggggghhhh.” Unique kept charging but was unable to get her hands on Jawan. It wasn’t for a lack of trying, though.

  “You wanna fight me, huh? Fight the system. Fight your way out of here. Help me to help you. Take that anger and use it to fuel your desire to get out of here. What if your boys were here? What if they were alive? Is this where you would want to be? In here while they were out there?” She pointed to the door. “Fight, Unique, fight!”

  “I’m tired of fighting!” Unique screamed. “I’m tired. I’m so tired.” Tears and wetness flowed from Unique’s eyes and her nose as she leaned over the table, using the last little bit of strength she had to balance.

  “All right, that’s enough,” a guard said entering the room, glaring Jawan down. “I was down the hall talking to my partner and could hear you guys. The party’s over.” He walked over to Unique. “Come on, Ms. Gray. Your visit is over too.” This was the first time a guard had ever been sympathetic toward Unique since she’d been there. “You ought to be lucky we don’t report you to the bar for your actions,” the guard spat at Jawan as she escorted Unique out of the room.

  Jawan wasn’t fazed by the guard or what she thought about her tactics. All she knew was that she had to do something—anything—to make Unique want to fight. Otherwise, she’d die in that place. Not physically and literally rot in jail and die. But mentally and spiritually, she would die. Jawan dealt with people all the time who went into jail one way; full of life and alive, but at some point, they just died—just gave up on life. In spite of what Unique felt by not having her boys in her life anymore, she still had a lot to live for. If only she could see it.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Lorain didn’t know whether Unique’s attorney had called her first with the news about Unique not being released, or if she’d called Korica first. What she did know was that either way it went, she probably had only called the women seconds apart. And Eleanor was right. Although Lorain didn’t have her MO down to a science, she knew Korica wasn’t one to lie down and just let things be. She wasn’t one to wait on anybody or anything.

  No sooner than she’d gotten the phone call, Lorain knew Korica would be marching up to that jail to see about Unique. Lorain would be right behind her—or right in front of her—however it panned out. She just wanted to catch her while she could.

  Ever since Lorain had gotten over the guilt of giving birth to and abandoning Unique, she’d not let it haunt her. She’d forgiven herself, Unique had forgiven her, and more important, God had forgiven her. And if God’s words were true, which she believed them to be, once she’d repented and He’d forgiven her, it was cast into the sea of forgetfulness. God would not hold it against her; therefore, she would not hold it against herself. But lately, guilt and shame had been trying to dog-paddle its way up in the deep waters.

  Lorain knew another woman had raised her child. And although Unique hadn’t been raised in the church, hadn’t been raised with more than enough, Lorain was still grateful. She really had planned on thanking the woman who’d nurtured her baby girl all those years. But she had no idea that the woman would bring out the emotions in her that she had. Lorain didn’t want to thank Korica. She wanted to wring her neck.

  As Lorain spotted Korica coming out of the building as she was going in, she prayed things wouldn’t come to that.

  Lord, please orchestrate my every word, Lorain prayed silently. Touch Korica’s heart to receive the words that I am about to speak to her. In Jesus’ name.

  “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Momma Number Two. A day late and an hour short, just like always,” Korica spat as one of her daughters walked behind her. “If you’re here trying to see Unique, you can forget it. They ain’t letting her have any visitors.”

  “I know. Her attorney told me when she called to give me the bad news.”

  “Humph, then like me, you decided to come up here anyway and try to strong-arm your way in, huh?” Korica looked Lorain up and down like she was trash that needed to be taken out. “You didn’t come across as the aggressive type. I might have misjudged you. Guess you and me do have a couple things in common.”

  “We do, and those things in common are what I came here to talk about,” Lorain said.

  “Didn’t you just hear me? They ain’t letting nobody in to see her.”

  “I meant I want to talk about those things with you. I kind of figured you’d be on the first thing smokin’ trying to get to Unique. So, in all actuality, I came up here to catch you. I think you and I need to talk.” Lorain looked over at the girl that was standing behind Korica. It was her way of suggesting the two women speak alone.

  “Oh, this here is Tahja,” Korica said, nodding to the girl behind her. “This is one of my other daughters.” She looked over her shoulder at Tahja. “Baby, why don’t you go get the car? Let
me talk to Unique’s—” She paused. “Let me talk to Lorain here.”

  “Okay, Mom,” Tahja agreed, walking off. “Nice meeting you, Miss Lorain.”

  Lorain smiled and nodded at the cordial daughter. She was soft spoken and had a very mannerly and pleasant tone. For the life of her, Lorain couldn’t see Korica having raised someone of that character. She knew that wasn’t saying much about her daughter. But who was she kidding? Unique was a hot mess who said what she wanted to say, when she wanted to say it. But she’d gotten better over the years. One deliverance at a time is how Lorain saw it.

  “Okay, so shoot, what’s on your mind, Momma Number Two?” Korica asked, hands on hips.

  “First off, I’d appreciate it if you’d stop referring to me as Momma Number Two. I’m Unique’s mother, plain and simple.”

  “Oh, Missy, you and I both know it ain’t that cut-and-dried. As a matter of fact, just who else knows? Do them church people know the real deal yet?”

  “Not that it should concern you any, but like I said before, they know that Unique is my daughter.”

  Korica shook a finger at Lorain like she was a small child who had just done something wrong. “Now, now, now, you know what I’m talking about. Do they know the entire story yet, about how you threw Unique away, the twins really being your grandbabies, and all that good stuff?”

  Lorain swallowed. She was caught off guard by Korica’s line of questioning. She was the one supposed to be leading this conversation. This was not what she’d intended on talking about. And since it wasn’t what she’d come to talk about, she remained silent on that issue.

  “Uh-huh, I see. You only gave half a testimony, huh? What’s all that mess about one person’s testimony helping somebody else, setting someone else free, helping somebody else to get delivered? And here you go only giving half a testimony. Tsk-tsk-tsk.” Korica shook her head. “Guess that makes you only half a Christian,” Korica chuckled.