by Jack Cheng
I really didn’t want us to accident crash but I also wanted to get to Rockview ASAP so Terra could meet my mom, and I guess Terra did too.
So we kept driving and whenever we passed a semi-truck its wheels would splash a ton of water on us and Terra would go faster to get out of its wake, and we didn’t stop at any restaurants or gas stations but we had some snacks that Mrs. Russell gave us, so we ate those for our lunch. It seemed like the storm was going to go on forever but then the rain got lighter all of a sudden, and then Terra put her windshield wipers back to the slowest setting. I thought that maybe we were in the eye of the monsoon but I wasn’t sure if monsoons have eyes like hurricanes, but I guess not because the rain stayed light after that. Then I fell asleep and I woke up exactly when we turned onto my street, it was so weird. It was like I was the radio telescopes at the Very Large Array in Contact and it’s all static and then there’s a signal and it starts going vwooaww vwooaww vwooaww vwooaww except instead of detecting extra-terrestrial intelligence it was me detecting when I was close to my house.
The drive took us six hours even though it should’ve taken us four hours. When we got to my house finally, it was still raining a little but it wasn’t monsooning, and I took out my keys from my duffel bag and opened the door, and everything was so quiet because Carl Sagan wasn’t there to wag his tail and jump on me. Terra asked me what’s wrong and I said, How can I keep forgetting about my best friend? and Terra said what about my mom, and I told Terra that my mom’s one of my best friends too, but I’m referring to Carl Sagan. Terra asked me is my mom home and I said, Oh, let me check!
We went to the door of her bedroom and knocked on it and I said, Mom? Are you home? And there was no answer, so I opened it and she wasn’t there. I told Terra, My mom’s probably on one of her walks and I hope she brought an umbrella. Terra asked me when will she be back and I said, It depends on if she turned left or right at Justin Mendoza’s house but we can go up to the roof to look for her if you want. Then I saw Terra yawn again like she was doing in the car and I told her she should take a nap and meet my mom later when she comes back. Terra said OK.
I showed Terra my room and she laid down in Ronnie’s bed, and I got my tesseract from my shelf to show her but by the time I turned around she was already asleep, she didn’t even take off her shoes! So I took off her shoes for her and then I went to the closet in the hallway and got her a blanket because she was lying on the one that was already on the bed.
When I came out I was going to call animal control again but I saw the flashing light on our voicemail which means there are new messages, so I listened to the messages. A few of them were the ones I left for my mom when I was in New Mexico and Las Vegas and LA. There was a message Ronnie left for our mom too, and a message from someone named Juanita from the Colorado Department of Human Services asking my mom to call her. And the very LAST voicemail was from a nice lady from Las Vegas named Janine Maplethorn and SHE SAID SHE FOUND CARL SAGAN! SHE FOUND— Oops.
I’m being too loud again.
In her message Janine Maplethorn said she saw my name and phone number on Carl Sagan’s collar and what a strange name for a dog. I called her back right away but it was hard to talk at first, it was like there was a big water balloon inside my chest and when Janine Maplethorn said, Hello? it was like someone pricked the balloon and all the water came out and flooded my insides, and I tried to talk but I couldn’t, and it was a little hard to breathe too, and I thought maybe that’s how Zed felt when he was doing his vow of silence.
But then I could finally talk again, and I told Janine Maplethorn that I got her message about Carl Sagan and I asked her can I talk to him and where did she find him? And she said she found him hiding under her car when she was leaving the nail salon. She put him on and I said, Hi, boy! It’s me, Alex! and I think he recognized my voice because I could hear his collar jingling.
Janine Maplethorn asked me how old am I, and I told her I’m eleven but at least thirteen in responsibility years, and she said, You need to take care of your dog, kid, he’s a long way from home. And I said, Yeah he is, he ran out when I was in Las Vegas with the guys after we were all at SHARF and my rocket failed, and then I met my Terra and we went to LA to see Ronnie, and then Janine Maplethorn said, Well why don’t you get in that rocket of yours and come pick up your dog?
I told her I can’t do that because for a rocket that size it’s really expensive right now, that’s why Lander Civet is working on reusable rockets. Janine Maplethorn said in that case tell my friends in Vegas or LA or wherever to come get Carl Sagan because she ain’t gonna take care of him forever, and I said, That’s a great idea—when Terra wakes up from her nap I’ll tell her to ask her mom because her mom lives in Las Vegas. Janine Maplethorn gave me the address and she said, Tell her to hurry her bleep over because your dog won’t stop farting!
And I said that’s because you need to feed him natural turkey-based gluten- and dairy-free kibble, he has a sensitive digestive system.
NEW RECORDING 36
2H 4M 14S
[pan sizzling]
Hi guys, can you hear me?
If it’s a little noisy that’s because I’m cooking dinner right now so hopefully you can hear me.
My mom’s not home yet, she’s still on her walk, but I bet she’ll be really happy when she gets back and sees that I’m making food for us again. She finished all the stuff in the refrigerator and she made some of her own food too, and I could tell because all the dirty plates and pans and empty GladWares were in the sink when we got here. I went up to the roof earlier to see if I could see her but I couldn’t, and then I left Terra a note telling her I’m going to Safeway to get groceries.
But then I didn’t even need the note because Terra was still sleeping when I got back! She must’ve been really exhausted.
[spatula scraping]
I wish I could record smells onto this Golden iPod for you guys. For the Golden Record my hero converted pictures into binary, which is ones and zeros, so maybe I can come up with a way to convert smells to binary because I don’t think that technology exists yet. If it did, I’d record the smell of spinach which I’m cooking right now and the smell of mashed potatoes with sour cream and butter, which I already made. I’d record the smell of baked pork chops too, which are my mom’s favorite. She loves pork chops so much. One time she went to Safeway and she bought seven pounds of pork chops and she came back and ate all seven pounds of it in one sitting and she didn’t even cook it, that’s how much she loves pork chops.
[spatula scraping]
There, all done.
[drawer opening]
[utensils clanking]
I’m going to go see if Terra’s awake yet.
[footsteps]
[knocking on door]
ALEX: Hey Terra?
[door creaking]
ALEX: Are you awake yet?
TERRA: Mmm.
ALEX: Terra, you’ve been asleep for four and a half hours.
TERRA: That long?
ALEX: That long.
ALEX: Dinner’s almost ready, I made baked pork chops and spinach and mashed potatoes and I have great news! Janine Maplethorn found Carl Sagan!
TERRA: That’s great! Who’s Janine Maplethorn?
ALEX: She’s a nice lady in Las Vegas. She called and left a message and I called her back. Can you call your mom and tell her to pick up Carl Sagan and hurry her bleep over there?
TERRA (laughing): Of course.
TERRA: Your mom—is she back yet?
ALEX: She’s not back yet.
TERRA: Alex, is she . . .
ALEX: Terra?
TERRA: Hmm?
ALEX: Your breath stinks.
TERRA (laughing): Great.
ALEX: You can use my mouthwash, it’s the blue-green bottle in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. And I put a new toothbrush
in the toothbrush holder for you, it’s the one with the red handle.
TERRA: Rocket scientist, you’re a sweetheart. You’re going to make Dr. Judith Bloomington a happy lady someday.
TERRA: Just give me a few minutes, OK? I’ll come out in a bit.
ALEX: OK! I’ll go look for my mom again!
[hurried footsteps]
[garage door opening]
[rustling]
[door closing]
[toilet flushing]
[door opening]
[drawers opening and closing]
TERRA: Where do they keep the . . .
TERRA: Oh, this must be that thing he was talking about. A cube inside a cube.
TERRA: And he forgot his . . .
TERRA: Hey, Alex?
TERRA: Where’d you go!
ALEX (distant): I’m out here!
TERRA: Alex, do you guys have any aspirin!
TERRA: And you left your iPod on the bed!
ALEX: It’s in the—
ALEX: Whoaa—
[loud crash]
TERRA: Alex?
[Alex screaming]
TERRA: Alex!
[hurried footsteps]
[Alex screaming louder]
TERRA (distant): Alex!
[dogs barking]
TERRA: Don’t move, OK? I’m going to—
[Alex screaming]
TERRA: Hello! Hello! Help! My brother he . . . [muffled]
TERRA: No he’s—
[Alex screaming]
[dogs barking]
TERRA: Keys keys where are the—
TERRA: Keys!
[door slamming]
TERRA: Hold on!
[Alex screaming]
[dogs barking]
[car doors slamming]
[engine starting]
[tires squealing]
[engine accelerating]
[dogs barking]
[doorbell ringing]
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hello?
[doorbell ringing]
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Is anyone home?
[knocking on door]
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We heard yelling from down the street, is everything OK?
[knocking on door]
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hello?
[cars passing]
[birds chirping]
[car passing]
[crickets]
[car passing]
[crickets]
NEW RECORDING 37
3M 15S
It’s Terra. Alex is in the Recovery Ward. He came out of surgery an hour ago. Or was it two hours? I don’t even know. I called his house, his brother, I called my mom and Howard, I called everyone. It’s three in the morning, they’re all asleep.
God I hate hospitals. I’m not allowed to see him yet. The nurse said they’re not sure how long he’ll be in Recovery before they can move him. And it wasn’t doing me any good just waiting there, I was totally useless. I couldn’t fill out any of his paperwork—I didn’t have his insurance, I didn’t even know his mom’s first name!
I came back to the house to try to find her. When I drove up her car was in the garage and I thought she was finally home, but then I remembered it’d been there when we’d first arrived, too. There was a huge dent in the fender—I hadn’t noticed that before. Didn’t Alex say that she doesn’t drive anymore? Something is very, very wrong here. I looked in her room again and the bed was made—was it like that earlier? Or did Alex do that . . . and there were stacks of those newspaper things, what do you call them—coupon flyers—all along the wall. Like towers. Covered in dust. It was like nobody lived there at all. And I’ve been thinking, What if she hasn’t been around for a while now? What if she hasn’t been around for more than just a while? Oh god, I mean, what if Alex made her up? Like, he’s been pretending she’s still around and—and just couldn’t come to terms with her not being here anymore? Come to think of it, I’ve never heard him talk directly to her on the phone . . . No, that can’t be right. Can it? How is it possible, how could he live in this house all by himself? What is going on?
Karen. That’s her name. His mom’s name is Karen.
Why am I even talking into this thing. I have no idea. On our way to the hospital Alex kept mumbling for his iPod, saying it’s still recording, the battery’s going to run out. I kept telling him I’ll get it, I’ll bring it to you. Maybe I should’ve waited for an ambulance but before I knew what I was doing we were already in my car. I don’t even remember looking up directions. Just now I went outside to where Alex fell and the lawn, it’s all overgrown. It’s like nobody’s mowed it in years. And the ladder was still tipped over on the fence and there was blood on the end of that stick or whatever that was. A piece of the fence. At least it didn’t go in too deep, maybe an inch—oh god. Maybe I shouldn’t have pulled it out. I should’ve left it in. I mean, why was he trying to go up to the roof with that telescope?
I’m still here now—at the house. I threw away that stick and put everything else back in the garage, and when I came back in I saw the dinner that Alex had made for us. It was still on the table, completely untouched, and I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything since we were driving from the Russells’. I didn’t even use a fork. And then I tried putting the leftovers in the fridge but I was having trouble doing the simplest things, it took me ten minutes to find a Tupperware the right size. I tried calling Ronnie again and stopped and started like five times. Should I go back to the hospital? Should I stay here and wait for his mom? I tried listening to his recordings from before the accident but I couldn’t listen to more than a few seconds. Just hearing his voice—I kept seeing him hanging over that fence and . . .
NEW RECORDING 38
3M 26S
It’s me again.
They still haven’t moved Alex to a regular room yet.
I don’t know what’s taking so long.
They haven’t given me any real reasons either, other than they need to keep an eye on his condition. It’s just been a lot of waiting around.
Nothing but waiting.
I did finally get ahold of Ronnie. I told him what happened and he was weirdly quiet, at least at first. He was probably just in shock. I asked him if their mom was still around and living in their house, and he was like, What do you mean, of course she’s around. I told him about the dusty room and the coupon flyers and he said he’d try to figure out what’s going on. Then I asked him when he’s flying in and he said, But Alex is going to be OK, right? They’re going to move him to a room and then he’ll just need to rest for a while?
And that’s when it occurred to me that he doesn’t want to come, he doesn’t want—
Ha! I can’t even get mad anymore. I’m too exhausted.
Anyway I blew up at him, and he started yelling back at me, asking me what good would it do, what does it matter if he comes today or in a couple days, Alex will still be in the hospital. I was like, What’s wrong with you, Alex needs to be with family, and then Ronnie goes off on me like, who am I to know what’s best for his family. But after all that, he told me to stay put, he’ll take the next flight out. I guess he finally came to his senses.
I tried listening to Alex’s recordings again. I made it a little further this time, but then I got to that one recording— of the night we got to the guys’ place. When we were drinking and dancing . . .
How could I have been so . . . so . . .
I felt sick, listening to that recording. Knowing I’d acted like that. Around him. That I . . .
[muffled crying]
And then I got to the part where . . . and I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t listen anymore. And I couldn’t stay . . . the waiting room. I had to . . .
[sniffling]
I got in my car and started driving. Just driving around,
not going anywhere.
There aren’t that many streetlamps in this town . . . Or they turn them off at night or something. The traffic lights were all flashing yellow, and it was actually comforting, in a way. To be moving. To be two headlights going down the street, while everyone and everything else is sleeping.
I passed a gas station that was still open and I turned around. I went in and bought a pack of gum. I tried to peel off the plastic but my hands were shaking, they were shaking so badly, but I finally managed to get it open, and the attendant was like, Are you OK? and I was like, No.
And now I’m just standing outside, in front of the building. Just staring at the gas pumps. I’ve been here for I don’t know how long . . .
I mean, what am I even doing?
What am I supposed to do?
Can you at least tell me that?
No, of course you can’t, because I’m asking for answers from a freaking iPod.
NEW RECORDING 39
4M 10S
TERRA: It’s on.
TERRA: Do you want to hold it?
ALEX: —
TERRA: I’m going to put it right here by your hand, OK?
ALEX: —
TERRA: Do you want some water, or apple juice?
ALEX: —
TERRA: All right, if you want it just let me know.
ALEX: —
TERRA: Alex, I want you to listen closely and I want you to be totally honest with me. You know that you can tell me anything, right?
ALEX: —
TERRA: Nod if you understand me.
ALEX: —