Living With No Regrets

by Jayton Young

  Russ thought about everything Mark had just said and was humbled knowing that she’d been like that even though he gave a very good reason to be angry and hate him.

  “Charles didn’t make it?”

  “No. The cancer kept spreading to other organs. He was so tired of being sick all of the time, so when Dr. Klein told him that he had gotten to the terminal stage, Charles refused anymore treatments.”

  “Did he not want to try and live as long as he could?”

  “No, and I didn’t blame him. That was no way to live when you know that it will not get better. The quality if his life wasn’t good. It broke my heart, and I’ll never love anyone like that again, but I could only support him. Leigh was so good to us, and then she helped me through my grief once Charles had passed on. We had moved in together while he was still alive, so I wanted to be there for her, and then for Randy.”

  As had been happening quite frequently, he was in awe all over again for Leigh, and wished he’d done so many things differently that day six years ago and afterwards.

  Mary Leigh finally called and told him that the doctor had news and wanted to meet with them. Russ knew she wanted them with her because she was scared of what they would tell her and she couldn’t handle it on her own.

  They got there in record time, all of them anxious about what Dr. Hickmon would say. Russ checked in with the nurses to let them know they were there. They informed him that the doctor was on his way.

  None of them spoke much while they were waiting. Randy ended up reading both story books to Leigh, but when Dr. Hickmon came in the room, Mark grabbed Randy and took him to get a snack, so that if it was bad news, he wouldn’t hear it. The doctor seemed to sense this because he waited until they had walked out the door before speaking.

  Russ’ parents were holding Mary Leigh’s hand, and his mother held one of his.

  “The nurses called me earlier to let me know that there was a change in brain activity, so I ordered the scans be done now, and then we will do one more scan around lunch, but as long as it hasn’t gotten worse, we’ll disconnect the drip sometime tomorrow afternoon. I want to remind you all of the different scenarios I told you were possible. We’ll pray for the best, but prepare for the worst like more severe amnesia or paralysis in parts of her body to name a couple. Even if she suffers some of that when she wakes, we won’t know if it’s permanent or just temporary until she recovers a bit more.”

  There wasn’t much to say to that. They were happy and excited to have Leigh wake up, but were still scared of how she’d be when she did.

  Chapter 15

  It was Friday morning before most of Leigh’s scans came back almost normal, and Dr. Hickmon felt it was safe to bring her out of the sedation. There was still slight brain swelling and a little bit of fluid in her skull, but it was manageable. He had said that – until she completely recovered – he would have to keep going in to drain the cavity, so they had all decided to spend the day with her hoping to be there to support her when she woke up. After eating lunch in her hospital room, Randy climbed up on to her bed and fell asleep down beside her legs so as not to disturb her too much. They had disconnected the drip, which was keeping her sedated, around ten o’clock that morning which was earlier than planned. Russ prayed that it was a good sign.

  Russ was sitting against the wall, next to the window, figuring that it would be best for her to see her mother, Randy, and Mark first upon waking, since they didn’t know what her mental state was going to be.

  Randy, of course, had been more sullen ever since they had gotten there. He’d seen his mom every day, but he had misunderstood and thought she would wake up as soon as they stopped the drip that was keeping her sleeping. The longer it took, the more worried he’d become that she wouldn’t wake up at all. Russ had tried to ease his fears - his parents, Mark, and Mary Leigh tried also – but the only way he would feel better was if she woke up. Seeing was believing for the five year old who’d been a momma’s boy so far in his life.

  After talking about all of the possibilities, they had decided that Mary Leigh, Mark, and Randy would be the ones right there for her to see since she might not remember that she and Russ had reconciled. It was difficult for Russ, because he wanted to be over there, holding her hand, and supporting Randy.

  Everyone jumped to attention when a sound, that was somewhere between a grunt and a moan, was heard coming from the bed. They watched for a moment - Russ literally losing the ability to breathe - waiting to see her beautiful brown eyes open, but no other sound came, and her eyes didn’t so much at twitch. Realizing that nothing else was going to happen right then, they let out a heavy breath full of disappointment.

  Randy had sat up on the bed looking at her and started begging his mom to wake up as fat tears rolled down his cheeks. He kept his eyes trained on Leigh, but asked Russ if it meant she would wake up soon.

  Before he had the chance to answer, the nurse, which had walked in without him hearing her, answered him as she checked all of her vitals.

  “It shouldn’t be much longer, sweetie. It takes time for the medicine to work its way out of her system, but since it has been several hours since we stopped it, she should wake up soon. I bet if you keep talking to her, it will help.” She paused, giving Randy a reassuring smile, before she left.

  Randy hopped off the bed, went over to a bag they had brought with personal items for Leigh, and pulled out the memory book he’d worked on with his mom. Mark helped him back up on the bed, and he started going over the pictures, talking about them as if Leigh were awake and looking through it with him.

  Russ got so lost in the stories that Randy was telling about each one – Mary Leigh and Mark adding their commentary at times – that he almost missed seeing Leigh’s hand lifting off the bed a little before it fell back as if she didn’t have the strength to hold it up.

  He jumped to the edge of his seat, the rapid movement gaining everyone’s attention and everyone except Randy – who hadn’t noticed the change - watched as Leigh’s eyes start to flutter.

  “Randy!” Russ whispered urgently.

  Randy looked up at his dad, and then back to his mom finally seeing that she was waking up.

  “Momma?” Randy said quietly, gently touching her cheek carefully avoiding the bandage wrapping her head. “You waking up?”

  Russ stood up, but didn’t get any closer. Mary Leigh had grabbed one of Leigh’s hands while Mark grabbed the other. Though he had a moment of wishing it were him holding her hand, he understood why he couldn’t be and didn’t harbor any ill will or jealousy.

  Leigh’s eyes finally opened and she took in everything around her before concentrating Randy. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times as if she were trying to speak. She looked confused and a little scared.

  Mark hit the nurse’s call button as he helped Leigh put her arm around Randy, who had bent down to hug her as gently as he could, and kiss her cheek. When he sat back up, Leigh still looked scared as took the time to look around the room again. When her eyes settled on Russ, they narrowed but quickly moved back to Mary Leigh.

  Russ was trying to figure out whether she recognized everyone – which he thought she might after seeing her reaction - when the nurse came into the room, followed by Dr. Hickmon.

  “Well Ms. Hampton, how are you feeling?” the doctor asked.

  It seemed to take Leigh a moment to figure out who had spoken. He hadn’t noticed earlier, but her movement seemed kind of slow; off somehow, and when she tried to answer the question, she had the same trouble as before.

  Dr. Hickmon, showing none of his thoughts or concerns in his expression, asked everyone to wait out in the waiting room while he evaluated Leigh’s condition. Reluctantly, they all got up and headed out. Russ had to pick Randy up because he didn’t want to leave his momma and had started crying.

  “Hey Bud, she’s awake now. You should be happy,” he told him as he carried him out. “It won’t be long and we’ll be able to go back in ther
e and spend time with her. The doctor just wants to see how your momma’s doing and what all he needs to do to get her back up and running so she can come home.”

  Russ tried blocking out everything and everyone in the waiting room as he sat down with Randy on his lap trying to calm his crying, and after a few minutes, felt the movement of Randy’s chest regulate; letting him know that he’d finally fallen asleep. He took a deep breath of his own to try and relax the muscles in his body that had casted over with the tenseness his nerves has caused. Upon releasing the tension, he realized exactly how exhausted he was. Both physically and mentally. He spaced out a little until, for some reason, the murmurs coming from whatever conversation Marc and Mary Leigh were having with his parents cut into his daze.

  Looking over there, he saw how they were all huddled together and started getting paranoid that they were talking about him. Even so, he couldn’t find the energy to wonder too much. His mind wandered to his night with Leigh right before she’d been admitted.

  He knew that they a lot to overcome, but hoped that it had been a sign of her willingness to maybe give it another shot. Their relationship. The one he’d screwed up so royally. Neither of them had found anyone else. And if what she’d said had been true, of course it was, then she hadn’t even looked any more than he had.

  What they had together had been a gift by God, and he’d just flushed it down the toilet by giving in and listening to his insecurities instead of to his heart that would have told him that she’d never betray him like that. It was a cold stone fact that he’d known but ignored.

  “Hampton Family?”

  Russ looked up and Dr. Hickmon was standing in the entrance to the waiting room, waiting to give the update. His mom and dad came and took the still sleeping Randy from him so that he could join Marc and Mary Leigh.

  “Mary seems to be cognizant and very aware of everything going on; her memory seems to be very much intact. Questions that she couldn’t answer before surgery, seem to come to her very quickly now. The main difficulty that I can see right now is her non-ability to speak and communicate clearly. I am hoping, though, that the therapy that she will be getting daily for a bit will help her work that out.”

  There was a collective release of breaths and tension that they’d all been holding on to.

  “Well, that’s good right?” Marc asked, breaking the bubble of happiness that Russ was building around himself. “You don’t look too sure…”

  “Who has MPOA for Ms. Hampton?” he asked instead of answering.

  As it took Russ a moment to think of what was meant by ‘MPOA’, Medical Power of Attorney, Marc had already stepped forward and both he and the doctor were headed back to Leigh’s room. Mary Leigh looked concerned, but looped her arm with his and started walking him back to the sitting area.

  “I can’t imagine what they need to discuss,” she wondered softly as she walked with him. “Leigh pretty much gave the doctors Carte Blanche on sharing information…” she trailed off. “I don’t know. Either Marc will tell us, or not.”

  Russ shook his head in amazement. “That wouldn’t kill you with curiosity?” he asked.

  “Not at all. They have never kept anything important from me for too long.” She turned and smiled at him. “They might take a bit to come up with all of the answers before bringing it to me, so as not to worry me as much, but Leigh has always told me everything.”

  Mark's whole body sagged in anguish from the four words that the doctor had just spoken in that quiet morose voice they all use to deliver bad news.

  His body, that didn't ask his brain's permission, slipped from his perch on the side of Leigh's bed and landed on the floor. His hands threaded through his hair and started pulling it as someone started shaking him while making a God awful moaning sound.

  After a moment, Mark was able to look up at Leigh, who was trying so hard to position herself over the edge to watch him as she silently cried. Seeing that, Mark hopped up to be able to hold her and help her - and in doing so realized that it had been him shaking as he sobbed - though the tears only gathered in his eyes and didn't actually fall. Leigh was crying her tears for the both of them.

  After he got her settled back, he cupped her cheek in his hand and repeated a quote that had been one of her favorites, but had true meaning to him right in that moment.

  "Only an Angel can destroy heaven with the purest of intentions."

  He truly understood and felt the meaning behind the saying for the first time, and he was showing her that. Leigh had finally gotten all she'd wanted. She was living with her mother again, she had the world's most adorable five year old boy - though some would say that was a matter of opinion - and she and Russ were on their way to reconciliation; he just hadn't known how close they'd gotten until right then. And now she was giving it all up. To her there could be no other choice.

  †*****************†

  Thomas Hickmon paced backward, and when he felt the wall at his back, all of his weight released from his legs to where the wall was his only support.

  Being a doctor, he was used to keeping a certain distance in his relationships with his patients, because he knew the no one could save everyone, and if he cared too much, he would not be able to effectively do his job. The talent and affinity for diagnosing and treating cancer that the good lord had blessed him with.

  With Leigh, that professional distance had been impossible from the first moment of meeting her. Her golden heart, and the compassion and concern she exhibited for everyone but herself, mage her stand out from anyone else.

  During their initial consult about her options, her sole concern was which treatment plan would be both effective and the easiest for her loved ones to bear, but now... Nine of that mattered to her anymore.

  Well it mattered, but in her mind, there was only one thing for her to do. Thomas's personal morals and his professional ethical opinion were at war with one another.

  He'd asked for her MPOA to come in, hoping that whoever it was would help her make the right decision, whatever that was, but he could tell just from seeing the reaction, that Mr. Lands would go along with what Ms. Hampton wanted.

  The love he was witnessing between these two people was awe inspiring. It was the love he'd always prayed for. The all-encompassing, soul deep love that true God intended mates experienced in life, yet he could see that there was no romance between them, more that of a soul-brother/soul-sister.

  As he observed the two, Mr. Lands now allowing the years to roll unchecked down his cheeks, and he listened as Mr. Lands promised to be there for her the whole way, and to never leave the family, even afterward.

  Ms. Hampton was having difficulty getting the words she wanted to say to come out, but as connected as they seemed to be, he didn't need to hear them to know what she wanted to say. It was beautiful to witness.

  Thomas thought about all the Leigh had done since she'd started coming to Charlotte. She'd immediately got the children's hospital, gotten a list of haves/don't haves for their different entertainment rooms, and then made sure everything that was missing had been bought, even putting brand new flat screen tvs, blue ray players, and Wii U's in every patient's room in the children's hospital. Then she'd sent a list around by way of the nurses to get wish lists for the kids, even the out patients. Anyone who was being treated in any way got their wish list filled. One patient even getting to meet Jay-Z and Beyonce. How she'd arranged that, he'd never guess.

  "I don't know exactly what I'd hoped for when i called you in here," he began, effectively gaining their attention. "Ethically, I cannot in good conscience, declare her incompetent when her mind is clear and just as sharp as could be. I had hoped to gain your support in talking her into the right decision, but that is no longer clear to me; what is right and wrong here. As I can see, Ms. Hampton seems to need both some pain meds and some sleep. The choice is yours, of course, as to whether you tell your family yet, but if you will allow her more rest tonight, I think she should be ready for a longe
r visitation tomorrow."

  †**********†

  Mark washed his face and tried to clear his expression before heading back to the waiting room.

  Upon his entry, everyone stood up and looked his way as Randy ran to him jumping up into his arms; him catching the boy without thought as he was so used to doing.

  "Ish Momma okay?" Randy asked quietly, as if fearing the answer.

  Mark took just a moment to look down to school his features and clear his throat to be able to put his voice to the answer. "She's alright, just tired. The doctor is found to give her some medicine, so we can come back in the morning and have a nice long visit. How does that sound?"

  Catching the glances of everyone else, Mark knew that he would have to explain as soon as they could get Randy settled, he would have to come clean.

  Walking in to his motel room he slammed the door, venting his anger. He'd been so close, almost to her door after the doctor left to talk to her mom and that damned Kennedy family – though why they were there he had no clue. He'd worked hard to get this close, but that stupid fairy had to walk up and get in his way.

  Taking a deep breath, he started stripping his clothes off quickly, listening to the struggles of the whore he had tied to the bed. His sinister smirk come through as he imagined his Leigh the one being there bearing the burns and bruises of his lovin' as a good slave would for her master.

  'Soon,' he thought. 'It won't be long now...'

  Chapter 16

  Russ stood there looking through the window of Leigh’s hospital room, watching as the occupational therapist worked with her on her motor skills by playing Jenga with her. Though she was still in ICU, the nurses had let him to see her outside of normal visitor’s hours. Russ was happy that she seemed to be doing well despite her slow pace and lack of a strong grip on the piece she had in her hand. Her hands seemed to be steady at least.