Nobody's Hero

by Kallypso Masters

  “Good girl. You just sleep now. I have you.”

  “But I don’t have you, do I?” she whispered. Adam’s body grew tense. A tear trickled from the corner of her eye. She’d disobeyed him. How would he ever be able to love her if she couldn’t respect him enough to obey a simple command?

  “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered.

  What did he have to be sorry about? Sorry he’d asked her to be his slave? Sorry she’d disobeyed him? Oh, God, sorry she’d disappointed him? Or sorry that he had to send her away?

  “Relax, kitten. Get some sleep.”

  Her head hurt too much to sort it all out. She rested her cheek against his shoulder and drifted off to sleep.

  Home.

  Safe.

  * * *

  Adam held her closer. Seeing Karla so scared and vulnerable ripped his guts apart. He’d put her in the situation that led to this accident. If he hadn’t been so intent on making her life miserable as his slave, hoping she’d put an end to this asinine arrangement, she wouldn’t have been hurt.

  “I’m so sorry, kitten.”

  She moaned and stirred against him, making him realize he’d spoken aloud. He laid his chin on the top of her head and just held on. Nothing had ever felt so right as holding her like this.

  Yet he had never been so wrong.

  What was he going to do with her? Why couldn’t she see how wrong he was for her? All she’d know with him would be pain, frustration, regret. He couldn’t give her the thing she needed most—love. He’d never been able to love anyone. Why couldn’t he convince her she didn’t need him?

  Why had he never wanted anyone since Joni to love him more than he wanted Karla to? But if he couldn’t love her in return, what kind of life would that be for her?

  Regrets over Joni seeped into his mind as Karla’s breathing slowed and grew steady. He’d never been there when she’d needed him, either, the worst being when their baby had been stillborn and he was somewhere in Kuwait. How Joni had continued to love him till the day she died was a mystery to Adam.

  Now Karla. How had he rated being loved by these two wonderful women? Make no mistake, he had no doubt Karla loved him, as much as he’d like to pretend she wasn’t. It was written all over her face and in her actions.

  What the fuck was he going to do with her?

  Love her back, jarhead.

  Adam grew tense. His mind was playing fucking tricks on him, but Joni’s voice was as strong in his ear as if she were sitting on this bed beside him. When she was upset with him, or teasing him, she called him by that common, but unflattering, Marine nickname.

  How convenient—getting the first wife to approve the second. Whoa! Who said anything about a wife? He would enjoy having Karla as his sub, maybe, but nothing more permanent.

  He hadn’t felt Joni with him since the weeks right after she’d died. Of course, he’d closed the door on any such feelings, heading back to war soon after he’d lost her.

  I’m sorry I was such a disappointment to you, Joni.

  He looked down at the beautiful, but very different, woman sleeping in his arms. “Forgive me, Karla, but I can never be the man you need. I’ll do everything in my power to shelter and protect you until you find that man.”

  “Excuse me, Sir.” Adam looked up to find the same nurse who’d tried to keep him from Karla glaring at him over her clipboard. “The doctor has released Ms. Paxton, but I’ll need to go over her discharge papers with you if she’ll be staying with you.”

  “She will be. You can give me the instructions.” After the nurse had gotten him to sign the release, he’d asked her to tell Marc to bring the truck around. Okay, maybe ordered was more accurate; once a master sergeant, always one, he guessed. Adam stood, cradling Karla in his arms as he made his way out of the ER.

  In the passenger seat of the truck, he continued to hold her in his lap. Marc drove slower than usual. Adam and Karla shared a seat belt, but Adam didn’t want any jarring or sudden stops to put pressure on her already sore neck and shoulders.

  Back at the house, Marc held open the passenger door and walked ahead of them to the back door to hold that for them, as well. They entered kitchen to the smell of strong Italian seasonings. Damn, Marc’s girlfriend could cook. Music spilled from the hallway leading to the club, where canned music entertained the members tonight. He was grateful to have Damián and Grant who could step up when he couldn’t oversee things the way he usually did.

  Angelina turned away from a large stock pot on the stove and came over to them, her hand reaching out to stroke Karla’s hair and whisper, “How is she?”

  “Sedated. I’m going to get her into bed.”

  “I have a pot of minestrone on the stove. Great comfort food. Can I fix you a bowl, Adam?”

  “No, thanks, hon. Smells great, but I’ll wait and enjoy it later with Karla. Thanks for going to all the trouble of making it.”

  “No trouble. I can make it in my sleep.” Angelina reached up and cupped Adam’s cheek. “I’m glad she has you, Adam.”

  He cleared his throat. It’s not like that. But he didn’t owe any explanation to Angelina. He turned to his buddy. “Marc, thanks for your help tonight, too. You two stay as long as you like. Sounds like the club’s hopping, if you’re in the mood. But we’re going to bed. Good night.”

  Karla raised her head and snared him with her sleepy gaze, then smiled. Adam didn’t care if Marc and Angelina knew he’d slept with her already or not, but Karla wasn’t going to be anywhere but beside him in his bed tonight. He wouldn’t be able to sleep unless she was nearby. Truthfully, he wouldn’t be able to sleep with her regardless, but at least he wouldn’t worry as much as he would if she were across the hall.

  He grinned back at her and proceeded down the hallway toward the stairs. “How are you feeling, hon?”

  “Like the coyote in the Road Runner cartoons. Only better, because you’re holding me.” She laid her head against his shoulder again and he felt his chest swell with pride that he’d made her happy with such a simple thing. He wished he could go on doing things to make her happy forever, but that wasn’t the wise thing to do. He’d already learned that, where Karla was concerned, his self-control was nil.

  He carried her into his bedroom and laid her down. She moaned and reached for him, wrapping her surprisingly strong arms around his neck, but he managed to extricate himself from long enough to remove her shoes and jeans. He pulled down the covers on his side before coaxing her to scoot over so she wouldn’t be lying on top of the comforter. He pulled off his own clothes, put on a pair of skivvies and a t-shirt and crawled in on what he’d come to know lately as her side of the bed. Once he’d covered them both up, he pulled her backside into the spoon of his body, wrapped an arm over her midsection, and held her.

  “Sleep now, love.”

  Adam closed his eyes. What was he going to do to make things right again? How could he have fucked everything up so badly? All he’d wanted to do was protect her—from himself.

  Yet all he’d managed to do was hurt her.

  Big fucking surprise.

  * * *

  Karla had never felt so safe. Warm. Cocooned.

  Adam.

  His woodsy scent surrounded her and he was holding her again. He wasn’t angry. Maybe he would forgive her for willfully disobeying him. She needed to turn around and face him, ask his forgiveness, but she didn’t want to put an end to this rare intimate moment with him.

  When she felt him ease his arm away and slowly get out of the bed, though, the same sense of abandonment she’d felt when he’d walked out of her bedroom the other night came over her like a wet blanket. Tears pricked her eyes. She tried to turn onto her back, but her neck and shoulder muscles screamed in protest, so she remained on her left side and listened as the door opened and closed softly.

  Adam was gone.

  The tears filling her eyes just made her head pound even more and her sinuses clog. He wouldn’t want to be her Master anymore. How could he?
She was an awful slave. If she loved him enough, wouldn’t she be able to give Adam herself, totally and completely? But her stubbornness wouldn’t let her sell her independence, not even for Adam.

  Karla didn’t know how long she lay there feeling sorry for herself and miserable, when she heard the door open again and the smell of…cinnamon? Had Angelina been baking this morning? Her stomach growled and she moaned as she tried to turn over.

  “Lie still, kitten.”

  “Adam? What have you…?”

  “I’ve brought you breakfast—or tried. Fucking stove…”

  Adam brought her breakfast in bed? But he couldn’t even boil water. Determined to see what he’d made, she ignored the pain and turned onto her back to find him standing there in his sweats and a USMC t-shirt, carrying a plate stacked high with gooey cinnamon rolls in one hand and a glass of orange juice in the other. The only thing sweeter was the sight of Adam, smiling at her. Fresh tears filled her eyes.

  “Hey, I may have burnt the bottoms a little, but I don’t think they’re worth crying about.” He grinned and she couldn’t help but smile back as she scooted up against the headboard. Adam set the glass and plate on the nightstand and gathered up the pillows. “Lean forward.” She did as he told her, oddly happy he was giving her orders again, and he positioned a couple of pillows between her and the headboard. “There. Lean back.”

  “Yes, Sir.” Those words helped to right her world somehow. Everything was going to be okay. Adam hadn’t left her. Yet.

  Adam picked up one of the sticky rolls, noticed the blackened bottom, and tore a piece off the top and held it up to her mouth. “Open.” Like a little bird, or a little child, she did as he instructed and he placed the doughy treat in her mouth. Next to pancakes, this was her favorite breakfast. But if Adam continued to feed her like this, it just might become her favorite.

  After Karla had devoured three of the eight rolls, she glanced over at the juice. He licked the sticky sweetness from his fingers. “Sorry. Forgot the napkins.” His sheepish grin melted her heart like the icing on the cinnamon rolls. He picked up the glass of OJ and held it to her lips at just the right angle so she could drink without choking. No one had taken care of her like this since she was fifteen and sick with the flu.

  After she’d indicated she’d had her fill, he placed the glass next to the plate. “You should eat some, too, Sir. I could never eat all of those.”

  “Try one more.”

  For Adam, she did and he seemed pleased, then he went into the bathroom and she heard water running in the sink. He came out carrying a balled-up wet washcloth and brushed the still-warm cloth against her mouth as he cleaned her up. Again, that feeling of being cared for, cherished, nearly overwhelmed her. Maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe he wasn’t going to send her away after all.

  After he returned from putting the washcloth back in the bathroom, his face grew serious. Oh, no! A stabbing sensation right over her heart took her breath away.

  “Do you remember what happened last night?”

  “We had sex.” Maybe if she reminded him of better things.

  He grew even more somber. “No. I mean the night after that. On your way home from Cassie’s.”

  An image of a beautiful doe springing out from the woods into her path caused her to bolt up, and the room began to spin. “Oh, no! The deer.”

  “Lie back.” His hand on her shoulder was firm, but tender, and he settled her back against the pillows again.

  “I wrecked your SUV, Sir.”

  He waved his hand away. “It’s insured. The main thing is you weren’t hurt more seriously.” He stroked her hair, tucking a strand behind her ear and cupping her cheek. “You had me so fucking worried, kitten.”

  “I’m sorry I was late. I’m sorry I didn’t do—”

  “Kitten, no more apologies.”

  She couldn’t even apologize right. He wasn’t happy with her.

  Adam stood up and shucked his sweatpants, but kept his t-shirt on and crawled back into bed. “I need to hold you right now, kitten.”

  He wanted to hold her? She scooted back down into the covers and into his warm arms and he adjusted the pillows for his head, while he guided her head into the crook of his chest and shoulder.

  “You’re home with me now—safe and sound. That’s all that matters.”

  Home with me. Was her home with him? But did he still want to be her Master?

  “Sir?”

  “Yes, kitten?”

  She paused, not sure how to ask. What if she just gave him ideas he hadn’t considered yet? Maybe she should just keep her mouth shut until…

  “Say what’s on your mind, Karla.”

  Oh, it usually wasn’t good when he called her Karla. She wanted to be his kitten again. But at least he didn’t sound super annoyed with her. She rubbed her temples, trying to formulate a lucid sentence. The normally soothing hunter-green walls in here failed to make her feel calm.

  “Do you want to take one of the pain pills?" Marc had the prescription filled before they went home last night.

  “No, thank you, Sir.” She was having enough trouble thinking clearly as it was. No sense mucking up her brain any more than it already was. His hand stroked up and down her arm, warming her a bit. “Sir, please don’t give up on me yet.” Her raspy whisper embarrassed her, revealing how raw her emotions were right now. So vulnerable. “I’ll do better next time. I promise, Sir.”

  “I don’t want to hear any more apologies…”

  She hated the pleading tone in her voice—the neediness—but she couldn’t stop the flood of words spilling from her heart. “I feel lost, Sir. Even before the accident…ever since you left my room… I know you aren’t pleased with me as a slave. That you want me to leave. That I disobeyed you—willfully. Oh, Sir, I’ll take whatever punishment you want to give if you just…”

  Adam sighed and slid away from her. She shivered without his warmth. He was going to leave her, well, ask her to leave. This was his house, not hers. If she could blink the tears away before they fell, at least she wouldn’t look so pathetic. Fail. They trickled down the sides of her face, into her hair, and onto his pillow where her head now rested. Ashamed to face him any longer, she turned away and curled into a ball, keeping her gaze on the window and realizing for the first time she was on Adam’s side of the bed.

  Adam’s warm hand reached out and he took her upper arm, guiding her gently onto her back. “Eyes on me.” She blinked rapidly, futilely hoping he wouldn’t see her tears. She just didn’t have any fight left. She gazed up at him.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling that way the next morning?”

  She took a deep breath, not wanting to reveal something so personal, but he’d asked her a direct question. She must answer if she wanted any chance at remaining his slave. “I was embarrassed. I didn’t want you to think I’m emotionally fragile. I know this makes no sense, but I went to you in the shower just because I wanted you to hold me. When you told me to get out, just as you had earlier...”

  She felt his body tense and he closed his eyes.

  She finished on a whisper. “I just felt so abandoned. Unwanted. Alone.”

  “Karla, about our Master/slave arrangement—” She reached up and pressed two fingers against his lips, hoping to stop the words before it was too late. Tears spilled from her eyes, but she no longer tried to hold them back.

  “Please, Sir, give me one more chance…”

  “Read.”

  Karla furrowed her brow. “Have I read what, Sir?” Why was he talking about reading all of the sudden? Was her brain still fuzzy from the narcotic or banging it in the SUV last night?

  “Red, the color. Red, our fucking safeword.”

  “Yes, Sir. I remember my safeword. But I don’t need it. Really, Sir, I’ll do bett…”

  “Silence.” Adam pressed his finger against her lips. “Kitten, I’m the one trying to fucking safeword here, if I can get a word in edgewise.”

  What did h
e mean? Angie said subs have a safeword. She didn’t say anything about Doms, or Masters in this case, using them, too. “Masters can’t safeword. Can they?”

  “Masters can do whatever the hell they want to do.” As if to soften his words, he smiled and the lines at the corners of his eyes crinkled just the way they had when she’d first met him at the bus station in Chicago. Why didn’t he smile more now? She loved seeing those crinkles.

  “Either partner can safeword, kitten, when things get too intense or painful, or they just need to stop for any reason.”

  Finally what he was saying sank in. Oh, no! He was releasing her. Permanently.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Sir.” Oh, God. But she had! She’d displeased him! “I’m so sorry.”

  “If I hear you say you’re sorry one more time, I’m going to take you over my lap—just as soon as your injuries heal—and wallop the daylights out of you. Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said?”

  “You safeworded. You don’t want me to be your slave anymore.”

  He smiled with satisfaction. “Exactly.”

  Adam’s face swam before her eyes. The stabbing pain she’d felt earlier sank into her stomach now. “I’m so sor…I mean, I hurt you, didn’t I, Sir?”

  “Not intentionally, but…” He closed his eyes as if in pain.

  Oh, but she had hurt him.

  His gaze returned to hers and he cleared his throat before continuing in a whisper. “I could have lost you last night, all because of my stupid command that you return within that tight window of time, without regard to weather or anything else. I should be horsewhipped.”

  But where would Karla be if he called it off? Adam liked his women to be slaves, didn’t he? Joni had been his slave. If Karla wasn’t his slave, she’d lose him.

  “Please, Sir, you don’t have to safeword. I really will do better. If I’d just done as you’d told me—”

  “Enough, Karla!”

  His raised voice caused her chest to constrict again. Damn it. How would she ever be what Adam wanted? Could she ever be? Apparently not.