Toxic Secrets

by Jill Patten

  I tried defending myself, but all I could get out was a grunt before she cut me off.

  “You know, you had me fooled into thinking you were a different type of guy than the usual asshole I’m used to dealing with, but, in all reality, you’re no different. You’re just a player. How hard was it to pretend to be interested in me, Jaxon? Do you play charades with all the girls or just the underage ones?”

  She was accusing me of things she had no clue about. I wondered if she was ever this nasty with Phillip.

  “Whoa, hold up, Sweet Cheeks. It’s not necessary to make ugly accusations. Your behavior is becoming immature, and you’re jumping the gun without even knowing what you’re talking about—”

  “I don—”

  “You had your chance to speak,” I interrupted. “Now it’s my turn. First of all, I texted and called you several times, but you never responded back. I have the phone records to prove it, if you want to start passing the blame torch around. It was no different on my end, ya know? I sat here day in and day out thinking that you wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Then, after I hear about you and Phillip… hmph, well, I think you can make your assumptions on what thoughts filtered through my mind from that revelation.” I was trying my best to not lose my cool with her. She’d already compared me to Phillip, and that fucker was the last person I ever wanted to be linked to.

  The entire conversation was turning out completely different than what I had hoped for, but I knew it was up to me to fix it. She was in a dark place at the moment, and, from what Kendra told me, I was the only one that would be able to penetrate the blue bubble she was hiding inside. “Look, Court,” I pleaded, thinking that, by not using her pet name, she would see I wasn’t playing games with her, “I think we started this phone call off on the wrong foot. You thought one thing, I thought another, but actually it looks like we were both wrong. Now that we’ve learned neither one of us is at fault, I hope we can move past this and continue being friends again. No matter what you might think, Courtney, everything I’ve said to you before is the truth.” I informed her with pure certainty.

  She sighed heavily into the phone. “Jaxon, I apologize if I falsely accused you. But you better not be bull-shitting me. I had no idea you’ve been trying to contact me. I don’t even have an explanation for why I didn’t receive any messages. Phillip had my phone pretty often after his got destroyed in the accident, so that probably explains our miscommunication.”

  “You should know me well enough by now that I’m not a bull-shitter.”

  I knew that asshole was behind all this bullshit. I wanted to ask her about what happened between her and Phillip, but I could sense that this wasn’t the right time to be prying.

  “So, can we put this whole misunderstanding behind us and go forward from this point?”

  “Do you really want to waste your time on me? I’m nothing but a negative ball of energy right now, and you have too many wonderful goals coming up. You need to be focusing on that, not me.”

  “Speaking of… Reed and Kendra are coming out in a few days, and, well, the trip just isn’t going to be any fun if you don’t come with them.” My heart started pumping with anticipation. “Before you start trying to come up with excuses, your mom has already approved it, and the flight is paid for in full. All you need to do is bring your sweet southern self. So what do you say?” Come on, Court, don’t jerk me around now.

  The phone fell silent. I pulled it away from my ear to see if our call had somehow gotten disconnected, but it still showed the picture of her beautiful smile I stole in Reed’s truck when she wasn’t paying attention. “Court?”

  She coughed a few times. “I’m still here. I’m just trying to think up the perfect excuse to not go. I’m sorry if that sounds rude, but I just don’t know if I’m ready for this. And, when I say this, I mean me and you, Jaxon. I know we’re BFF’s and all that, but I think it was pretty clear before you left that we could easily become so much more. Right?”

  So, she felt it too.

  Knowing she couldn’t see me, I nodded. I didn’t want to answer her honestly. I contemplated telling her it wasn’t like that for me, but I didn’t want to lie to her, nor myself. But mostly, I didn’t want to hurt her any more than she’d already been hurt.

  “Yes,” I whispered. “But that won’t be a problem this time, Court. I’ll give you your space. I’ll be the friend I declared to be. I just… I just think you need to get away from that little town. You need a change of scenery and fresh, fun faces to whisk you away for a new adventure.”

  The silence grew as I patiently waited for her to give me an answer. She started humming what sounded like California Dreamin’ with an obsessive pen-clicking sound, echoing in the background. I took this as she was weighing her decision. It gave me hope. Contemplation was better than an instant “no.”

  The humming ceased, and the silence returned. My hope fell to the floor just as quickly as it had risen up to the clouds.

  “Fine. I’ll go.”

  Wow! So much melancholy in her voice. It was up to me to bring her joy during this trip, to make her forget about life in North Carolina and everything Phillip-related.

  Her gloom should have depressed me, but it didn’t. Not when she had just given me the best damn news I’d received in a while. I couldn’t fucking stop smiling. “Turn that frown upside down, Sweet Cheeks. I promise you, I’m going to make sure you have the freakin’ time of your life.”

  “I’m holding you to it, too. Don’t disappoint me, Jax.” I heard a hint of a smile in her voice. Baby steps, that’s all I ask for.

  “No worries, Court, no worries. Just let me take care of everything. All you need to do is get your sweet ass on that plane and arrive safely. Plane tickets are already paid for and on their way.”

  “On their way? But you didn’t even know if I would talk to you, much less come to see you.”

  “I know, and it was a risk I was willing to take. I’m glad I did.”

  She gave a slight chuckle. “You’re crazy, Jaxon Vaughn, you know that?”

  “Yeah, I think I’ve been told that a time or two.” I smiled to myself. She had no idea just how crazy I was for her.

  “Thank you for calling me and straightening out our whole miscommunication issue. I’m looking forward to seeing you and having an epic time.”

  “My pleasure, Sweet Cheeks.” And, with that, she ended our call.

  My cheeks were on fire. The muscles burned from a smiling workout.

  “Hot damn!” I shouted, throwing a few fist pumps into the air, feeling like a damn giddy little girl going to her first dance. I wanted to jump up and down and clap my hands in excitement, but my testosterone had to draw the line on that one. I wasn’t about to take a chance on Troy popping in unexpectedly. He’d been known for that before. My subconscious got the best of me. Whipping my head around back and forth, my eyes quickly scanned the empty dining area looking for signs of peeping Troy. After I assured myself he wasn’t here to see this, I blew out a sigh of relief. He would ride my ass for days if he saw me now.

  “I remember when I used to make you that happy, but those days have dwindled into the dust, haven’t they, Jax?” Valeria said, walking up behind me.

  Closing my eyes, I shook my head as the words ‘motherfucker’ slipped silently across my lips. Unfortunately, I was worried about the wrong person. I had other eyes watching me—silky brown and almond shaped.

  She brushed up against me as she passed me, planting herself nose to nose in front of me. “So, who is she? And don’t fucking tell me no one because I heard your whole fucking conversation.” She was enraged.

  “Val, I’m going to tell you like I’ve told you a million times before—Fuck. Off. It’s none of your fucking business what I do or who I do it with,” I said, seething. “And since you always make it a point to be up in my shit, you better learn real fast to find yourself somewhere to go next week,” I added, hovering over her five-foot five frame. “Consider yourself
on vacation next week because I just gave you the week off.” I quickly turned away. I had to distance myself from her. She wasn’t about to knock me down from my level of pure bliss. Feeling the need to get away, I headed for the exit doors to catch a breather.

  “Have you told her about Heather?” She yelled from behind me. I spun around, hitting the hardwood floors as I made my way toward her at full speed. My muscles quivered and my breathing increased from the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I stopped mere inches from her face. “Don’t you dare throw your nonchalant threats at me.” I gritted through my teeth. “I’m no fool, Val. I know you’re conniving little ways. If you dare think about showing your face around here next week, I’ll fire your ass once and for all, and I’ll cut you out of my life forever. Got it? Do I make myself clear?” I asked, my eyes narrowing harshly at her.

  “As always, your wish is my command,” she said, pulling away from me.

  There always has to be some sort of complication in my life. If she crossed paths with Courtney, I was doomed. Troy would be easier to convince, but Valeria… that’s a whole other story.

  Chapter 26 ~ Californication

  The day after I spoke to Jaxon on the phone a beautiful arrangement of forsythias arrived in an elegant crystal vase with a note attached saying ‘These represent anticipation.’ I sort of forgot how bold he could be. The unscented flowers cheered me up with their vibrant yellow petals. A day after that, his self-assurance reached a higher level when the FedEx guy dropped off a small package. I sent him two very neutral texts thanking him for both items. I didn’t want to lead him on into believing something magical was going to happen between us once I arrived.

  When I pulled an iPod from the package he’d had delivered, I let out a discerning sigh. A whole list of songs was attached to it with the word ‘California’ somehow incorporated into each song title. How ironic. He included a note that read—“Just wanted to prep you for your trip to the golden state. Enjoy, Jax.” I appreciated his effort, but I was still leery over the whole thing. After years of listening to girl’s gossip in the bathrooms at school about making stupid decisions because they were on the rebound, I didn’t want to be thrown into that category. With my past history, I was afraid it was highly likely, even if it was a one-time thing.

  The days passed quickly, and, before I knew it, it was the night before we were scheduled to leave. My suitcase was still lying in my closet empty, so, looking for some motivation, I spotted the iPod Jaxon had sent me lying on my dresser. I popped the ear buds in and scanned over the list of songs, looking for any I might be familiar with. There were only a few songs that I found remotely recognizable, so I started with the one I knew best—‘California Gurls’ by Katy Perry. After an hour of shaking my tush to Jaxon’s eclectic playlist, I had everything stuffed in my suitcase to cover any affair I’d happen to encounter.

  The following morning, I was unable to eat and I kept having to run to the bathroom every few minutes from an unsettled stomach. My nerves were so torn up that I couldn’t sleep the night before. Kendra had reassured me that there was nothing to flying, but I couldn’t get my nervous system to listen to my addled brain. Since this was to be my first flight, following my mother’s instructions, I tried to relax with a dose of Dramamine. Later that morning, when the plane took off, I gripped Kendra’s arm so tight that I left nail impressions in her skin.

  Between the medicine and a lack of sleep the night before, I finally dozed off and slept the biggest part of the flight, only waking up minutes before landing. I was still a bit groggy and didn’t take notice of the smooth landing. As the plane taxied the runway, I pulled my make-up bag out to freshen up.

  “He thinks you’re beautiful no matter what you look like, Court,” Kendra said quietly.

  My mouth pulled up on one side giving her a sideways grin with now emotion behind it. “I’m not doing this for him… I’m doing it for me.” I should have felt guilty, but I didn’t. I was only interested in myself at this point. This trip was about me, and my window of opportunity opened at the most pristine moment for an experience of a new world… and, of course, Jaxon’s world. “This is my time, and I’m going to make the most of it.” This time my smile was real, it was genuine.

  “I know,” was all she whispered back.

  She continued to watch me as I continued piddling with my face and hair, pretending not to notice her pity stare. After stalling as long as I could stand, I put all my items away in my bag then stuffed it back underneath the seat in front of me.

  I could still feel Kendra’s stare penetrating me. “Kendra, stop feeling sorry for me. You’re supposed to be my rock, not a wet noodle,” I said, turning to look at her. “I promise you, I’m fine. I’ve decided to embrace this trip and all the things that come with it.”

  She awkwardly wrapped her arms around my shoulders, squeezing the life out of me. “I know. And I also know we are going to have the best time ever because you deserve some happiness in your life,” she muffled, her head practically buried in my armpit. “I’m sorry you repeatedly get hurt, but I’m so happy Phillip screwed up again so I didn’t have to terminate our friendship.” She pulled away from me. “Of course, I know you knew I was bluffing. There is no way I could ever cut you out of my life, you know too much to blackmail me with,” she grinned, cutting her eyes at me.

  “The hell with blackmail. When have you ever cared about being reserved? It’s more like your life would be boring without me in it. So take your insensitive self and shove it up Phillip’s ass,” I said, sticking my tongue out. I knew it was juvenile, but it was better than giving her the finger in front of everyone on the plane.

  Kendra popped up out of her seat squealing, “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Can I have everyone’s attention please? This girl sitting here beside me has finally found her personality—”

  I jerked her arm hard enough to throw her back into her seat. “Shut the hell up!” I scorned through closed teeth. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, you crazy skank? Have you lost your ever-loving mind?” My eyes were open so wide there was no way possible to see anything other than the tips of my painted eyelashes.

  “What?” she feigned innocence.

  My eyes rolled past Kendra, landing on Reed. He was sitting across from Kendra, stifling a laugh with his fist. “You suck! Both of you suck!” I whispered loudly, narrowing my eyes. I didn’t dare take a chance of looking around at everyone else on the plane. No thanks to Kendra, I was pretty sure they were all watching our childish exchange.

  Although I would never admit it to Kendra or Reed, it felt good to joke around with them again. If I was planning on surviving this week, I better suck up my self-pity, throw a happy-ass face on, and pull my big girl panties up high.

  Everyone began lining up in the aisle to exit the plane, and, in that moment, it dawned on me—I was about to see Jaxon face-to-face. Literally, I was minutes away from being in a stupor by those mesmerizing blue eyes, that sexy, raspy voice, and that delicious, minty smell that always swirled around him. Damn myself, I’m my own worst traitor. The dormant caterpillars in my tummy came to life as soon as the memories of Jaxon came flowing back to me. As nonchalantly as possible, I began to take deep breaths to calm my nerves. I didn’t want Kendra or Reed to take notice of the mini panic attack I was currently battling.

  Being nearly three-thousand miles away made all those feelings dissipate. But now, being near, everything I felt before was floating back to the surface.

  Kendra reached behind her back grabbing my fingers. She squeezed them lightly before leaning back into me. “It’s okay if you still have that crush on him. I’m sure he won’t mind,” she whispered into my ear. “I know he’s still crushing on you.” She straightened herself back up-right behind Reed. Hussy. Sometimes I hated how she could read me like a book.

  Lagging behind Kendra and Reed as we departed the plane, I went my own way to find our luggage. My nervous twitches grew stronger as we approached the luggage
gate. Scanning through the crowd of people, I looked for any signs of Jaxon, and, so far, I wasn’t able to place his handsome face.

  And then I heard it, the all-too-familiar sound of someone persistently clearing their throat. Spinning around, I found him leaning against a pillar with one foot propped back against it. He was wearing his usual attire of black Van’s, distressed jeans, and a black t-shirt advertising his business. Not meaning to, I took him in, absorbing every inch of his perfect body starting from his shoes, then pausing where I knew those nipple rings were hiding behind his shirt. I made my way up to his scruffy, angular jaw, and then to that sexy, smirky smile he was tossing my way.

  “I see you haven’t changed a bit, Sweet Cheeks. You’re still openly gaping at me like you used to do before,” he chuckled, pushing himself from the pillar to take a step closer to me. Busted. Every time. “Get your sweet ass over here and give me a hug, pretty girl.”

  My feet took the reins, dancing their way right over to him. He pulled me into a strong embrace, picking me up off the ground, my legs dangling, swaying back and forth. The delicious mint hit me like a tons of bricks. I’d forgotten how much I craved that smell and just how delectable the taste was. Fighting the outlandish urge to turn my head and taste his addictive lips, instead I squeaked out the only thing I felt safe saying—“Hey.”

  “Damn girl, I’ve missed the hell out of you,” he breathed into my hair. I was lost for words. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting to feel the way I was, thinking that, after our time apart, things may have changed for us. After the brutality I suffered from Phillip, I had wondered if I was past the point of feeling anything noble for any guy, but Jaxon was making me feel all funny inside. He gave me a warm fuzzy sensation I never before experienced with Phillip. He made me feel wanted.

  Our hug lasted longer than it should’ve, and I slipped from his arms as I panicked from the idea of Reed and Kendra witnessing our private moment. He wasn’t willing to completely let go of me yet, sliding his hand down the inside of my arm. Once he reached my hand, his fingers laced through mine.