The Wild in her Eyes

by Karina Giörtz

  He nodded, chuckling softly. “Indeed, I would find that to be of interest, though it would only add to my curiosity. You’d have to deliver more.”

  “Oh, I could,” she maintained, fully confident in the things she had to share with Hugh tonight. “Because I would move on to seeing the world from a blind man’s perspective,” she paused, waiting for him to react.

  “I see Homer’s sense of humor has made an impact,” he said with a smirk.

  Annis grinned and, fully satisfied with herself, carried on. “From there, I would beautifully tie together the perfect harmony that comes to life when the blind man falls in love with the woman who’s only ever been appreciated for being pretty.”

  “This could turn out to be the best book I’ve ever read.” He cocked his brow at her, waiting to hear what else she had in store for him.

  “You really are hard to please. Your standards are almost unattainably high” she sighed, “Anyone ever tell you that?”

  “Love, I’ve heard that at least ten times just since the end of the show tonight.” He unhooked his arm from hers and placed his palm on her back and guided her toward a large fallen tree trunk alongside the tracks. “Let’s have a seat so you can collect your thoughts and really prepare for the grand finale.” He wiggled his brow at her, teasing.

  Annis did her best to feign a grumble, though she was sure he could tell she was being overly theatrical for his sake. Truth was, she’d been preparing for this part of their evening chat ever since she’d figured out why he’d sent her to spend the day with Caroline and Homer after he’d been opposed to the idea the previous day.

  Still, she waited until they both had a seat. They sat in silence and stared out at the night sky for some time, enchanted by the magic of the stars sparkling in the deep blue above them.

  When she felt the contentment spread through her until it was seeping out, she took a breath and said, “Trust.”

  Hugh never turned away from the stars. “Trust?”

  “People always think love is the greatest thing they can share with others, but it’s not. Trust is.”

  He gave no indication whether he agreed or not, but she held his attention. “And why is that?”

  “Because trust is the only thing which truly grants you connection. Trust is what makes you feel safe enough to let someone in, really in, to your heart, to your inner most thoughts, to your fears. It’s not until you can let someone enter into those deep, secret parts of yourself that you are truly no longer alone in the world.” She paused to collect her thoughts before she continued. “We can be loved by a million people and still feel lonely. And we can love others as freely as we breathe and still feel as though we’re suffocating from the pain of isolation. Love is nice and all, but it’s hollow without trust to fill it.”

  Hugh blinked his eyes at her slowly, conveying a silent approval. Then he stood from the log, giving her shoulder a squeeze in lieu of a verbal goodnight before he finally chose to speak again. When he did, it was simply and straight to the point. “You’ll be with Bess tomorrow, love.” He pointed a lone finger toward the stars as he walked away. “Trust. It’s an awful lot like faith, isn’t it? Except one is in humans and the other is in the great mystery of life. Master one, you master both. And loneliness ceases to exist forever.”

  Annis watched as he made his way back to the train. It wasn’t until he disappeared into the shadows that she redirected her eyes toward the night sky. The moon was only a silver sliver of light, but there was still no denying her presence in the sky. Every night, without fail, the moon was there. Maybe Annis’s faith could start there. Maybe the moon would be the first thing she chose to believe in and depend upon. She thought it would be a safe, and almost silly effort toward regaining her trust in the great mysteries of life, had it not been for the fact that she knew her faith would grow from there. Faith was but a seed that simply needed to be planted.

  Chapter Twelve

  BESS

  “Was starting to worry you’d had your fill of the open road already,” Maude said when Annis wandered into the cabin just as the train was beginning to move.

  “Hardly.” Annis plopped down onto her bed, realizing for the first time that night how exhausted she was. She also couldn’t help but notice that this was a completely new sort of being depleted. While her days of traveling on foot had already taught her that she’d never been truly tired in her life before then, the heightened levels of physical and emotional emptiness were now being replaced with a new, almost pleasant feeling. A feeling of having given her all. Every last ounce of energy and devotion she possessed, she’d dedicated to her work, and that was more satisfying than she ever would have thought possible.

  As Annis laid back on the pillows, Finian’s little body began to squirm its way free from the sling across her chest, wiggling out face first, his eyes bright and curious.

  “Oh,” Annis said with a gasp, sitting straight up again. “I almost forgot. Finian’s been widening his horizons through sight this evening.”

  “Let’s have a look, then,” Mabel said cheerfully. “Darling baby blues, I bet.”

  Annis nodded, turning him around in her lap to give the twins a better view. “Will they stay that way, do you think?”

  Maude shook her head. “Not likely. Most wolves have dark eyes. Browns, ambers. But, you never know. Won’t change over for a few more weeks.”

  Annis glanced back at Finian, taking in his sweet face, which now had a very different appearance with his opened eyes, big and blue. She wasn’t sure why she always asked Maude all of her questions, or why she was never surprised when she in turn had the answers.

  “How’d you get to be so smart, anyway?” Annis asked, playing with the pup, rolling him over and scratching his belly. “Is there anything you don’t know?”

  “Yes,” Maude said dryly. “I haven’t a clue why Mabel insists on chewing on garlic cloves every night before bed, but I certainly do wish she’d stop.” She glared at her sister, who responded by chomping down more dramatically than ever.

  “I’ll have you know, garlic is very good for you. And I chew it for my health. And yours, incidentally,” Mabel scoffed. “You should be thanking me.”

  “I’ll thank you when I don’t have to smell you,” her sister responded, scrunching up her nose. “Meanwhile, to answer your first question, Annis, books. I got smart because I liked books, and books were aplenty in our home growing up. Mostly because our mother found if she kept my supply heavy, I didn’t make silly requests about wanting to go outside. Books brought the outside to me, and so it was enough.”

  “I didn’t like books,” Mabel pointed out, though Annis could have guessed this on her own.

  “What did you do to keep busy?”

  “Same thing she does now,” Maude said, eyes cast sideways at her sister. “Daydream and drive me crazy.”

  “And,” Mabel cut in loudly, “I always fancied myself a storyteller, so while Maude was reading, I was writing. Or thinking about writing. That’s really what all my daydreams were about, you know. All the grand adventures I wanted to write about.”

  Annis interest was piqued. “Really? Do you still do it? Write, I mean.” Clearly, they all knew she was still exceptionally fond of daydreaming, or nightdreaming while awake. What would that be called? Annis wondered. Wake-dreaming?

  “Haven’t the time anymore,” Mabel admitted. “But I don’t miss it because now I have plenty of real stories and far more people to tell them to.”

  “All these extra people and I still can’t get out of being your audience,” Maude grumbled. “But, speaking of people who like to tell stories, how was your little chat with Poppy tonight?”

  “Good,” Annis said, mentally revisiting the talk they’d had. “I haven’t had to burden anyone two days in a row yet, so I think I’m learning what I’m supposed to.”

  “Isn’t this your third night in here with us?” Maude asked, cocked brow and a wicked smirk.

  “Very funny.
” Annis tossed a pillow at her, but it hit Mabel instead, who pouted thoroughly for about three seconds before she whipped the pillow around her sister’s head, making up for Annis’s miscalculations. “I’m only allowed to be around you lot during sleeping hours, what does that tell you?”

  “That we’re capable of imparting wisdom even under the most inopportune circumstances, like, say, for instance, to a sleeping pupil,” Maude countered.

  “Oh, please,” Mabel sneered. “We hardly ever sleep around here, anyway.” The sisters finally settled down and stretched out on their bunk. “Meanwhile, who’s your lucky guide tomorrow?”

  “Bess.” Annis had been thinking about her ever since Hugh mentioned her name the night before. After the last two days, she was beginning to feel as though she understood the genius behind his madness a little better, and it motivated her to try to decipher his intentions. He hadn’t chosen Bess at random. There was a method to all of it. Bess had a lesson for her, one that more than likely aligned itself nicely with those she’d already learned.

  “You’ll have fun with Bess,” Mabel said, fluffing her pillow. “She’s got a sprite personality. Never takes anything too seriously. Always good for a laugh. And I do mean always.”

  “Sense of humor bodes well for a girl who’s always staring death in the eye,” Maude muttered dryly.

  “That does seem to a be a common theme around here,” Annis said, thinking out loud. “Caroline likes having daggers thrown at her, Sawyer puts his head into a lion’s mouth night after night, and Sequoyah jumps from horse to horse while they’re all galloping their way through the arena. I’m really starting to wonder if I should be taking advice from anyone here. There are clearly some judgement issues.”

  “You’ll notice Mabel and I did not make that list,” Maude said with a haughty smile drawn upon her lips. “The only poor choices we make are in the company we keep.”

  “Present company excluded, I’m sure,” Annis said, eyes wide as she waited for confirmation.

  “Sure,” Maude agreed with a noncommittal shrug. Annis felt tempted to toss another pillow her way, but her supply was running low and the odds were good that she’d hit Mabel on the way to Maude, and the former might not be as forgiving the second time.

  “Ignore her,” Mabel said with a dismissive flick of her hand. “If you’d been in town with us today, you’d have known we made far worse choices than you could possibly imagine. Maude’s just riding your wave of ignorance as far as it will take her for as long as the tide is out. Soon enough, you’ll be there to witness some idiotic thing we do, and there’ll be no denying the company we keep is the only decent choice we’ve managed in recent years.”

  This time, Maude walloped her with the pillow. “Shut it,” she hissed, stifling a laugh. “We had a good thing going. Why’d you have to go and ruin it?”

  Mabel threw the pillow back onto Annis’s bed. “She never believed you for one second!”

  “I tried,” Annis offered, “but I was there when Bess pitched Hugh that ridiculous idea of having Edi and Millie hold her tightrope and you were both in on it, so, you know, all hope of believing in your better judgement was essentially lost in that instant.”

  Maude huffed. “If you recall, neither of us was volunteering to tiptoe across it.”

  Annis laughed. “Yes. That did make me think more highly of you.”

  Maude conceded her argument at last by bursting into a fit of giggles loud enough to draw several of their neighbors into their car. And so the nightly shenanigans began all over again.

  Come morning, Annis was about as well rested as she’d expected given the late-night visits and the countless times Finian woke her, either for food or out of boredom or loneliness. Despite the lack of sleep, she felt energized and excited for the day. She’d liked Bess from the first time she’d met her, and she was looking forward to getting to know her better.

  Even as the train was hissing across the tracks, Annis began to move her way through the cars until she found the one Bess shared with Della and the three sisters. Compared to Mabel and Maude’s little cabin, this one had to be considered a mansion. It spanned nearly three times the length and its ceilings reached higher. Annis supposed they needed the room, given there were five of them all sharing the space, and, though three of them were sisters, it was likely none of them had ever found themselves forced to become comfortable with having another human being in their personal space at all hours of the day and night.

  “Good morning,” Annis called out when no one seemed to take notice of her arrival.

  “Annis!” Bess beamed at her briefly before doing a summersault off the top bunk she’d been occupying and landing feet first on the ground, as always. “Poppy said you’d be coming around! You’ve met all the girls, right?”

  All four women looked up from their various morning activities to greet her and she waved back with great enthusiasm. She’d been admiring all of them from a distance the last three nights and was eager to see up close all of their talents today. Even if she was only officially shadowing Bess, she imagined this group wouldn’t be much unlike the troupe that included Mabel and Maude in that they continually reconvene throughout the day.

  Annis followed Bess to the back of the cabin, where both had a seat on the bench that spread from corner to corner, separated only by the doorway leading to the next car.

  “It’s not usually this roomy in here,” Bess explained. “Most trips we get loaded up with every bit of odds and ends that no one gets around to picking up until the last minute. Having two days in the same spot helped offset some of that chaos. You wait, come see me tomorrow morning and you’ll have to dig me out from under layers of costumes and props, and possibly even pieces of tent.” She laughed brightly and Annis remembered what Mabel had said about her. She really was a good sport about things.

  “Ever think about telling them to get more organized?” Annis suggested.

  “And push take off out even farther every night? Nah.” She shook her head. “Besides, it’s not all bad. You’re only used to seeing how us girls live here. We’ve got it good, because there’s less of us, see. The boys are all piled in on top of each other, nothing but bunks and more bunks in their carts. Not that they seem to mind much. All they seem to care about is having a place to stretch and close their eyes. Easy keepers, boys.” She laughed again. “Is that your wolf cub?” she asked, apparently noticing for the first time the sling tied to Annis’s chest.

  “Finian,” Annis said, peeling back the material to give her look. “He’s just had breakfast, so he won’t be all that exciting until after his nap now.”

  “He’s adorable!” Bess exclaimed. “And splendid name choice, Annis.”

  “Thanks.” It wasn’t a compliment she’d expected, but she was happy to accept it nonetheless. “How long do you think it’ll be before we stop?” The sun had been up for ages already, and passing daylight meant lost hours of work they couldn’t make up before nightfall. It also meant waiting for breakfast, and Annis was finding she’d already gotten quite accustomed to Momma T’s regular hours of operation. Wouldn’t be much longer before her stomach could compete with Sawyer’s lions for loudest roar.

  “Babe came through earlier,” Bess told her, eyes moving toward the window behind Annis, apparently watching the scenery as it passed. “Said we’d be stopped right around breakfast and to see to it that we get Momma set up first, and then get on with chores. Of course, that’s just us lot without animals to care for. All those who do are to see to their charges first, everything else second. Part of being responsible for another life. Meeting their needs before any other because they’ve had to forfeit their abilities to do so for themselves since they’re here, in the care of humans.”

  It was an interesting perspective, and one Annis hadn’t considered before. She was relieved to find her instinct had been properly aligned with the animals-first culture where Finian’s care was concerned. She’d compromised her own needs and made him her pr
iority from the moment he’d been handed to her. After all, he was helpless. She was not.

  “Well, I’m all for helping get Momma T set up,” Annis said, tucking the sling in more securely to ensure Finian stayed safe, sound, and asleep, until after they ate. “Though, I’ve never done it, so I may need a little instruction as we go.” Then, worried she might have sounded like more of a chore than a help, she quickly added, “I’m a fast learner though, and strong. Just point me in the right direction and I’ll be good to go.”

  Bess leaned forward, placing her hand on Annis’ arm. “You know, I’m really thrilled Poppy picked me today. Especially after that spur of the moment craziness you spun over lunch the other day, I just knew the two of us would get on famously.”

  Annis sighed an internal breath of relief. She wasn’t a bother. “Thank you for saying that.”

  “Oh, it’s more than that,” Bess said, her bright eyes locking on Annis’s. “I really mean it.” Then she laughed again. Annis joined in this time.

  “So, tell me, Annis,” Bess began after the two settled down, a comfortable quiet spreading between them. “What sort of adventure are you in search of?”

  “What do you mean?” Annis wasn’t sure she was searching for any adventure. Admittedly, it did seem to have found her, but her initial intentions had simply been to stay alive. Escaping certain death seemed about as grand an adventure as she was hoping for.

  “I mean, in life. What do you want? The road is open, the tracks are endless, every door is available. What do you choose?”

  Hardly any of those scenarios sounded plausible to Annis. The road was not open, unless it was a one-way street and it was leading in the opposite direction of home with no end in sight. The tracks perhaps seemed endless, but they didn’t exactly stray from the course. Doors opening to reveal her wishes coming true were based on fairy tale ideas she ceased to believe in the day all her dreams had turned to nightmares instead.