The Wild in her Eyes

by Karina Giörtz

  “You don’t think I’m brilliant.”

  “Don’t you tell me what I think. What, you believe I’d waste my time on someone who wasn’t worth it? You are. Brilliant. And talented. And, when you’re not sucking up everyone’s time thinking about it, you’re quite brave too. So how about you get out of your own damn way, open your mouth, and bloody well ask for the help we’re all willing to give you.”

  Annis stared back at him, dumbfounded, for a good long second while he carried on slurping his tomato soup.

  “You know, you’re not very nice,” she said, when at last her spell of silence wore off. “But your heart is so profoundly good that I always choose to forget.”

  “I don’t hear what I need to hear there, Annis,” he grumbled, though his cheeks turned a soft shade of pink, letting on that her words had touched him more than he cared to admit.

  “Do you think you could help me create an act?” she asked at last.

  “No,” he said flatly. “But we’ll all help you put it together when you tell us what it is.”

  “But, that’s the thing. I don’t know!”

  “Really?” Mabel questioned, brows so high they nearly touched her hairline. “No idea? None whatsoever?”

  “You don’t honestly expect anyone here to believe that, do you?” Maude asked, her head tilted sideways to catch a better view of Annis’s face down the bench from her.

  “Surely you’ve some idea the sort of act you’d like to have. I mean, you’ve been watching us for months,” Homer said. “In all that time, you’ve never imagined yourself out there in the ring?”

  “Of course I have,” Annis answered without thinking.

  “Well, then.” From beside her the quiet rumble of Sequoyah’s voice reached her ears. “What did you imagine?”

  She shook her head, unwilling to say. “It was just silliness. Nothing I ever truly considered.”

  “Let us consider it, then,” Bess said. “Go on, tell us what you cooked up.”

  “Magic,” Annis whispered under her breath, even going to the trouble of sticking a slice of bread into her mouth just as the word was coming out.

  “Magic!” Mabel shouted for all the world to hear, or, at the very least, everyone at their table. “She said ‘magic’!”

  “Oh, I do like that,” Caroline said and smiled. “Magic would be very good, indeed.”

  “We haven’t had anything like it since Horace and his illusions act,” Maude said, sounding far more excited than Annis had expected from anyone, let alone her. “The man really did know how to make things vanish into thin air.”

  “Yeah,” Sawyer agreed dryly. “Including himself. Anyone ever hear from him after that night he disappeared in his vanishing cabinet at the end of his act?”

  “What?” Annis shuddered.

  “Relax.” Sequoyah laughed. “He ran off with a girl whose father hated him. Eloped. Taking off during the act was only meant to buy them more time.”

  “He left loads of his old equipment when he took off,” Bess said, standing, apparently too energized by this new idea to sit still any longer. “The girls and I have a lot of it in the cabin. Figured someone would make use of it sooner or later.”

  “Really?” The nerves were starting to get Annis too. Suddenly, her childish daydream was looking more and more like it could possibly become reality. “Does anyone know how to use it?”

  “I do,” August said. “Used to help Horace set everything up.” He turned to the group at large. “She’ll need an assistant.”

  “No.” Annis was clear on this one part over everything else. “No assistant. Just me.”

  “You heard her,” Sequoyah said, a triumphant grin marking his handsome face. “Just her. She’s all the magic she needs.”

  “I’ll believe that when I see it,” Sawyer muttered. But as he stood to walk away, Annis caught his eye and he winked.

  “I’ll show you, then,” she declared, pushing up from the table as well. “Bess! Let’s see all the fun you and the girls have been hoarding.”

  Bess didn’t need to be told twice. She was more than happy to lead the way to her cabin, and everyone was more than willing to follow her there. Within the hour, Annis was looking at everything from a vanishing cabinet to transformation cages, and a multitude of parlor tricks she’d been enthralled by as a child. She wouldn’t be wasting her time on those. She didn’t want to amuse people. She wanted to shake them, unnerve them, and remind them how easy it was to believe what you were seeing even if it wasn’t real.

  Together, they set to work. They experimented with the equipment, found what worked, what didn’t, and what could be improved upon. Annis found new ideas bursting from her lips with every discovery they made among the magician’s abandoned treasures. She felt as though each piece were calling to her, asking her to touch it, learn it and put it to use. She found she had and instinct for magic, like she was coming home to a part of herself she’d never even known existed. The magician. No. The alchemist.

  By sundown, they’d created an entire act. Skeletal though it was, all the makings of Annis’s act were there. All she had to do was master her new craft.

  Gone was her fear of William and the looming terror of his ongoing hunt for her. Poppy had been right. William was part of the outside world, a world she no longer lived in. Until he found a way to penetrate the veils that kept them separate, she was safe. And when he did, she’d be ready.

  Chapter Eighteen

  THE ALCHEMIST

  It was cold outside. Even in the depths of the South, winter could be felt as Christmas drew nearer.

  “Tonight’s the night,” Babe said, walking beside Annis on their way to the tent. “You nervous, Tulip?”

  “Yes.” Annis repeatedly smoothed out the golden bodice of her of corset before tugging at the waist of her pants, as though she were trying to make more room to breathe. Nothing was wrong with the fit of her costume, though. Every detail, from her elegant black top hat to the shiny points of her shoes, was perfectly tailored to her. Her corset moved like a second skin with her every motion. The smallest intake of air allowed the fabric to give way. Even her trousers, which were black, wide-cut, and ran the entire length of her leg before draping nicely over her matching black boots, had been taken in by Bess to fit her perfectly. Nerves were the only real source of imminent suffocation tonight.

  “Good.” Babe draped an arm around her waist and tugged her near. “Nerves are the best part. No nerves, no magic. And that goes for every performer, not just the magician sort,” she said, pinching Annis’s side.

  “You sound like Bess.”

  “That girl knows what she’s talking about.”

  Annis laughed. “I still can’t believe I get to follow you into the ring.” She’d hoped for a less prominent spot in the lineup, but Poppy had insisted. “Go big or stay backstage” had been his exact words.

  “I can’t believe it either,” she said, sounding suddenly disgruntled. “Do you know how fast I’ll have to move these old bones to get myself out of the way and into a good spot to enjoy the show? You better be in for a slow start because I don’t want to miss anything.”

  “It’s an act based in illusion, Babe.” Annis snorted with a laugh. “I’m hoping you miss a lot of things.”

  Babe chuckled.

  The pair walked in quiet comfort until they reached the tent. Babe turned Annis to face her. She swiped the long, unruly strands of blonde hair away from Annis’s face before she cradled both her cheeks in the palms of her hands and tilted Annis’s head forward to kiss the top of it. “You’ll blow them away,” she whispered. Then she released Annis and walked inside without turning back. Annis got the distinct feeling she hurried only to hide her tears.

  The evening calm she’d encountered outside was nonexistent within the tent walls. Noise and dust filled the air, along with an orchestra of scents, some enticing, some outright assaulting. Annis suspected the monkeys were to blame for the latter. Everyone moved so fast that th
ey were but a blur in Annis’s line of vision, zipping in and out of spaces to make last minute preparations before the show. And then she saw him. He was the only stable thing in sight, and a constant she was learning to depend on. Sequoyah.

  “Ready?” he asked.

  “I think so.” Her fingertips stretched at her side, grazing the top of Fin’s back. She found herself doing this more and more as the days went on, wanting to be sure he was beside her, drawing a comfort from his presence that she couldn’t find anywhere else.

  “If it helps, I know so,” he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek before he moved on to check on the horses.

  It did help, tremendously.

  From the moment Poppy entered the ring to roaring applause until the second Annis saw Babe taking her bow, the world sped up to a flurry of lights and noise. When she got her cue to go on, Annis’s feet felt like lead and her arms stuck to her sides like wooden boards, unable to bend or move. Stage fright left her paralyzed. Then she felt a dainty palm in her lower back, shoving her out into the light without any concern for her feelings.

  “Thanks, Smalls,” she murmured under her breath, knowing it was him without looking. The lights of the ring blinded her eyes but awakened her heart. The sound of a drumroll echoed the beat in her chest. She felt electrified by the energy taking her over, sparking, zapping, and setting off small fireworks all over her body. Parts of her felt as though they were coming alive for the first time. Pieces of her spirit that had lain dormant all these years, as if they’d known this moment would come—the moment when she would take the stage and bend the audience’s beliefs until they saw only what she showed them.

  A wild rage burned inside her as she strode toward the center of the ring and lifted her arms into a dramatic V. The drumroll stopped. The magic began.

  Annis felt the pressure of a few hundred mesmerized eyes, all watching her with bated breath as she performed her first act of trickery. She started small by transforming multicolored tissues into flowers and making a dove appear out of the black top hat she wore as part of her costume. As even the oohs and aahs died down, she knew she had them too intrigued to even speak in single syllables.

  She calculated every step and timed out every breath, choreographing her motions for success. She didn’t hesitate when it came time to reach for the chains. the last big illusion before the grand finale.

  “I’ll require a volunteer,” she called out into the crowd. As expected, several hands flew up in an instant. Pretending to be choosy, Annis walked the circle to and fro, carefully examining her options before deciding on practicality. She chose the boy closest to the ring. He couldn’t be any more than twelve years old, and he was delighted by her choice.

  “It’s not a tough job, but it’s very, very important,” she told him, mimicking Poppy’s voice to the best of her abilities.

  “Yes, ma’am,” the boy replied, his eyes wide and looking completely enthralled with her.

  “You’ll take this chain here and you’ll wrap it all around me. Nice and tight. You don’t want me wiggling out now, alright?” She handed him one end and then helped him by twirling into it as he did his best to wrap her in it. When the job was complete, her hands were buried beneath layers of cold metal links and pressed to her sides. She nodded toward the set of locks laid out on a small table. “Now, you’ll take those one by one and secure the chain in place. Put them anywhere you like. The goal is to make it impossible for me to escape, understand?”

  He nodded, though his excitement appeared to be giving way to anxiety as he began the task of locking her in. In contrast, Annis felt amazing, in control, and entirely in her element, as though the world were at her beck and call, waiting for her next command.

  Annis counted clicks. Three locks. Four. Five. She watched the boy grow more fidgety the tighter the chains held her. Six. Seven. Eight. He looked up at her with worry in his big blue eyes. “Are you sure, ma’am?”

  She smiled. “Absolutely.”

  He leaned in close and whispered. “But I haven’t the key. And it’s not on the table.”

  She tilted her head in an attempt to meet him at eye level, no longer able to bend at the waist to do so. “That’s precisely the point.” She winked.

  Nine clicks. The job was complete.

  “Thank you ever so much,” she called out for the crowd to hear. “Now if you’d just be so kind as to help me up these steps.” She directed her gaze towards the temporary staircase leading up to a platform yet to be fully revealed.

  “Yes, ma’am,” the boy answered politely, though he seemed less sure than ever about his actions.

  Annis had practiced enough to know she could take the steps easily if she lifted onto the tips of her toes. Within seconds, she was standing at the top. “Lastly, before you go back to your seat, I ask that you do me one more favor and reveal to the audience what you and I have already seen.” She arched a brow at the boy, whose eyes were still glued to the scene before him.

  “Uh-huh,” he stammered, this time forgetting his manners.

  Annis watched patiently as he made his descent, and then turned back to the platform. His hands shook so hard that she could see it from where she stood. Then, with one determined yank, he pulled off the curtain that hid her glass tank.

  “Just to be sure,” she called out as she dipped the tip of her boot into the tank to flip up a splash of water for the audience to see. “Yep, the water is real.” she said and laughed. Then, without further ado, she dropped backwards, straight into the pool of water, and sank to the bottom in an instant.

  She imagined the audience’s panic and anticipation mingling in the air while she was underwater. She pictured them nervously chatting among themselves, wondering if it were possible, if she could really escape the chains in time to save herself from drowning.

  Seconds seemed to last forever as Annis held her breath. She calmly took the steps to free herself while she continued to swirl her body in the water to create enough turbulence to keep her actions hidden from the audience’s view. One lock, gone. And then two. She released a tiny slip of air when she reached five. With her hands freed from the chains, she worked efficiently until she undid the rest. The second her legs were free, she kicked up to the surface, bursting through the water like a mermaid thrust from the sea. The audience struggled to rein in their cheers long enough to hear what she had planned next.

  Wrapping up her wet body in a sparkling golden coat that served mostly for looks, Annis drew the crowd’s attention to the ceiling, where a large box hung overhead. As they watched, she gestured for August, who stood by just behind the curtain, to lower it down.

  “I know you’re probably thinking you’ve seen everything now,” she yelled out over the raucous noise of the crowd. “But trust me, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

  As the newest of mystery boxes graced the ground beside her, Annis pulled back another set of curtains to reveal this was no more a box than the water tank had been a platform. It was a cage, one large enough to hold a beast, like a lion or a tiger. Or a wolf.

  She unlatched the door and stepped inside without another word. Then, after pulling it shut, she signaled August to raise her up again. The curtain fell back into place as he did so.

  Once hidden inside, Annis slipped into a small trapdoor built into the floor, and then released the false back wall to reveal Finian. Seconds later, August was lowering the cage again to the sound of the same drumroll that opened her act. The cage touched down. Out of sight, Annis tugged the latch that released the curtains, and she waited.

  Silence.

  And then hushed mutters of disbelief.

  Annis could feel Finian pacing above her. She knocked the floorboards softly. Three times. When she heard the creak of a metal door swinging open, she knew he had recognized his cue.

  Annis wished desperately that she could see the audience’s faces as they watched the wolf who took her place inside the cage step out into the ring and command the space the same way she
had only seconds before.

  She’d worked with him tirelessly to perfect this finale. She knew he would circle the ring once left and then once right before walking into the center and taking a bow. He’d hold it. And then he’d dash off to join Sequoyah backstage, where he would wait for her.

  Annis, of course, had no choice but to spend the remainder of the show lying beneath the floorboards of her magic cage, which August raised again to make room for the next act, leaving Annis dangling beneath the circus tent’s ceiling until show’s end.

  She didn’t mind one bit. She’d learned from Homer to value what she could hear. The stomping feet, the raging applause, the gasps of admiration. She’d done it. She’d turned herself into a wolf, and they’d believe her. The world would never know the lamb again.

  The end of the show marked the first time Annis felt truly integrated into the world she’d come to adore over the months she’d lived in it. With an act of her own came new responsibilities, equipment to break down and load up, costumes to care for, and, of course, the continued care of Finian, her grand finale and her closest companion. But added work wasn’t the only difference. There was a certain sort of comradery she hadn’t been able to share with the performers until now. It was a bond among only those who knew the secret life of a performer. The taste of the air at the center of the ring. The vibrations rising up through the ground from turbulent applause. The way every color’s vibrancy multiplied from the abounding energy of the crowd. There was nothing like it. Until you’ve stood at the center of it all, orchestrating the waves of emotion into your own symphony, you simply couldn’t share in the knowledge of what it meant.

  “You’ve come a long way from the girl who wanted to dance in the shadows of someone else’s act,” Poppy mused, catching up to her before they stepped aboard the train.

  “I sense an unspoken ‘I told you so’ here, Poppy,” she teased.

  “Good. I’m a man of few words, after all. The less I have to say, the better.” Even he seemed to find it hard not to laugh through that statement, boldfaced lie that it was.