Rafe took one look at me, stood up and moved to sit beside Lexi, “Come on and have a seat, man. We got room,” he said, indicating the empty side of the booth.
“You must be Leo,” she said, smiling at me.
I’d seen a picture of her. I knew what she’d look like, but I wasn’t prepared for how little justice the picture had done her. Her smile was enough to knock me on my ass.
“Hey. I thought I might get a chance to meet you if I dropped by. Since my boy here is ashamed of our house.”
“No way, we have a great house. You can see the house anytime. It’s this jackass I didn’t want you to meet. Thought he’d scare you off,” Rafe said to Lexi.
“I don’t scare off that easily, do I? I’ve been wanting to meet the hero fireman. Save any kittens from any trees today?” she asked me.
I had to laugh. I liked her humor. “Not today. I did slay a few dragons and stopped some old wiring from smoldering in an attic,” I said modestly.
“How many dragons?” she said, “I always thought a few meant three, like a couple is two, but I’m not sure about that.”
“At least five,” I said, boasting of my imaginary dragons.
“See, I think five would be several, not a few. That’s the problem with the English language as far as I’m concerned. We don’t have enough specific words.”
“I see your point,” I said, “but I think we have some great specific words. Like beer, for example. Nachos, there’s a good one.”
She laughed. Lexi had a great laugh. I had gone to the diner to meet the girl and have more ammunition to tease Rafe. But I liked her already. What was more, I could see how he felt about her. He didn’t have his arm around her, but he kept looking at her, then shredding his paper napkin or picking at his pie, like he was really busy trying not to put his arm around her.
“As Rafe’s oldest friend, I would like to know your intentions toward him.”
Rafe choked on his coffee, and Lexi smacked him on the back until he could breathe. I chuckled.
“My intentions? I guess my plan is to pay the check when we’re done because he bought my dinner on Wednesday, and it’s my turn. Then I’ll see him at class next week.”
“That’s cute. But I’m talking about my boy Rafe here. He’s trying to be a gentleman, obviously. But I’ve known him long enough to say I haven’t seen him with a crush this bad since Ashley Potter in eleventh grade.”
“Really? How’d that work out?” she said.
“Well, they’re married now and have eight kids,” I deadpanned.
“Nah, he’s thinking of himself and Ashley. Poor guy. She wouldn’t even look at him,” Rafe chimed in. “He had a t-shirt made with her face on it that said ‘I heart Ashley’ on the back. They even put a picture of it in the yearbook. It was so sad.”
Lexi giggled, “Really?”
“No,” I told her. “He’s just trying to dodge the fact that he hasn’t acted that stupid since then. Until now. The amount of time he spends avoiding my questions about you should tell you --”
“Should tell you what a nosy bastard my best friend is. Asks me questions about you all the time. I think he’s obsessed with you,” Rafe said.
“Me? You’re the one obsessed with her. I never met her till tonight.
“We’re not even Facebook friends,” I said.
“I do follow your Instagram. And that’s a lot of selfies at the firehouse, I gotta say,” she said.
“Can I help it if I’m photogenic and the firehouse has a ton of props for background? Brick walls, fire trucks, pole, hoses --”
“Yeah, it’s like you’re auditioning for a Hot Firefighters calendar of your own,” she said.
“I wouldn’t say no to a deal like that,” I said.
“While it’s hilarious to scroll through my feed and see five selfies of you with your shirt off, you could seriously be a model. You don’t look like a real fireman. You look like the kind of firemen they put in those pictures in Cosmo and on romance novel covers. The too-good-to-be-true kind,” she said.
“We were both wrong,” I said to Rafe. “She’s the one who’s obsessed, and she’s obsessed with me.”
“Yeah, who knew you were online stalking my roommate,” Rafe said to her sternly. She laughed.
“I had to check out my competition for your time and attention,” she deadpanned. “I had to know what I was up against. And he was obviously too vain to be a threat.”
I laughed. I also stopped to marvel at how well she fit in with us, like she had always been part of our dynamic. She could trash talk with the note of fondness that let us know she was on our side. We were so comfortable going back and forth. We stayed there for hours just talking and laughing. When it was late enough, we all admitted we had to go home, and it felt strange not taking her home with us. That was the weirdest part of all.
The second weirdest was the fact that I was attracted to her. Even when she teased me or gazed at Rafe a little too long, I still imagined the things I’d like to be doing to her. Looking at her, hearing her laugh, all of it made me want her. I knew she was Rafe’s, and I would never take my best friend’s girl, but I was a flesh and blood man. I’d add her to my spank bank and never say word one about it.
As we were leaving to walk her to her car, I thought of something, a way to spend a little more time with her, the three of us. We meshed well, and it was fun. So I went for it without asking Rafe.
“Hey, want to come spar with us at the gym tomorrow around eleven?” I asked.
“What do you do?”
“We fight. Sometimes we box, kickbox, a little MMA. I don’t do krav maga like Rafe, but I can hold my own.”
“I’d like to see that,” she said, “Thanks. I’ll be there.”
I found myself grinning. When I looked at Rafe, he was smiling, too. I wasn’t the only one who thought we were a good fit. And if she was going to be his girl, I might as well get used to being with both of them.
5
Lexi
Taking Rafe’s classes gave me some confidence, but the biggest change in my life was spending time with the guys. I called them ‘my boys,’ said it jokingly at first, but it felt like they were mine. Like after twenty-seven years of not having a family, I was suddenly part of one. They had a bond like brothers, and nothing could shake that. At first, I envied their closeness, the ease of their back and forth rapport, but then I found I could slip into the conversation and match them burn for burn. I felt fizzy and happy inside, sitting with them in the diner, making them laugh.
From that first class, Rafe had gone out of his way to make me feel safe, protected when he was around. I was drawn to him, his strength and sureness, his kindness. Then Leo came into the picture, invaded our cozy supper, all brash and conceited and hilarious. He was more outgoing where Rafe was sincere and serious. Leo was a joker who knew how good looking he was, but he was also a firefighter, a bona fide hero. I only resented him for about five minutes. Then I realized he was friendly and funny and only wanted to hang out with us both. When I saw he meant to include me, to invite me along to spar at the gym, I warmed up to him even more.
For the past few weeks, we’d spent a lot of time together. I found myself looking forward to seeing them after work, dropping by the gym or going over to their house. I even fell asleep on their sectional once and slept over. I woke up with a hoodie thrown over me in place of a blanket, because it wasn’t like two guys had a lot of decorative throw blankets lying around the house. The truth was it had been the best night’s sleep in as long as I could remember because I hadn’t been alone. I hadn’t propped a chair under the doorknob or stuffed my trash bag of belongings under the bed where I could reach them if I needed to leave in a hurry. I knew when I woke in the night, not in my apartment but in Rafe and Leo’s living room, that I was secure. I was staying with a jacked personal trainer and a fireman, and I was safe as houses.
When I had to speak with Mr. Watts again, I had steeled myself for more confrontat
ion. I’d run through all the verbal de-escalation skills Rafe taught me, planned to prepare an escape strategy and know all the exits. I even had Leo help me with a few practice drills—I made him grab my wrist, grab my arm, grab my purse to see if I remembered how to get away. I hadn’t asked Rafe because I didn’t want him to know I was worried, but Leo was too careful with me, gingerly taking my arm as if he was afraid to hurt me.
“You know Rafe leaves a bruise sometimes when we do this in class,” I said.
“What you guys do behind closed doors is none of my business,” Leo had quipped.
“It’s not like that,” I said. “We’re friends. All three of us. I’m not sleeping with Rafe. I thought you knew that.”
I felt myself blush. It wasn’t like I hadn’t thought about it. I had fantasized about Rafe, and about Leo, too. Even though I hated myself for it. They were both gorgeous, and they made me feel safe and cared for. I would never have done anything to come between them, and I had to keep my crushes to myself. But the last thing I wanted was for Leo to think Rafe and I were hooking up and feel jealous.
“I know that. I’m just giving you shit, same as I do with him. Relax, girl,” he said.
I laughed, feeling relieved.
“You know, I’ve talked to Watts on the phone a couple times. I even set up a visit for him and his daughter, but he didn’t show up. The point was I have nothing to be afraid of. On the phone he didn’t repeat the threats, I just have to do a walk through at the trailer and ask if he’s attending the parenting classes. I mean, the instructor said he hasn’t been there, but I have to ask him anyway. He’s part of my caseload.”
“It sounds like you’re trying to reassure yourself, not me. Come here,” he said.
Leo opened his arms. I hesitated for a second, felt color bloom in my face. Then I went into his arms and let him hold me. Just for a minute. Just because it was an indulgence I could allow myself. It didn’t mean I was weak and helpless. It just meant that I had a friend who was really kind to me. And maybe he didn’t realize that the coiled strength I felt in his wiry body made my heart thump faster, made a wave of heat roll through me. I wrapped my arms around his back and shut my eyes. I could have this, even just for a second. I could pretend it was real, could pretend it was more than just friendship and fondness. I shut my eyes and imagined for an instant that I knew him inside out, that I knew how to touch his neck in the way that would make him groan and give in and put his mouth on mine. That he’d let me be with him, that I could be with Rafe, too. That somewhere there existed a fantasy world where I could love two men without hurting anyone or making anyone jealous or being called the thousand bad names there were for women who loved like that. Maybe a little sob shook my shoulders, and maybe Leo hugged me tighter.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to go back there. Just tell them it’s too much of a risk and refuse. They’d have to send someone else.”
I stepped back from him, out of his arms.
“No, they’d fire me for insubordination. I can’t. I know you don’t understand. Because what you’re saying makes sense. Anyone with half a brain wouldn’t go back there. But there’s a little girl involved, a little girl who needs her dad to be okay. I have to convince him to do what has to be done so he can get her back.”
“Whoever this kid is, she’s better off without him,” Leo said, stepping back from me. “Seriously, give me one reason not to kick his ass.”
“I’d lose my license. There are privacy laws to stop us from talking about cases and clients.”
“You could find a safer job,” he said, jaw set.
“This is what I’ve always wanted to do, Leo. I used to be that kid, the one who needed an advocate, someone to make her family straighten up so she could be safe. I was powerless then, but I’m not now. I can help. I have all these resources I can provide to help them.”
“Lexi, please,” he said then.
I saw it then, the macho posturing slipping just enough that I could tell he was afraid for me. I almost crashed against him, burrowed back into his arms.
“I’ll be okay. I’m strong enough to do this. And it means the world to me that someone cares enough to worry about me. I’ve never—no one’s ever done that before.”
I swallowed hard, wondering why tears stung at the backs of my eyes and why I felt this weird, buoyant surge of happiness just because Leo was concerned for me. Because I mattered to him.
I’d had friends before, people I hung out with in college and at my first waitress job, but they weren’t the kind that checked on you if you were sick or sad. They weren’t like this.
“You’ll call me if you need anything? And you promise that if you feel afraid or even a little weird while you’re there, that you’ll get in your car and leave?”
“I promise,” I said.
“Call me when you leave there. I just want to hear that you’re okay.”
“I will,” I said.
When I made the turn onto the dirt road, I was going over everything Rafe had taught me about verbal de-escalation and escape strategies. I planned to pull in, then back up to point my car toward the road and the driver’s door nearest me before I got out. I’d have my keys in my pocket. I had on running shoes instead of my usual flats. I had my hair twisted and pinned flat to my head so there was no ponytail for a handle. I had rehearsed what I was going to say, how I was going to be calm and conciliatory and offer him choices about how to proceed with meeting the court requirements. I was going to be brief and let him know that I was expected at another appointment in half an hour.
From my car, I called his number to inform him I’d arrived. He didn’t answer. I left a voicemail. The Harley and a couple of pickups were parked at the trailer, so someone was there. Drawing a ragged breath, I got out and walked to the steps. I resisted the urge to call my supervisor and have her on the phone when I knocked so I had a witness. Needing a witness was too scary to contemplate. So I steeled myself and knocked.
I heard noises inside, voices, something hitting the ground, something small like a can or a plate. I tensed, making myself smile, open and friendly, not confrontational.
He ripped the door open. I was shocked at the suddenness, at the fact that the dirty white door didn’t just fall off its hinges from the force. I swallowed hard.
“Good morning, Mr. Watts,” I said, “I tried to call—”
“Where is she?” he demanded.
His eyes were dark, his pupils too big. Drugs?
“Your daughter? She’s probably at school.”
“I fucking told you not to come back here without her,” he growled.
His voice sounded guttural. I stepped back as he stepped forward. I backed down the steps, put distance between us. I trembled, my knees turning to water. I wanted to whimper and scramble to my car, but that was cowardly. I made myself stand straighter.
“Let’s arrange for a visit. Would tomorrow be good for you?” I suggested in full placatory and productive mode.
“Get the fuck out of here and don’t come back unless she’s with you.”
“I’m sure you understand that I don’t have the power to return her to you. The court made a list of requirements you have to meet so you can—”
Watts loomed closer. I pulled out my phone, “This is the schedule for the parenting class.”
My phone hit the dirt. I watched it tumble in an arc and land as he grabbed me roughly.
He jerked me back by the arms and shook me. My teeth clattered together, my head swimming in shock as he dragged me close. I staggered back, but he had me around the neck. His hands, hard and pitiless, closed around my throat. I tried to scream, but I couldn’t. He was squeezing tight, gagging me, and cutting off my air, my eyes throbbing. I drew in what little air I could get in high gasps, tears pouring down my face. I was already getting woozy and weak. I gripped his wrists ineffectually. He was so much stronger than me. He wasn’t nearly as big as Rafe or even Leo, but he was so strong. I wanted to sob, sink to t
he ground, beg. He was going to kill me. His eyes were on my forehead, not even looking at me like I was a person he was killing. I dug my nails into his wrists, but he didn’t even flinch.
I was supposed to call Leo when I left. But my phone was on the ground, and I was going to die instead. He’d be so mad at me, I thought vaguely, for not calling him. And Rafe—Rafe! Rafe had taught me something about chokeholds. I tried to hold on to the thought, but I was so scared. I kept trying to back away and couldn’t. His hands were big and tight around my throat. It hurt so much that my legs were buckling already.
Step in toward him.
Drop your head straight down.
Dip to the side under his arm and run like hell.
It came back to me. Thank God it came back to me. I did it fast before I could lose consciousness. I moved in, dropped my head straight and ducked under his arm. He was on me then, dragging me to the ground. It knocked the wind out of me, but I kicked out, scrambled to my feet. I staggered toward my car, yanked open the door and locked it once I was in. I started the car and sped off, skidding and weaving until I was on the main road. I drove like hell all the way to the office. I stumbled in and started up my computer, pulling up report forms. I found my hands were shaking too hard to even type. I went into Janet’s office. She was on the phone, but she dropped it at once.
“Jesus, your neck. What happened?”
I tried to answer but my throat felt thick and achy, raw. I managed a rough whisper, “Watts grabbed me. Choked me.”
“Okay, we’re going to the ER. Is there anybody I can call for you?” she asked. I shook my head.
“Can I use your phone? I lost mine when he grabbed me.”
I used hers to text Leo. Lost my phone, but back at the office. See you at sparring. I didn’t say I was fine because I wasn’t, but I’d get a new phone tomorrow. I wouldn’t have to face either of the guys till Saturday. If I’d had to see them or even hear their voices I would’ve crumbled under my thin composure and started bawling. It was better to keep them at a distance, not to tell them what happened.
Double Dirty Page 3