“God, Lexi—you can’t mean that. Do you know how long I’ve wanted you?”
“About as long as I’ve wanted you. When I got hurt, and you held me and kissed my hair, you were rubbing the back of my neck real slow. It made me so wet, Leo. I was so embarrassed, because here the two of you were being the best friends I’d ever had and wanting to keep me safe and I was getting wet for you,” she sounded embarrassed.
I had my hands on her hips then, my lips seeking hers, brushing against them, clinging. My hands were inside her blouse, the buttons on the floor somewhere and only her hot smooth skin under my palms. I held her against me, backed her into my bedroom. I stripped the blouse off of her, then her bra. Before I could say a word, I was on my knees like I was ready to worship. Her hands were in my hair as my lips closed over one rosy nipple, drawing on it, making it tight and stiff. I gathered all of her in my arms, wanting to hold everything at once.
Lexi gasped, her hands on my face, guiding me up to her lips and kissing me again. She tasted me, the soft feel of her tongue in my mouth making me hungry for more. We tumbled back onto my bed, my hands and mouth full of her. This was Lexi, alive and vibrant, safe, and mine at last. I was going to make it good for her, so good she’d never forget. I needed her, needed to bury myself inside her, remember what it meant to feel alive, to connect with someone. I knew in her body I could find everything I needed. All thoughts of my conversation with Rafe the night before left my head.
I rolled her onto her back, her arms still around me. I kissed her lips again and again, then her neck and her collarbone.
As if she’d read my mind, she briefly broke the kiss. “Let me say it’s because you had a bad call, you couldn’t save the people in the car. Let me say it’s that I wanted to comfort you, and we got carried away,” she says breathlessly.
Before I could tell her that I’d take the blame with Rafe, she pressed her lips to mine again and I was lost. I rocked back on my side, taking her with me, cradling her against me, my mouth on her cheek, her jaw. Holding her was a luxury; something I’d wanted to do for so long.
“You stayed home for me, to wait for me,” I said, unable to tell her how much that meant to me, “to make sure I was okay.”
“You needed me. I think maybe I knew you would.”
“I don’t even care why you stayed,” I admitted, “I just care that you’re here now.”
“I’m here, Leo,” Lexi said, my name in her mouth as I kissed her again.
It was fast and blurry, a sweaty coupling on my rumpled bed. She had been right about how long we’d both wanted it, because there was no time for finesse, no time for a slow and tender awakening. My fingers trailed down her stomach into her damp nest of curls. She’d writhed against my hand, proving how ready she was from just a few kisses. I reached over her head to the bedside table, fumbled in the drawer for a condom. I had it open and rolled it on before I dipped my head to taste her nipple, to nip at it and tease her, making sure she was slick and ready. I opened her with my fingers, stroking her seam, and settled between her thighs. I kissed her neck, behind her ear and whispered how much I needed her. I pushed my cock inside her, felt her spreading and flaring around me. She was small and tight, a pulse of pleasure rolling through me already.
I caught my breath when she wrapped her legs around my hips, urging me on. I brushed back her hair, my mouth on hers. I took her gasps and moans into my mouth, tasting every sound that I stroked from her with my thrusts. She was delicious, responsive. I came fast and hard, lost in her sweet, hot flesh. As I withdrew, I put my fingers on her, petted her, stroked her until I felt her legs quiver, her back arch. Her teeth dug into her lower lip. I licked her ear, circled her sensitive nub with my thumb, dipping and rubbing until she came apart under my hand. I crushed her against me, letting her ragged breathing slow down and settle. She held on to me, my lips against her hair. She slept for an hour, naked and tangled up with me. I drew the sheet over us, reveled in the warmth of her soft body curled up against me, her hair tumbling over my shoulder and arm.
When she stirred, her arms went around me, hugging me to her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“For what?” I said, still basking in the afterglow.
“That was a mistake, Leo. It was supposed to make it better. But it’s made everything worse,” she met my eyes reluctantly, her bottom lip quivering.
“What do you mean? It didn’t feel like a mistake, Lexi, it felt like paradise.”
I shook my head in disbelief, not wanting to hear that she regretted being with me.
“That’s just it, Leo. I knew what I was doing, and I thought if we gave in to it, to this attraction, we could get it out of our system and move on as friends. That we could, I don’t know, scratch an itch and get past it. I was supposed to stop wanting you. I was supposed to be able to share this with you and decide we were better off as friends and roommates. But this made everything worse. Because I still want you. I want you even more now,” she said, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
I felt like my chest had been clawed open and light spilled into it. I crushed her in my arms. It felt so good to hold her, to know that she was shaken by the connection that I had sensed too. That she didn’t get me out of her system, that she still wanted me the way I wanted her. I was overjoyed. There was no other way to describe it. I fell to kissing her, my mouth on hers as natural as anything.
“You’re everything I want, Lexi,” I whispered against her ear, moving my mouth to kiss her neck.
She shook her head and pulled away, “I’m sorry. I can’t stay here. This was a horrible thing to do to you and to Rafe, to your friendship. You were the best friends I’ve ever had and look what I did to you. I’ve ruined everything,” she said, her expression twisting in an agony of self-blame.
“You didn’t do this alone. We’ll tell him together, Lexi. It’s okay. It was supposed to be like this, don’t you feel that? I don’t do this. I mean, I have sex and plenty of it. But I don’t get romantic. I don’t feel like this about anyone, not ever. Like I want to keep you.”
“I know we have to tell him, but this is on me. I wanted this. I stayed behind this morning so I could see you alone, see if you wanted me, too. I’ve never felt the way you made me feel this morning.”
“You act like you drugged me and took advantage, Lexi, and that’s not how it happened. I was wrecked coming off my shift. I found you here waiting for me. I wanted you instantly, body and soul. You comforted me, gave me the closeness I didn’t even know I needed. God, Lexi, I feel like I’m totally undone here. And you’re talking bullshit about how you ruined everything. Where is this even coming from?”
“Rafe is going to hate us. Hate me. Leo, we kissed the other night,” she said, shaking her head.
“I know, he told me. Listen, I don’t care about that,” I told her.
“You don’t?” she asked, disbelief thick in her voice.
“No, baby. I don’t. We agreed to let you choose and you chose me. I want you again and again. I want you moved into my room so I can reach out for you in the night. I want you falling asleep in my arms so I can watch over you and never let anyone hurt you again. You can’t know what it does to me that you trust me this much after all you’ve been through.”
I stopped short. I almost said it way too soon. It would be stupid and drive her away. She was already spooked. It wasn’t a good time to say I had feelings for her.
“Rafe is the best guy I know. He’s not going to kick you out or anything. He’ll understand. He’ll be upset, and he may kick my ass, but we’re family, the three of us. Don’t underestimate that. You haven’t had family before, but there’s a loyalty there, an understanding that our history together doesn’t let this be disposable. We won’t cut each other out, give up on a friendship like that.”
“You’re right. I don’t understand it. And you two have a history together, but I don’t.”
“He’d walk through fire for you, Lexi. We both would. Don’t sell y
ourself short here.”
“I don’t deserve it, Leo. Look at me.”
“I am looking at you. You’re everything,” I said, meaning every word.
8
Lexi
I feel like a total piece of trash. I was scared enough to move in with Rafe and Leo, to let them protect me. I played house with them, best friends and a happy family all rolled in to one. Then I screwed it up by kissing Rafe after my nightmare. We got past that, just barely, and I brought in disaster. I slept with Leo when he was hurting because I was lonely and scared and wanted to be touched and held by someone I cared about, someone who cared about me.
I’d never had that before. I’d had sex, sure, but not like that. I was afraid to face Rafe and tell him the truth, afraid to be rejected and kicked out like I had been all my life. Afraid that I’d come between two best friends. But I had to respect him and our relationship enough to tell the truth even if it cost me everything that mattered to me. I asked them both to have dinner with me at the house because we needed to talk.
Rafe came in with two bottles of wine after work. “So what’s with the family meeting? It sounded serious.” He kissed my cheek as he put down the wine.
I stirred the chicken and pasta I’d made, already steaming on the stove.
“That smells great. My mom never even cooked like that. Can I make a salad or anything?”
“You can get the biscuits out of the oven,” I said, turning away from him, away from the fact that I wanted to go into his arms and cry and beg forgiveness.
Leo came out of the bathroom in a towel and went to get dressed. I couldn’t look at him. I was ashamed of what I’d done, how I’d wrecked my own life and possibly even theirs.
A few minutes later, I put down the glass of wine Rafe had poured for me and served the food. We sat together, and I looked at them, so overwhelmed with a flood of regret. I could have had this sweet camaraderie, the friendship and protection of two extraordinary men, and I’d let my hormones run away with me.
“Guys,” I said, clearing my throat, taking a long drink. “I need to tell you both something. I’m moving out. Tomorrow.”
“What? No,” Leo said. “You don’t need to do that.”
“Yeah, I do. I screwed up. I took advantage. Rafe,” I turned to him, my heart twisting in my chest, “It’s almost like I set out to sabotage the best thing in my life. I owe you an apology. I know I kissed you after I had that nightmare, and that was over the line. I just wish it had stopped there. But this morning, when I stayed here to meet Leo after his shift—God, it’s hard to admit this. I waited for Leo. I took him to bed because I wanted to. Not because he was upset over the casualties from the wreck he’d just come from. I’ve been attracted to him from the beginning. But that’s not even the worst of it. I feel the same way about you. I’m so embarrassed to admit this, but you both deserve better from me. Honesty is the least I owe you. I have feelings for you both. So that’s why I’m leaving.”
I swallowed hard, biting my lip and waiting for Rafe’s reaction.
He stared at me for a moment before speaking. “No way,” he said. “I mean, I can’t pretend I’m glad you slept with Leo, but I’m not surprised either. I always knew it would be one of us. There was no avoiding it. We were living in close quarters, both drawn to you. I wish it had been me, but I’m not going to kick you out over it. What about you? Do you want her to leave?” he asked Leo.
I drained my glass of wine and poured another, never taking my eyes off them. I felt like the verdict over my whole life was hanging in the balance. That called for a bucket of chardonnay. I noticed Rafe was hitting the bottle of red just as hard.
“Hell no. And I see where you’re coming from. I kind of thought it would be you, too. I was honestly surprised by it, but I’m not sorry it happened, bro. I hope you can forgive me because I might as well confess, if we’re admitting all our sins here, that I caught feelings.”
“Oh God, not you,” Rafe laughed.
I couldn’t believe he was laughing.
“What?” I said, not following the joke.
“Leo is the worst. He hooks up and moves on. The joke is if he ever catches feelings the world has ended, and hell froze over.”
“Then Satan’s skiing down a snowy mountain right now,” Leo said with a lopsided grin. “Because, and I’m trying not to brag here, but it wasn’t just next level hot. There was, and feel free to laugh your ass off here, some kind of major connection when we were together.”
“So essentially you’re saying that she screwed your brains out completely and left me with Dr. Phil for a roommate?” Rafe said, glowering at Leo with so much amusement in his face that I let myself feel a little swell of relief.
I was totally and completely confused. It was not the reaction I had expected at all.
“And as for you, Lexi, I don’t want you to leave. This is the situation we’re in. We wanted you to move in. Then we both wanted you in our beds. We wanted you to choose if you wanted one of us, not to try and guide you one way or the other. I’m not going to be a sore loser. Yeah, it sucks to be me right now, but it would be worse if you left, if you moved out because of it. So, stay with us. We both want you here. And if you feel the need to hook up with Leo, just lock the door. I don’t want to go in to borrow his phone charger and find you on top of him. I honestly have to jerk off enough as it is with you living here.”
“What?” I said, nearly choking on my wine.
“So much jerking off,” Leo added, “It’s a constant need. You literally bend over to pick up the remote and I have to head to the bathroom.”
“Or when you come out of the shower in the pajamas with the sheep on them.”
“God, yeah, the pink ones? It’s so weird but the way they cling to you, it’s just sexy as hell.”
“My sheep tank top? And the flannel pants?” I said, shaking my head in disbelief.
“Yeah,” Rafe said with a sigh. “And that one night you fell asleep with your head on my chest.”
“When we were watching Sports Center,” Leo said. “I remember.”
“I was so hard for you,” Rafe said a little sheepishly. “I almost dumped you on the floor so I could go rub one out and get some relief.”
“If you’d told me I would’ve started wearing a robe and kept my hands to myself. I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was just driving you both nuts. Why didn’t you say something?” I said.
“Gee, I don’t know, Lexi. Wouldn’t it sound creepy? If the guy friends you lived with announced shit like, ‘damn you look tasty in those shorts, I’ve got to go jack off in the bathroom now,’” Leo said. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“But wasn’t I making you uncomfortable all along? I didn’t mean to like entice you,” I said, but even as I said it, I knew it wasn’t true. I’d considered wearing a baggy t-shirt instead of my favorite sleep tank, but I’d decided they could handle it. Apparently, they’d had to ‘handle it’ a whole lot thanks to that tank top.
“Don’t stop wearing it,” Rafe said. “God, sometimes I think that the promise of that tank top is keeping me alive.”
He groaned, and I laughed, “Is it that bad?” I teased.
“Come here and see for yourself,” he said. I got up and went to where he sat at the table across from me.
Rafe pulled me down onto his lap. I felt the shiver of his touch, the hard rod of his arousal against my side as I sat there.
“Damn,” I said, not meaning to react but unable to hide how impressed I was, how turned on it made me to know that he was that wound up.
I met his eyes, feeling my face flush. His arms were around me, and his eyes were dark as he looked me over. “I can’t help myself,” he muttered, his mouth on mine.
Rafe’s tongue was in my mouth. Not soft and questing like it had been after my nightmare. It was full and filthy, his arm hard around my hips, one thumb stroking the underside of my breast. I felt myself tremble, the deep, lusty kiss rocking me to my core. My
hands were on his shoulders. He tipped my head back so he could mouth my neck, licking and sucking until I knew he had to be marking my throat, but it felt so good. The haziness of the wine warmed my veins. I arched into his hand until he took my breast in his palm, the achy nipple hardening like a bead in his fingers. Gasping, I pulled away.
“We made a pact,” he said, low and raspy, his mouth still brushing mine, “Leo and me. We’d let you make the first move, that we wouldn’t get jealous or let it come between us. So tell me you’re making a move. On me,” he said.
I kissed him hard, desperate with longing. I cut my eyes to Leo. His eyes were bright, his lips parted. He had been watching us. Not only had he watched us making out, he had liked it. I saw the arousal in his face, in the taut lines of his body, tense and motionless. I climbed off Rafe’s lap, reached for Leo’s wineglass and drank from it, the sultry red rich in my mouth.
Boldly, I slid toward him, “Your turn,” I breathed.
“Oh God,” he said, opening his arms, “come here, Lexi.”
Leo stood up, his arm anchoring me to him, pulling me flush against his hard body. My own body flared in response, remembering a few short hours ago when that thick hardness was buried inside me, stretching me to grip the heavy thrusts. I swallowed hard, gripping his arms for balance as he backed me up. We were on the sectional couch, and then his fingers were on the buttons of my blouse, sliding them free. His big, hot hand moved inside the fabric to find my breasts that were already achy and heavy with arousal. He palmed one with the big, rough hand and I knew he felt me shudder.
“You like that, baby?” he said, his mouth on mine. He parted my lips, opened me effortlessly for his tongue.
I felt a heaviness low in my belly, a needy impulse that made me twist in his grip as he dragged his tongue along the roof of my mouth. I was panting.
“I want you, Leo. How can I ever stop wanting you?” I whimpered.
“Never stop, baby. You never have to.”
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