The War Within

by Rosanne Hawke

  ‘Wait. Who shall I say, if I have to ask for you?’

  ‘You won’t have to. I’ll be there tomorrow night and the next. If you don’t show, we’ll think of something else. But try and do it, kid. We don’t have forever.’

  As suddenly as he had appeared, the journalist was gone. Jasper wasn’t sure whether to be glad for a solution or worried about the strangeness of it. He jumped when Sohail found him, puffing slightly.

  ‘The dancing good?’ Jasper thought he’d better make some comment, but then wished he hadn’t as his voice wasn’t steady.

  ‘Are you feeling well, Jasper?’

  ‘Sure.’ It was disturbing how nothing seemed to escape Sohail’s notice. He’d have to be careful.

  Just then, some of Sohail’s friends brushed past. ‘Hoi, Sohail—enjoying some last freedom, eh?’ Sohail didn’t answer. The other boys were in high spirits and the sound of their voices floated back loudly enough for even Jasper to understand their meaning. One of them was explaining. ‘It will be Sohail’s turn next. I hear he will marry a foreign girl, the lucky devil.’ The rest was lost in bawdy laughter, but Jasper had heard enough. He tried to breathe normally as he faced Sohail. So that was it, was it? It couldn’t be Sonya. What Afghan would marry a Russian?Liana and Jaime! In that culture even Jaime at sixteen wasn’t too young for marriage. He’d heard of Jihadist fighters forcing girls to be their wives while they fought. He had hoped the Kumars were better than that.

  He forced himself to calm down as he knew he couldn’t give the game away or he’d ruin their chance of escape. Sohail acted as though he hadn’t heard the comments at all and Jasper tried to follow his example.

  ‘I think it is time we returned to the house. Shall we go, my friend? We can see the outcome of the one-day match between Australia and West Indies. Steve Smith is one of the world’s top batsmen.’

  Jasper tipped his head, even though he hated cricket and didn’t care who Steve Smith was. It wasn’t even worth challenging Sohail on the use of the word ‘friend’.

  17

  Jaime

  One morning, when Jasper came to tell Liana and me we needed horses to escape, I showed enthusiasm for the idea at first. I guess it was the thought of the horses.

  ‘It’ll be no picnic, Jaime,’ he warned. ‘And I’m not sure of all the details yet, but we will need to pay for the horses. Enough to speak louder to any seller than a punishment from the commander.’

  ‘You mean a bribe? That doesn’t usually work for long; they’ll tell the same information to someone else for more than you gave them.’

  ‘Not a bribe—payment.’ He hesitated. ‘I have this old cross of Mum’s, which I only wear because Dad had one the same.’ I leaned closer as he pulled it out from under his long shirt. It was quite large and looked Celtic, but it was something a Westerner would appreciate, not an Afghan. ‘It’s only silver,’ he murmured finally. ‘It wouldn’t buy the tail of a horse.’

  There was a rather unhappy silence as I did some quick thinking. I knew my bangle would buy enough horses for a cricket team. ‘I do have this bangle,’ I finally said.

  ‘I know.’ Jasper’s voice was gentle, in the way he used to talk to me when we were younger. He stood there in front of me, looking miserably at the bangle. ‘I understand how much it means to you. And I would never ask this, except it is life or death.’

  ‘Yeah, I know.’

  He picked up my hand then and held it tight. ‘Jaime, look at me.’ And he lifted up my chin. ‘If we get out of this, I’ll get you another one. Somehow.’

  I knew he meant it, and I appreciated what he tried to do, but it wasn’t just the bangle. I kept seeing Uncle Jon’s face the day he gave it to me and I realised that deep down, I’d hoped that Uncle Jon would rescue us. He worked in Afghanistan; he knew many of these villages. I’d imagined our escape would come from him; giving up the bangle was like giving up that hope as well.

  As I looked up at Jasper I wondered if my hopelessness showed because he drew me towards him and held me. ‘Don’t worry.’ His voice was calm then, little more than a whisper, but I could feel the tension in his body as if he were ready to spring. ‘I’ll get us out of here.’

  Liana tried to talk him out of it, saying how dangerous it would be, but he was pumped up, even excited that something was happening at last, and suddenly I gave in. I’d never been able to better him in arguments or games when we were kids, and lately he was like a consuming fire, eating all my attention and willpower. I stood back and started unclasping the bangle, but he reached out and covered my hands with his own.

  ‘Jaime.’ The intensity in his tone as he said my name stilled me. ‘You won’t regret this.’ I stood there, stunned, as he took the bangle from my arm himself. His words were ordinary in themselves but he’d made them sound as though he’d said he cared for me. Really cared, as if I were special. I’d caught a glimpse of the Jasper I knew as a child, but there was a difference—we were older now. What would his care mean now?

  Liana was asking him questions then and he told us the basic plan for getting out of the grounds.

  ‘By the way, how’s your friend Sonya?’ I looked up at the touch of sarcasm, as Liana answered him and I hoped he wouldn’t baulk at taking Sonya as well.

  ‘She’s acting funny, a bit jumpy. And Nazira stalks around as if looks could kill, and we don’t know why.’

  ‘Well, tell Sonya we’ll go as soon as I say the word.’ It was surprising but it lifted my spirits. Perhaps he was feeling better. Since he was leaving, I tried to make light of the situation. I grinned at him as he paused at the door, and I tried to sound happy. ‘Just get me a horse that doesn’t buck, okay?’

  He gave a short laugh. That was worth hearing. Then he saluted as he left.

  At the end of the day, Sohail managed to find me in the courtyard to tell me Pakistan had won the latest test. He must have thought I’d be interested. ‘Pakistan and Australia have two matches each. Now the series will be determined by the last test.’ His face showed his satisfaction with how the cricket was going, but all I could think was how nice it would be to have no worries beyond the outcome of a game. He didn’t linger and sauntered off to find Jasper.

  n

  Liana and I had just described to Sonya Jasper’s plan of getting over the wall. I was surprised that she seemed so relieved. Being Sonya, I thought she’d disagree with some detail, if not the whole idea.

  ‘I thought you liked it here,’ I asked her.

  ‘I do. It is just that it has to happen sometime—my—um, our escape.’

  That was when I truly wondered if Jasper was right about her, after all. She left the room then to find Mrs Kumar. She spent more time with the lady of the house than we did and I guessed it was because they could speak the same language. I soon forgot about Sonya. We were tidying up after dinner when I noticed an odd detail on one of the rugs.

  ‘Do you know, Liana, some of these carpets are weird. See this?’ I put down the dishes and ran my fingers over the red woollen weave.

  ‘This is an elephant foot design, but it hasn’t got the full traditional pattern. Here it looks as if a word is woven into the weave between the flowers instead of the usual geometric design. And see this? On a lot of Afghan rugs there’s a symbol like a dollar sign, except it doesn’t mean that, of course. But in this pattern it looks as though Persian numbers are following the sign as if it really is an amount of money.’

  Liana didn’t answer me. I was disappointed at her lack of interest, until I heard a slight moan.

  I swung my head up to look at her. ‘Li?’

  ‘It’s my stomach. Headache.’ She groaned. ‘Dizzy too.’

  ‘Let’s get you to bed, then.’ I helped her into our room and onto one of the beds.

  ‘I can’t be sick. Jasper’s wild escape will happen soon. You know what he’s like lately, when things don�
��t go as planned.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll try to unearth some medicine.’

  ‘Yuck. The medicine for this is worse than being sick.’

  I had to smile; now Jasper’s escape plan wouldn’t just be play-acting.

  18

  Jasper

  Jasper walked through the bazaar to the village stables. It wasn’t a problem buying four horses, but securing the stable hand’s silence was difficult.

  ‘This is too much trouble,’ the man said. ‘One gold bangle is not enough.’

  Jasper bit on it and motioned to the man to do the same. ‘It’s good gold,’ he argued. ‘Enough to buy five horses and you know it.’

  Greed finally got the better of the man as Jasper hoped it would, and he reluctantly agreed.

  ‘I’ll be here at eleven tonight. Make sure the horses are ready to go.’ Jasper was glad it wasn’t the month of Ramadan when there would have been people on the streets, celebrating and eating throughout the night. Then he would never have managed to get the girls away without being seen.

  Jasper usually felt better when he had a plan of action, but that day, even on the street in broad daylight, he was uneasy. He glanced behind him often as he wouldn’t have put it past Sohail to have him followed. It would be simple in that little bazaar; shops sprawled out onto the narrow road and vendors crowded around calling out their wares. One man shoved a shawl in Jasper’s face in hope of a sale, just as Jasper was trying to check behind him. Finally, he decided it was his own fears making him jumpy, and he made his way back to the house to tell the girls that everything was set for that evening.

  He stationed himself outside the kitchen door, waiting for Mrs Kumar to come out of the ladies’ side of the house. He always had to ask permission to go into the women’s quarters and, even though he knew it was the custom, the waiting frustrated him. ‘I would like to see my sisters please,’ he asked when she finally emerged. He was certain that she believed him to be the girls’ brother or she wouldn’t have allowed him such liberties.

  ‘I am sorry, you cannot today,’ she said pleasantly. ‘One of them is quite ill.’

  Jasper’s heart sank. ‘Please, Mrs Kumar. I must see them.’ And try as he did, he couldn’t keep the agitation out of his voice. Even to his own ears he sounded demanding. Mrs Kumar’s smile vanished. Fortunately, it seemed she had misinterpreted his real intent, but it didn’t stop him feeling like a goat on the butcher’s block.

  ‘I do not like your manner, young man. If I say you will not see the girls, then you will not. I see you have been given too much licence. You should keep away from this side of the house for a few days until you cool down.’ With a flick of her shawl she entered the kitchen, turning only to give him a frown, as he stood there wondering what to do next.

  He plunged his hands into his vest pockets and paced the kitchen garden. The front gate squeaked open as a servant brought produce from the bazaar. That was it! He felt in his pocket for his pencil stub. He’d write them a note. He thought it would be safe since Sohail was hardly ever in the house during the day and no one else would be able to read English. Hurriedly he scratched a message on the back of a receipt he’d received in the bazaar and knocked on the kitchen door. It opened slowly and the servant stood there, a leer spreading over his features.

  ‘What do you want?’

  Jasper swallowed, hoping his scheme would work. The servant didn’t seem very receptive. ‘I see you have fruit from the bazaar. Could I ask you to take some to my sister? She’s sick.’

  The servant leaned against the doorpost. ‘I have oranges, but I do not take orders from you.’

  Jasper dug into his shalwar pocket and drew out a few afghanis. This wasn’t going as well as he had hoped. ‘Of course, I’m willing to pay for them.’ And he held out the notes.

  ‘They cost more than that. It is hard to get oranges these days.’

  Jasper bit his tongue. The amount he was offering was much more than they were worth, but he took out more money. ‘Can I see the oranges? Since I’m paying the moon for them, the least you can do is let me pick them out.’

  The man grudgingly brought a bag of oranges and a basket, and Jasper took a few out of the bag and put them into the basket while slipping the note underneath so it wouldn’t be seen. ‘These are fine.’ And he forced himself to smile.

  ‘To your sister, eh?’ The servant grinned at him with a wink, and Jasper instantly stilled. What did the man suspect? He felt as though the whole household knew what he was planning. Worried, Jasper waited out of sight, under the window to see if the oranges got further than the kitchen. He heard Nazira go in and bang a tray down on the table.

  ‘Why do you look so stupid?’ Her voice was caustic and Jasper almost felt sorry for the servant, if that was what he had to put up with every day. The man didn’t seem offended though.

  ‘That Angrez wants to give his sick sister oranges. I have never seen a more devoted brother,’ and he laughed at his innuendo.

  ‘So he should be. Here, give me that basket and I will see that the girl gets it. It has been nothing but work, work, work ever since they came.’

  Nazira must have left the kitchen then. She sounded sincere enough, but Jasper wasn’t happy. Would that basket of fruit be safe with Nazira?

  19

  Jaime

  I was sitting on Liana’s bed when Nazira came in with a basket of oranges from Jasper.

  ‘How is the sick one?’ she asked, sounding as if she really wanted to know. I was still picking up my chin from the floor when she put the oranges beside Liana on the bed. She didn’t even dump them down as she usually did with our food. ‘Your brother hopes you will enjoy these oranges. He is sorry you are sick.’ She managed to look as if she cared.

  ‘Thank you, Nazira,’ Liana said, as surprised as I was.

  ‘Wonder what’s got into her,’ I murmured.

  ‘Goodness knows.’

  ‘Hey, here’s a note sticking out. It’s from Jasper.’

  ‘What’s it say?’

  ‘Oh, Li.’

  Liana pulled herself up further on the bed. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘We have to go tonight.’ I grabbed her hand. ‘How can we do that when you’re so sick?’

  Liana struggled to sit up properly. ‘I’ll be okay by then. Don’t stress.’

  I went and stood by the window. ‘It even looks as though it could rain.’ Suddenly, a thought struck me and I went back to Liana. ‘You don’t suppose Nazira saw the note, do you? It was sticking out for anyone to see.’

  Liana shook her head. ‘It wouldn’t matter even if she did. Jasper wrote it in English—she wouldn’t be able to understand it.’

  I sank on to the bed again, staring out through the window at the clouds curling in the sky. It was like a moment of reckoning before a huge race; except this time our life depended on our winning. I could imagine Jasper being ready to take a risk. Normally I wouldn’t mind the risk of danger too; I’d taken plenty with Dad. I guess that was the difference; if Dad or Uncle Jon were with us, I would have felt braver. There were so many things that could go wrong, and what would we do once we were out of the village?

  ‘I know this sounds stupid, Li, but I feel safe here. No one has hurt us. We haven’t been threatened.’

  ‘Yeah. I just hope Jasper knows what he’s doing.’

  ‘It’s scary because if we choose the wrong way, it’ll be our fault.’

  ‘I don’t think we should worry. Even if things don’t turn out the way we want, surely something positive can come of it.’

  Liana often amazed me. Here she was, cheering me up, when she must have felt dreadful. She sat up against a cushion.

  ‘Jaime, I really should tell you a story.’ She looked almost well again and a pink flush grew in her cheeks.

  I held my breath in excitement. Liana, being a quiet p
erson, usually didn’t disclose details about her personal life. ‘About the time you were with Mr Kimberley when we were taken hostage during the terrorist attack?’

  She nodded and started from the beginning. That’s the way we spent the hours until the time came to make our escape. I’ll never know if it was a way for her to help me forget what was coming, or whether she felt she had to tell it in case it all went wrong that night and the story would never be told. Whatever the reason, I’m glad she did. I’d never understood before how people can do unexpected things in a time of crisis. The story gave me a part of her that I would never have had otherwise.

  It made me think of Dad and Mum too. What if Jasper’s plan did go wrong? We could tread on a mine for starters. Would I ever see my family again? Elly with her little mice, quiet and clever Andrew. What were they thinking? Surely the school or one of the embassies would know by now that we were missing. They would have told Mum and Dad. It would be impossible to keep Dad off the next flight. He would have been looking for an excuse to come. Surely Uncle Jon would find out about us? He had contacts in Afghanistan and had permission to cross the border. He’d know where the most dangerous fighting was, the mines, the mujahedeen who were friendly and those who weren’t.

  I rested on the bed near Liana, imagining my own story––how Uncle Jon would take Dad across the border as his driver because Dad’s dark hair, olive skin and green eyes made him look Afghan, especially in a shalwar qameez and turban. Fortunately, he still had his beard. At the check posts, he’d have to be quiet and act like a driver. Oh Dad, I wish you were here.

  20

  Jaime

  That evening, Sonya, Liana and I prepared ourselves. I stuffed the blue burqa under my Afghan dress but kept my sneakers on in case there would be lots of walking, and the others followed suit. Fortunately, our burqas were the same colour. Jasper’s plan wouldn’t have worked, otherwise. Any little noise made us jump; it felt as if everyone in the house could hear what we were doing as we waited fully clothed under our quilts for Mrs Kumar to retire. Mrs Kumar often slept in our room and that night she seemed to take an age to settle. We had ideas about what to do if Nazira caused us any problems, but amazingly enough, she had disappeared.