He squeezed hers.
“Jaz, you don’t have to do this. I’m begging you, please don’t do this? What about adoption?”
She tried to pull her hand out of his, but he held on.
She forced herself to look him in the eye.
With tears streaming down her face she said, “Blake, this is what’s best for me. I do not expect you to understand and I do not expect you to agree. Even if you think I’m selfish or you think I’m weak, love me enough to allow me to be flawed. I’m so sorry I hurt you, but look at it this way. After today you will never have to look at me again or be reminded of how disappointed you are in me.”
His throat burned with the emotions that shot through him. As hard as it was for her to go through with this, he knew her well enough to know that the regret would be so much worse. He was trying to save her from a point of no return. Before he could respond they called her name. He looked at their joined hands and this time he let go.
Jasmine didn’t know if that was his dismissal of her or his acceptance of her choice. As she walked toward the nurse she felt as though she was walking her last mile, but in her mind she had done the mental pro and con list. The cons won. Her heart couldn’t be trusted to make this decision, so she used her mind. She used logic. She only hoped her heart could live with the decision her mind made.
As Jasmine left to exercise her right to choose, Blake sat in the waiting area in limbo. He loved Jasmine more than he had ever loved anybody. However knowing she was capable of something he felt was so wrong made him question that love. He asked himself if he didn’t agree with someone should it make him stop loving them. He had to decide if this moment was a deal breaker for their friendship?
What did it say about him if he didn’t think her worthy of him because she made a choice? He knew he could never agree with her decision. Sure he could understand it, but he couldn’t agree with it. He was also concerned if it would change who she was? Would it change who she was to him?
He didn’t want to lose his friend now that he had just got her back. He didn’t want this to be hanging over their heads forever. Would it be the pink elephant in the room that they weren’t allowed to talk about? Would the wedge he already felt between them widen?
Maybe they would be forever bonded with a secret they would take to their graves or maybe they would forever be divided in their morals. He wondered if it was her morals that changed or was it just one isolated act of desperation.
Blake wasn’t a religious man. He was by no means a praying one. He’d watch his father get up and go to church every Sunday without fail. He’d also watched his dad get drunk every weekend and be the most insufferable man he had ever known Monday through Saturday. So he didn’t have much use for church, but was church synonymous with God?
He believed in God, that is he believed in something bigger, something higher than himself, but that was just because it was too depressing not to. Still he found himself at a crossroads in his life and very unsure of what he should do. He reached for what he learned as a little boy in Sunday school. He prayed.
“Dear God, I know it’s been a long time and I honestly don’t even know if you’re there. If you’re there I don’t know if you’d listen to me. I mean I can’t possibly be your favorite creation, but to be perfectly honest I don’t really have much of a choice right now. I’m terrified for Jasmine. So if you’re there, and if you’re real, fix this. Fix Jasmine. She is going to need it. I think I will be okay as long as she is okay. Somehow make it alright. If you can find it in your heart to do that for her then I will find it in my heart to forgive her and I won’t leave her side. I’ll be a better friend. I promise, if you would just do this one thing for me. Amen.”
He was sure the procedure was done by now. He knew she had to be in recovery, but he used the time to sort through his feelings about the situation. An hour later Jasmine walked through the double doors. Her face was stoic again. Even though her eyes were red they were dry. He stood up as she approached him, but before he could speak, she shook her head.
“Can we please just leave?”
He would respect her wishes for silence. He took her bag in one hand and her hand in the other. They walked out.
When they arrived at her apartment Jasmine had the door open before he could put the car in park. Once he turned off the ignition he got out to just stare at her.
“Look Blake, thanks for doing this, but you took me and brought me back so you’re free to go now.”
He ignored her, got her bag out of the car and took her house keys out of her hand. She didn’t have the energy to fight so she just followed him into the house.
He asked, “You hungry? I could cook you something or we could go get something to eat if you want.”
“No, I’m not hungry. I’m fine. I just want to be alone, so if you could…”
He continued to ignore her and headed to her room. She rolled her eyes and followed him. He closed her door.
“Jaz, you should probably lie down and get some rest.”
She was exhausted and her heart was broken into quite a few pieces. The guilt wasn’t unexpected but it was overwhelming. She didn’t know how much longer she could hold up. She just wanted him to leave because an, “I told you so,” would drive her insane.
When Blake looked in her eyes he knew she needed him but he knew her pride wouldn’t let her ask. He went to her and held her. She held on and cried and cried and cried. When he finally got her calm she lay down in the bed and he lay beside her.
He said, “Close your eyes Jaz and try to get some sleep.”
She said, “I thought you were done with me.”
He pulled her hair out of the bun and ran his fingers through it to make the curls wild again.
He kissed her on her nose and said, “Get some sleep, I’ll still be here when you wake up.”
She curled into his side and willed her mind to let her sleep. She prayed that he really would still be there when she awoke.
Chapter 12: Friendship is a Gift from God
Jasmine and Blake were headed to meet their friends for Blake’s birthday dinner. It was the spring of their junior year and Blake and Jasmine were closer than they had ever been. They knew now there wasn’t anything that would ever come between their friendship.
Jasmine had found a way to cope with her decision, though it was a long and arduous process. The burden was now a dull distant ache instead of a stabbing pain in her heart.
Blake had been her rock and she was so grateful for his friendship. She would never take for granted the love he had for her. It was unparalleled. Her due date was June 8th. Every year on that fated day she thought she would lose her mind, but Blake was right there with her.
He had taken her to a secluded area of the beach, her favorite place in the whole world. They celebrated the child that neither of them would ever know. Each year she bought her child a little teddy bear or some small toy because she didn’t want to show up empty handed on his birthday. She always thought it would have been a little boy.
The ache in her heart on that day was so overwhelming she knew the only reason she was able to stand on her own two feet was because Blake was holding her up. Blake had taken her to the spot on the beach they found when they were kids.
It had big jagged and smooth rocks that formed an odd u-shape. When they were kids they would climb the rocks and chase each other for hours while her dad was surf fishing.
Blake found a little spot behind the rocks, dug a hole and buried whatever present she bought. He made a beautiful a memorial spot with seashells that always washed away when the tide came in. Whenever it was swept away Jasmine let all of her emotions go with the receding water until the next year.
Blake never knew exactly what Jasmine needed or how long she would require this purging process. He was always there to support her whether he had to wipe her tears, hold her hand or just sit there in companionable silence. Whatever she needed he would provide. She had been there for him
in his darkest moments returning the favor was his genuine pleasure.
When he used to have nightmares about what his dad did to him he would sneak out of his window, cross the street in the dead of night, and tap on her window. She always let him in. He knew even if it made him come to tears Jasmine would be there without judgment.
He’d climb into her twin bed. She’d hug him and lay her head on his little chest. He would play in her hair while he told her about whatever haunted him that night. Playing in her hair calmed him down. The smell of coconuts was like a soothing balm. Jasmine loved the way he played in her hair. It had a calming effect on her as well. It eventually put them both to sleep.
She would set her little Mickey Mouse alarm clock so he would have plenty of time to sneak back home. He had those nightmares until he was 13. Jasmine was always there with an open heart and a strong shoulder to lean on. He admired her strength. Even at such a young age her strength was evident.
Jasmine looked over at Blake and couldn’t believe they were 21 already. Time was flying by so fast.
She said, “You’re old now.”
He laughed, “Uh you were old a month before I was.”
“I cannot be bothered with petty details.”
They laughed as he pulled up to the restaurant. Blake got out and went to open Jasmine’s door.
He said, “You look very pretty.”
She said, “I know,” and laughed.
He pinched her nose and then kissed it.
She said, “You’re not so shabby yourself.”
“Did you expect anything less,” he replied.
She lightly punched him in his shoulder as they headed inside.
The hostess led them to a table in the back. All their friends were there waiting. Sitting at the table was Damon, Lucy, Carmen and Ahmed. Since sophomore year this had been their motley crew. Lucy was a skinny little bean pole with a fresh pleasant face, shoulder length straight black hair and eyes the same rich hue. Lucy was Vietnamese and had been Jasmine’s roommate sophomore year. They hit it off instantly.
Lucy introduced her to Carmen because they worked together as waitresses at a local restaurant. Carmen was average height with an athletic build though she did possess the curves common to her Mexican heritage. She had long dark brown hair that cascaded down to her backside. Her brown eyes sparkled as she greeted Blake and Jasmine with kisses on their cheeks.
Ahmed gave Blake a fist pound and kissed Jasmine on the cheek. Damon and Blake had met Ahmed on the basketball court. Ahmed was about five-eleven with gorgeous wavy black hair. Since he was Middle Eastern his skin was the color of ripe olives and his jet black eyes were pleasantly mysterious.
Their crew was a uniquely eclectic one, but the love between them was as authentic as it could possibly be. They embraced their differences and never took their ethnicities too seriously by always keeping the jokes about stereotypes frequently flowing. Not everyone they encountered could handle the realness of what they shared. As they were catching up Damon’s date arrived.
She was a sista with bone straight hair and curves for days, the way he liked them. Her cocoa skin was flawless. She looked around the table trying to figure out how she would get along with this rainbow of people. She and Damon had only been hanging out for a month, but she was already smitten with him like most women he encountered.
He introduced her.
“Hey everyone, this is Stacy. Stacy, this is everyone.”
He went through and introduced each of his friends by name. Stacy was nervous and wanted to make a good impression, but she was starting to feel like she might not have anything in common with Damon if these were his closest friends.
She smiled shyly and said, “Nice to meet all of you.”
Just then the waiter came up and made his way around the table taking orders. Jasmine eyed Stacy suspiciously and then shared her glance with Carmen and Lucy. They both lifted their water glasses to try and camouflage their laughter.
Damon was a ladies man. He always had a new flavor every month. They didn’t waste their time getting to know any of them and they didn’t even try to make them feel comfortable. They had gotten burned too many times getting attached to a woman he brought around. Their hearts couldn’t take the disappointment anymore.
Jasmine wanted to warn the poor girl and tell her to run as fast as her long legs could take her away from that man. She had yet to meet the woman who could tame him.
Blake and Ahmed always had his back and laid on the charm thick. They gave every one of his women the benefit of the doubt that maybe they would be the one to make the cut.
Blake asked Stacy, “So what is your major?”
“I’m a poly-sci major.”
Jasmine asked, “Do you want to be a lawyer or an actual politician?”
As if she was tired of the question she answered a little exasperated.
“I’m going into politics. My family has had a politician in every generation. This time it’s my turn.”
Carmen caught the hint of dissent in her voice, “Sounds like following in the preplanned script isn’t what you’re passionate about?”
Stacy consciously made her smile reach her eyes, “Now why would you say that? I can’t wait to become a public servant.”
Jasmine sipped her water and said, “Well, you definitely have the makings of a politician. You turned on that charm extra sugary sweet in the blink of an eye. I still have to agree with Carmen you don’t seem that excited. Life’s too short not to do what you love.”
Smile still in place Stacy asked, “And what exactly do you know about my life, sista? You just met me so don’t go there.”
Jasmine’s eyebrow shot up as she slowly set her water down. Blake knew that she was about to go in hard on Stacy. So did Ahmed and Damon. Lucy and Carmen sat back to enjoy the show.
Damon was quick, “Uh Stacy, don’t mind my girls. They always go for the jugular the first time out trying to see if you’ve got what it takes to stick around. They don’t mean any harm.”
Lucy said, “Yeah, it took me a minute to get used to it, but they’re harmless. Well Carmen is but Jasmine, well that’s another story.”
Everyone but Jasmine and Stacy released a tension filled laughed. Their eyes were locked on each other.
“If I had known I was going to be interrogated I would have brought my lawyer along,” Stacy said sarcastically.
“Honey if you can’t handle this table then politics is probably not the smartest decision you’ve ever made. We represent just about every voting group,” Jasmine retorted.
Damon, smooth as ever, laid a soft kiss on Stacy’s ruby red lips before she could respond.
Ahmed always the peacekeeper said, “Quick Blake, say something oppressive and redirect the palpable tension.”
Blake said, “I oppressed yo mama last night!”
Carmen said, “White people just can’t quite pull off yo mama!”
Damon replied with a straight face, “Carmen, half of me is offended.”
Lucy said, “Just don’t let your black half offend the waiter by not tipping him!”
Blake said, “Luce make sure you calculate the tip so Damon and Jasmine don’t have any excuses.”
“Uh, that’s Chinese people,” Lucy smirked.
“Wait you’re not Chinese,” Ahmed asked.
Lucy threw her napkin at him and responded, “Nope, the people across the street from your uncle’s gas station are Chinese.”
Damon said, “Oh you mean the one’s next to your cousin’s nail shop?”
Jasmine redirected and said, “Carmen I’m looking at the dessert menu and I don’t see anything on here with beans. Sorry maybe next time.”
Carmen gave Jasmine the finger.
She said, “It’s okay I checked with the waiter and they’re out of hot sauce so we’ll both have to tough it out.”
Damon gasped, “Now my other half if offended! But Jasmine always brings us a bottle of hot sauce in her purse. Ain’t that r
ight Jazzy?”
“Actually it’s the hot sauce packets from various fast food joints,” Jasmine said. “I’m all out though because Blake used them all trying to support Black History Month.”
Lucy asked, “Now Damon what are you going to put on your chicken?”
“I didn’t order chicken,” Damon lied.
There was a collective smirk and then all of them fell out laughing. When they composed themselves they each pulled out a dollar bill and handed it to Damon.
Damon exclaimed, “Here’s my tip!”
They laughed again. It was a game they played frequently. Whoever made them break their flow and laugh got a dollar from each of them. They loved to freak out new people to the group with it.
Stacy stared for a moment slightly thrown off. She wanted to be offended but she had to admire the quick wit and word play. She could tell this was something they did often. Before she could decide how to respond two waiters came out with their food and began distributing it.
When all the plates were settled Stacy was about to dig in when Jasmine said, “Okay y’all, wait, we gotta bless the food.”
Stacy caught herself as they all prepared to bow their heads. She wondered if they were going to pray to Jesus, Allah, Buddha or the Virgin Mary. She had no idea what to expect so she quickly said her own silent blessing. She knew the rest of her night would be very interesting.
Chapter 13: The Plan
It was senior year and one month before graduation. The gang had all received local job offers, was ready to go into business for themselves, or heading to their next level of education. They were ecstatic about what the world had to offer.
Jasmine and Lucy had gone to cosmetology school at night the last two years of school. Lucy was a licensed cosmetologist, esthetician and a nail technician. Jasmine was a licensed cosmetologist and esthetician. Jasmine was graduating with a degree in Business Administration and Lucy a degree in Accounting.
Carmen attended culinary school at night and was graduating with a degree in Business Administration and a culinary degree. Damon had a degree in Engineering and was heading toward his masters in Architecture. Blake was an English major and about to enter into law school in the fall. Ahmed was enrolled in an accelerated program and was graduating with a master’s in Finance.
Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1) Page 7