She woke up early and tried to make herself look normal and happy. She had to pile on the make-up to cover the hideous dark circles under her eyes. She put on a gray jogging suit and some sneakers. She grabbed her purse and keys and headed out for the hour drive home to the other side of town.
Being left alone with her thoughts haunting her did not make for a great road trip. The first song that played on the radio was, “Zion” by Lauren Hill. She couldn’t take the guilt and made up in her mind that she was going to tell her parents about the baby that way she would have no choice but to keep it.
She pulled up in the driveway admiring her parents’ beautiful home. She looked across the street at Blake’s parents’ house but his mother wasn’t out on the porch. She would make sure to go over and speak to her before she left. She used her key to unlock the door. She hadn’t called to warn her parents. She didn’t have the guts but she called out when she entered and dropped her overnight bag by the door.
“Ma, I’m home?”
Her mom came from another room and waved at her, “Oh hey baby,” but kept nodding her head as if the person on the other line could see her.
Jasmine mumbled, “Well great to see you too mother.”
She followed her mother into the kitchen and tuned into her conversation, “Girl she ought to be ashamed coming home knocked up and embarrassing her family like that.”
Jasmine’s heart stopped. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
Her mother continued, “Mmmm-hmmm girl, I wish my child would come home pregnant, and I heard she don’t even know who the father is.”
Her mother laughed, “Girl you ain’t never lied.”
Jasmine was nauseous. She ran out of the room before her mother could see her crying and ran right into her father.
“Wait. Slow down honey. What’s the matter?”
She was startled, “Nothing daddy, I just don’t feel well.”
He eyed his baby girl, “You don’t look so well. Sit down baby.”
“No daddy, I really just want to go upstairs to my room.”
He nudged her to sit, “Wait sweetie. What’s got my beautiful baby so upset?”
She wanted to tell him, but after hearing her mother’s obvious disdain for unwanted, unplanned bastard children the words got caught in her throat.
“I’m sorry daddy, I can’t. Please don’t tell mom I was upset. I just need to lie down for a little while.”
He stared into her eyes as if he could see right through to her soul. He knew something heavy weighed on her heart. He was never one to push though. He always let each of his children come to him on their own. He didn’t pry. His wife did plenty of that for the both of them.
Jasmine desperately wished just this once he wouldn’t let her leave until she spilled her guts by default, but she knew there was a better chance of a purple moon popping up at noon.
He kissed her on the forehead, “Go lie down sweetie and when you’ve calmed down come tell me all about it.”
She nodded relieved and disappointed.
“Yes daddy.”
As she got up to walk away he grabbed her hand.
“Jasmine, no matter what it is you can tell me. We can figure it out together.”
One look in his eyes and she knew he meant it. She nodded and headed to her room.
∞∞∞
A couple hours later Jasmine woke from her tear-induced nap. After she splashed water on her face she went to hunt up her dad and tell him what was going on. She found him sitting at the kitchen table with her mother. She caught the tail end of the conversation.
“Rachel should know better than to get knocked up. I mean didn’t she ever hear of birth control. If you’re stupid enough to be having sex that’s the least you could do.”
“Come on now Vanessa. Why are you judging that child so harshly? She is young and she made a mistake. A baby is not the end of the world.”
“Hmph. I tell you what, no child of mine better come in here talking about they got a baby on the way. Her parents saved for years to send her to college and she just threw it all away because she couldn’t keep her legs closed.”
“It’s not the end of the world.”
“No, it’s just the end of her life as she knows it.”
Her father shook his head. She was about to flee the scene when her mother spotted her and smiled.
“There you are baby. Come sit down and tell me how you’ve been.”
Her father gave her the once over and was about to ask her how she was feeling when she gave him a slight shake of her head. He understood and backed off. He kissed them both on the forehead and headed out to sit on the porch.
Jasmine stared at her beautiful mother for a moment before answering. She had her mother’s peanut butter complexion but her dad’s big brown eyes. Her mothers were black and heavily lashed, which served her well since she never saw her mom’s face made up.
“I’m good mama. I just wanted to get away for the day. How are you?”
“Sweetie, you look a little worn, are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, just you know finals, so little sleep, and lots of studying.”
Her mother brushed her cheek with her fingertip.
“Well just be glad all of your worries revolve around studying. Rachel Phillips is having a whole boatload of problems that you would not believe.”
Jasmine squirmed.
“Yeah I heard you and daddy talking about it.”
Her mother stood and kissed her on the cheek.
“Well, I’m just glad that is something we don’t have to worry about because we raised our daughter right.”
Jasmine wanted to crawl through the floor.
“You hungry,” her mother asked.
She shook her head no as the tears threatened to come back with a vengeance.
“I’m going to go sit with dad on the porch,” she managed to squeak out.
“Okay, tell him I’m making him a peach cobbler tonight because he’s so sweet.”
Jasmine smiled in spite of herself. She always wanted a marriage like her parents, but she felt very unworthy of love at the moment. Her dad was rocking in his chair on the front porch. She sat in the rocker next to him and neither said a word.
She knew he wouldn’t push, and for this she was grateful. She didn’t cry this time. She just reached out and held her father’s hand. She studied the contrast of his dark chocolate hand in hers. She wondered where the hue of her baby’s skin would fall in their family spectrum and if she had the courage to find out.
Justin could feel it through his daughter’s skin as well as his paternal instincts that Jasmine was in trouble.
He said, “Baby, whatever it is you can tell me. I promise you we can figure it out. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”
Jasmine said, “Dad I will handle this on my own. I’m a grown woman and I can’t run to my daddy every time something is difficult. You promised you would never pry.”
She’d placed him securely between his word and his instincts, a very uncomfortable place.
He said, “You’re right baby. I’m sorry.”
Somewhere deep down he knew this was the one time he should have gone against his word and followed his instincts.
Chapter 10: Un-break my Heart
It was Sunday night and Jasmine had just received a text from Blake saying he was on his way over. This was her moment of truth and the butterflies in her stomach felt like they were on caffeine overload. She had come to her final decision and she wasn’t budging no matter what influences or fears came her way. She was so scared, but she was determined to stick to her decision no matter how hard it was or what it cost her. She heard her roommate call out that Blake was here.
She went to her door and opened it. She smiled at him. He smiled back. She thought he looked a little worn but he still wore that crooked smile she adored.
He gave her a hug and kissed her on the nose, “Hey Jaz.”
“Hey lov
e. How are you?”
“I’m great,” he said as he walked in and sat in her desk chair. He figured he would waste no time and just get right down to it.
“Okay Jaz, I think I have this all figured out, but first let me say this. I thought long and hard about the things you said about us and the truth is I miss you in my life. I’m sorry I haven’t been a great friend and I’m sorry that you felt like you had to do this alone.”
She gave him a watery smile but she didn’t want to interrupt him.
He continued, “Now, with that being said, it will take some adjustments but I think we can make it work. I come into my trust fund in a year plus we both have money saved up that we can use now. We will finish out this semester and both find work next semester. In the summer we will get a place with three bedrooms. Our scholarships will cover tuition and we will make sure what we have saved up will cover us for a year.”
Now she wanted to interrupt him but he kept talking so fast and with so much passion.
“By that time we will have two years left and my trust fund so we will be fine. We will just be roommates for the duration of school. See it was so simple.”
He saw the strange look on her face and continued, “I know, I know what will we do after that? Okay, I thought about that too and it depends on who gets what kind of job offer, but those details can be worked out when the time comes. The bottom line is I should still have enough to buy you and the baby a townhouse or something, that way when you do find work that’s one thing you won’t have to worry about.”
He smiled at her with triumph like he had solved an ancient enigmatic conundrum.
“So what do you think? Oh, and wait, I’m going to put my name on the baby’s birth certificate so the kid will know he or she was always wanted. Screw Jeremy, he is such a punk. He better hope I never lay eyes on him,” he sneered.
She just stared at him, flabbergasted by his generosity, support and his obvious love for her. She hated herself for the words that fell out of her mouth.
“Blake, I’m having the abortion. That’s my final decision.”
He goggled at her in earnest disbelief.
“Jasmine, you cannot be serious!”
She didn’t respond but turned away.
He grabbed her arm and angrily said, “No, the least you can do is face me. I asked you not to make a decision until after we talked. How can you be so selfish?”
“You can have your self-righteous rant Blake, but you forgot to factor in the emotional toll this will take on everyone involved, people we haven’t even met yet.”
“What the hell are you talking about Jasmine?”
“I’m talking about your future wife, your future children, whoever there is in my future. What about this baby? How will it feel when the father he has known leaves to go start the life that you have every right to? When he finds out his own father doesn’t even want him. No, you’re not thinking about that and yeah I may be being selfish, but so are you. You are putting this kid into an impossible situation and making decisions that will affect his life. At the end of the day the only person to blame for this baby’s hurt or your guilt will be me and I’m not having it.”
Her response didn’t fall on deaf ears, but he couldn’t think about his hypothetical wife or kids because the baby was real and the baby was here right now. It deserved a chance to be born. He was so infuriated with Jasmine he wanted to choke some sense into her, so he thought it was best he left.
Jasmine felt the lump in her throat because she honestly thought that he would hate her for the rest of his life, but she had to do what she had to do.
As he walked to the door she called out, “Blake, one last thing.”
He stopped but it took him a full minute to turn around and acknowledge her. The cold glare in his eyes confirmed her fears. Her friend was lost to her forever despite his earlier heartfelt confessions.
After a deep breath she said, “Blake, I know you hate me right now, you may even hate me forever but I’m going to ask you for one last thing and you never have to speak to me again.”
He just stared waiting for her to get to the point.
Her voice cracked, “Can you please go with me. I have to be there at nine.” Her voice cracked more now. “I need someone to be there with me to drive me back home. There isn’t anyone else I can ask. I would never ask you to do this if I had another choice.”
His hateful stare broke her heart.
“Please Blake, I need you and I’m scared.”
He felt his face flush so he didn’t think he had to verbally explain to her what was going through his mind. He turned his back to her and then a pang of guilt hit him as he thought back to the words he had just spoke to her. Then he remembered all the times Jasmine had been there for him.
During the most shameful depressing times in his life she was there. She never judged the way he dealt with his pain, not once. She didn’t agree with his desire to have a relationship with his intolerable father. He couldn’t blame her, but she was always there trying to support him in any way he needed.
It enraged him to no end to have to say it but between his teeth he said, “I’ll be here to pick you up at eight.”
With that he slammed the door. The finality of it made her jump. Jasmine lay across her bed and mourned for the friendship that was irrevocably broken. It was just one more thing in her life that was affected by one stupid moment of irresponsibility.
Chapter 11: Defining Moments
Blake hadn’t slept much the night before so on top of being outraged, hurt and anxious, he was sleepy. Today he would definitely be a man of very short patience. He pulled up to Jasmine’s apartment and blew the horn. It was something he never did. He always went to the door to pick up a woman, any woman, but chivalry was low on his list of priorities today. His mother would skin him alive if she ever found out.
He waited a few moments and then sent her a text because he still was not in the mood to talk to her. Moments later, she came out wearing a black track suit and a black baseball cap. Her wild curls were straightened and drawn back into a bun. That was different. Her face was stoic and void of make-up. Her face always seemed to be highlighted, never overdone though. Now her bare expressionless face made her look like a frightened little girl. He could feel his heart softening just a little bit. That added to his resentment.
She slid into the car and spoke a soft, “Good morning.”
He didn’t respond, backed out and took a sip of the coffee she had placed in the cup holder. The 45 minute ride to the clinic was filled with silence. Each of them sat consumed by their own thoughts. Jasmine was irked that he couldn’t even bother to speak to her, but that was the least of her problems. Not only was she about to make a life changing decision, she also had to deal with whatever was left of her soul afterward all alone.
No one but Blake knew, well except for Jeremy, but she was never speaking to him again. She wouldn’t spit on his body if it was on fire. Why would she when she was the one who would have lit the match. She had never known hate, but what was forming in her heart for Jeremy must be it.
Blake was trying to have a heart-to-heart with himself and get rid of the disdain he felt for someone he loved so much. It was true their friendship had been challenged by life and life was winning. So he had to decide if he wanted to continue letting life win or did he want to fight for his friendship.
Could he actually live his life happily without Jasmine in it? As mad as he was, if he was honest with himself and left pride out of the equation then the answer was emphatically no. Why would he want to?
When they arrived there were protesters out on the lawn of the clinic, chanting and waving their pro-life signs. As Blake came around the car, his instincts outweighed his ire. He possessively hooked an arm around Jasmine to shield her from the angry mob and took her bag in his other hand. She gratefully hid her face in his chest.
The tears wanted to fall again because of the additional guilt brought on by the stranger
s yelling and judging her, but she refused. Her tears hadn’t helped her all this time. They wouldn’t do her any good now. She was determined to stop being so weak and own up to the decisions that she made. After all, she couldn’t spend the rest of her life in a perpetual state of crying. She knew it would be easier said than done though.
Blake opened the door to the clinic and guided Jasmine to the reception counter. The atmosphere was morose and lifeless. The décor of pristine white and a drab gray he assumed was meant to keep patients detached and focused on what they were there to do. The pretty, petite receptionist asked what time was her appointment.
Since Jasmine stood there like a deaf mute, Blake said, “9 A.M.”
She asked Jasmine, her name and date of birth. Again Jasmine didn’t respond, so Blake answered. The receptionist became suspicious as to whether Jasmine was being forced to do something she didn’t want to do, if she only knew.
With a hint of an attitude she said, “Sir, I need to hear from her. Ma’am are you sure you want to do this?”
Jasmine felt Blake’s body go rigid. She knew him and his temper. That caused her to snap out of her daze.
“I’m sorry miss, this is just very hard. It took me a minute to find my voice.”
“Are you here because you want to be?”
The receptionist suspiciously eyed Blake. Jasmine felt his hand tighten on hers before he let it go and walked off to have a seat.
“Yeah, I am. It’s him who doesn’t want to be here.”
The receptionist relaxed a little and continued with the registration process. After they were done Jasmine joined him as she waited for her name to be called.
Jasmine wanted Blake to hold her hand through the process, but she knew he couldn’t. The clinic would provide someone to be with her every step of the way until she could be reunited with Blake. Jasmine had never let go of his hand from the moment she sat down. He could feel hers tremble in his.
Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1) Page 6