Jasmine shot Carmen a look that could liquefy steel. She didn’t mind the question, but having this discussion in front of Amber was bound to be ugly.
She sighed, “I haven’t told him yet.”
Amber just stared at her with a satisfied smugness that made Jasmine want to knock her teeth out.
Carmen cut her eyes, “Jazzy, it’s one thing for you not to tell us. It’s quite another for you not to tell your significant other.”
Defensively Jasmine responded, “Back off okay Carmen. Look, what part of I didn’t tell anybody do you guys not understand? I didn’t think about the surgery being scheduled so soon after the results. This is a decision that I made about my own body. He’s not my husband and while I value his opinion he does not get the final say so.”
Damon just shook his head. Ahmed was still stuck on why and as soon as an opening presented itself he would ask it. How can she do something so incredibly unselfish for a person who so obviously didn’t deserve it? Lucy had already made her peace with it, but she’d had more time to digest.
Lucy knew how much Jasmine loved Blake and she knew the kind of heart Jasmine had. It only made sense for her to do it. She knew Jasmine couldn’t live with herself if she had sat back and let the poor bastard die.
However, she felt it was indeed time for Blake and Jasmine to stop lying to themselves and hurting people in the process. They needed to face their own internal prejudices that clearly kept them from being together.
Blake came back with a beer for Amber.
“Jasmine, how could you not tell him?”
“Look everybody just stop okay. This is between me and Derrick and I will handle it. Thanks so much for your concern, but I got this,” Jasmine said exasperated.
Blake sat down and just stared at her.
“Okay Jaz that was weird. Are you okay?”
Amber interrupted before she could answer.
“Blake I need to go home. Can you walk me out?”
He turned to look at her like she had also lost her mind.
“And what’s wrong with you?”
She snapped, “Nothing I’ve been at the hospital all day and I want to go home.”
He took another swig of his beer and then stood up to walk her out. Maybe she and Jasmine were both on their periods, but whatever it was he didn’t want any part of it.
When they left Lucy said, “So Amber is ready to beat your behind I see. Can’t say I blame the girl.”
Jasmine rolled her eyes, “Shut up Lucy.”
“Truth hurts. Even with my mouth closed it will still be the truth,” Lucy uncharacteristically countered.
Ahmed asked, “Jasmine, seriously, why exactly are you doing this?”
She put her head down and screamed. Then she looked up into his dark eyes.
“Ahmed the truth is I am in a position to help so I’m going to do it and it’s just that simple.”
“But how can you do something like this for someone who is so cruel to you?”
She understood his curiosity.
“The day I walked into the hospital I felt it in my spirit to get tested. I knew I would be a match. I don’t always understand God’s plan for my life, but I will always follow it. So you see it doesn’t matter how this makes Amber feel, how it makes Derrick feel or even how it makes my parents feel. This is bigger than all of that. This is someone’s life. This is a chance for him to live the next half of his life very different from the first. This is a chance for a family that has been separated for so long to finally come together and enjoy being a family.”
Damon asked, “But how do you know he will use this opportunity for that?”
“Because I have faith in the God that I serve, and let’s just say Frank and I have reached an understanding. Now if you all will excuse me I’m going to call my parents. Just send Derrick to my room when he gets here. The surgery is at noon tomorrow. I love you all and everything is going to be okay. I promise.”
She left and went upstairs to her room.
∞∞∞
Outside Amber leaned against her car with her arms folded and a scowl on her face. Blake felt like he was missing an important piece to this attitude puzzle.
“Did something happen between you and Jasmine today Amber?”
She ignored his question but asked one of her own. One she hated that she couldn’t just ignore.
“If I asked you to choose between me and Jasmine what would your answer be?”
His head snapped to attention. She saw the fury on his face. He could honestly not believe that she was trying to force him to choose. Not this again.
“Why the hell would you ask me something like that Amber? Are you really that egotistical that you would bring that up the night before my best friend and my dad go under the knife? She could die trying to save his life. I could lose her. I’m sorry, but I have just a little bit more on my plate than your ego at the moment.”
He left her standing there and went back in the house without a backward glance. She got in her car then broke down and cried. The pain of his immediate dismissal of her gave her the answer she didn’t want to hear. A few minutes later she drove home.
Chapter 19: Buried Feelings
Blake came in the house and slammed the door drawing everyone’s attention to him and silencing their conversation. Before they could respond the doorbell rang. Blake opened it irate thinking Amber couldn’t take the hint.
“What!”
Derrick stared at him like he was on drugs.
“Uh, is there a problem we need to handle?”
Embarrassed Blake said, “I’m sorry man, thought you were someone else.”
Derrick nodded and walked in but didn’t see Jasmine.
“Where is she?”
Carmen decided under the circumstances she would ignore his rudeness.
“She’s in her room waiting for you.”
As Derrick headed to Jasmine’s room Blake sat at the table.
Before anyone opened their mouths he said, “Don’t ask.”
∞∞∞
Derrick walked into Jasmine’s room without knocking. His attitude with her was not the best and having Blake of all people yell at him at the door didn’t help. He knew he obviously thought he was someone else but it still irked him. He momentarily put all that to the side when he focused on Jasmine. She was sitting on her bed, phone in hand crying.
“Babe, what’s wrong?”
He startled her. She jerked slightly then relaxed when she saw it was him. She wasn’t in the mood anymore. She just wanted this night to be over.
“Come in and please shut the door.”
He obliged, came in and sat next to her. He put his arm around her and kissed her temple. She eased out of his embrace to face him.
“Derrick I know we haven’t exactly been on the same page the last couple of weeks but I need to tell you something.”
The look on her face told him he wasn’t going to like it.
“What is it?”
“You know that Blake’s father has been in the hospital with kidney failure for the last few weeks.”
He nodded curiously.
“Well it turns out that I’m a match and tomorrow I am having surgery to give him one of my kidneys.”
He simply stared at her opting out of believing anything she said was true. He laughed but she didn’t so he got mad.
“Are you serious?”
“Why would I joke about something like this?”
“You would joke about something like this because I can’t imagine why in the world you would give that man a kidney.”
She was so tired of justifying herself. And after the tongue lashing her mother gave her she didn’t have the energy or the inclination to deal with Derrick. She was deeply disturbed because at the moment she had just realized her mother had some severe racist tendencies.
“Look, my reasons are my own. I am so sorry I’m just telling you but in all fairness everybody who needs to know found out today.”
“Oh so you’re putting me on the same level as everyone else in your life. Jasmine that’s just not gon fly.”
The eye roll she just couldn’t stop set him off.
“You know what Jasmine, I am so sick of you trying to be good enough for Blake’s family. Don’t you get it? You a nigga. You gon always be a nigga. Them crackers don’t care nothing about you. They don’t want you in their family because if they did he would have been with you a long time ago. What, you think giving that ungrateful prick your kidney is going to make him welcome you with open arms? Wake up Jasmine, you are living in a fantasy land and frankly I’m sick of watching you make a fool out of yourself to prove you belong.”
She couldn’t have been more shocked if he had hauled off and slapped her. The pain of what he assumed was going on was like a sledge hammer to the chest. Knowing he thought so little of her hurt and infuriated her to levels she didn’t even know existed.
Her reason for doing this was not about acceptance, it was about love, the love she had for her best friend. It was about helping someone in need. Her tears burned away due to her anger.
She calmly said, “Get out Derrick.”
“No, I’m not going anywhere while my future wife slices up her body for some racist bastard to get approval. What about our future? What about our children? Did you think about how all of this would affect that?”
She looked at him like he was on crack. How in the hell could he see her as his future wife when he obviously thought she was some lost little black girl with self-esteem issues that would do anything to be accepted by whitey.
Through clinched teeth she said, “Look at it this way. If I die on the table tomorrow none of this will be relevant or of any importance.”
The quick look of shock and panic on his face told her the words had hit their mark.
Before he could say anything she said, “Get the hell out of my house Derrick.”
His hesitation caused her to scream it.
“Get out!”
He walked out making sure to slam the door behind him.
Derrick felt as though he was walking the green mile as five sets of eyes stared at him. He didn’t say a word but he did give Blake a challenging look. Damon saw Blake go rigid. Damon touched his arm and shook his head. When the door shut behind him Blake stood up to go to Jasmine but Carmen caught his arm.
“No, looks like you’ve done enough. Let us go. Come on Luce.”
Lucy followed her.
Chapter 20: Girl Talk
Lucy and Carmen found Jasmine on her bed crying. They both rushed to her side. Carmen pulled her up and held her as she continued to cry. Jasmine was so confused. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that God had directed her down this path. She couldn’t understand why it was filled with constant resistance from everyone around her.
Between Amber, Derrick and her mom she was at her wits end. While Carmen rubbed her back Lucy tried to pull her wild curls away from her face before they were matted from all the crying. Her sobs began to slow and she lifted her head off Carmen’s shoulders and wiped at her tear-stained face.
“God why is this so hard?”
Lucy was battling back tears. She couldn’t stand to see Jasmine so upset.
Carmen said, “Tell us what happened sweetie.”
She chuckled, “Where do I begin?”
Lucy smirked, “How bout we start with Amber.”
They laughed.
Jasmine told them what happened at the hospital and how she responded to Amber’s threats. She could tell by the stunned looks on their faces that maybe she shouldn’t have taken it quite that far.
Lucy asked, “Does Blake know?”
“I didn’t tell him and I’m not going to unless I have to. I think it would upset him more that she has so little faith in his love for her.”
Lucy said cautiously, “But Jasmine, I know you can understand that any woman would have a problem with her man constantly hugging and kissing on another woman.”
“Blake doesn’t kiss me.”
Carmen said, “He kisses your nose.”
Jasmine rolled her eyes, “That is something from a long time ago. It’s a habit that’s completely innocent. It’s no different than him kissing either of you on the forehead.”
“Okay, well what about his constantly playing in your hair,” Carmen asked.
Jasmine thought back to how that started.
“Again, it’s something from our childhood. It’s harmless. I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it. Look, I don’t wanna get into it but playing in my hair calms him down. It’s hard to explain.”
Lucy and Carmen exchanged a look.
“You are so in denial girl, because if I was Amber I would beat you and Blake’s behind for trying me,” Lucy said.
Carmen added, “And what about tonight? What about what he said right in front of her?”
“Okay, yeah you got me on that one. When he said it she was the first person I looked at. She wanted to rip my face off. The look on my face probably gave her reason to. What can I do, tell him not to feel anything for me?”
Lucy asked, “Do you really think he would choose you over her if she gave him an ultimatum.”
Jasmine sighed, “I know he would because it’s what I would do. She can’t reach every place that I do. I’m sure if I was her I would likely feel the same way, but I can’t erase our past and she can’t go back and join it. There is nothing physical between me and Blake.”
Carmen said, “See Jasmine, that’s what you don’t understand. It’s the non-physical stuff that makes you a threat to her relationship.”
“But I can’t change that. I mean Blake and I have stopped doing a lot of stuff we used to do together because we are in relationships but we can’t stop being friends.”
“Well, he knows something is up between you two. Right before you and Derrick, they had some kinda disagreement because he came back in the house beyond heated and told us he didn’t want to talk about it,” Carmen said.
Jasmine rolled her eyes.
“What happened between you and Derrick sweetie,” Lucy asked.
Jasmine sighed, “Well about six months ago I told him I wanted to stop having sex because I always felt really bad afterwards now that I’m trying to live my life right.”
Their faces relayed that they understood his side more than hers.
“Look guys, I know you don’t understand or necessarily agree with my choice to commit my life to Christ but it is what it is. If he loves me then he’ll wait. That sin was a hard one for me to let go of but when I finally found the strength my mind was made up. But that doesn’t matter now because I don’t really see myself marrying a man who thinks so little of me.”
Jasmine told them about the things Derrick said that led to her yelling for him to get out.
Lucy said, “I’m so sorry Jasmine. If it makes me feel bad I can only imagine how you must feel. But you know this is a really stressful situation and maybe he just said things out of resentment because you didn’t tell him about the surgery.”
Carmen thought that fate had a sense of humor. Evidently Blake and Jasmine needed help cluing in to their own lives. Wasn’t it interesting that they were both having major problems in their respective relationships, and that those problems stemmed from their friendship.
Carmen said, “Jasmine, on the one hand I want to say emotions were high. Let cooler heads prevail and blah, blah, blah.”
Jasmine nodded.
“And on the other hand...”
Lucy shot her a look that pleaded for her to stop but Carmen ignored her.
“On the other hand I can’t in good conscience give you advice on how to work out your relationship with Derrick when I feel very strongly that you’re in love with Blake.”
Jasmine threw her hands up, “Oh my God, if one more person says that to me I’m going to punch something, or someone.”
She gave Carmen an icy stare.
Carmen shrugged, �
��I’m sorry, I just call it like I see it. There is no sense in you two continuing to ruin other people’s lives in this charade y’all continue to play.”
“Carmen for the last time, we are just friends. In all the years I’ve known him, I have never kissed him. He has never kissed me. We have never even discussed it, purposely or accidentally. Nor have we crossed a sexual line. As far as I know I don’t even think he is attracted to me like that and I know I’m not attracted to him sexually. I need y’all to read my lips. There is nothing and will never be anything between me and Blake Michael Jessup. That is the last time I’m going to say it. The next time you will be slapped.”
Lucy gave Carmen an, “I told you so” look.
Carmen said, “Heifa please. You are lying if you say you are not attracted to Blake. What is there not to be attracted to?”
Lucy said, “True, he is a hottie. I mean the man could be a double for a Greek god with that thick wavy brown hair and those electric blue eyes. Mmm, can you say yum?”
Carmen laughed, “He is quite delicious after some sun. As a matter of fact all three of our guys are hot.”
Lucy said, “Yeah, I mean Damon has that smooth brown skin and green eyes and of course that sexy swag. Ahmed gives off that exotic stranger vibe. He’s the kinda man you want to meet on vacation. He blows your mind with pleasure and then you come back home and never speak of it again.”
Jasmine just stared in astonishment.
“You lil nasty sluts, and no I haven’t noticed because I am simply not attracted to white men. Now of course Blake is handsome but I have never had the desire to jump his bones, unlike you two apparently, so sorry to disappoint you. However, Ahmed and Damon are very sexy.”
They both looked at her like they didn’t believe her.
Carmen said, “You’re a racist Jasmine. The two dark skinned men are sexy but you’re not attracted to the white guy even though he is just as sexy.”
She shook her head and laughed.
With a smirk, Jasmine confessed.
“Okay, okay the one thing I have noticed and it’s only because it’s not a usual trait for them is the man does have some nice full lips for a white boy. If I were ever to date a white man, it would be because there were no black men left, he would need Blake’s mouth. But I swear that’s it.”
Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1) Page 11