Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1)

by Melinda Michelle

  “Much better now that I got to see everyone.”

  “Well your vitals are strong so that’s good. Let me know if you need anything.”

  “Actually, can you send Jasmine in here please?”

  Suspiciously she asked, “The one with all the mouth?”

  Even though it hurt, Ahmed laughed, “Yeah, that’s the one. I’m kinda soft on her.”

  The nurse shook her head.

  “I’ll let her know, but then that’s it. You need your rest.”

  “Okay.”

  When the nurse walked out she saw Jasmine heading towards everyone waiting.

  Though it pained her to talk to her she said, “Your friend is asking to see you.”

  Jasmine nodded, “Okay, thanks. I’m very sorry for earlier. My emotions were just out of control. I’m sorry for being rude.”

  The nurse simply nodded.

  Jasmine stood at the door and took deep breaths. She hoped she didn’t look like she felt. She lifted her head and for a moment her eyes met Blake’s. The pain reflected back at her was too much to behold.

  She wished she could stop hurting him but she didn’t know how to. She cut the eye contact and walked into Ahmed’s room. His eyes were closed. She didn’t know if he had fallen asleep. She pulled up a chair to his bedside and held his good hand until his eyes opened.

  He said, “Hey Jazzy.”

  “Hey sweetie, how are you?”

  “I’m trying to work through it.”

  She nodded.

  “I guess Blake told you about my living will.”

  She nodded.

  “Ahmed I don’t understand.”

  “Jasmine, when you decided to donate a kidney to Frank you changed my whole life.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He took a labored breath.

  “You know, I’ve always been searching when it came to religious stuff. There were pros and cons to each one of them. After seeing you give your kidney to one of the most hateful people I have ever known because that’s how God loved you really made me stop and think.”

  The tears stung Jasmine’s eyes.

  He continued, “It made me very curious about the God you chose to serve. I actually stole one of the bibles you have on your bookshelf.”

  She smiled, “I’ve been looking for that one.”

  He gave her a little smile with great effort.

  “I started reading the New Testament. I looked up the chapter about love in 1 Corinthians. After reading it over and over and over again I felt like something outside of myself was giving me understanding of what I had read.”

  Realization started to sink in for Jasmine.

  He went on, “About a week ago I went to church with Victoria. When they made the call for salvation at the end, I went.”

  Jasmine put her head down on top of the hand she was holding and wept. After a few moments she sat up and wiped her face and smiled at her friend.

  “Ahmed, that is really wonderful. Do you believe that He can heal you?”

  “Actually Jazzy, I do but I don’t think He will.”

  She stared at him in a state of panic, “What are you talking about?”

  “I believe He can but I’m really tired Jasmine. I really feel like it might just be my time. I don’t understand it but I’m not mad about it because I no longer fear death.”

  “How can you just give up like that?”

  “I’m not giving up, I’m just accepting it.”

  He could see Jasmine was about to go into an all-out protest.

  “Listen Jazzy, I need you to listen to me. I know Blake told you about my will. Everything will be well taken care of. Blake has all the information but I want you to do something for me.”

  She defiantly shook her head.

  “Jasmine don’t make me regret making you my power of attorney. You’re supposed to be the rock in a crisis.”

  “This isn’t a crisis Ahmed. It’s insanity.”

  “I want you to do something for Alyssa. I don’t know pay for her education or help her find a better job but get her going on a promising path. She was there for me when I really needed someone and I don’t want that to go unrewarded. She has a little girl and I know she struggles to care for her. I found out some time ago where her little girl goes to daycare and I’ve paid the bill up for a year but she doesn’t know it was me. I don’t want her to.”

  Jasmine was crying frustrated tears.

  “Well just save your strength and you can do whatever for her yourself.”

  Ahmed simply stared at Jasmine until she calmed down. She could see such a peace in his eyes and it scared her like nothing else she had ever feared. When she stopped crying she could feel it. Somewhere deep inside her heart was preparing for the inevitable. A spiritual connection they shared in that moment. Ahmed saw it in her eyes that she realized it too.

  He said, “Jasmine, if I’m wrong and I survive the night I will never let a day go by that I don’t live my life to the fullest. I would spend every moment I could with the person I love the most.”

  She knew where he was headed and she looked away.

  “Jasmine, don’t be like me looking back over your life with regret. You have nothing to lose, only everything to gain by finally being honest about what you feel for Blake. I love you Jazzy and I want to see you happy whether I’m looking down from heaven or staring at your pretty face here on earth. The only person who can truly make you happy is Blake. You and I both know it.”

  She didn’t respond. How come no one seemed to understand how hard it was to just change everything you knew about your life to something so ridiculously different? There was a paralyzing fear gripping her by the throat.

  What if they acted on what they felt and it didn’t work? She could lose Blake forever. That is something she knew she couldn’t handle. It would shatter her heart into pieces that could never be mended.

  After everything they had been through to keep their friendship, how tragic would it be if they were the ones to ruin it. She hated her fear but there didn’t seem to be anything she could do about it this time.

  Because her fear made her vulnerable she did her best to mask it with anger rather than to expose herself. This was a big decision and people didn’t seem to get that. She had too many emotions strangling her every breath.

  Ahmed said, “I’m really tired now Jaz and I want to go to sleep. I love you. Tell everybody that I love them.”

  Jasmine sat holding his hand for a few minutes until he fell asleep. She kissed his hand and held it against her face for a long while. Before she left she gave a hard look at her friend praying it wouldn’t be the last time she saw him alive.

  Chapter 35: Tick, Tock

  When Jasmine stepped out all eyes were on hers. She was thankful she had composed herself. She didn’t want anybody to have to handle the burden she felt. She kept her face indifferent.

  Victoria asked, “How is he? Is he okay?”

  Jasmine said, “He’s tired and he’s asleep.”

  She nodded, “I think I’m going to go sit with him.”

  “That would be good.”

  Victoria headed into the room. Blake could tell with one look at Jasmine that there was something heavy weighing on her heart even though he knew to everyone else she appeared to have everything under control.

  He wanted so badly to go to her but he knew that wouldn’t happen anytime soon. Too much had happened between them in the last 24 hours. Everyone’s nerves were on end.

  Damon said to the group, “Hey guys, why don’t we go home and get some rest then come back first thing in the morning, or maybe we can take shifts so that someone is always here.”

  There were murmurings of agreement when Jasmine spoke.

  “No, you guys, I think we just need to wait a little longer.”

  The way she said it had Blake taking a harder look at her.

  He asked, “Why is that?”

  She said, “I just think we can give it a few more hou
rs.”

  His parents looked on with concern.

  His mother asked, “Jasmine is everything okay?”

  Jasmine couldn’t tell them what she felt in her spirit so she said, “It means a great deal to him that we’re all here. I think we should just give it a little longer before we call it a night.”

  They were too tired to argue. It was unlikely they would get any sleep at home so they agreed. Jasmine went off to the far corner of the waiting area to sit alone. She silently prayed for Ahmed and she prayed for everyone who loved him. She had no idea how they would handle this if Ahmed was right.

  She looked up and met Blake’s very concerned eyes. She just lowered her head discouraging any approach he may have attempted. She wanted to be in his arms so bad it burned but now was not the time. There was something much more pressing to do. She didn’t need to fall apart in his arms right now. He had always been her tower of strength but this was one time when his strength could break her. She couldn’t afford to let that happen.

  It didn’t take a couple of hours, it only took one. An hour after Jasmine left out of Ahmed’s room they heard the machines screaming their declaration that his heart had stopped beating. A frantic Victoria ran out looking for help just as a nurse and a doctor were heading toward his room.

  Everyone except for Jasmine stood as they watched helplessly outside of his room door as the doctors did everything they could do. Jasmine covered her ears because she didn’t want that incessant beep to be stuck in her head, but she didn’t cry. She couldn’t at the moment as the realization really set in.

  She heard his mother’s and Victoria’s wail. She saw his father break down and cry. Lucy slid down to the floor as Carmen, her face void of any emotions, sat down beside her. Jasmine saw Blake wipe a stray tear away. The angry rush of tears coated Damon’s face without shame. Alyssa stood there completely still staring and watching the end unfold.

  When some time had passed and it was all over, Ahmed had been pronounced dead. Jasmine went into administrator mode. If she couldn’t do all that Ahmed asked of her because she was simply too afraid, the least she could do was this.

  She first went to Ahmed’s parents and offered them words of comfort. They told her that they preferred a hotel instead of going back to Ahmed’s place stating it would be too painful to be around his space.

  Since Carmen looked to be the most stable she had her drive them. She didn’t want to put them in a cab with a stranger. She told Victoria if she wanted to she was more than welcome to come back to their place if she didn’t want to be alone. She was in a slightly catatonic state so Jasmine just gave her to Blake to make sure she got back to their place safely. She would arrange to have her car picked up in the morning. She also reminded herself to send flowers to her stylists to make up for her rude behavior.

  Alyssa assured her she would be fine and would call her to let her know she made it home. Lucy was a little difficult but said she was going to head over to a friend’s house. Jasmine knew it was the guy she had been keeping a secret but told her to let her know she made it safely. Damon headed out too. Jasmine completed all the necessary paperwork to have Ahmed’s body released when they knew the next step they were going to take.

  ∞∞∞

  Hours later when Jasmine finally arrived home she was exhausted. She had yet to let herself feel the inevitable. She walked in to see Damon, Carmen and Blake at the dining room table.

  She asked, “Where’s Victoria.”

  Carmen said, “She’s tucked away in Ahmed’s room for the night.”

  Blake said, “Jaz, you must be drained, why don’t you come sit down.”

  “No, I’m fine. I’m just going to go to my room. Good night.”

  She got no response. She didn’t expect one as she headed to look in on Victoria and then up to her room. She wanted to throw something, she wanted to scream she wanted to single handedly strangle the men who had done this to their friend. She wanted to start this miserable day all over again and do everything differently. If she could do that then maybe it would have a different outcome. Tears fell relentlessly as the sobs shook her body.

  Later that morning she was awakened by a constant tapping at her door. She didn’t know how long she had been out. She looked at the clock; it was 10:08 a.m. Clearly she had passed out from fatigue because she didn’t think she’d get sleep for days. Her head was hammering ruthlessly. She cracked opened the door. No surprise it was Blake. His eyes were red-rimmed. She could tell he hadn’t been as lucky as her to get a few hours down.

  He asked, “Can I come in?”

  She really didn’t have the energy for this right now. This was something she wasn’t prepared to handle. There was no way she could think clearly with her head throbbing to a mad African drum beat.

  She looked into his sad eyes.

  Though it pained her to do so she said, “I can’t do this right now Blake.”

  He asked, “Did you know Jaz? Did you know he was going to die?”

  Ashamed she nodded. There was no need to ask her why she didn’t say anything, he already knew. All the pain he had endured that day had stripped him of his pride.

  He confessed, “I need you Jasmine.”

  “I needed you when you sent me to voicemail twice. Even after everything that happened between us you were still the first person I needed to reach out to when I found out about Ahmed. I’m not going to insult you by lying and act as if I don’t need you too. We’re better than that but I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry, please just go.”

  It may as well have been a kick to the groin. His jaw clenched as his eyes sent her daggers. He backed away. The look on his face broke her heart but she didn’t have any more room for anyone else’s pain. She gently closed the door in his face. She slid down the door and wept. She wondered if her tears were ever going to stop.

  Chapter 36: Closure

  After the funeral everyone came back to the house to gather comfort in numbers and for everyone’s favorite pastime, eating. A week had passed since Ahmed’s death. Blake looked around at the sea of people in his home there to celebrate the life of his friend and roommate. There was some laughing, some crying and some just standing around looking lost.

  Ahmed’s parents shared a look of absolute devastation that broke his heart. He watched Victoria try to busy herself in the kitchen. He wondered if it hurt more to have experienced a great love and lost it or to always long for the potential that you knew you could never have. Alyssa stood off to the side by herself looking as if she was trying to absorb everything she didn’t know about Ahmed through the people who knew him.

  He didn’t have the energy to mingle or whatever was the appropriate behavior for the host of something like this. He made eye contact with his mother. She was of course manning the food in the kitchen with Jasmine’s mom. She blew him a kiss. He smiled but he needed to get out. He nodded at his dad and Justin on the way out. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

  He went outside to the backyard to get some peace and quiet. Closing the door behind him he stepped out onto the white wooden porch and took in a gulp of fresh air. He loosened the black tie that felt like a noose around his neck and leaned against the column after he gave it a good kick to rid some of his frustration.

  Life really sucked at the moment. Once again racism had reared its ugly head and brought pain into his life. It just wasn’t fair. Ahmed was one of the nicest people he knew. He wasn’t a terrorist. He wasn’t like the whack job that shot up the campus and slaughtered those innocent people. This is the kind of stuff that exasperated him where God was concerned. Why in the world would He let someone like Ahmed pay for the feelings people couldn’t handle?

  He wished he could be like Jasmine and just accept God as sovereign, but it was hard. At the moment his heart was broken because he’d just lost a friend. The only relationship he’d had in years was over. He was in love with his best friend and she acted as if the sight of him revolted her. The thing that upset him th
e most about it was if he hadn’t been so close-minded he and Jasmine would probably be married with 2.5 kids by now. He could see their lives so clearly.

  He was such a hypocrite. He was no better than the people responsible for taking Ahmed’s life. He didn’t choose violence but he’d hurt people in the process like Amber, Derrick and hell Melissa. Had he really been in love with Jasmine even back then?

  In his heart he knew he was. If he could pinpoint the moment it would’ve been that night his father beat them. The moment he realized she still wanted to be his friend after knowing and living through the truth about his father. She had him bound to her for life. He was back to his first thought. Life sucked and the choices he’d made that got him here sucked too.

  He heard the door open and close behind him. He didn’t bother to look because he didn’t care who it was. He wasn’t in the mood. He looked down at the hand on his arm. It was Amber’s. Well, he didn’t expect that.

  She smiled, “Hey.”

  “Hey.”

  “Can we talk just for a minute?”

  He didn’t want to deal with this at the moment.

  His face must have expressed that because she said, “I just need some closure. Give me a few moments of your time, please?”

  He nodded. It was the least he could do. He headed out to the wooden picnic table sitting in the middle of the yard. Amber followed.

  She looked really nice in her black dress. He didn’t remember seeing her at the service but there were so many people he’d probably missed more than just her. Since she called the meeting he waited her out.

  After a few moments she finally spoke.

  “First, let me say this. I am so sorry for your loss. I adored Ahmed. He was actually my favorite of the group.”

  Blake laughed because that he knew.

  She continued, “Look, I’m really sorry for the timing but I need to move on. I doubt I’ll ever see you again.”

  He nodded.

  “I watched you today. Knowing you the way I do I realize you’re no longer hiding the fact that you’re in love with Jasmine. It’s all over your face.”