A soft love ballad was playing.
He began to slow dance with her and said, “I thought maybe you could use a little time away from the group with your co-conspirator.”
She laughed, “You’re a genius.”
“Is that why you married me?”
“It is indeed.”
His face got serious.
“You okay baby.”
“Yes. I just had a consultation with God so I’m waiting for Him to kick in before I act up.”
He laughed.
“Yeah I thought I was going to have to step on your toe to shut you up.”
“Bringing Ahmed into the conversation was a splash of cold water on my anger.”
“Lucy has no idea you guys ever dated, though I’m sure she knows he went to school with us.”
“I was thinking Lucy is already in love with him. I don’t want her to know about what I did and I don’t want her to know we ever had a relationship.”
“Baby, don’t you think that’s a little dangerous. What if he tells her?”
“I don’t think he will.”
“I’m more worried that he is still a jerk. If he hurts Lucy I will have to put my hands on him since you wouldn’t let me do it back in college.”
She shook her head. Blake would always have that temper so it was pointless to argue.
“Baby listen, what if he’s changed. I mean we have?”
“Babe he just dropped you like you were nothing and left you alone to deal with what you both created. He never tried to contact you to see if you were okay or anything. I’m sorry, but I don’t care who he is now. I will always see him as who he was.”
Jasmine didn’t want to go back to that dark time in her life but she knew it was inevitable.
“Let’s hit pause on this and go back to the table. I’m not quite ready to have my sins on display.”
“Okay baby.”
They walked back to the table hand-in-hand. There was a conversation underway when they took their seats.
Carmen said, “Jeremy was just telling us that he went to school with us.”
Jeremy locked eyes with Jasmine.
“I transferred to another college after my first semester.”
Blake knew exactly why he’d transferred too, the coward.
He asked him, “What made you transfer?”
Jasmine didn’t miss Jeremy’s jaw clinch before he answered.
“I just thought Tallahassee was a better environment for me.”
Blake nodded and resisted saying something nasty and completely inappropriate.
Damon said, “Guys, they say they will be serving dinner in about forty five minutes, so this is the perfect time to go and check out the deck. I would love a moment alone with my lady.”
Carmen blushed. Damon and Carmen were the first to leave the table hand-in-hand.
Lucy gushed, “Oh my God you guys they are so cute.”
Blake said, “I’ve never seen Damon quite like this. Carmen has definitely put a spell on him.”
Jasmine chimed in, “Well when it’s real, all bets are off. Damon’s trifling ways are no match for true love.”
Jeremy asked Lucy, “Shall we go and check out the deck?”
She smiled, “We shall.”
Jasmine looked at Blake, “I could actually use some fresh air.”
“Then let’s get you some.”
∞∞∞
Damon and Carmen were leaning against a rail out on the deck. The breeze was perfect as they looked out over the sparkling water in the moonlight. He looked at her feeling like a pretty lucky man to have her in his life. He ran a finger down her cheek.
“I have a gift for you.”
She lit up.
“Really? What is it?”
He pulled a long velvet box out of his pocket.
She grinned, “Oh wow that looks like jewelry.”
Damon laughed.
“Just open it.”
She opened the box and a one carat white gold diamond tennis bracelet twinkled up at her.
She gasped, “Baby it’s so beautiful. What is this for?”
“Just for being you.”
She was shocked to know she wanted to cry. This man brought out sides of her she thought she had long ago buried.
“You look like you’re fighting back tears.”
She chuckled.
“Don’t remind me. You know you’re setting the gift bar pretty high if you start off with diamonds.”
He laughed.
“You’re worth it. I’m pretty sure I can afford to keep you spoiled for years to come.”
Her face held surprise when it registered what he was saying.
She asked, “Damon what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that for the first time in my life I’m in love.”
She couldn’t fight the tears now and they spilled out.
He wiped them with his thumb and asked, “Why do you try so hard not to show any emotion?”
She took in a deep breath and responded, “When I was a little girl my dad was so hard on us. See he was an immigrant and once he became legal he worked very hard to make a good life for his family. He was strict about us speaking correct English and the one thing he drilled into us was never to be weak. He didn’t want anyone to have any reason to automatically assume we were lazy or that we didn’t earn our own way. He said crying was a sign of weakness and his children would never be weak.”
Damon could understand her father’s drive but he definitely took it too far. He held her a little closer.
She continued, “I remember I fell off my bike and scraped my knee once. Of course I cried. My dad said if it didn’t kill me, it made me stronger. He told me he never wanted to see a tear again. He said I was not weak but strong and I could do anything I put my mind to.”
Damon let out a whistle.
“So he built up your confidence. He just took all the emotion out of it for you.”
She let out a sad chuckle.
“Something like that. All of his kids are successful and we are all productive citizens of society but we all have one failed relationship after another because we never learned how to deal with our emotions.”
He said, “Well this relationship isn’t going to fail because I’m not going anywhere. You’re free to show all your emotions whenever you need to.
Her heart overwhelmed she said, “I love you too Damon. It’s really throwing me that after all this time we could find something real with each other.”
He kissed her very gently and hoped she could feel just how much he truly loved her.
∞∞∞
Blake and Jasmine were on the other side of the ship so they could discuss their options in private.
Blake said, “Jasmine, I’ve realized something tonight that I never really thought about.”
“What’s that baby?”
“You haven’t forgiven yourself for having that abortion. That’s why this is such a challenge for you.”
She looked away. He gently pulled her face back to his.
“Jaz, you need to deal with this. You can’t torture yourself for the rest of your life.”
“Blake, my baby is dead. I know that God has forgiven me but I feel like I just shouldn’t be let off the hook that easily. If God sees fit to give us a baby then that’s enough for me. Forgiving myself is just not a priority.”
“Jaz, that is crazy. You can’t continue living like this. Jeremy may be in our lives forever. What if they get married? He will always be around. What if they have kids? You will have to see him loving those children and not the one the two of you made. You need to free yourself from this otherwise you will snap and Lucy and everybody else will want to know why.”
A little defensive she asked, “Don’t you think I’ve tried?”
A little snap in his voice, “Obviously not hard enough.”
Her face instantly showed attitude. He threw his hands up in surrender.
“Okay, wait. I
’m sorry but Jaz listen. We need to deal with this and you know I’m right.”
“I took a life, how am I supposed to just forget that?”
This is the moment he feared all those years ago. He knew her compassion would always outweigh her logic no matter what she tried to make herself believe. Suddenly a thought came to him.
“You also gave life Jasmine.”
She looked at him confused.
“What do you mean?”
He laughed a little because it was just like her not to even give herself credit for it, one of the main reasons why he adored her.
“Did you forget you gave my father your kidney and saved his life?”
She blinked and said, “Oh yeah. I mean but…”
“But nothing Jaz. You saved his life and you saved mine.”
She shook her head.
He said, “Stop it Jasmine. No you’re not perfect and yes you’ve made mistakes. Everybody has. We’re human. You are going to let this go once and for all because you have to.”
He rubbed her belly.
“You need to make sure your heart is ready to love the beautiful babies that God is going to bless us with. You’ve punished yourself enough. It’s time Jaz.”
She said, “I feel like a fraud. Ahmed gave me the power to make life or death decisions for him because I always did the right thing. If he knew what kind of person I truly was I’m sure he would have made a different decision.”
It broke his heart to see her like this. Even though he could understand her thought process he didn’t agree. He reached out and hugged her. He just held on to her for a while. He didn’t have words but he hoped his touch would comfort her as he silently prayed for her.
She knew he was right. She wanted more than anything to be a good mother to their kids. She couldn’t bring this baggage with her. Was this why God was allowing this all to happen now to prepare her for the seed she would soon be carrying.
She said, “You’re right baby. Today is the day that I am going to start putting this behind me. If God can forgive me surely I can forgive myself.”
He pulled away to wipe the tears that he knew were there but was shocked to see there were none. He loved that she had that kind of strength whenever it was needed most.
She smiled at him.
“God, what would I ever do without you?”
“Lucky for you you’ll never have to know,” he said.
She kissed him.
Their kiss was interrupted by the clearing of someone’s throat. Jasmine turned to see Jeremy staring at them looking very uncomfortable. Blake turned and prayed hard that he wouldn’t knock him out. Jeremy cleared his throat again.
Jasmine asked, “Where’s Lucy?”
She is talking to Carmen about some bracelet Damon gave her. Jasmine made a mental note to find out about this bracelet later.
“What do you want?”
“To talk to you,” his eyes shifted to Blake, “Alone.”
Blake’s temper flashed instantly.
“That’s not gonna happen buddy. So go ahead and say what you need to say.”
Jeremy looked over to Jasmine as if she could change his mind.
“You’ve met my husband Blake right?”
Jeremy smirked.
“I see you’re still as feisty as ever Jasmine.”
“Get to the point or get the hell on,” Blake said.
Jasmine ran a hand over Blake’s arm to calm him.
“It’s okay baby.”
Reluctantly Jeremy said, “I was just as stunned to see you in that limo as you were to see me but to be honest I’m really grateful. Jasmine some time ago I gave my life to Christ. I’ve been trying to be a good person but there was one thing I always carried with me, a regret I had. That’s the way I treated you.”
Still pissed Blake said, “Well you should have felt bad, knowingly taking advantage of her innocence and then tossing her aside like she was nothing.”
As busy as Blake’s sex life had been he had never bedded a virgin. He knew he was full of crap back then and so he required a consenting adult that knew exactly what she was getting herself into.
Remorse showed on Jeremy’s face.
He said, “I know I took advantage of you and I’m sorry. I was young, stupid and arrogant but there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t regretted what I did.”
Sarcastically Jasmine said, “Oh really there has been several days gone by that I haven’t heard you express that regret.”
“I deserve your anger and so much more, but Jasmine I prayed that God would let me find you so that I could apologize and make it right.”
“There isn’t anything you can do to make it right Jeremy. Our baby is gone and it’s not coming back.”
He took a deep swallow and was staggered at the sudden sadness he felt. He’d assumed as much but knowing was different. He found his voice.
“Jasmine, I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you and I won’t try. I’m sorry for whatever part I played in your having to make that decision but we can’t go back. All we have is today. I’m here and I’m sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
“I forgave you years ago but that doesn’t mean I have to like you or be friends with you.”
“No it doesn’t, but the fact remains that I am very much in love with Lucy and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
Jasmine felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.
Blake said, “If you hurt Lucy we are going to have some problems.”
Jeremy was sick of Blake. He wanted to punch him in his face but he couldn’t blame him. He was just protecting his loved ones. It’s not like he hadn’t given the man plenty of reason to dislike him.
“Look, I understand where you’re coming from but let’s just chill. I love Lucy and I am not the same person I was back then. Lucy means the world to me. I want a life with her, kids the whole nine.”
Jasmine took a deep breath.
“Do you plan on telling her about us?”
“Yeah, that’s why I’m here. I don’t want anything to be between us. I can’t keep something like this from her. I know you guys are practically best friends but I don’t want my marriage built on lies.”
Jasmine said, “Okay look, you can tell her about our very brief relationship but the part about the baby is mine to tell and I won’t be telling her. I won’t be telling anybody is that clear?”
Jeremy showed reluctance on his face. He honestly wanted full disclosure.
He said, “I can’t agree to that. You’re asking me to lie to the woman I love.”
Jasmine got into his face lightning quick.
“I am not asking you to lie to anybody. I am telling you that you do not have the right to give anyone information you know nothing about. The woman you love? Be careful how you throw that word around because your track record says you don’t know what love is. Do you honestly think Lucy will stay with you if she knows the truth about what you did?”
She saw the confidence he so passionately spoke with fade a little.
“Not so sure are you? Is it really worth the risk Jeremy? Let’s face it. This isn’t about you being honest with Lucy. This is about you clearing your conscience. Nothing you say or do is going to bring our kid back or the moment you put your hands on me. You want to make this up to me? Well fine, this is how you do it. You tell Lucy we had a very brief relationship freshman year in college. You can tell her we had one sexual encounter that was only satisfactory for you and we broke up shortly thereafter. For your sake I’d stay away from the fact that I was a virgin who you said you loved but clearly didn’t. I would also avoid telling her it resulted with the conception of a baby, that you hit me and that you discarded me and your unborn child like we were yesterday’s garbage. Are we clear on how this story goes down?”
Jeremy stared into her eyes. Through the bravado he saw the very real plea in her eyes. It wasn’t what he wanted but he did owe her a debt he
could never repay. What good would it do for Lucy to know about that? He was not that person anymore. It still pained him to know that he hit her in a moment of anger. Under the heavy weight of his misguided youth he hung his head for a moment and then looked her in the eyes.
“Okay. You got it. You have my word. I won’t tell her about the baby, just that we briefly dated and slept together once but it didn’t work out.”
He saw her visibly relax.
She said, “Thank you. Lucy will want to talk to me after she talks to you. For the record I’ll tell her to not let this stand in the way of her happiness. It’s ancient history that means absolutely zilch to me.”
Defeated, Jeremy nodded and turned to walk away. Jasmine turned to Blake.
“Tell me I’m doing the right thing?”
“This is a sticky situation baby. You’re doing what you feel you have to do to protect everyone involved.”
“If she finds out one day who will she blame?”
Blake swallowed hard.
“She will feel betrayed by both of you. It’s hard to say who will get the brunt of her anger but neither one of you will walk away unscathed. You will likely be the one to lose her because she would have pledged to him two days past forever.”
Jasmine nodded. Her heart was so torn. She didn’t know if she was protecting Lucy or herself. She couldn’t tell if she was being a true friend or a selfish one. She prayed she was doing the right thing.
She slid her arm into Blake’s and said, “Let’s head back.”
As Jasmine and Blake approached the other side of the boat they passed by a smiling Carmen and Damon heading in for dinner. Carmen held out her wrist that displayed a very fabulous diamond tennis bracelet. Jasmine gushed with Carmen while Blake nodded his approval to Damon.
Behind Carmen a little farther away Jasmine could see that Lucy and Jeremy were having an intense conversation. Lucy did not look happy and Jeremy looked very distressed. Lucy looked up and caught her eyes as Jeremy was heading towards them.
Blake caught the eye contact and said, “Hey guys why don’t we head in for dinner?”
Jasmine said, “I’ll be there in a sec. Let me go have a girl moment with Lucy.”
Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1) Page 31