Carmen looked back at Lucy and asked, “Is everything okay?”
“We will just be a few minutes.”
The men headed in and Carmen reluctantly left her girls out on the deck. Jasmine tried to place a comforting smile on her face as she approached Lucy. Lucy had her arms folded tightly across her small chest. Her lips were paper thin with the scowl she wore.
Before she could speak Jasmine said, “Lucy, I promise you it was nothing. We went out for a couple months and we slept together once and for your sake I hope he has improved in that arena.”
Jasmine tried to laugh it off but Lucy didn’t even chuckle.
“Jasmine, how can I go out with a guy that you slept with?”
“Okay Lucy, you’re not going out with this guy. You’re in love with him and you guys are trying to have a future together. You didn’t even know either one of us when it happened. I don’t even think that should count as actual sexual intercourse.”
This time Lucy did laugh but said, “Jasmine I love him so much. I finally feel like I’ve met that one person I could really be happy with. He is the kindest man I’ve ever known. He’s so thoughtful and respectful of me. I don’t want to give him up but this is weird.”
“If it helps I wasn’t even completely naked.”
Lucy laughed and lightly punched Jasmine in the arm.
“Jazzy, I’m serious. Does Blake know?”
“Yeah he knows but it doesn’t bother him because Blake knows no one else matters to me. Do you feel like anyone else matters to him besides you?”
“No I don’t. I know he loves me. Jasmine, I’ve never been this happy. He supports my dreams. He wants a big family too because he’s an only child like me. You know how important it is to me because I always wanted a huge family.”
Jasmine didn’t know why it stung just a little to know he wanted kids with Lucy but he turned his back on the one they would have had. It didn’t matter now, everyone deserved a second chance.
Lucy asked, “Jasmine, are you sure there isn’t anything else I need to know?”
Jasmine did not want to lie to Lucy but she could not ruin her happiness. So he was a bastard when he was eighteen that had nothing to do with the man that put that amazing glow on her friend’s face. She had her happiness. There was no way she could willingly take Lucy’s from her.
She said, “Lucy, you know everything you need to know. Nothing that happened then has any bearing on what’s going on now.”
It wasn’t an actual lie. Jasmine would just have to find a way to make her peace with it. Lucy’s happiness was more important than her nine-year-old wound. Lucy jumped into Jasmine’s arms and gave her a big hug.
“Thank you Jasmine for being okay with this. I really didn’t want to give him up but I would have because you are my family.”
That choked Jasmine up a bit, “Well it’s a good thing you don’t have to choose.”
They walked arm in arm to join their friends for dinner.
Chapter 45: Group Therapy
The Monroe’s and the Jessup’s, the old and the new, had just arrived in Tallahassee, Florida at the offices of Dr. Sheridan Richards for their family intervention. It had been two months since Blake and Jasmine wed. Jasmine finally convinced them that this was necessary.
She was so grateful how understanding Dr. Richards had been to adjusting her schedule to suit them and their changing needs. Jasmine was nervous. She had her hand in Blake’s as they were led down the corridor to the room for the group sessions.
Jasmine was feeling very nauseous as they neared this long overdue moment. She didn’t think she would be this anxious because she was so ready to get to the bottom of all the hate and bitterness that lurked in the branches of her immediate family tree. Blake was glad this day was finally here, but he was worried about if it would it bring them all closer together or drive them further apart?
He had never prayed so much in his life as he had prayed for this day and the hour that was upon them. Jasmine always talked to him about his faith. He believed that God wouldn’t bring them this far to let them down, so he was about to see if he had what it took to trust in the God he now served.
Frank’s hand was also in his wife’s. He knew she could feel the cold sweat pooling in the palm of his hand. The sweat that dripped down his back also tickled him but he could find no humor whatsoever in this moment. His soul was weighed down so heavily it took great effort to even make each step. He had no idea what his family would think of him once they found out his truth. He couldn’t stand it, so how could they?
He too had been praying but he couldn’t forgive himself so he wasn’t expecting God or his family to. He would do what he came there to do though. The least he could do was tell them the truth. He would enjoy the last hours with his family and the moments he got to see his son truly happy. He decided to accept that when this was over he would lose them. He was prepared to accept punishment but there was no punishment on this earth that could have been enough for what he’d done.
Vanessa was mad. She didn’t want to be there and she didn’t want to air her deepest pains in front of a stranger and these white people. She wanted to choke Justin. Every time she scowled at him he just kissed her hand and told her it was going to be okay. She did miss her daughter though. She hadn’t seen her since that awful Sunday dinner that went awry.
She hadn’t hugged her baby since Blake had stolen her from their lives. If this was the only way she could get her child back she supposed she was going to have to do it. She had not allowed herself to go back to that pain in a long time, but today she would relive the worst day of her life all to supposedly heal her family. Now on what planet did that make any sense?
Sheridan’s assistant Stacy held the door open and extended her hand to point in the direction of where they should each sit. The room was done in warm earth tones and the furniture was very plush. The room screamed comfort. The pretty brown skinned Stacy directed Blake and Jasmine to sit on the love seat in the middle. She pointed to the one on the left for Frank and Lisa and the one on the right for Vanessa and Justin. They each took their seats.
Stacy said, “Dr. Richards will be here in just a moment.”
No one said a word. They were all dealing with the magnitude of what this day could mean. Each couple had a truth they had to share with everyone. None of them were looking forward to bearing their souls, but they had all agreed and were at the point of no return.
Sheridan walked in wearing a red pantsuit and brown pumps with her hair swept up into a sassy tail. She exuded confidence and a serenity that put them all at ease.
She said, “Good afternoon everybody.”
They murmured their tense greetings. Sheridan strode to the chair directly in front of the sofa that held Blake and Jasmine. She took a seat and crossed her legs then picked up the pen and pad on the table next to the chair.
She said, “Well guys we have a lot of ground to cover today. Even though four hours seems like a lot, it’s really not. Let me go over a few house rules. When someone is talking we don’t interrupt because everyone will get a chance to talk and everyone needs to feel free to express themselves. There are boxes of tissues under each sofa on each side. After the first two hours we will take a twenty minute break to let everyone take a breather and go handle whatever they need to. Are there any objections?”
Everyone shook their heads.
Sheridan smiled, “I see you guys are nervous huh?”
They let out uneasy chuckles.
“Well let me just say this one last thing and then we will get started. I know you are aware that this is a Christian counseling center. I have to be honest. When Jasmine contacted me I was very intrigued about your family. But the closer we got to today the heavier my heart began to get. I started praying for this session like I always do and the Holy Spirit led me to go on a fast. I am not sure exactly what God has planned for this day and for this family but I know it will be amazing. I can tell you with strong conviction
that there is healing in the air for this family and all you have to do is be willing to pull it down.”
Jasmine was astonished to hear that she had prayed for them. She was feeling more and more confident that God had truly led them there but her stomach was still in knots. She hoped she could keep down the lunch she’d had.
Sheridan stood and said, “Can we all stand, hold hands and pray before we begin.”
Everyone stood and grabbed the hand next to them.
Sheridan began, “Dear Lord, we thank You for this day that You have made. We know that it was ordained before the foundations of the world to bring healing and wholeness to this family. Lord I ask that You open hearts and loosen tongues. Let honest communication flow and Your peace that passes all understanding comfort this family as they rebuild the foundation of who they are. Let them know Father that there is nothing too hard for You to do. It doesn’t matter what they’ve done or what they’ve been through. You are there for them and You love them. We give You praise and honor for what is about to take place on this day. In Jesus name I pray, amen.”
A chorus of amen followed.
Sheridan took her seat, “Okay so here is how I want to do this and this is why I had you seated this way. Vanessa and Justin, I want you to go first. Then I want Blake and Jasmine to go.”
Blake said, “Uh there isn’t anything that we have to tell.”
Sheridan smiled and said, “I think there is. She looked at Jasmine.”
Blake’s confused expression turned to Jasmine.
She timidly said, “We go second baby.”
Blake’s heart sank. What could Jasmine possibly have kept from him? Jasmine wished that Sheridan hadn’t said it quite that way but she knew it was time he heard it all.
Sheridan said, “Frank, you can go after the break okay.”
They nodded while Frank wiped his damp hands on his jeans. His throat was so dry he thought he would cough up dust. Sheridan relaxed and sat back in her chair. She slid on her rimless glasses and looked over at Vanessa.
With her pen and pad in her hand she asked, “Vanessa, I want you to take a deep breath and when you’re ready I want you to tell us why you have a problem with Blake marrying your daughter.”
Vanessa gave a startled look.
A very somber Sheridan with no smile said, “We need to get right to the heart of these matters. It’s going to be okay. I promise you. Aren’t you tired of the burden that is drawing a wedge between you and your daughter?”
Vanessa began to fidget and Justin grabbed her hand to steady her.
He whispered in her ear, “Sweetheart, it’s time to tell Jasmine. It’s okay.”
She nodded.
In a shaky voice she began, “It’s not that I have a problem with Blake per say. It’s that I have a problem with what he represents.”
Sheridan asked, “And what is it that you feel he represents?”
She looked up at Blake and then looked back down at her hands.
“I think he will betray her and take advantage of her when she’s vulnerable. I have a hard time believing he’s sincere in what he claims to feel for my baby.”
Blake wanted to defend himself but Sheridan signaled for him to let it go.
Sheridan asked, “Why do you think that?”
“Because that’s what they always do,” Vanessa snapped.
It took Jasmine by surprise. She had to rub Blake’s leg to calm him down. His face was turning red. She knew this must be hard for him to hear, but she knew they couldn’t judge her especially not knowing the root.
Sheridan saw where this was heading. She’d had her suspicions but now she knew what it was. Now she just had to figure out when and who.
She asked, “Vanessa can you tell us how old you were when someone you trusted took advantage of you when you were vulnerable?”
Vanessa put her head down for a moment and began to shake. When she lifted it tears were streaming down her face.
She squeezed Justin’s hand a little tighter and said in soft whimper, “I was sixteen years old when that sorry excuse for a man raped me.”
A collective gasp came from everyone in the room except for Sheridan and Justin. After all these years it still broke something in him to know his wife had been violated and to know the great deal of pain it had caused so many people. Jasmine and Lisa immediately felt the pain as women and their tears of anger, fear and sympathy began to silently flow.
Sheridan asked, “He was a white man?”
In a soft whisper with her head hung low, Vanessa answered, “Yes.”
Chapter 46: Getting to the Bottom
The realization of where Vanessa was coming from struck Blake like a slug to the chest. He was angry and the thought crossed his mind of someone doing that to Jasmine. He saw red. He knew he would kill him with his bare hands without a moment’s hesitation should he ever be given the chance. He pulled Jasmine closer to him just to assure himself she was safe.
He could imagine even a peaceful man like Justin would have done the same had he had the opportunity. Frank now took an understanding to how and why Vanessa had always treated him with kid gloves. Even before the beating, he knew she didn’t trust him. Now he couldn’t blame her because he understood better than anyone in the room how something horrible from your childhood could mess you up for life.
Sheridan asked, “Vanessa can you tell us what happened?”
Vanessa took in a very deep breath and let it out very slowly.
“I used to work at the little store in our neighborhood. Mr. Matthews was the sweetest man you ever wanted to meet. He treated black people with dignity and respect. You couldn’t find anyone to say a bad thing about him. On my 16th birthday I had to work the close shift. It was a Saturday. I had been working there almost a year. I came in with my hair done and make-up on for the first time. I was feeling really beautiful.”
She smiled at that part of the memory.
“I had my first date ever that night and I was so excited. Mr. Matthews closed up the store. I was counting the money in the register.”
She started to tremble but Justin wrapped her in his arms as she continued.
“He came over and told me how beautiful I was and how much I looked like a woman. Being young and naïve I smiled and thanked him for the compliment. He stroked one of the curls in my hair and there was this look in his eye that made me realize something wasn’t right. I tried to hurry up and finish with the register. He came around the counter and put his hand on my shoulder. When I eased out of his grip he said, don’t run, it will only make it worse. I stared at him confused and scared out of my mind. I did exactly what he said not to do and turned to run.”
She took a deep breath as she had to relive this. She never told anyone but her husband and that was because she had to explain to him why on their wedding night she froze. He was so understanding and patient with her. She loved him severely for that. He’d waited until she felt safe. Then he showed her what sex was meant to be between a man and a woman.
Jasmine felt sicker as her mom went on with the story. She didn’t want to hear it but she knew this was such an important part of the process. She didn’t know if this was such a good idea after all. Everyone in the room was silent and patiently waited for Vanessa to unburden her hidden truths.
Justin rubbed her back and whispered, “It’s almost over sweetheart. It’s okay. I’m here for you.”
She nodded, took a deep breath and said, “He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me down behind the counter. I screamed and he slapped me. He told me if I screamed again he would kill me and I believed him. I tried to fight back but he was so much stronger than me. It seemed like the fight in me made him more excited. He ripped my underwear and he violated me.”
Jasmine buried her face in Blake’s chest and wept. He held her a little tighter knowing there was really no real comfort he could offer her. Sheridan was a bit choked up but managed to keep her voice steady.
She asked, “What ever happen
ed to Mr. Matthews? Did you report the crime?”
Vanessa let out a sarcastic chuckle, “I never told a soul except for my husband on our wedding night. Mr. Matthews told me that no one would believe me because his reputation would never be tarnished by a slutty nigger. Foolishly I believed him. I ran home and scrubbed my skin until it was raw. I quit my job. I used to have nightmares, but they stopped when I met Justin in my early twenties. Every now and then I can still smell his smoky breath and his lustful sweat. It makes me sick to my stomach.”
She looked at Jasmine, “After that I never wore another stitch of make-up or made any fuss about my hair or my clothes. I wanted to be as plain as I could manage and to never stand out for any reason. In my mind bringing attention to myself only brought unspeakable pain and suffering. If it wasn’t for your father intervening I would have had you looking like an old maid. That’s why I never complained about you running around like a little tom boy with Blake. I’d honestly hoped you’d stay that way. I can admit now that I was jealous of what you had with Lisa.”
She glanced over at her friend. Lisa’s face showed she was startled by the revelation.
“It hurt me so bad that Jasmine had to go to you to learn how to embrace being a woman but it was something that I just couldn’t give her. I didn’t want to stand in her way. That’s why I never said anything about it. I knew you truly cared for her so that gave me comfort.”
Her eyes shifted to Blake, “I’m so sorry about what I said to you. I can’t imagine how that must have made you feel. Deep within my heart I know that you’ve always been the best thing for Jasmine but my life taught me to look at you a little differently. I’m sorry that I couldn’t put that aside and let you two be happy.”
Blake cleared his throat and said, “It’s okay now that I understand why you felt that way. It won’t be held against you. I promise.”
Vanessa took a moment to hold on to Justin and to get herself together.
Sheridan asked, “Justin, how has this affected you?”
Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1) Page 32