Defeating the Odds

by Kacey Hamford

  HotHeadV: Hmmm, now I’m very intrigued. Do tell….

  Ford18: Yeah, I’m not gonna touch that with a ten-foot barge pole.

  HotHeadV: Speaking of ten foot! ;)

  Ford18: Hahaha, dream on. No way in hell!

  HotHeadV: Maybe you’ll find out one day.

  Ford18: Dude, I am not gay. I know you are openly gay, but not every bloke out there is.

  HotHeadV: Whatever you say, man. They’re calling for dinner. Will you be on again later?

  Ford18: I’m not sure. Maybe. I don’t know.

  HotHeadV: Look, man, I’m not sure if I’ve hit a nerve or something. If I have, I’m sorry. Let’s keep the chat to our recovery for now, shall we?

  Ford18: Yeah, sounds cool. Later.

  I rub my hand over my face, feeling the stubble that has gathered. What was the point in shaving? I stand up, stretch my legs and smile to myself as I think about Ford. I really want to get to know him more. There is something mysterious about him.

  I log off the laptop and scrub my hands over my face. How the fuck can Damon get under my skin after just one conversation? Fucking hell. I stand up and leave my room, needing to get some fresh air. The side doors are open, and I see Cleo sitting in the grass, leaning against the tree. I smile at her as I close the distance between us.

  “Hey, puddin’, what are you up to?” I say and take a seat next to her.

  “Just sketching. How are you today?”

  “I’m okay, I guess. I just had my first Hi-Talk chat with Damon.” That gets her attention. She twists her body, so she is facing me more.

  “Ooh, tell me. Is he seriously good-looking or has he been hit way too many times?” she jokes. I chuckle at her.

  “He is one sexy bastard. I can tell you that.” I suck in a breath as the words come barreling out. Well fuck me sideways.

  “Sexy bastard, huh? Is there something you want to tell me, Fordy?” I crack my neck before looking up to the sky.

  “I’m kinda gay, puddin’,” I say, keeping my eyes closed, and my face pointed towards the clouds.

  “You can’t be kinda gay, Ford. Either you are, or you’re not. Which is it?” I shrug. “Have you kissed a man before?” I nod my head. “Have you sucked a man off before?” My face heats but I nod my head. “Have you-” I cut her off.

  “Yes, Cleo, I have fucked a man before, okay. I have a fuck-buddy, but no one knows I am gay. Can you imagine what the press would say? They would have a field day.”

  “Ford, being gay is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s who you are. Do not let anyone tell you any different. I know that Damon is gay. He has never hidden the fact, and I think you talking to him will help you loads. Now go and talk to him. Let him help you. Maybe you can help him too.” Her words sink in, and they do make sense, but my stubborn streak comes out to play a little.

  After my session with Dr. Wilks, I run for about an hour before making my way back to my room. The food in here is good, so I need to keep my fitness up, otherwise Coach will kick my arse when I get out of here. I take a quick shower and wrap a towel around my waist before booting up the laptop and logging in. I see that Damon is online, so I send him a quick message.

  Ford18: Hey man.

  HotHeadV: Hey, you okay?

  Ford18: Define okay.

  HotHeadV: You wanna talk about it?

  Ford18: Not really. I mean, not yet. Tell me something about you. I want to know THE Damon ‘Hot Head’ Vardy.

  HotHeadV: Wow, I don’t think many people actually know the real me. I live quite a solitary life, concentrating on my career. I want to be the best of the best, you know? And being in here is going to set that back a hell of a lot.

  Ford18: Well, I am not most people, Damon. I know all about the quiet life, but I don’t get it. I agree with you about being set back. I am missing training, and games, and it’s killing me not to play. What about family? Friends?

  HotHeadV: I’ve got two brothers. They’re like my best friends. And a little sister… Well, I had a little sister. But you know all about that, don’t you?

  Ford18: That’s cool. I have one brother. Tell me about your baby sister? If that’s okay?

  HotHeadV: Her name is… Was Olivia. I was always fiercely protective of her. She was gorgeous, and everyone loved her. Her very first boyfriend wasn’t too keen to meet me. Lol

  Ford18: She sounds like a true gem. I can only imagine you meeting the boyfriends. LOL. God help your future daughters. ;) Tell me about the accident. Not the fucked-up media story. The true one.

  HotHeadV: No daughters for me. My heart couldn’t cope with it. Lol. My sister was killed in a car crash six months ago. Her boyfriend Flynn was driving. Just the thought of him makes my heart rate crash against my chest. My blood boils and I want to thrash out. I want to hurt someone. I wanted him to hurt as much as I did. He deserves to die for hurting her, for taking her away from us.

  Ford18: Fucking hell, D. I’m so sorry. But listen to me. It is that anger that got you landed in rehab in the first place. Do me a favour and breath for me. Count to a fucking hundred if you have to. No more lashing out. I am here any time you want to vent.

  HotHeadV: Counting? You sound like the fucking doc. He wants me to go to fucking yoga and learn meditation. Apparently, it’s all part of the programme. I don’t know how the hell it’s going to help. Please just take my mind off it. Got any more shirtless pics?

  Ford18: Perhaps my doc is rubbing off on me ;). Yoga? Hahahahaha, I can just see you in tight yoga leggings, bent over, arse in the air, doing that downward dog shit. Omg, I am cracking up right now. And as for the shirtless pics… Fucking pervert, Mr Vardy. #CheckGoogle ;)

  HotHeadV: Googling now… WOW, you’re no weed! I might just save these pics for inspiration later.

  Ford18: Inspiration? Please tell me you are not going to do what I think you are going to do?

  HotHeadV: #SpankBank ;)

  Ford18: Holy fucking shit. Mate, that is just wrong. LOL.

  HotHeadV: Just speaking what you’re thinking. Lol. Anyway, do you get on with your brother? You must do if he cares enough about getting you help.

  Ford18: Fucking perv. I do get on with my brother Nick, and his wife. He is not only my brother but my best friend. We are close in age, so that helps. It was Nick and my coach that forced me in here. I lost a large amount of money, and my mum’s house :(

  HotHeadV: Shit, man. What happened to your mum? How does she feel about all of this?

  Ford18: She is disappointed in me, as you can imagine. I took her fucking house from her. I will get it back. I have money left, so that will help. But fuck, I will sell my body if I have to.

  HotHeadV: Sell your body? What about your own house? I’d go for selling that first.

  I bet he would fucking pervert. I chuckle and type out my reply.

  Ford18: I live in a small apartment. A big, fancy house never bothered me. My body is worth millions.

  HotHeadV: A bit extreme. But if you’re looking for a buyer… Lol

  Ford18: I wouldn’t go through with it. Heat of the moment. You love flirting with me, don’t you? Or is it a distraction technique?

  HotHeadV: Oh, you’re definitely a distraction. Seriously though, I’d help if I could. No more betting against me.

  Ford18: Yeah, no more betting against you, or betting at all. I can stop whenever I want. There is no need for me to be in here. Listen, man, I need to go. I’m up early to take my girl Cleo for her morning run. Later.

  I log out and get up from my chair. As I stretch, the clock catches my eyes. Holy fuck, we have been talking for hours. No wonder my back is killing me. I bend over to touch my toes, my spine cracking. Thoughts of Damon bent over has other body parts springing to life. Fucking hell, what is this man doing to me? Can I really tell Damon that I am gay? Maybe Cleo is right, maybe Damon can help me deal with being gay in the sports world. Those questions run around my head until I fall asleep. I dream of a huge, muscled, tattooed alpha, taking me.

  �
�Well, Damon, you’ve been here for nearly three weeks now,” Dr. Shilcott states as he glances over my file that is sitting on his desk. I nod in agreement. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m okay.” What did he want me to say? Did he want me to share my feelings with him?

  “No better than that?”

  “No. I’m ready to get out of here.”

  “You’ve still got a long way to go yet. How’s group therapy?”

  “Look, Doc, I’ve got a lot riding on my career at the moment. Isn’t there some way I can fast track all this mumbo jumbo? Maybe you need a sizeable donation for a new common room? It could sure do with a makeover.”

  “You’ve already donated to have a state of the art gym. Do you really feel that you’re ready to go back out there? To fight and control your anger.”

  “I can control my anger fine, Doc.”

  “What about if you come across Flynn in the cage again?” He steeples his hands and lays them on the desk in front of him.

  “That won’t happen. He’ll be crazy to go up against me again.”

  “As I understand it, you don’t get to decide who you fight. Isn’t it all about building your way up the ranks?”

  “Yeah. But you can forfeit a fight.” I shrug.

  “And lose money?” I nod. “What else would you lose?”

  “Your reputation. Your chance of making it to the number one spot.”

  “So, if it was you… Would you forfeit?”

  “Hell no.”

  “So what makes you think that he would?”

  “Because I almost killed him last time and wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.” I push my chair back and climb to my feet. I start pacing. My hands begin to shake, and I have to fist them to stop it.

  “To me, that doesn’t sound like you have your anger under control.”

  “He killed my baby sister!” I roar.

  “Your brothers haven’t acted in the same way. They haven’t tried to kill him.”

  “I didn’t try to kill him. I just wanted him to pay for what he did. For the hurt he caused my family. It was a decision me and my brothers made together. I’m the fighter in the family.” Why do I keep repeating myself to these people?

  “Do you not think he was hurting too? He was in love with Olivia, was he not? Do you not think he felt guilty, as the driver?”

  “He should feel guilty. It was all his fault.” I shrug my shoulders.

  “He didn’t make someone drive into the side of them. It was an accident, Damon. You need to try and accept that. When you can, your rehabilitation will go a lot smoother.”

  “I’ll never accept that!” I grind out.

  “Then you’ll be here for a long time. I can’t let you leave knowing that you could cause bodily harm on someone else.”

  “You make me sound like an animal. I’m a human being.”

  “Then start acting like one. Start accepting what has happened in your life. You need to move on. You need to mourn Olivia. You need to accept that she is not coming back and there is nothing you can do about it.”

  “It’s hard,” I say quietly as my throat clogs with emotion. “I don’t want to live this life without her. I miss her.” I slump back into my chair and my head falls into my hands. I can feel the tears dripping off the end of my nose. How am I going to move on?

  “I understand that. I do. Talking helps, I promise. Have you ever spoken to anyone about her death?”

  “What, like a therapist?” I look up at him and he pushes a box of tissues towards me.

  “Yes. Or a family member, or a friend?” My mind immediately jumps to Ford. Was he now my friend? Or would I not speak to him again after I left this place?

  “No.” I shake my head. “I’m not good talking about my feelings. I don’t want to admit and accept that I’ll never see her again.”

  “Damon, it’s not healthy to live in the past, and it’s definitely not good for you to keep this all bottled up. I’m going to schedule you some one on one time with a counsellor.” I watch him flick through a diary. “Tomorrow morning at eight.”

  “Eight? I normally train in the morning.”

  “Then you had best get up early.” He smiles at me.

  “Fine. Is that it? Are we done?” I ask as I climb to my feet.

  “For now. Have a good day, Damon, and don’t miss your yoga class this afternoon,” he calls after me as I leave his room.

  Shit, I had to get in touch with my emotions. That wasn’t going to be an easy thing. I head towards the common room, looking for Sam. I need a really good workout, and she can match my stamina. As I round the corner, I hear her laughing. That brings a smile to my face. She has been down ever since her lowlife of an ex dumped her while she was in here. I wonder what has her laughing, and I get my answer as soon as I walk into the room.

  “Callum?” My brother’s head shoots up as I call his name. “What are you doing here?” I glance between him and Sam. They are looking overly comfortable with each other. He squeezes her knee before he climbs to his feet and heads my way.

  “Coach asked me to drop off some sort of form they needed.”

  “Coach?” I ask with my eyebrows raised.

  “Yeah, he’s been helping me with my sports nutrition course. Maybe we can chat for a minute?”

  “Sure. What do you wanna chat about?”

  “Can we go somewhere else?” He looks over his shoulder to where Sam is tapping away on her laptop.

  “Yeah. I need to work out. You can hold the bag.” I slap him on the shoulder as I drag him outside.

  “Oh, come on. You’ll knock me off my feet,” he complains.

  “You need building up some.” I laugh as I look at my youngest brother and his small frame.

  “You know I’ve always been a runner rather than a fighter.” He stops in his tracks when something, or should I say someone, catches his eye.

  “Something you wanna tell me?” I laugh as his eyes focus on Sam as she runs down the steps and onto the large running field.

  “You got some workout gear I can borrow, and trainers?” he asks without looking at me.

  “You can go home and run. You don’t need to do it here, especially not with her. She’ll run circles around you. Besides, she’s been hurt recently.”

  “Who would hurt a beauty like her?” He frowns, now looking at me.

  “Her lowlife ex. He said he couldn’t handle her… problems. He met someone else while she was in here.” It wasn’t my place to tell Callum why she was in here.

  “Come on, man. I need some shorts and trainers.” At least I’d get a laugh out of watching my brother chase her around the field.

  “What happened to wanting to talk to me?”

  “Ah, shit. Sorry bro. You’re right, I’m here for you.”

  I am about to lead him to the benches when Zara sticks her head out of her studio and calls my name.

  “Who’s that?” Callum asks.

  “Zara, the yoga instructor.”

  “You ready to try this again, Damon?” she shouts.

  “You’d better get to it, man. I’m just going to sit here and enjoy the scenery until you’re done.”

  “I bet you will. Don’t go hurting her. She’s special.” I climb to my feet.

  “Has she turned you straight, bro?” Callum asks, looking serious.

  “No. She’s just special.” Callum nods his head at me before I take off for the changing rooms to try out this yoga bullshit again.

  I am back in Doctor Wilks office again for our one-on-one session. She is looking at me like she is expecting me to confess my sins to her. My heart picks up when she cocks a perfect brow at me. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from spilling everything that is running around my head. I am not ready to confess that I am gay yet. Maybe I never will be. Her voice breaks through the slight haze that I am falling into.

  “Ford.” I blink a few times and bring my gaze back to hers.

  “Yes?”

  “I aske
d about how you are doing with your fitness here. I know that you are making friends in here. I hear that you have been somewhat of a mentor to young Cleo. I hear she is doing better after speaking with you a few times.” My heart swells with pride at hearing how well Cleo is doing. She is coming along leaps and bounds. It makes me happy to know that my little bit of influence is helping her. I messaged Castle Ink and sent Dex and Jay an email telling them about her, and they can’t wait to meet her and see her drawings.

  “Yeah. I am glad she is doing better. Thank you for stopping her cousin from visiting her. She withdraws every time he visits. I think he brings back some sort of memories, that she’d rather forget.” She nods her head but doesn’t verbally agree with me.

  “It’s being sorted. Now, how about you? Any cravings to place a bet? Any dealings going on in here. Maybe betting with the other patients.” I shake my head at her. To be brutally honest, I haven’t thought about gambling since I came in here, beside my little slip when I messaged my friend on the outside. Most of the time, Damon and Cleo take up the space in my brain.

  “I’m good. I told you that I don’t have a gambling problem, Doc. I only did it for the high, but now I found my new…” I stop myself. Fucking hell, I almost told her about Damon taking up my thoughts. We have talked on and off for a few days, trying to get to know each other. He is a pretty awesome guy. Hot as fuck. I can feel my cheeks heat up and I turn and look out the window.

  “New what, Ford?” I take a deep breath and turn my head to face her again.

  “Nothing, Doc. Are we done? I need to go for a run.” I shift to the end of the chair, waiting for her to end our session. My palms sweat, and I rub them over my thighs, making the denim of my jeans soak up the liquid.

  “No, Ford, we are not done. Now sit back and talk to me. That is what I am here for. You can tell me anything and I will never judge you.” Her face shows her sincerity and I slump back into my chair. I slouch down and run my hands over my face. Can I really tell her? Or do I wanna tell Damon first?

  “I have told you before, Doctor Wilks, that I don’t have a gambling problem. I have no idea why I am here. I get that I fucked up, but come on, I can buy her the house back. I am not in that much debt. I was stupid to do that to my mum and I will regret it for the rest of my life. Fuck.” I let out an exasperated breath. I am sick of telling people that I don’t need to be here. Two fucking weeks and I am ready to go home and get back to training. I think the only things holding me back are the fear of not seeing Cleo again, or not keeping in contact with Damon. Which is fucking stupid. I can easily give the man my number over Hi-Talk. That is, if he wants it.