tmpB0F5

by Gloria Kempton (mobi)

  "Speak up—I can't hear you."

  "Urine, I said. You take this jar home! You collect all your urine! For twenty-four hours! You bring the jar back!"

  In the chair across from Maggie, the wife gave an embarrassed titter. "He's deaf as a doorknob," she told Maggie. "Has to have everything shouted out for all and sundry to hear."

  Maggie smiled and shook her head, not knowing how else to respond. Then the man in coveralls stirred. He placed his great, furry fist on his knees. He cleared his throat. "You know," he said, "it's the funniest thing. I can catch that nurse's voice all right but I don't understand a single word she's saying."

  Maggie's eyes filled with tears. She dropped her magazine and groped in her purse for a Kleenex, and the man said, "Lady? You okay?"

  She couldn't tell him it was his kindness that had undone her—such delicacy, in such an unlikely looking person.

  Maggie is so moved by this man's compassion as he pretends not to hear what the nurse is saying, in order to save a complete stranger, the patient's wife, from humiliation. Now, the man in coveralls isn't the viewpoint character so we can't feel the compassion from inside of the character speaking, but we can certainly feel it through his dialogue and Maggie's fearful response. One line: "I can catch that nurse's voice all right but I don't understand a single word she's saying."

  Sometimes it doesn't take much. One line.

  Setting a mood and conveying a character's emotions through dialogue is one of the most effective ways to bring your story to life on the page. Creating tense dialogue is one thing, but creating tense dialogue that is also full of a character's fear, or sorrow, or joy is another. This is the stuff that moves readers so that they engage with your characters on an emotional level. And once you are able to accomplish that, you're home free. The reader will stay with you until the last page.

  Now that you know how to show a character expressing emotion, it's time to consider those characters who talk just a little bit differently than the rest of us. How can we use dialogue to characterize them so that their speech mannerisms sound real?

  Love. Following are some scenarios in which characters find themselves wanting to express their love for someone but are scared of their intense feelings. Not just scared of expressing the feeling but scared of the feeling itself. Put the words in their mouths, halting though they might be, in a one-page scene of dialogue.

  • Sixteen-year-old Carl's father has terminal cancer. Carl knows his father's days are numbered. He's watching him waste away before his eyes. On a rare occasion, his mother is out for dinner with friends and has left Carl alone in the house with his father. Carl is looking for something in the attic and comes across a box full of childhood items: his first baseball mitt, an old tackle box, a bunch of snapshots of Carl and his father—wrestling in the backyard, climbing a tree, taking the boat out. Carl is overcome with feelings of love and gratitude for his father. He was a good dad. Always. He runs upstairs to tell his father. Something. Anything. What?

  • The nurse has just placed Susan's newborn daughter in her arms. Her first baby. Susan isn't prepared for the feelings that wash over her. She begins to talk to her baby.

  • Twenty-year-old Eli has been going out with Marisa for over a year. Recently, he has been feeling an unusual warmth in his heart whenever he's with her. And he can't seem to get enough of her. He's never been in love before, so has no frame of reference. One night as they're sitting on her front porch, he's overcome with that warm feeling again, and it's too much for him. He turns to her.

  Anger. Have you ever felt betrayed? Or betrayed someone? Write a dialogue scene where one character confronts the other about the betrayal. Write two pages of dialogue from the betrayer's point of view and then rewrite the same scene from the viewpoint of the character who was betrayed.

  Fear. Write a two-page scene of dialogue that shows a viewpoint character whose fear is accelerating as the action progresses. This could mean the other character giving the protagonist new information or making immediate threats against the protagonist.

  Joy and sadness. Write a three-page scene that contrasts joy and sadness. First, write from the sad character's point of view, then rewrite the same scene from the happy character's point of view. This can be two characters breaking up, one character being offered another character's job, or a brother and sister learning what's in their recently deceased parent's will. You get the idea.

  Peace. Write one passage of dialogue that reveals a character at peace but still includes tension. Some possible scenarios:

  • a character who has accepted her doctor's cancer diagnosis, but whose family members are going nuts

  • a character on death row being led to his execution

  • a character facing off with a bear in the wild

  Compassion. Create a scenario between two characters who are arguing and trying to get their points across. They're conflictive and defensive, but one finally makes a statement that causes the protagonist to feel compassion. Go inside of the protagonist for the emotion and then carefully craft his response.

  [ the uhs, ands, and ers — some how-tos of dialogue quirks ]

  Earlier in this book, I mentioned that I once had a Marine boyfriend with a bit of a speech problem. I was attracted to his dark looks and muscular build the moment I met him at a friend's party, but then he spoke.

  "Would you like to go for a walk?" he asked. "To the thore? Ith's cold outthide, but you can wear my jacket."

  "Okay..."

  "Let me thee if Richard needsth anything at the thore."

  Aaargh! How could this good-looking guy have such a horrible lisp? As much as I tried to get over it, every time he came home on leave and showed up on my doorstep, I just couldn't cope. As I reflect on that time in my life now, of course, I feel terrible that it even mattered to me. But I was seventeen and needed a perfect boyfriend to show off to my friends. The point is, as much as I hate to admit it, and though I wasn't aware of it at the time, the lisp was a deal breaker for me as far as feeling attracted to this man. That's how important speech can be in a story, too. It can make or break relationships and business deals, and it certainly affects how seriously we take a character.

  Most people speak fairly normally—if there is such a thing as normal. But every now and then, someone opens his mouth and something distinctive comes out. It could turn us off or it could turn us on, but what it does do is mark that person. In the '80s television show The Nanny, the main character had this nasal voice and really, really nasal laugh. It was horrible. No matter what she said, we were laughing, just because of her voice.

  The quirkiness of a character's speech should be something we think

  consciously about. It should rise organically out of who the character is and what his purpose is in the story. You don't want to just have a character stuttering or talking ninety miles an hour for no reason. Remember—with dialogue you're not just trying to find something to use to characterize your cast, you're creating a story that needs to hang together and connect on all levels to communicate your theme to the reader.

  With that in mind, let's look at a few ways of speaking that will distinguish your character from the rest of the cast in your story while at the same time show us who he is and how his way of speaking will enhance his role. The challenge for us as writers is to find a way to show our characters' speech on the printed page. Sometimes we can do it by formatting our words and sentences in a certain way; other times we need to use tags to indicate that the dialogue is being said in a certain way. For the sake of example, let's use my boyfriend's sentence above, "Let me thee if Richard needsth anything at the thore."

  the twisted tongue

  Let's start with this one—which would include my boyfriend's lisping problem. But there's also the stutterer, which in real life can be painful to listen to because you keep wanting to help the speaker get the words out. "L-l-let me see if R-R-R-R-Richard needs anything at the s-s-store."

  This is something yo
u don't want to overdo. When a character has a speech impediment, you want to just show it once in a while, throwing in a line or two of lisping or stuttering so we remember how this character talks. Use it too much and the reader begins to find reading the story a rather annoying journey. And remember, there needs to be a good reason for giving a character a speech impediment. Characterization isn't enough; it needs to have something to do with the plot so it's part of the piece of art that eventually becomes your novel.

  the rocket

  This character is off like a rocket every time he gets a chance to talk.

  "LetmeseeifRichardneedsanythingatthestore." This could be one way of showing the speed at which this character talks. Of course, if this is a major character in your story, it could be annoying to read much of his dialogue.

  Also, this could simply indicate not necessarily speed but that this character runs all of his words together.

  You could simply describe the pace at which he speaks the first time he appears and then just allude to it occasionally after that. This is sometimes the most effective way to work with speech patterns of all kinds—make sure the reader gets it the first or first few times, then simply indicate it here and there after that so it doesn't take over the story or be so difficult to read that the reader puts your story down.

  What's important with all speech patterns is what's underneath. In some cases, like a stutter or lisp, it could be something physical, though I've learned that these particular disabilities can be corrected through therapy because they are often acquired in childhood when someone is traumatized.

  But most often, the way we talk emerges out of who we are. I can personally speak about the "rocket" because this is me a lot of the time. Unless I'm consciously trying to talk slowly, I'm off like a rocket. I just get so excited about whatever it is I'm saying. It doesn't do any good for someone to tell me to slow down. I can't seem to do that for long.

  I don't just talk fast. I move fast. I think fast. I drive fast. If I could find a way to sleep faster, I would, because I'm always afraid I'm missing something. Keep your character's entire personality in mind when giving him a distinctive speech pattern.

  the turtle

  "Let.. .me see.. .if.. .Richard needs.. .anything.. .at.. .the store."

  This is the opposite of the rocket. My best friend happens to be a slow talker, and again, this is because of who she is. She moves slowly, thinks slowly, and drives so slowly that it's often painful for me to ride in the car with her, given who I am.

  Are there other ways you can indicate a character's slow pattern of speech? Be creative. The exercises at the end of this chapter will give you the opportunity to be creative with each of these speech patterns and consider how you might show each one in a page of dialogue.

  This character in your story is in no hurry and can't be made to move or talk faster, no matter what. I think it might even be physically impossible for her.

  You could indicate her slow pace in narrative that describes her dialogue. Sue meandered from subject to subject while my soup grew cold. "You're..." yawn..."not...eating..."she looked around the restaurant... "yoursoup."

  the baby doll

  This character talks in a high-pitched voice, like a little girl who's never grown up, but who is grown up. I don't know of any males who talk like this—well, besides Michael Jackson. That doesn't mean there aren't any. I just think it's rare.

  This character comes from a kind of unsure place inside of herself, perceiving the world through a not-quite-grown-up view. Her voice squeaks, like a vocalist hitting the high notes and her voice cracking. That might be one way you could show it. "Let me see"—squeak—"if Richard needs anything at the store"—giggle. Since you can't really show a tone because it's a sound, again you have to be creative and think how you might let the reader in on how this character's voice sounds.

  the bass drum

  This character sounds like Tom Brokaw. Again, because this speech pattern has more to do with sound than it does the way the speech is said, you might have to describe the voice rather than show it in the actual dialogue. You can simply use narrative, something like: Whenever he spoke, it sounded like he was inside the chamber of a bass drum, hollow and deep. Sometimes, you can use famous people to help the reader key into how a character speaks. You might just use the famous newsman to show how a character sounds: Every time he spoke, I found myself looking toward the television to see if Tom Brokaw was broadcasting the news.

  the calculator

  This character is constantly weighing his words, talking very carefully and methodically. There is any number of reasons for this. Sometimes this character is concerned about his image, wanting to come off well to others, so he chooses every word. It could be that he wants power over another character and is weighing every word to make sure he's manipulating the situation to his advantage. He could simply be scared and feeling the need to not say anything that would put him in danger or bring on a threat of any kind.

  He seemed deep in thought, then finally spoke. "Let me see if.. .Richard," he paused then continued, "needs anything at the.. .store."

  Put yourself inside of your character's head in order to get to the motivation behind the patterns of speech you give her. Being inside of her head will help you determine what she says and how she says it. Sometimes a speech pattern is a permanent part of a character's speech; other times it's momentary and temporary because of the situation in which she finds herself.

  the ace

  The ace simply doesn't talk much at all and when he does, he gives one-word answers. Or he grunts. He probably wouldn't even complete the sentence about Richard. "Let me see if." His words may trail off. "Let me see if.. .Richard.. .needs..." You can't always understand the ace because he usually doesn't want to be talking to you anyway. A conversation with him might go something like:

  "So, Joe, how's it going?"

  "It's goin'."

  "You have enough work to do?"

  "Yep." (Or a nod.)

  "How's your family? June, the boys?"

  "Fine."

  "You have a vacation planned this year? You taking your family anywhere?"

  "Camping."

  Somehow you'll have to characterize this guy, and while the one-word answers help do this, you're going to have to find other ways: his clothes, his mannerisms, and his demeanor. This character just doesn't have a lot to tell you about himself.

  the apologizer

  This character is basically apologizing for being alive. No matter what the subject of conversation, she's saying she's sorry. This dialogue is easy to write, simply being characterized by "I'm sorry" thrown in at regular intervals. Since she's sorry for everything, this is a character who is often full of shame and doesn't like to be seen. She wishes she were invisible, so she talks in low tones and might mumble a lot. You can show this in narrative or you could be creative and use a smaller font for her speech. In dialogue with others, she's easily manipulated and controlled, thinking she's responsible for everything that happens.

  the shield

  Have you ever talked to someone who, no matter what you're talking about, is defending himself or whomever you're talking about? His tone of voice shows this. It's like he feels that he's always under attack and has to ward off the next blow, so he's always standing at the ready. To get into this character's mindset, you have to imagine what it would feel like to think that everyone is against you, trying to pin something on you, and working constantly to find the gap in your armor where they can zoom in and get you. This character's face is often pinched as he waits for the next zinger he needs to deflect. He's quick on the draw, as he has a lot of experience deflecting verbal blows and is used to verbal sparring. His answers in conversation are fast and his goal is to keep others away from him.

  "Do you think—"

  "No, of course not," Earl quickly said. "I didn't know anything about it. How could I have been there?" His voice was rising, growing shriller, then, "Let me see if Richa
rd needs anything at the store."

  Here Earl is deflecting what he thinks is coming before it can hit him and then quickly changing the subject. He has many strategies to keep others as far away from him as possible.

  the channel changer

  The channel changer speaks in sentence fragments.

  "See if Richard needs anything. At the store, you know."

  This character is distracted and may not be really thinking about the conversation she's having. Or she may be thinking about another conversation she'd like to be having. Or many other conversations she'd like to be having.

  The channel changer talks in circles. He's unfocused, and you have to do mental cartwheels to make any sense of what he's saying. This type of character may suffer from a mental illness that causes him to jump around a lot in his speech. Those with attention deficit disorder often use sentence fragments as do geniuses in social settings. This could be a character on drugs or alcohol, just saying whatever comes into his mind at any moment. Those who find themselves in a state of terror can begin to speak like this.

  This character may complete a thought but then make a gigantic leap to the next subject without waiting for a response. This is what marks the nonsensical speaker. He's simply all over the map in conversation. He's disconnected from himself and his own thoughts and isn't often tuned in to those around him, at least not in a rational way. So you want to show his disjointed thoughts by showing his disjointed speech.

  "I'll see if Richard, you know, I was thinking that you and I should hook up—I wonder if Richard's even here, I'm going to the store and, hey, he might need something." This character simply changes frequency more often than the other characters may be able to keep up with her. You might want to use this character to keep all of the other characters in the story a little off balance. She comes in handy when the other characters are trying to accomplish something verbally. She may interrupt and take everyone in a completely new direction in which they had no intention of going. Once there, the channel changer is probably either on to a new subject or out of the room altogether.