A Season in the Snow

by Isla Gordon

  ‘Did Bear do that?’ Alice cried, mortified. ‘Bear, down, come here. I’m so sorry.’

  Marco’s dad looked up, the same happy smile as his son. ‘Hallo! Don’t apologise, I was not playing well, this is the perfect result.’

  Marco’s mum wrenched herself away and stood up, crossing to Alice. ‘So this tornado is Bear, and you must be Alice? We are hearing a lot about you this year.’

  ‘Hi,’ Alice replied, a little shyly. ‘Sorry about the game. And the licking.’

  ‘Not at all, he is so like our old dogs. Oh, Patrick, let’s get more dogs, yes?’

  ‘Sure!’ said Marco’s dad.

  ‘Such wonderful dogs. Don’t they make lovely companions?’ his mum continued. ‘When he was growing up, Marco was often pretending he was one of our Bernese dogs. For maybe six months he would describe himself as the brother of Hund-Hund, our first Bernese, and he is walking around on all four feet and begging for treats.’

  ‘Mum!’ Marco exclaimed, coming in from the kitchen. ‘I was only, maybe, five,’ he explained to a snickering Alice and Lola. ‘And it was your fault – you kept telling me I had exactly the same personality as the dog. I got confused.’

  ‘Hund is dog, right?’ asked Lola. ‘So your first dog was called Dog-Dog?’

  ‘Your husband named him,’ Patrick said. ‘Don’t let him name your first born, okay?’

  Noah rolled his eyes. ‘Alice, meet my dad Patrick, and my mum Sonja.’

  ‘Hello,’ she replied. ‘I brought some mince pies over that my mum made back in England. I wondered if anyone would like one?’

  This was met with high approval, so Alice moved to the kitchen to heat a plate of them up in the microwave. Marco went with her and put on the kettle.

  ‘So these are traditional British mince pies, huh?’ he asked, pouring out seven mugs of steaming teas and coffees.

  ‘Sure are. You want one?’ Alice replied.

  ‘Definitely, please.’

  ‘Alice, we are now talking about traditional Swiss food,’ Sonja was saying, while Bear nestled up to her. ‘I will make a fondue tonight. Are you liking cheese?’

  ‘I am,’ she replied.

  ‘Excellent, you will join us.’

  It didn’t sound like a question, but Alice still looked at the actual house hosts – Lola, Noah, Marco and David – for confirmation. They all nodded without question.

  ‘I’ve not made fondue before,’ said Alice. ‘Could I help?’

  ‘Of course! Food is always better when everyone is in the kitchen and all the wine is open. Noah, Marco, I know your fridge will not have all I need. Please go to the Coop for kirsch and nutmeg? Do you already have the cheeses, garlic and white wine?’

  ‘We have Emmental and Gruyère,’ said Lola, peering into the fridge, along with Bear. ‘Will that do?’

  ‘Hmm. Buy Reblochon at the shop too, that will do.’

  ‘I have white wine, and a garlic bulb,’ Alice offered.

  ‘We have both of those two,’ Lola said.

  ‘You my dear are the perfect accompaniment to this evening just as you are,’ Sonja said as a way of reply. ‘It’s settled then. Tonight, seven o’clock, we feast.’ Sonja was definitely a woman used to taking charge. ‘And it’s the holidays, let’s dress up in our best sparkle.’

  ‘Mum, this is a ski resort, I don’t think we all have sparkles with us,’ said Marco.

  ‘Ah, darling, sparkles are not about the clothes on your back, they are about how you carry yourself.’ She clapped her hands. ‘Tonight we fondue and sparkle.’

  Alice surveyed her meagre wardrobe, wondering if any of her clothes, entirely made for comfort and cosiness, could pass for a sparkling ‘dressed up’ occasion. Her thermal polo neck was a nice electric blue . . . but who was she kidding? It was still a thermal polo neck.

  Well, it was the best she had, so on it went, with some black jeans and her snow boots. She found a scrap of tinsel, which she wove around Bear’s collar, and was about to head next door when she thought of one more thing. Something she used to wear all the time, that when she put it on she felt immediately dressed up and ready to face the world. That made her feel stronger, more confident and more powerful.

  Taking the red lipstick from its hiding place in her drawer, she held it in her hand for a moment, waiting to see if another flashback would come. But she was okay. She took off the cap and hovered it over her lips. She was okay. And even when Alice had smoothed it on, pressed her lips together, and smiled at herself in the mirror, she was okay.

  ‘Hello,’ she said to herself. ‘You took your time coming back.’

  She opened the door, not bothering to put Bear on the lead. He seemed to know that no lead meant they were only going next door, and so out he hopped, straight into a snowdrift, and ploughed his way towards Marco’s home.

  Alice tapped on the door and then opened it, hearing the music and laughter and chatter from the outside. ‘Hello?’ she said, and Bear pushed his way past her and skittered straight into the kitchen.

  ‘Alice, thank God.’ Sonja appeared at the kitchen door. ‘Come quick, we must start the fondue before these people drink all of the white wine.’

  Marco appeared beside his mother, holding two glasses of wine, one half drunk, one new, presumably for Alice. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her. ‘Wow.’

  ‘Wow nothing,’ Alice said, self-consciously.

  ‘I like your lips. Urm. Your lipstick.’

  Sonja rolled her eyes and beckoned her in. Inside the kitchen was steamy and busy, with all six of them already pottering about grating cheese and nutmeg, and wiping garlic cloves around the insides of two giant cast-iron pans.

  ‘Alice, you are in charge of alcohol, because these can’t be trusted,’ Sonja said, plonking a bottle of kirsch brandy in front of her, and grabbing the white wine bottle from Patrick’s hand. ‘We need . . . let’s say two big glasses of wine in the pans, one in each, and then can you start them simmering, please. Bigger glasses than that. A little more. To the very top of the glass and tip straight in, good girl. When that’s up to heat, we stir in the Emmental – oh no!’

  They all turned to the Emmental, or more specifically the lack of it.

  ‘Bear!’ He turned to look at Alice, his paws on the counter, his nose right in the cheese, and grinned. For him, it was like Christmas all over again! ‘I am so so sorry, I’ll run down to the shop now and get some more. Bear, why are you so naughty when we’re around other people?’

  Sonja waved it off. ‘We have more Emmental. Who can resist it, yes Bear?’

  ‘Sorry sorry sorry,’ said Noah, running into the kitchen. ‘I had to use the bathroom, too much wine, I left my station of guarding the cheese.’

  ‘Your mum is very kind,’ Alice said to Marco in a low voice, as he passed her to get to the fridge.

  ‘Just to the people she likes,’ he said, and lightly touched her arm, his eyes flicking to her lips again.

  Once all three cheeses were in and had been stirred by Marco until they were super-smooth, Alice was asked to add the kirsch and the nutmeg. Lola and David were chopping chunks of bread and boiled potato, Noah was setting the table and Patrick was topping up everybody’s wine.

  ‘It’s snowing again,’ Alice remarked, seeing fat flakes pass by the window as she carried one of the pans to the table. She gazed out at the dark sky, and Bear came and joined her. ‘I know I’ve been here for two months but there’s still something magical about seeing the snow fall, at least to me. It makes everything clean and ready to start again.’

  It had been a squeeze fitting five plus Bear around the dining table, but seven plus Bear was very cosy indeed. Alice sat at one corner, so she could try and keep Bear next to her lest he leap up onto the table and devour an entire pan of cheese. Beside her was Marco, then David, and opposite David sat Sonja, then Patrick, then Noah and Lola, opposite Alice. The two pans were positioned evenly, but everyone huddled even closer together to get nearer to a pan with their dip
ping implements.

  ‘This smells so delicious, Sonja,’ Lola gushed, taking a huge sniff of the pan, and everyone ‘Mmm’ed in agreement.

  Sonja waved them away. ‘Bon appétit!’

  Alice spiked a chunk of bread onto her long fondue fork and dunked it into the bubbling cheese. It smelt rich, the garlic and nutmeg aromas popping through the tangs of cheese and alcohol. She blew, and then put the warm forkful in her mouth, and had to stop herself from falling of her chair.

  ‘Thish ish shoooo good,’ she enthused, her mouth sticky and happy. ‘Marco, your mum is amazing. Have you tried this?’

  ‘Many times, but it never gets old.’ He scoffed his own chunk. The whole table started devouring the meal, the wine a perfect accompaniment, and even Bear settled down, realising his tummy had probably had enough cheese for now, and that maybe he should snooze it off.

  ‘So Alice, you are staying in Vanessa’s chalet, yes?’ Sonja asked.

  ‘Yes, for the whole winter, but she’s coming back and forth because she’s working for a tour company near Zurich for the season. She’ll actually be back in a couple of days because she has New Year’s off.’

  Sonja nodded and turned to the man opposite her. ‘And David, that’s perfect for you, will you finally take the opportunity to give her a kiss?’

  Lola whooped with laughter, dropping a lump of hot bread and cheese on her lap.

  ‘Mum!’ Marco cried. ‘You are the worst person sometimes.’

  ‘What? I think he needs a little encouragement. It took your father five years to ask me to date. In the meantime I met, married, and divorced someone else just to keep me occupied.’

  ‘She’s joking,’ Noah clarified to the table. ‘Aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes, yes, it’s a joke, but the point is . . . ’ She waved her fondue fork around a few times, trying to think of the right words. ‘What do they say in England, Alice? . . . Grow a pair.’

  ‘Oh my God,’ Marco said.

  Lola was still laughing her head off and Patrick was helping himself to more wine, having given up long ago trying to curb his wife’s meddling.

  ‘Don’t “oh my God” me or I start on you next.’ Sonja winked at Marco.

  Noah stepped in. ‘Mother. Nobody is asking for your help. Drink more wine and, you know, shut up.’ He was laughing as he said it, though.

  ‘I’m just saying, New Year’s Eve, I can see three girls and three boys and you’re all young and attractive so you all might as well . . . ’

  Alice stepped in. ‘Grow a pair?’

  ‘Exactly.’ Sonja beamed. ‘Now Alice, how have you found living in Switzerland? Tell me all about the things you’ve done.’

  ‘Oh, I feel really at home, especially because these guys have been so welcoming. It’s such a beautiful country. Um, we went into Zurich a couple of weeks ago to see the Singing Christmas Tree . . . ’ As Alice prattled on about the Christmas market and the beautiful lights, she was acutely aware of Marco’s arm pressed up against hers. He almost seemed to be leaning into her, like Bear would do, in a protective but also really comfortable kind of way.

  After the meal was done and their bellies were full, a tiredness washed over Alice, as if the past few days and the lead up to the festive period had caught up with her. She stifled a yawn and after being refused point blank on her offer to help clean up, she thanked Marco’s parents and the others and she and Bear took their leave.

  Seeing everybody else plodding about, overstuffed and distracted, Marco slipped out of the door with Alice to walk her the few steps home.

  ‘So, that is my mum,’ he said, laughing as they stepped into the frosty night air. The snow was still falling, a gentle breeze picking up the flakes and dancing them around the sky. It was beautiful, like a Christmas card, the mountains vast and indigo under the blanket of night, the snow thickening on the roofs of the buildings that sloped down into the village, and golden lights glowing out of windows.

  ‘She’s nice,’ Alice said as they stepped through the snow, leaving deep footprints.

  ‘She’s mad.’

  ‘We’re all a little mad, I think it makes us interesting. Seriously though, the whole evening was nice. I meant what I said about feeling very welcomed here.’

  They stopped outside her chalet and Bear took a moment to throw clumps of snow in the air using his snout, searching for the best spot for an end-of-night wee.

  Marco shrugged. ‘It feels like you’ve always been here. It wouldn’t feel the same without you now.’

  She breathed out, slow, her breath icy, and saw him shiver. ‘Do you want to come in?’

  Marco faced her, matching her breath, the world seeming to still and wait for his answer. He smiled. ‘I’d better not.’ He tilted his head back to his own house, indicating his house guests. Then he added, ‘Not tonight.’

  ‘Okay,’ Alice replied, relieved that the intensity had passed, disappointed it had to end.

  Marco inhaled deeply and wrapped her in his arms. ‘Goodnight, Alice,’ he said to the top of her head.

  ‘Goodnight, Marco,’ she said into his chest.

  She closed the door behind her and Bear and went straight up to her nook, where she climbed in and gazed at the inky view, hopeful about what might come later.

  Chapter 37

  It was the thirty-first of December, the end of the year, and New Year’s Eve, finally. It was past eleven and Alice stood with Lola and Vanessa on Vanessa’s balcony, flutes filled with bubbles in their gloved hands, looking at the stars above and the rest of the Mürren celebrations below. They wore gold paper hats that Alice had found in the Coop, and inside the boys, including Bear, were taking polaroid photos with comedy New Year’s props and glasses that Vanessa had brought back with her.

  ‘This is so beautiful,’ Lola breathed. ‘I love your house, Vanessa.’

  ‘It’s literally the nicest place I’ve ever lived in,’ Alice agreed.

  ‘My house is your house, both of you, you know that.’ Vanessa had been adamant she wanted to host New Year’s, despite hosting them all in Zurich only a few weeks back. ‘From my balcony you can see all the other houses with all the other people on their balconies, and it makes the celebrations that much richer to be able to toast the neighbours,’ she had said. ‘From next door you just look at the back of my house.’

  ‘Goodbye, past,’ Lola said into the night sky.

  ‘Yes, good riddance to this year. Hello future,’ added Alice to the mountain peaks. ‘I’ve got a lot of hope pinned on you, don’t let me down.’

  Lola cheersed her. ‘I think next year will be kind to you. You’ve got another four months here, with us, and that’s a good start. Your pup is only going to get bigger, which is cool, and it means even more of him to love. You’ve got a guy in there who’s besotted with you, and I don’t see you complaining . . . ’

  Alice tried to bat the comment away but Lola went on, moving past the subject quickly.

  ‘And you’re going to keep recovering, keep making it through each day a little better than the day before.’

  ‘You’re very sweet. I hope for that as well. I just need to be a bit braver next year.’

  ‘Does that mean you’re going to try and take on a red run with your snowboard?’ Lola asked.

  ‘Yes,’ said Alice, and laughed. ‘I suppose it does. But braver in everything. I used to have less fear because I could always see the funny side of things, or if not funny I always had hope and could think, “Well, of course this is just a blip.” I had hope in humanity. Then I lost it all – I lost the will to try, and so then I lost hope, and I lost myself. If I could have one thing next year, it would be to be brave enough to get up and try again.’

  ‘I want to be brave too,’ said Vanessa. ‘I doubt myself too much after redundancy, like I will not be good enough again. Shut up, Vanessa!’

  ‘Yes, shut up Vanessa indeed,’ Alice said, heartily. ‘You are so good at what you do, don’t you dare tell yourself otherwise.’

&nbs
p; ‘I won’t. In your words, hello future!’

  ‘Wait wait wait, I want to be brave as well,’ Lola added.

  ‘You have more bravery in your little finger than anyone I know,’ said Alice. ‘I think you don’t have blood, just pure adrenaline.’

  ‘I am pretty brave,’ she agreed with a laugh. ‘Even so, it’s a scary world out there, no harm in always working on the warrior queen within.’

  The three women raised their glasses.

  Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the stars, maybe it was the end of the toughest year of her life, but in that moment it felt like everything stilled, and Jill was by her side.

  ‘I like your new friends,’ Alice imagined her saying.

  Alice turned her face from the others as if she were looking at the view, when actually she was looking at the spot on the balcony where Jill stood, in her mind. She gave a small nod.

  ‘Do they make you feel less lonely?’

  Alice let a single tear fall from her eye, trailing down her cheek, finding its way over her skin ever so gently. She nodded again.

  ‘You should be happy. And you were right – I would always want you to choose adventure.’

  Her heart ached with the pain of missing Jill. She opened her mouth, wanting to say out loud how much she wanted to see her again, how much she missed her, how sorry she was, but no words came out.

  ‘Remember what they told you, that I felt almost no pain. Your face was the last thing I saw when I looked up. What a send-off.’

  In her mind Jill smiled the smile that Alice knew so well, then shivered; she’d never liked the cold.

  ‘I have to go. But there’s a lot of love here for you, not least from Bear. Enjoy it.’

  Alice sank her head down on her arms, which rested on the wood of the balcony. She cried, and two sets of hands placed themselves on her back, Vanessa and Lola soothing her.

  ‘Happy New Year,’ Jill said in her ear, and was gone.

  Alice took a deep breath and stood back up, wiping her eyes. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t stop that coming out.’

  ‘Don’t apologise,’ said Vanessa. ‘Can I get you anything?’