Wild Stars Seeking Midnight Suns

by J. California Cooper

  On his days off he walked over new sections of the city he had moved to. He sat in parks with his pen, designing jewelry he knew he would never make. But, he thought, “Who knows?”

  He grew lonely. One day his landlady had a couple of black kittens she was planning to take to the SPCA, but was afraid they would be put to sleep. In his loneliness he decided to take one; immediately he thought of Lily Bea, for some reason, and took the other kitten to give to her. He named his kitten Rain.

  He took a large, pretty box from the jewelry store, and put the kitten in it. Thinly wrapped it, and took it to Lily. She looked at the wobbling box questioningly. Pleased with the surprise, she unwrapped the box. She smiled and gasped, “Ohhhhhhh,” at the cute, little black kitten and pressed it to her breast. “I wonder why I never thought of a pet for all my lonely times.” Lily looked up as she named her kitten Shadow. She saw Weldon standing in the doorway looking at her and Sol. He stood watching a moment, then he frowned.

  Soon Shadow had everything a good kitten needs. Lily enjoyed it more than she had imagined. Who knew? Weldon often watched her stroke the kitten, and wished she would stroke the mink coat he had given her. “I didn’t know you wanted a pet,” he said.

  Weldon did not like Sol Morris, but there was nothing to be done about the friendship. He couldn’t ask Jacob to fire Sol; he knew Jacob would refuse because he liked Lily Bea himself.

  To make matters worse for Weldon, his wife became ill. At first it was nothing to worry about, but as time passed, and she didn’t get well, he became more concerned about his wife of such a long time. His son flew in to see about his mother; he left when the doctor said, “It will just take time, she will be all right.” But, Mrs. Forest did not look well at all. Weldon began to spend more time with her, most of his days, and many of the evenings he used to spend with Lily Bea.

  Lily Bea more than understood; she was pleased. “Weldon always does the right thing. He is a good man,” she thought during her evenings with just Shadow to talk to.

  As her time was spent more alone, Lily paid more attention to the different men that came in and out of her vision.

  There was another Black man who came into the cleaning shop. He had special shirts he wanted done in a special way. He was a nice-looking man, Monte Gales, always smiling. He never said anything to Lily Bea that was in poor taste. He would smile and spend a few moments, if the shop was empty, to exchange a few words with her. He was a musician. Lily Bea had noticed there was no ring on his finger.

  One day he said, “You know, I never see you at any club. Why? don’t you like music?”

  She smiled as she pulled the plastic over his shirts. “I don’t know. I like music. I guess I just never think of going to a club to hear it. I have records.”

  He smiled back, showing nice, even white teeth, “Records are good. But, nothing beats live music. Why don’t you come hear my group? I’ll leave word at the door; be my guest. You’ll enjoy yourself.”

  “I may do that, Mr. . . .?”

  “Monte, just call me Monte.”

  Weldon was there that day. He didn’t like these developments. It wasn’t just because they were Black men; they were men, single men. He told Lily Bea, “You have to be very careful in a club full of strangers, and every kind of person there is to try to avoid.”

  Lily didn’t run out to the club, but as the days passed she thought more about it. She thought about both Sol and Monte. She wondered if Sol would like to go to the club with her. “But, Sol is very serious, and Monte is full of life and fun. Maybe I’ll go by myself one night, at least I’ll be Monte’s guest, so I won’t be a single woman out for anything but music.”

  Things were changing.

  Weldon’s wife needed him more. Lily was alone more. And when they were together, lovemaking didn’t seem right, to either of them, with his wife at home sick.

  One lonely evening, when Lily Bea was not expecting Weldon, she went to hear music, to laugh and talk, at the club. She needed her mood lifted. She called Sol and asked if he wanted to join her. He did. They had a really pleasant evening: a few drinks, and much good music, blues and light jazz.

  When the evening was over Sol took her to her door. They were not at the cheek-kissing stage, they were saying “Good night” and “I had a good time” things. As she turned her key, opening the door, she saw Weldon sitting in the easy chair turned to face the door. His eyes were smoldering, but he looked calm.

  Lily turned to thank Sol for bringing her home when Weldon said, “Go ahead, invite him in. Don’t let me stop you. I’m leaving anyway.” But he did not move to leave.

  Lily was embarrassed that Sol should know her private business, and at Weldon’s attitude. She said, “He isn’t coming in. He only brought me home.”

  Weldon said, “Ah, but it’s early.”

  Lily said, “It’s late.”

  Weldon said, “Well . . .”

  Lily said a final good night to Sol, and Sol left. She took her coat off as she said, “I didn’t expect you, Weldon.”

  “Obviously.”

  “There is no reason to talk like I have done something wrong, Weldon. I was—”

  Weldon interrupted her. “I do not want that man near this apartment again.”

  Lily, slightly surprised, said, “This is my apartment, Weldon. Sol and I are only friends.”

  He smirked. “Everyone is ‘only friends’ in the beginning.”

  Lily decided he was just stressed with his wife’s illness and business. She walked to him, and put her arms around his neck.

  Weldon made a mistake. He removed her arms, picked up his coat from the rack, opened the door, and started walking out. I can tell you, he expected her to stop him; but she didn’t.

  He could find no way to cover over the incident and go back inside. She looked confused, but she didn’t get angry. She didn’t do anything at all. Nothing but tilt her head, slightly smile, and slowly nod her head. With silence, time became strained. He sighed, and left closing the door quietly.

  Their meetings became strained as well. Her thoughts circled around “There is no friend of mine he likes. He doesn’t even like my cat. There is no one I can talk to, except customers on their way out of the shop door. I can’t invite a friend to my home.” Then she would think again. “Oh, God, forgive me; he helped me get everything I have. He is the reason my life has changed so much.”

  But, upon reflection, she would think, “I work. I work hard for my living. I have added to everything he gave me. I didn’t turn into a problem for him. He hasn’t lost anything; he has gained. He gave me what he gave me because he wanted something for himself.” She shook her head. “Ohhh, I love him. But, he has a wife. I have no one except a man who has a wife. He has a son; I have no child at all. He is in his future. I am working for my future; and what is my future? I don’t want to hurt him, but I have to decide my life for myself.”

  She talked on the phone to Monte, but she didn’t go back to the club at that time. She didn’t feel like “havin fun!” She remembered the words “Any fool can have some fun; you betta get you some sense in your life!” She continued working hard. At home, her company was the growing kitten Shadow.

  She had more than enough money for one dream. She found a Realtor and they found a house. She paid down on a house of her own. “I’ll invite whomever I want to invite. To my house!”

  She furnished that house with everything new; decorated it to her taste. For the first time, for anyone in her family history, she had bought and could furnish her own house. “I ain’t rentin!” She loved modern Italian and Mediterranean furniture, with some French influences.

  When the house was completed to her satisfaction, she gave a dinner. A dinner for two. She served the best of everything she knew he liked. She invited Weldon Forest.

  I’ll say this for him, he was no longer angry; he was only sad and lonely. But he was proud for her, and of her. He was a good man. And when dinner was through they made good love to each ot
her. When he left to go home where his wife needed him, he was satisfied. His stomach was pleased and full, his heart was pleased and full, his body was pleased. His mind was no longer teeming with worries about love. He did not know the affair was struggling in its last days. Somewhere in Weldon’s mind, he thought they were making a new beginning. I guess you just have to wait and see.

  Feeling good, and secure in her new life, her loneliness pressed her to invite her mother and sister over for dinner. It had taken three years for this decision. They had never been invited to her apartment. She had been afraid of what Weldon might see. She no longer cared.

  Lily Bea was proud the day her family came to her house.

  Her sister had brought her boyfriend because he had a car, a light blue, battered old Cadillac. They parked in the nice middle-class neighborhood, and got out of the car, making a lot of noise. Their voices were loud, and their laughter held a sharp, hard edge in it.

  They entered the neat brick house with a bit of fanfare about the yard. “She ain’t buyin this house! She rentin!” Or, “I bet these people round here ain’t never seen no real people before! I wonder does any Black people live round here! She always tryin to be more’n what she is!”

  At last they were inside, coats removed, and drink in hand. They all got a little drunk, because this was free liquor, and you don’t leave as long as there is some liquor still in a bottle. They had a good time trying to drag Lily Bea down.

  They had a delicious dinner of some different food Lily Bea knew they didn’t get much of, if any. Sorty, with her usual razor-sharp smile, asked, “Where the real food? I had my mouth all set for some ham hocks or pork chops! What you call this? A rib roast? I cook my ribs in the bar-b-que pit!”

  The pretty sister said, “How you got that man to do all’a this for you? You must’a hoo-dooed him! Ain’t nobody ever done nothin like this for me! Who’da thought a man id do all’a this for you! You even got a piano! You still tryin to play a piano?”

  Sorty laughed as she said, “I go to church least once a month, and even God ain’t helped me get a good house like you got yourself ! You just got me that piece of junk I was already livin in!”

  Through it all, finally Lily had them all settled at the table, grabbing over the food that looked so good. After they finished dinner Lily moved them into the living room. She was feeling pretty good, until she saw the boyfriend push Shadow off the couch, and kick the young startled cat out of his way. She picked Shadow up and held him in her lap.

  Sorty, her mother, talked loud, cursing at times. For some reason she resented Lily Bea having more than she. “Girl, God knows you got nough room in this here house to bring your mama over here to live! God bless childrens who take care their mama! It’s bout time you let us come round you! You always did ack like a fool.

  “Sweetheart,” she said, with that razor-sharp smile, “I don’t need to go home to that ole piece of junk you done got for me! I need to live over here wit you! I bet I could even take care a house like this, keep it clean and all, but I ain’t never had one.” She sighed as she took another drink. “Some people just has all the luck!”

  Her sister, who had laughed and teased her when they were young, watched her boyfriend stare at Lily Bea, the “ugly.” Now her mean, ugly streak turned into something worse, mixed with self-pity and envy of Lily’s success. She felt her hate for Lily as it filled her mind, heart, and stomach. She said, “I don’t know how you lied yourself up on all this shit! I ain’t even got no house at all. We all need to move over here!”

  She smiled at her drunk boyfriend as she said, “You could come on over here to see me in your Candillac. Let these folks round here know we like nice things too!” She looked at Lily Bea, saying, “We like nice things too! We a family! We s’posed to stick together!”

  Lily Bea listened as she moved around, cleaning up a broken dish or glass, wiping up their spilled drinks and food. She had planned to spend the evening with them, but now, she helped them get ready to leave.

  They were going out the front door when Sorty said, “Well, now we know the way over here, we be comin back to see you.”

  Lily Bea, following them to their car to be sure they got in it and drove away, said, “No, don’t come over here until I invite you. I mean that. I work. I am very busy. The police will be here if you come and I didn’t invite you.”

  So they grumbled, cussed, and fussed, as they closed car doors, looking back at Lily Bea standing in front of that pretty brick house. Sister felt hate, Sorty felt cheated. The boyfriend just felt sick because he had tried to empty that bottle without eating much food.

  Lily Bea went back, thankfully, into her house to clean it up. She petted Shadow. “I know you are glad they are gone, too.” When she was putting things away she found three cigarette burns; one was long, as though the cigarette had been placed there and allowed to burn until it went out.

  Lily Bea thought, “My golden apple has rotten spots. They don’t ever need to come to my home again.”

  Loneliness always returns to some people when they don’t have someone to share the things they enjoy. Lily found herself thinking of Sol and Monte.

  Weldon visited, bewildered. Lily Bea was still a woman he loved; but life with her had become so complicated and confusing. And the sex was over. He was a married man, and Lily wanted a future. She wanted a marriage of her own. What could he really offer her? She hadn’t asked for his help when she bought her house. He was glad she had the house, but sorry he had not had a part in it. She had made his life happy. Now . . . a lot of his sunshine was gone; he carried an ache in his heart constantly.

  Monte was a musician; she had never heard they were responsible people to marry. She knew he liked her, but he hadn’t asked her to do more than hear his music. “He makes me laugh, and enjoy myself, though. He has never asked me to make love.”

  Sol had a future as a jeweler, but he didn’t laugh enough, enjoy life enough. He was so serious. They talked economics and business often. He liked music, so they had quiet fun together. “He has never asked to make love to me.

  “I have no real problems; just future problems. I’m coming along, though. I have peace, and God. I have nothing to be ashamed of in front of God anymore. And God will deliver me, I pray.” Her other solution was to work harder as she prayed, “Deliver me, please, God.”

  One day, when a lady knocked on her door with Bible in hand, Lily Bea let her in; she was lonely. She wanted to talk. The lady became a regular visitor. Over time Lily Bea told the kind lady many of her private thoughts.

  The lady told Lily, “You are young and foolish to think Beauty runs the world. If so, where is it? Beauty? It is in the eyes of the beholder. As a man thinks about others, so is he what he thinks of others. A person has to have some beauty in their self, to see the beauty in others which no one else may see. It never entered my mind that you were ugly. You are not ugly. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.”

  Lily Bea hugged those words to her breast, because they were true; they explained so much of her life to her.

  Over the next year or so, both Monte and Sol became closer friends to Lily Bea. In time she learned they both wanted to make love to her. As good as her memories were of good lovemaking, she held herself back. She didn’t really know why. “I’m not ready. Besides, I would choose Weldon because I know what kind of love he makes.” But she didn’t want to do that either.

  Quite happily she had run into Robert Earner a few days ago. He had finished college several years ago, and was home to visit his family. He had married, had two children and a divorce. He seemed glad to see her. They talked about the old days at the Clean Cleaners. He had asked for her phone number, twice, before she gave it to him. She looked forward to his call.

  She dreamed of traveling, ships and planes taking her exotic places. She had the money, and could take the time. But she hadn’t done that yet either.

  Shadow was grown, soft long fur, sweet and beautiful. And really was good co
mpany. They talked.

  But, you know, loneliness was always just a thought away. One of those sad, lonely, rainy evenings, she sat in her living room with the fireplace burning. She was enjoying a glass of crisp white wine. Thinking. Lonely.

  “Well, I guess I just have to prepare to be lonely.” Sadly, she repeated, “I’m alone.” She got up, fixed another glass of wine, and sat down to be sad again.

  The house was bright, the music filling the rooms was mellow and good to her. The fire was bright. Shadow was stretched out, asleep, in front of it.

  Another thought entered Lily Bea’s mind. “I am alone,” she smiled to herself, “but I’m in my own house.” She sipped. “I have a business. I am not only alone; I am free. I may be ugly, but I have men who like me, might love me one day. I am alone . . . but . . . I am free!” She sipped a bit. “I have a little savings. I have a future, if I’m careful. I may be alone, but, thank God, I am free. I can make any decision, do within reason, whatever I want to do. All I have to do is work hard, take care of my own health, and live! And travel, go back to school for whatever I want and can afford. I am free. I didn’t know this was where I was headed, but here I am . . . free!

  “Thank You, God, thank You. You have delivered me.”

  She sat quietly enjoying her peace. The telephone rang. She frowned. But . . . she went to answer it. Someone was trying to reach her.

  Success

  This Friday had been a ghastly, dark, and dreary rainy day. All the people who had planned to venture out into the night life of the city frowned out through their windows at the water-soaked streets.

  Some, a few who loved the rain, anticipated a long night at home. A golden, crackling fire burning in the fireplace, a good meal cooking on the stove, or relaxing with a good book or a good mate. They smiled upon the view through their windows and the sound of rain upon their roofs.