Love & Redemption

by Chantel Rhondeau

  “How should I know that?” He didn’t make any movements to leave the room, and Shelley leaned against the wall, not opening the door. “As soon as you saw Ken Travers, I ceased to exist.” His voice became louder with each word, and his fists clenched so tight the knuckles turned white. “I couldn’t touch you, I couldn’t talk to you. You didn’t want anything to do with me. I left the room for work-related reasons, and when I came back you were on a date with another man!”

  “I wouldn’t do that to you!” she screamed, raising her voice to match his. “You and Jenessa thought he was working for Paul, and I knew he wouldn’t be, not the way he feels about this city. But that doesn’t mean someone else isn’t. I thought he could tell me who it was. These guys look out for each other like brothers. He wasn’t going to just turn someone over without a little persuasion.”

  “And how far did you go for information?” The ice in Gavin’s now-quiet voice was enough to induce shudders through Shelley’s body. “What exactly did you do to persuade him?”

  The pain knifing through her was worse than when her father called her a whore. She fooled herself into thinking Gavin understood her—that he actually cared. Maybe she made a mistake tonight by not finding a way to talk to him first, but that didn’t give him the right to treat her like trash.

  “Go fuck yourself, Gavin.” She turned away. I don’t cry. I won’t cry. She brushed at the single tear and yanked open the door. “Get out.”

  ***

  Gavin tried texting Shelley again, even though she ignored his first two messages.

  Please, I’m so sorry. You have to forgive me. I know I was wrong.

  How could he have been so stupid? When he saw Ken wasn’t in the room, he should have just taken a few deep breaths, let himself feel relieved, and asked her what happened. Why the hell did he blow up and accuse her of having sex with the cop? He knew better. She wouldn’t do that to him.

  While he had been a bit worried about it, it wasn’t because he didn’t trust Shelley. It was remembering what Crystal did. Those memories brought up all his past issues. Shelley fully admitted she played the field in the past and had a hard time with commitment. That had made him nervous when combined with thoughts of Crystal, who’d always done whatever she needed to in order to get her way.

  But Shelley isn’t Crystal, and I’m a damn idiot.

  His phone buzzed. Finally! Gavin fumbled to access the screen, nearly dropping it on the floor in his haste to read Shelley’s message.

  Dude sry u screwed up with ur girl. U got wrong number. QUIT TEXTING ME!

  Gavin flopped onto the bed and clapped his hand against his forehead. That explained why she never responded earlier. Too bad his new text buddy hadn’t told him sooner. Like when he sent the first text warning about Ken.

  Damn it. What was he supposed to do now? Would she even open the door for him again if he went back and tried to explain?

  So much for being a gentleman. In Shelley’s eyes, he had proven himself to be just like every other man she knew—probably worse than most.

  He had to make it up to her.

  ***

  Shelley took some cleansing breaths, struggling to maintain focus on her breathing and not give in to the hurt she felt. It was a lost cause. She should have just screwed Gavin in the hotel room that first night and let him leave her like every other man. It hurt less that way.

  The clock read a quarter to midnight. That meant it would only be nearing nine o’clock on the west coast. Maybe Carlie was still awake. She’d wanted to check on her anyway, and she needed a distraction.

  Connecting to Nick’s new number from her contact list, Shelley took a few more deep breaths, hoping her voice would sound normal. The last thing she wanted was to explain her relationship issues to Nick.

  “Shelley?” Nick answered. “Everything going okay in New York?”

  “Other than the fact I pissed off the sergeant we’re working with by not sleeping with him, I think we’re good.”

  Nick chuckled. “Good for you. Carlie will be proud.”

  “She’s why I called. I was wondering how she’s doing and if I could talk with her.”

  “No problem,” he answered. “She’s doing better each day. She’s looking forward to re-opening Carlie’s Creations later this year. It’s all she talks about.”

  Shelley walked across the room and spread out on the bed. “I’m looking forward to it too. I know you want me to work for you, Nick, but I just want to be a waitress.”

  “How about a waitress with a secondary function?”

  “What do you have in mind and how much does it pay?”

  He laughed. “We can negotiate payment, but the job would be bodyguard for Carlie anytime I leave for work. I didn’t want to move back to Sayle, but she was adamant. Now I worry all the time whether Paul will come after her.”

  That was one job she’d do with pleasure. “Bodyguard services for my best friend are free.”

  “Good.” The sound of a door creaking in the background came through the phone line. “I’ll get Carlie. She’s been anxious to hear from you.”

  There were jostling noises and then Nick said, “Wake up, sweetheart. You want to take this call.”

  “Shelley?” Carlie’s sleepy voice mumbled into the phone. “Are you okay?”

  Darn. Why did Nick wake her? Shelley didn’t mean for that to happen. “I’m doing good. How are you?”

  “The pain’s a lot better. I’m excited to see how well this worked when it heals.” She sounded her usual chipper self now that she was awake. “I’ve been having trouble with motion in my left hand, and the graft will hopefully help that. They had to cut the scars and use some skin from my thigh to do it. That’s what hurts the most.”

  “But everything’s healing, okay?” When Shelley had no options about contacting Carlie, she did her best not to worry, but it was good to talk directly to her friend.

  “I’m fantastic. The doctor says with therapy, I should be ready to go by the time the shop opens.” Carlie paused for a moment. “You’re coming back to work for me, right, not joining Nick full time?”

  “Of course I am. I’m not cut out for this job. I wish I could come home now.” And leave Gavin and his accusations behind.

  She closed her eyes, fighting against the emotion. She’d called Carlie to get her mind off Gavin, not cry over him.

  “Nick tried to keep it from me, but I heard about those children dying. It was that awful drug Terrance used on me, wasn’t it?”

  How could Shelley worry about Gavin when children were dying? She was ashamed of herself. “It hasn’t been confirmed, but I think so.”

  “Maybe Nick should come out there and help you and Jen.”

  “No, Carlie. I’m here so he can be there.” Which was why she would face Gavin tomorrow and be completely professional. They had a job to do. Catch the S.A.T.O. members and then get her life back to normal. It didn’t matter if she was destined to be single her entire life. That was the price she paid for making mistakes in the past.

  “Fine,” Carlie said. “I know you’ll do everything you can. So let’s talk about something else. That just depresses me.”

  Shelley didn’t know what else to talk about. “How’s Muhammad’s soup kitchen?”

  “It’s fine, and a boring topic. How about you tell me about Gavin? You spent a whole week with him. How’d it go?”

  Groaning, Shelley flipped onto her side and curled up. “I was calling you to avoid thinking about him.”

  “Why?”

  Knowing she was stuck for it, Shelley quickly explained what had gone on in the past week and the events since reaching Queens this afternoon. “He didn’t have any faith in me. I can’t believe he thought I’d sleep with Ken!”

  A breathy laugh came over the line.

  “What’s so funny?” Shelley snapped.

  “It’s quite the vacation Nick and I planned for you. Your parents, Stephen and Terrance, and now Gavin. Trouble follows wherever
you go.”

  “Not anymore.”

  “How’s that?” Carlie asked.

  “It’s always man trouble. I really am done.” Shelley ignored how sad it made her feel to think she wouldn’t spend more time with Gavin. “I’m done dating. I thought I might have found a winner with Gavin, but he was ready to believe the worst of me.”

  “Shelley, be fair. It sounds to me like you didn’t do anything to let him know you weren’t interested in Ken. The man can’t read minds.”

  Trying not to be hurt, Shelley muttered, “I thought my best friend would be on my side.”

  “I am on your side, honey. You know I love you and I want what’s best for you. What if Gavin is what’s best for you? I think you should talk to him.”

  “What?” Shelley shook her head. “No. He doesn’t trust me. End of story. There’s nothing for us to talk about.”

  “I won’t push you one way or the other.” Carlie sighed, obviously not happy with the way the conversation headed. “I just want to say this...you usually don’t care when a man moves on or calls you a bad name. Gavin, however, is the first guy you’ve liked who also wanted to get to know you on a deeper level. So you had a misunderstanding and he hurt your feelings. I get that. But if Gavin isn’t worth a second chance, why are your feelings hurt? Why do you care so much what he thinks?”

  Chapter Eighteen

  The pounding on the door wouldn’t stop. Shelley didn’t understand why someone on their floor hadn’t called security yet. It was past one in the morning. Gavin must have woken them all up by now.

  That got the better of her. What if other people had business meetings in the morning and needed their rest? She couldn’t let him continue to pound. Not that she wanted to go through round two with him, but opening the door was better than his constant knocking.

  Smoothing down her hair, she checked the peephole just to be sure it was him on the other side. Great. He had flowers and a bag of something. Carlie’s words weighed heavy on her mind. She didn’t have a good answer. Gavin’s opinion mattered because she did care about him. That didn’t mean she should continue spending time with him.

  Sighing, she unlocked the door and opened it a crack. “Gavin, it’s late. I’m sure our neighbors want to sleep. Fighting more can wait for tomorrow.”

  “I’m not here to fight.” He held out the vase of pink roses, pushing the door open further to hand them to her. “When we agreed to try this thing out, we both knew neither of us were perfect. Tonight, I screwed up.”

  “Big time,” she agreed.

  “Let me make it right.”

  Shelley raised the flowers to her face, inhaling their fragrant scent to give herself time to think. “What if this entire thing was a mistake? Maybe it can’t be made right. You obviously don’t trust me. We have nothing without trust.”

  “I didn’t expect you to go out with someone else. That’s true.” He leaned against the doorframe, putting his face close to hers. “It hurt and I lashed out. I wanted to hurt you, too.”

  “By reminding me I’ll never be any better than the whore my father always claimed I was?”

  He grimaced. “I didn’t mean that, but I know that’s what it sounded like.” He reached into the opening and ran his thumb down her cheek, softly grazing her upper lip. “I can’t take it back. It can’t be unsaid, but I didn’t mean it.”

  Shelley tried not to melt into his touch, tried to be strong. She cared for Gavin so much already, it was hard to resist him. So far, the time spent with him was the closest to a true relationship she’d had, and she didn’t want to throw that away over a misunderstanding. Carlie thought she should give it another chance, and her friend was often better at judging things than she was.

  Shelley stepped back, allowing him inside.

  He dropped the bag he held onto the floor and wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss against her cheek. “I’m sorry.”

  His warm scent obliterated her resolve to stay angry as she leaned into him.

  “So am I,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really was trying to follow a lead and get us information. I’d never...” She sighed. It was time to face her part in all this. “Okay. I can see why you thought I might because of what I’ve told you, but I really am with you, one-hundred percent unless we decide otherwise. We said we were trying this. I’m a whore, not a cheater.”

  He held her tighter and shook his head. “No. You’re not a whore. Don’t say that ever again. I was going through my own shit tonight, and I let it cloud my judgment. After everything we’ve been through together, sharing our life stories, I know the truth.”

  He mouthed her earlobe, nibbling his way across her cheek until his lips found hers. Shelley met him eagerly. His hands stroked her hair, tracing it down her back until his fingers rested on top of her ass. She shuddered with delight, but all too soon Gavin broke off the kiss and stepped away.

  He turned and picked up the bag he brought, setting it on top of the vanity table. From it, he pulled bottled drinks and to-go boxes. “The truth,” he said, “is that you’re the most wonderful woman I know, but for this second chance thing to work for either one of us, we’re both going to have to try really hard.”

  “I should have warned you why I wanted to go with Ken. I’m sorry.” She placed the roses on the nightstand next to the bed, curious about what else Gavin had brought.

  He set the containers on the end of the bed and then grabbed the bottles of soda, forks, and napkins. Sitting on the bed, he met her eyes. “I wish you had told me. It would have saved us from having our first fight, but all’s not lost. When I’m stressed, this always makes things better.”

  Opening the boxes, Gavin revealed two huge pieces of pie. One looked to be chocolate, but the other had peanut butter drizzled across the top.

  “Those look yummy,” she agreed, “but you know I’ve been watching my weight. I don’t think eating ten thousand calories worth of pie is a good idea.”

  “Sweetheart, when you walk into a room, no other woman stands a chance of catching my attention. Don’t worry about what you eat.” Gavin forked up a large piece of the chocolate pie and held it toward her. “Come on, try this. It’s from my favorite place in town.”

  When he talked like that, it made her feel hopeful for the future. Maybe she didn’t have to be perfect all the time or worry about image so much. Maybe Gavin really was a man who would care about her for the person she was, not what she looked like and not who she’d been in the past.

  Shelley sat down, allowing him to feed her the bite. The smooth chocolate exploded on her tongue and she closed her eyes, nodding in appreciation. “It’s delicious.”

  “Told you.” Gavin took a bite for himself, before forking up some of the peanut butter one. “Try this.”

  Shelley did as he said, enjoying that just as much. “These are good, but wait until you try Carlie’s cupcakes. Since you have a sweet tooth, you’re going to love working for Nick. Anytime you’re in town, Carlie will keep you well fed.”

  “I’m sure I’ll find my way to the restaurant a lot.” He grabbed her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb. “Especially if you’re going to waitress there.”

  Flutters of happiness flowed through Shelley, and she grabbed the other fork to eat more pie. Even though they’d both been angry, they could get past it. The way she saw it, they both screwed up, but she was glad Gavin wanted to make things right. Usually by now, someone she dated would have been on to his next conquest, not caring whether he hurt her.

  “I’m glad to know that’s your plan,” she answered. “I talked to Carlie tonight about working for her. Things will be lonely in Sayle if you don’t visit.”

  He grinned. “Maybe Sayle could be even more of a permanent home for me if the spy thing doesn’t work out.”

  “Really?” Shelley hadn’t wanted to think about it, but a relationship with an agent would present some challenges. Mostly, he would be gone a lot. She wanted someone to share her l
ife with, not just an occasional bed partner. That was the whole point of waiting with the sex part. “Maybe you could go back into the hotel business and live there.”

  He shook his head, dashing that hope “I doubt anyone would hire me. I didn’t ever tell you about my cheating ex and her plan to have me arrested for embezzlement. Maybe you should know. It’s why I didn’t trust you as much as I should have.”

  Shelley listened to his story as they continued eating their pie, angry with Crystal for ruining Gavin like she had. He had it hard enough, growing up with a druggie for a mother and then spending his teenage years locked up. That woman destroyed him for nothing more than wanting to stay in her father’s good graces.

  “I’m sorry, Gavin. No wonder you worry about cheating.”

  He reached over and stroked her cheek with his thumb, causing a shudder to go throughout her body at the gentleness in his touch. She craved more of it, but knew now wasn’t the time.

  “Crystal was my past, and is part of what I have to overcome,” he said, “but you are my future. I really feel it.”

  Shelley eagerly met his lips, running her hands around his neck to plunge them in his hair. He stroked her back midway, keeping his hands away from her butt this time and not straying far. Perhaps he was worried, like she was, about moving things too fast in the heat of the moment.

  She broke off the kiss and backed away. “I think the future looks promising then.”

  With the tension gone, it was comforting to be with Gavin. Once they finished the pie, they needed to talk about Ken, but she didn’t want to. Maybe Gavin would let that subject drop for tonight and return to his room. That would be easiest. However, as much as she didn’t want to spoil things thinking of Ken, she also didn’t want Gavin to leave yet.

  She put off finishing the pie and so did he, taking smaller and smaller bites. Finally, Gavin ate the last of the peanut butter one and stood up. “That last bite of chocolate is yours.”

  Shelley finished it and looked up at him, chewing her lip. “This will be the first night we’ve spent apart since we met.”