Bittersweet

by K. S. Thomas

  “Esi...do...ra. My mother...is nuts.”

  Rachel grins and I appreciate this more than anything. “Whose mother isn’t, right?”

  There is one final screech of metal and then, it’s over. I am free. And miraculously, still in one piece.

  Both men drop the car door and immediately come for me. I can’t see either of their faces because Rachel is already wrapping my head in one of those neck stabilizer things I’ve seen on TV a million times, and I instinctively wiggle my toes, just to be sure.

  “I don’t think I need this.” I reach up to try and stop her. “If you could just help me to my feet so I can go and see my husband.”

  Rachel grips my hand. “Esi. You’re in extreme shock right now and that can sometimes lead to your body sending you some mixed signals. So, let me be clear with you. You are in no condition to walk. You have a very serious wound on your abdomen in addition to a deep gash on your head from where you made impact with the windshield. And, until we get you out of here and on a gurney to properly examine you, there’s no telling what other injuries you might have. Therefore, we need you to please not fight us and just let us take care of everything. It’s a miracle you survived and we’re not taking this miracle lightly.”

  Rachel is good. Really good. By the time she’s done talking me down, I am already being laid out on the gurney and rolled toward an inferno of bright lights.

  With my head in this horrible box, I can’t see much of anything. There is shouting and the sound of blaring sirens in addition to who knows how many running engines, making it completely impossible to get any proper bearings on my situation or where Carter fits into any of it.

  “Are you taking me to him? Are you taking me to Carter?” I look up at Rachel, who is walking alongside me, pushing the gurney and tightly gripping my hand in hers. She’s the only thing I can see clearly.

  “He’ll be in the ambulance right beside us. As soon as I know you’re settled, I promise I’ll go check on him and get you an update.” She never has a chance.

  Just as we are coming to a stop, I hear a man yell, “We’re losing him! Give me another dose of Epinephrine. Now!”

  I can’t speak. My nails claw into Rachel’s arm desperately as tears pour from my eyes instantly. She understands. Her head turns toward one of the guys who helped cut me out of the car. “Evan, go. We can handle this.”

  “Do not let anything happen to her, Rachel. She’s breathing and conscious. I want her this way when I get back,” he barks at her and I immediately recognize his voice. It’s the first one I heard when I woke up after the crash. I release my iron grip on Rachel and she glances down at me, attempting a reassuring smile, but it’s weak and I know she’s in no position to reassure me of anything right now.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, drowning out everything else, I zero in on Evan’s voice.

  “I’ve got extra hands. What do you need?”

  “We need to get him to the fucking hospital.” The man from before.

  “He’s bleeding out. It’s no use. He’ll be dead before we even get there.” Another male voice. I don’t recognize it. But I hate it. I hate it with a passion.

  “Clear!” And I know they’re shocking him. With every part of my being I am willing Carter’s heartbeat back into existence. Don’t leave me. Carter, you can’t leave me. You PROMISED!

  “Nothing.”

  “You can’t stop. It’s his wedding day. It’s supposed to be the happiest day of his life. Not his last!” Evan’s words pierce through me, eradicating the pain I feel from my injuries by replacing it with a wound no surgeon can ever repair.

  “Hold on. I’ve got something. That’s it. We’ve got a heartbeat. Load him up. Now. Go! Go!”

  Then. Everything goes black.

  Chapter Two

  Carter ~ Seven Years Ago

  I’m literally running down the fucking halls right now. Thank God they’re empty because I look like an idiot trying to balance my pile of books and notes in one arm, and more importantly I’m trying to avoid spilling my coffee. Not an easy task when you’re about to be late for a class which is taught by a jackass professor who will actually lock you out if you’re not there on time. And I need this class, so being locked out is not an option. As it is, I’m one missed class away from never passing because I don’t understand the shit he talks about. Ever.

  I take the last turn and I know I’m gonna make it. His door is right on the other side of that wall. But so is Esidora Harper and before either of us can stop, we collide right outside the door.

  I watch as everything flies from my grasp in slow-motion, heading toward the floor. Next, I hear the sound of my coffee cup landing in a splat as the lid flings off and my elixir of the Gods sprays all around the hall. A shuffle of paper follows, and last but not least, the click of a lock. I’m too late.

  I’m too pissed to even apologize at this point. Mostly, because for the time being, I’m blaming her for our little hallway wreck. It’s probably not her fault, but I’m not a morning person and I just lost my only hope of making it through the day, along with my only hope of passing this class, so I’m in no mood to take responsibility for shit. In short, I’m being a total dick. Judging by her expression, she can tell.

  Cursing under my breath, I start grabbing at the fallen papers, but between her pile and mine, there’s about double what I came with and since they’re all charts from the same class, I can’t tell hers and mine apart.

  I glance up to see if she knows what she’s doing, and based on the way she’s sifting through each sheet of paper and making two separate piles, she seems to.

  In favor of her little system, I start to search through the stack in my hand. At the very least I’ll be able to tell my handwriting from hers. Except on the charts. Which unfortunately neither of us saw fit to write notes on. So, I start a third pile. The undecided pile. She watches me for a minute, but doesn’t say anything. Just snorts loudly and shakes her head. So, now she thinks I’m a dick and an idiot. Whatever. I’m not about to worry what a Harper girl thinks of me. Not with the reputation they have.

  I’m near the end of my stash when I finally find something I know for sure is not mine.

  “What the fuck is this?”

  She looks up from the fan of papers in her own hand and studies the sheet I’m holding up. “An astrology chart based on the current conditions.” She says it like it’s fucking obvious. Like any moron would be able to take a quick gander at what looks like the doodling’s of a crazy person and see that it’s actually, what did she say? An astrology chart?

  I stare at her for a long minute because I want her to know that I think she’s nuts, but she isn’t the least bit phased and I have to believe she’s gotten used to people staring at her. Which actually doesn’t surprise me.

  Raised by a single mother who owns a small new age shop called Hocus Pocus and who gives psychic readings out of a room in the back, she’s likely been getting some strange attention from people all her life. Probably doesn’t help any her name is Esidora. Not that I’ve ever heard her use that name, but I would bet money her mother does.

  However, aside from a moniker that sounds like it belongs to a witch in Oz, she sort of is...like a witch...from Oz. Or, at least, that’s what the word is around town. And our town is small, so word tends to be right on the money.

  Apparently tired of being gaped at, she yanks the paper from my hand and adds it to her stash and stands up straight. I notice there’s only one pile of papers left on the floor and the undecided stack is gone along with hers. I realize she’s about to stalk off and for some inexplicable reason, I can’t let her. So, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. “An astrology chart? What, trying to see when you’ll meet Prince Charming? Pretty sure you’re taking the wrong class for that.” I laugh. Yeah. I really am being a dick today.

  “Not that it’s any of your business, but I was just trying to do something that was actually challenging during class.” She pushes her papers
farther under her arm where I can’t see them, then reaches over and taps on the notes scribbled on the top sheet of my pile as I’m picking them up off the ground. “And that’s wrong by the way. That bit about Monoceros, it’s not true. The horn comes from delta Monocerotis through 18 Mon and over to epsilon, not from gamma Monocerotis through epsilon and up to S Monocerotis.”

  I stare at her again. This time because I’m dumbfounded, and because she’s crazy. “I took those notes exactly the way Professor Mathis wrote them up,” I insist. It’s the only thing I’m actually capable of doing in that class. Taking notes.

  She shrugs. “I know. He got it wrong, too. Common misconception.”

  “If you know so much, why are you even taking this class?” Pretty sure it’s not for fun.

  “Because I stupidly thought my professor, the astronomer, could teach me things my mother, the psychic, couldn’t. I was wrong. Of course, she told me this would happen. So, go figure.”

  And that’s when it happens. I smile. “I’m Carter.”

  “I know who you are.” She smiles back. And I’m done for.

  Chapter Three

  Esi

  “Hey, gorgeous. You ready to blow this Popsicle stand?”

  I glance up from the small duffle bag on my hospital bed. Two weeks I’ve been stuck here. Our entire honeymoon has come and gone, but I don’t care. My handsome husband is standing in front of me. Hazel eyes sparkling. Smile setting off butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Everything that matters is here.

  “Hell, yeah. Let’s go home.” I zip up the small bag containing little more than my pajamas and a toothbrush, and follow Carter out of the room.

  We take a cab, even though I know Lev will be pissed I didn’t call her, but the truth is, I need this. Carter and I haven’t been alone since the night of the accident. In the hospital, doctors and nurses swarmed around me non-stop, and my mom and sister haven’t been much different. I understand, of course. I could have died in that accident. Nearly did. It’s only natural that they’re hovering, clinging, falling all over themselves to take care of me. I understand that, because I would be the same exact way if it was either of them. But it isn’t. It’s me. It’s Carter. And now that I am finally able to, I want to hover and cling and fall all over myself taking care of him.

  “You alright?” He’s watching me from his seat, which means he’s probably caught me checking my seatbelt three times already and we haven’t even left the hospital parking lot.

  “Yeah. Just, you know, first time back on the horse.”

  He nods. “I get it. Different horse though.” He gives me his crooked little grin. My favorite.

  “True.” Doesn’t matter though. Isn’t the horse I’ve lost faith in. It’s faith itself. As much as I try to remind myself everything has worked out alright in the end, I can’t shake the moment I heard that man declare Carter was dying. Even as I sit here, staring right at him, disheveled brown hair hanging down over this forehead, tapping his fingers on his knee and wearing my favorite green shirt, I know I’ll never forget what it feels like to lose him. And I know, someday, I will have to face that feeling again, and when that day comes, there’ll be no one around to bring back his heartbeat. No one lives forever. I know that better than anyone.

  As soon as we step inside our little house, I know my sister has been here. Carter and I take one look around at all the vases overflowing with fresh flowers scattered around the place and we both grin. “Lev.”

  I go to hang up my coat and I’m nearly attacked with wedding presents as they tumble out of the closet. “What the hell?”

  “Are those from the wedding? No way we had that many guests.” Carter laughs.

  “People must have mailed these. Gotta be my dad’s side of the family. No one I know is that proper. You don’t get invited, you don’t send a gift.” I slide some of the boxes aside with my foot trying to clear a path. “You’re not in a hurry to open these, are you?” Somehow opening presents seems like the least important thing in the world to me right now. To be perfectly honest, I can just as easily throw them all away. Which probably sounds horrible. It just seems so trivial now. Wedding presents. What impact will one more little trinket or household item have on my life at this point?

  “Why don’t we save ourselves the trouble all together and just donate them?” As usual, it’s like he’s reading my mind.

  “Oh, I would be good with that.” I smile. This is Carter. This is us. This is what I love about being with him. “You want some coffee?”

  “Always.” Just one more reason we are perfect for one another.

  I’m barely in the kitchen, trying to locate the coffee cups which clearly Lev has unloaded from the dishwasher in my absence, when I hear the front door open and my mother and sister’s loud voices come bounding in.

  “Esi? Are you here? Shit. I told you that was a bad place for the presents,” the sound of my mother’s voice carries all the way to the kitchen. Apparently, she played a part in the clean up around here as well.

  “Where else did you want me to put them, Ma? I couldn’t exactly throw them out.” I can hear Lev picking up and stacking boxes when my mother shows up in the doorway.

  “There you are. We’ve been going nuts trying to find you. We went to the hospital but they said you left in a taxi!” My mother’s frowning. Something she rarely does.

  “I’m sorry. I should have told you not to come. The cab was fine, really.” I open up the cupboard next to the fridge and finally find my cups in it. “You want coffee?”

  “Oh, honey, let me get that.” My mother rushes up beside me, taking the mugs from my hand.

  “Ma, it’s fine. I can make coffee. I’m not going to break, I promise.”

  “I know that, baby.” But the expression on her face clearly suggests otherwise. “Can’t you let your mother take care of you? Just this once? It’s been a hard two weeks. For everyone. Please, let me make the coffee.”

  I shrug and release the mugs to her. “Fine. Thank you.”

  With nothing left to do in the kitchen, I decide to track down Lev in the foyer. I need at least one person to act normal around here. Except, I’m shit out of luck.

  “Hey. Sorry. I didn’t know where to put all of these.” She has her back up against the closet like she’s trying to hide what’s inside. Kinda pointless now in my opinion, but whatever.

  “It’s no big deal. Just wasn’t expecting to be attacked by wedding presents when I opened the door.” I grin. Lev doesn’t. “But hey, thanks for all the flowers. They made for a lovely homecoming.”

  “I just wanted you to have something nice to walk into. You know, after everything.”

  I nod and begin to walk into the living room. Lev follows until she reaches the thermostat in the hall. “Meanwhile, what I really should have done is remember to turn on the heat for you. It’s a freaking icicle in here.”

  I shrug. “I guess. Anything feels warm and cozy after being locked in that sterile prison of cold empty walls and blinding florescent lighting.” My eyes sweep the space searching for Carter. Only he apparently slipped out before my mother and sister barreled in through the front door. Not that I blame him. They can be a bit much at times.

  “What?” Lev is standing right beside me again.

  “Nothing. I was just looking for Carter.” I shake my head. He probably went upstairs to lie down. As much as he wants me to think he’s feeling fine, I know it can’t possibly be true. His side of the car took the brunt of the hit, so I know his injuries were far worse than mine and even I’m still dealing with pain and constant fatigue. Not to mention the long list of things I’m not allowed to do over the next four weeks plus thanks to the emergency heart surgery I underwent in addition to everything else.

  Lev is about to say something when my mother joins us from the kitchen, three coffee cups in hand.

  “Sit, sit, girls. Esi, you should still be resting, love.”

  Lev plops down onto the couch before I do, and she yanks m
y hand to help move things along. I drop down next to her, twitching my mouth. Twenty-seven years of always being bossed around by everyone is getting old.

  “Here, baby. Made it just the way you like it.” My mother hands me the hot cup of heaven and I forget all about how annoying my controlling sister and overbearing mother are at times.

  “Thank you. It’s perfect.” I hold the mug close to my face, enjoying the scent. The coffee at the hospital, when they finally decided to let me have some, turned out to be not even worth the wait. To be perfectly honest, dealing with constant poking and prodding from the medical staff was more enjoyable than suffering through their poor excuse of coffee. To add insult to injury, I found out after I forced it down, they had the nerve to bring me decaf.

  “So, I was thinking, maybe I’d crash here for a while. You know, just until you’ve had a chance to totally recoup. I could help with household stuff, deal with finances and lawyers. Whatever you need.” Lev smiles at me, but it isn’t the happy sort. She’s worried about me. They both are. And I get it. Secretly, I know each of us harbors a paralyzing fear that one day our threesome will break down to two. My accident has brought this scenario to life in a terrifying way.

  “Lev, I’m fine. Really. I can manage washing a few dishes or throwing in a load of laundry. Besides. I don’t plan on doing any of that today. Right now, I’m just glad to be home. More importantly, I just want to get past this. I could really use some normalcy right now. And you staying here, hovering over me and waiting on me hand and foot, couldn’t be farther from that, now could it?!”