by May Dawson
Before we headed into the house, I went to the trunk and pulled out the bag of groceries I’d stopped to buy. If I knew Nix, he hadn’t thought about actually feeding himself and Deidra. Left on his own, the man lived on coffee in the morning and beer in the afternoon.
“You brought… groceries.” Nix sighed. “I hoped for pizza.”
“I didn’t know if you’d even be here,” I said. “I’m just supposed to carry a cold pizza around?”
“Cold pizza is the best pizza.”
“You’re deranged,” I told him.
As cold as it was outside, the smoke-scented warm air inside the cabin felt good. I went to the narrow kitchen in the back of the cabin and slung the bag of groceries on the counter before turning to Deidra, Nix, and Tristan, who stood in the living room.
Nix rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, his face tight. I could’ve sworn something was bothering him beside the current situation—Nix took danger in stride—but I didn’t have time to worry about it right now.
“The Council sent all the Hunters out chasing you down because they want Truby to think you’re running to him,” I told Deidra. No point beating around the truth. “They don’t really want to bring you in.”
“I seem to remember you saying it was a bad idea for me to go to Truby,” she said lightly. “Back when it was my idea.”
“It’s still a bad idea,” I said. “Calla, who leads the Council, came to me directly. Because Malcolm is not onboard. He thinks this is too dangerous.”
“I’m in,” she said, quickly and fearlessly. She leaned against the back of the couch, crossing her arms.
It took me a second to realize she was mirroring my posture as I leaned against the island.
“We all knew you would be, Deathwish,” Nix said.
“Do you think this is too dangerous?” she asked, looking between the three of us. “Compared to, say, being Hunted by our own people?”
“It’s not a position you should be in,” I said roughly, because we all knew that she had no choice. As much as I hated it, Deidra had to go to Truby’s coven.
Once he was dead, we could all go back to the academy, back to normal.
“I’ll go in with her,” Tristan said. “Watch her back.”
“I don’t think so,” I said without hesitating. “Nix or I can—”
“No one’s going to buy you turning traitor on the academy,” Tristan retorted. “And Nix might have good reason to go to Truby, given how Hunters have treated him the past few years, but Truby might be a wee bit suspicious if he connects Nix with his family.”
I stared Tristan down. I hated the thought of Deidra going into danger as it was. But it was her only real chance to get the Council off her ass so she could return to the academy.
As much as I couldn’t stand the thought of Deidra facing Truby, the only thing worse would be my brother going too.
If I lost them both, I was done for. I couldn’t imagine living in a world without my brother. He was the last family I had.
And Deidra… I couldn’t stand the thought of letting her down, letting her get hurt. I didn’t know how I’d ever live with myself after.
“We’re not at the academy anymore,” Tristan said, completely misunderstanding me, as usual. “I can have an opinion too.”
“He’s not wrong,” Nix said slowly.
I shook my head, anxiety tightening my muscles until I felt like I’d explode. To distract myself, I turned to the kitchen counter. “I brought steak. Nix, make yourself useful and peel the potatoes, would you?”
“I’d like to talk to you for a minute, actually,” Nix said. To Tristan and Deidra, he said, “You kids get to work.”
“Tristan has a good point about us not being at the academy anymore,” Deidra said lightly, but she stepped up next to me.
“Can you make a salad?” I asked her. “Tristan, I know you’re moderately competent at peeling and chopping vegetables.”
“Do you think I’m domestically challenged?” she demanded, rifling through the bag. “I know how to make a salad.”
“Yeah,” I said. “You don’t really strike me as the apron-and-heels Betty Crocker type.”
“Apparently you are, though.” She flashed me one of those mischievous smirks that made me want to either kiss her or smack her perfect ass. “I like it.”
Since I couldn’t kiss that smirk away—and I definitely couldn’t spank her—I shook my head at her and headed through the living room. Nix was already going through the front door.
I closed the door behind me and stepped out into the evening. The snow was beginning to stick, white flakes building up on the trees that surrounded the house. The stars were blinking into existence in a clear, deep sky above.
Nix stood at the end of the porch, gathering wood into his arm. But his face was taut. This mission was just an excuse for us to talk without Deidra or Tris around.
“I don’t like any of this either,” I said.
“It’s not that,” he said. “I mean, I hate this, but Deidra will come through—she’s tougher than you give her credit for.”
His words made me bristle. I gave Deidra plenty of credit, but she had a lot to learn, too. She shouldn’t be put in such a dangerous situation. “All right. What gives?”
He sighed. “I don’t want to make this weird. But we don’t keep secrets from each other.”
Anxiety tightened my stomach. I stared at him, waiting for him to go on. Nix ruffled his hair through his dark hair, mussing it.
“Deidra and I had sex,” he said.
Anxiety choked me. I knew I liked her, but I didn’t fully realize how much until that moment when I could imagine Nix’s hands on her, her lips on his.
I didn’t care what the two of them did.
I cared that she would choose him over me, that I’d be left alone. I was the stick in the mud asshole as far as Deidra was concerned. My mind whirled, trying to figure out how I was supposed to react. I drew a slow, deep breath, even if my lungs ached.
“Okay,” I said. “Well, you know you’re not supposed to. You’re cadre. Even when we leave campus, it’s not appropriate.”
“Wow, you said that without a complete lack of emotion,” he said. “Not appropriate.”
“What do you want me to say, Nix?” My voice came out flat once again.
“I want you to say whatever it is you really feel.”
Through the windows, light shone, making the cabin look warm and welcoming. I could hear Tristan say something, then the peal of Deidra’s bubbly laughter. The two of them were bantering back and forth, and the tightness in my chest kept getting worse.
They were so close already, and I would be left alone, out in the cold.
“It’s fine,” I said. “I suppose you guys are outside the academy rules right now, given that we’re being hunted.”
“Don’t do that,” he warned.
“Don’t do what?”
“Shut down on me.”
“I’m telling you it’s okay. Isn’t that what you want to hear?”
He started to say something, and I cut him off.
“What matters is keeping Deidra safe. Watching over her while she faces down Truby. I don’t give a fuck about my own feelings if they might distract her. Distractions will put her in danger.”
The heat in my tone surprised me.
It was only once I said the words that I realized they were true. I wasn’t just saying what I was supposed to say.
It might hurt me to watch Deidra choose Nix instead of me, to watch her flirt with Tristan, and to realize how much I wished she would want me…
But it would kill me to let her down.
I didn’t need a happy ending.
I just needed for her to have one.
Chapter Fifteen
Deidra
When Nix and Cade came back in, things felt tense and quiet between them. I looked to Nix, raising my eyebrows in a question as they joined us in the kitchen.
Nix stared
back at me with his face stern, as if he had no idea why I’d raise my eyebrows at him. I pursed my lips to one side and turned my back on him. I devoted far too much attention to tearing romaine leaves. Lettuce didn’t merit this kind of intensity.
No matter how hot things had turned between Nix and me, he was still an ass sometimes.
For a few minutes, we all worked in silence.
Cade turned at the stove, glanced at my face, then at Tristan and Nix. When his lips parted, I dreaded what he was going to say next.
“I’m glad we’re together again,” he said. “At least for tonight.”
His words surprised me, and I felt a wall crumble between us.
“Before Tris and Deidra head into trouble tomorrow,” he added slowly. “I hate everything about this, but I know you two will bring each other home again.”
Warmth glowed in my chest. Despite everything, Cade did believe in us.
“I knew you cared,” Tristan said.
“I’ve told you before that I care,” Cade retorted. “You just never listen.”
“We’re your favorite cadets, aren’t we?” Tristan rested his long-fingered hand over his heart. “Go ahead. You can admit it.”
Cade snorted. “No.”
“You can’t hide it.”
“Melody Payne, Eli Wilks, Killian Atwood,” Cade said, without missing a beat. “Never cause any trouble. Never late. Have never fallen asleep in a single class.”
“Well, that’s hurtful,” Tristan muttered, but he clearly wasn’t actually put out.
“Ryder Jacobson, Axel Betts, Dawn Woodstock,” Nix added. “Good in a fight, never mouthy, never get lost and wander into the woods on Julia’s fight nights.”
I grinned at Nix jumping in. It was good to feel the tension ease between Nix and Cade, even if it was at my expense.
“Now you’re just literally naming everyone else.” Tristan said.
Nix and Cade exchanged a look. “Yes?”
The teasing mood in the room had lightened the air. Things felt warm and cozy in here now.
“You literally prefer everyone other cadet you know to me and Tristan?” I demanded. I’d finished the salad, so I wiped my hands on my jeans and hopped onto the edge of the counter. “And yet, here you are.”
“And yet, here you are, eighteen years old and still confused about how to use a dish towel,” Cade tossed one into my lap, then a few steps brought him to me at the edge of the counter, “and what does and does not belong on a kitchen countertop.”
He stepped between my thighs, and my breath caught.
Cade was already wrapping his hands around my hips. Then, as if he’d just realized the effect he had on me, he froze. But it was too late to go back; he pulled me forward off the countertop. For just a second, my body swayed against his.
The way he touched me was laid back and casual. The way it made my breath hitch as butterflies rose in my stomach was anything but casual.
For just a second, Cade stared down at me, his hazel eyes unreadable in that handsome face.
As he turned back to the stovetop, Nix clapped his shoulder. “Cade is firm on the concept that just because you’re a badass doesn’t mean you can’t have any manners.”
“It’s true.” Cade’s broad shoulders were to us as he laid steaks in the cast iron pan on the stovetop, and they sizzled as they met the melted butter. “You and Tris have some work to do if you want to be my favorites.”
“What did I ever do?” Tristan demanded.
Cade glanced at him over his shoulder. “Oh, you want to start this up, little brother? Remember the spaghetti incident of 2016?”
“I really feel like you misunderstood me,” Tristan protested.
“What exactly is there to misunderstand about putting spaghetti in someone’s clothes? It’s pretty straightforward.” Cade pointed the spatula at him. “I’d die for you, kid, but the odds of you ever making it off my shit list... they’re low.”
The banter between us all flowed, warm and affectionate, as we made dinner and took seats at the nearby table. I knew tomorrow would bring hard, frightening times, but for now, I could lose myself in the moment with these men I liked so much.
I got up halfway through dinner to rummage in the bins for ketchup—despite Nix throwing something at me because apparently, ketchup is not an appropriate condiment for every food under the sun—and it was only when I was in the next room, listening to them, that I realized…
We sounded like a family.
A fucked-up family, but a family nonetheless.
Sudden tears stung my eyes, and I blinked hard. No time for that shit.
But there was nothing I wanted as much as a family.
Chapter Sixteen
When I climbed up into the loft above the living room, there was just one king-sized mattress on the floor, taking up almost all the space. I sat on the edge, sinking into the soft mattress, and pulled off my shoes.
“Possession is nine-tenths of the law,” I called down the ladder.
Nix stood at the bottom of the ladder. “I don’t mind your snoring. I’m coming up.”
Pleasant tension tightened my stomach. The thought of sleeping by myself was lonely. One night curled up in Nix’s arms ruined me, apparently.
“She snores?” Tristan asked lightly.
“Okay,” I said. “I don’t think we need to have this conversation.”
“She drools too,” Nix said. “In her sleep. Mostly.”
Well, that seemed like a rude reference to the way Nix had cost me ogling him in the past. It’s not my fault these men are ridiculously good-looking. I’m human, after all.
“Well, this I have to see.” Tristan shouldered Nix aside and started up the ladder.
Nix grabbed the back of his belt, playfully trying to pull him off the ladder, but Tristan gave him the slip.
I found myself grinning as Tristan made it to the top, then launched himself onto the bed beside me.
I shook my head. “I’m not sleeping between the two of you.”
I didn’t mind the idea one bit. I just felt like I had to protest.
“Dreams come true.” Tristan flashed me one of those cocky smiles and it made my own smile widen. He was just so cute, and things with him were so comfortable. I missed him.
“I guess yours do sometimes.”
Tristan’s eyebrows arched. “Sleeping is not the dream.”
The implications of that comment raised butterflies in my stomach.
But when I looked over the edge of the loft, Cade hesitated, then sat at the table again, pulling out his books and a notebook. He looked so… alone.
My heart ached. I knew that feeling too well.
I couldn’t just call to him, teasing him the way I would Nix or Tristan. Something made me hesitate. Cade was private, and although his affection for all of us sometimes bubbled to the surface, it wasn’t playful and easygoing.
Deep down, I was pretty sure Cade was full of passion and fire, but he hid it under so much ice.
“I’ll be right back,” I said, slipping past Tristan. “You’ll have to wait on your chance to watch me embarrass myself in my sleep.”
Really, I already knew I was not a cute sleeper. Was anyone? But what I was really embarrassed by was the possibility of having another nightmare, in close quarters with the three of them.
Tristan pretended to pout. Nix waited at the bottom of the ladder, leaning against it with one hand, as I headed down, which made me keenly aware of the fact my ass was descending toward him.
I turned toward him, raising my eyebrows when I reached the bottom. He towered over me, a familiar faint smile written across his perfect lips.
“Did you enjoy the view?” I shot at him.
He cocked his head to one side. “Just as much as you do.”
It was hard to deny, so I just rolled my eyes.
“Come to bed soon,” he said. “You need some rest before tomorrow.”
“Stop reminding me.”
“You
’ve got this,” he promised me. “Truby’s never going to know what hit him.”
His confidence brought a warm glow to my chest.
He gazed at me, his eyes going soft, and I wanted to kiss him goodnight.
Cade coughed into his hand. Nix’s lips pursed at the sound, and I gazed up at their shape for a second, even though I knew I wasn’t bold enough to kiss him in front of Cade. Not yet.
Cade coughed again. More of a hacking, really, even though I could’ve sworn he was in perfect health when he arrived here.
“Are you having a goddamn hairball?” Nix demanded, twisting to face him.
Cade stared at him blandly. “It’s dry in here with the wood stove.”
“It’s dry in here,” Nix repeated. He was shaking his head as he tugged gently on the end of my ponytail. That teasing touch was familiar and nice, but it wasn’t a kiss.
Nix climbed the ladder. I watched his lean, athletic figure travel up—it only seemed fair—then headed to Cade.
Cade leaned back in his chair, looking up at me with a watchful expression. “Nix is right. You need your rest. You need to be sharp tomorrow.”
“I won’t let you guys down,” I promised him.
“That’s not what I’m worried about.” His voice came out harsh.
Up in the loft, I could hear Nix and Tristan talking quietly as they got ready for bed.
“What are you worried about?” I pulled out the chair next to him and slid into it.
Cade frowned at me, as if that question was too stupid to merit a response.
I patted the pile of books. “Is there anything I can help you with?”
“I’m trying to find runes to counter Truby’s spells,” he said. “You should get some rest.”
He was trying to find something to help Tristan and me weather the storm ahead. We didn’t know what Truby would throw at us, so that seemed like an impossible task. But I supposed he had to do something.
If I was watching people I cared about go into danger, I’d feel the same way.
“We’re going to need you and Nix watching our backs,” I said, even though I had no idea how they were going to do that long-distance. I was sure they’d find a way, though. “You should come to bed soon too.”