Mr. Wonderful Lies

by Kaitlin Maitland

  It was nearly noon when an email from Ollie popped into my inbox.

  I’d avoided logging into my Facebook account for just that reason. Since meeting Ollie I’d worked almost constantly with my Facebook page open on my computer screen and the little chat window in the bottom right corner. We would tell jokes, chat, comment on our work, anything to keep the day moving. I had expected to miss that contact. I knew I would eventually. But right then I was too spent to miss anything.

  Feeling strangely detached, I dumped Ollie’s unopened email into my cyber trash without a second thought and blocked his email from my inbox. Five seconds later my phone began frantically playing the Marimba at full volume.

  I pushed ignore.

  That was harder than dumping the email. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to yell at him, actually, to rant and rave and demand he explain why he would do such a horrible thing to me and to his wife. I wanted to meet him face to face and make him admit to the lies he’d told while simultaneously promising to tell the truth.

  I took a shower instead.

  The hot water sluiced over my skin, turning it pink. My long hair stretched to my waist, thick and heavy on my back. Resting my hands against the tile, I closed my eyes and consciously relaxed each muscle group in my body until I was as limp as a bowl of spaghetti noodles.

  That’s when the tears began in earnest.

  Sobbing in heaving gusts of emotion, I cried until there was no more hot water. My feet ached from standing and I shifted position, squirming beneath the cooling spray. And sometime in those minutes, while my body heat began shifting beneath the colder water, I began to feel better. Not because I was over Ollie. I wasn’t even sure what it was I was trying to get over.

  Had Ollie’s lies really robbed me of a relationship or the idea of one? I’d wanted so badly to stick to my ridiculous plan of marrying by thirty-five that I’d ignored all the things that should’ve warned me it was less than an ideal match. Why?

  Jared’s accusation rang in my ears as I shut off the water and stepped out of the tub.

  Wrapping a towel around my body, I began to wring out my long hair. The face that greeted me in the mirror was pale and hollow eyed. I looked as if I were recovering from some dreaded disease. Although in some respects, I was.

  After brunch, when we’d walked in the park, Jared had accused me of having an inferiority complex. Then days later he’d accused me of creating my undateable list just to exclude him. It was a ludicrous idea. I hadn’t had that intention at all. I used my undateable list to avoid throwing myself at men who would be likely to have little or no interest in a long-term relationship with me. I’d really been doing Jared a favor, avoiding the potentially awkward scene where he had to politely explain that we were just friends, and could I quit shamelessly throwing myself at him. That he could have possibly felt the opposite had never entered my mind.

  So what was I supposed to do now?

  On the counter downstairs, the Marimba jangled its way upstairs and through my nerves. This was getting crazy. I had to do something. It was getting impossible to just hang about and wait for nothing to happen.

  * * *

  The gym was crowded that afternoon. I was glad I had opted to walk instead of drive, because there was no place to park. I pushed open the front doors and maneuvered my way through a duo of boxers taking turns wrapping each other’s wrists, and several groups of soccer moms waiting for their yoga class to start.

  The locker room was just as crowded as the floor outside. Careful not to clock anyone in the head, I swung my locker door open and grabbed my bathing suit. I had no desire to wait ten minutes for someone to finish their workout before climbing on a treadmill. Water aerobics classes and lane swimming took place in the morning. The pool would be nearly deserted this time of afternoon.

  Hungry and Desperate were tucked into a corner of the locker room, heads together and whispering with serious expressions on their faces. I stifled the urge to apologize for something I hadn’t really done. I felt bad for Gillian, but there was nothing I had done, intentionally or otherwise, to aggravate her situation. It was something I was going to have to accept as unfixable, by me at least.

  There were two other swimmers doing laps in the pool when I pushed open the glass door and stepped into the humidity. I tossed my towel down onto a deck chair and kicked my flip-flops aside with more force than usual. Ollie had now called my phone a total of nine times. No doubt the thing was still doing the jaunty Marimba within the confines of my locker.

  I chose a lane and dove in, relishing the feel of the water against my skin. There’s something utterly perfect about the cleansing quality of water. I don’t know what it is, but there’s no amount of stress or tension it can’t wash away.

  I surfaced and reached out with long, powerful strokes. I concentrated on the feel of the water parting before my hands and the resistance of it against my feet as I kicked. There was no confusion in that tiny slice of time. It was all smooth and clear.

  I lost track of time, giving myself over to the rhythm of my strokes and the flow of air in and out of my lungs. When I finally stopped and surfaced, I was alone in the water.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I dove to the bottom of the pool and brushed my fingers over the rough surface. Pressure built behind my eardrums and my lungs felt as if they might burst. Pointing my head toward the light, I pushed off with my feet and gasped as I broke the surface with a splash. Sinking onto my back, I once again stared at the massive lights overhead, drifting through the calm water. I hadn’t bothered to braid my hair and the long mass fanned out around me. I tried not to think about what a monumental chore it would be to comb it out later.

  It was easy to look back in hindsight and start dissecting Ollie’s actions and the things that he’d said. I could think back to his muttered comment about Carissa and the way he’d always seemed to encourage me to drink. How our conversations had always seemed to turn into sexual innuendo and how he’d never been eager to meet my friends or really join into my life. He had been all for keeping our relationship isolated. Those things were big red flags. Now.

  It would’ve been even easier to try and convince myself that I’d really never been taken in, that I’d suspected him from the beginning. But that would’ve been a lie. The truth was that I’d fallen for every line and every well-planned romantic assault. I hadn’t suspected him because I hadn’t wanted to.

  Anna had been right that first night we’d celebrated my birthday at Cheeky’s. It felt like forever, though it had been less than two weeks. If I’d been certain about Ollie from the very beginning, I would have called Anna right away to tell her all about him. That was what friends did. But I hadn’t. And I hadn’t told her because I knew it was too good to be true.

  Water seeped into my ears, insulating me from sound. I stretched my arms out to the side and let my body sink into the pool. Slowly opening my eyes, I ignored the brief burn of chlorine and gazed around me at the hazy underwater world. The black tiles forming lanes and numbers were stark against the pale blue background.

  Something at the far end of the pool caught my eye. It was bright against the mottled blue, gray and black of the room above me. Surfacing slowly, I realized there was a person standing at the end of the pool near the stairs. It was Hungry, a.k.a. Gillian.

  Once upon a time, less than forty-eight hours before, I might have felt apprehensive about approaching her for what was obviously going to be a confrontation of some kind. She wasn’t dressed in a bathing suit, so she obviously wasn’t out to catch an evening swim.

  I was too emotionally exhausted to care what she wanted. If she wanted to rant and rave about Jared, now was the time to take her best shot. I was too tired to give a shit.

  “Hi.” I smoothly pulled myself through the water toward her.

  “You’re a really good swimmer.”

  Her compliment caught me completely off guard. “Thanks. I was on a swim team all through grade school. I was never very good
at organized sports.”

  She absently nodded her head. It was obvious she’d come down here for more than just a casual chat about my swimming. Her brightly colored stretch camisole top emphasized her narrow waist and professionally designed cleavage. Paired with her black yoga capris, she looked very pretty. She was wearing her glasses again.

  “I like the glasses better than the contacts,” I said suddenly, not caring how she interpreted my words.

  Her eyes opened wide and she touched the ear piece of her glasses in a self conscious gesture. “Thank you. I forgot to get my contact prescription refilled.”

  “I’d never be organized enough to wear contacts.” I danced a little on my toes to keep from drifting away. “Did you want to talk to me about something?”

  “I wanted to apologize, actually.”

  It was my turn to be surprised and self conscious. “For what?”

  “I shouldn’t have said that to you the other night. I was hurt and angry and you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

  “It’s okay.” I was surprised to realize that I meant what I said. I didn’t care about her ugly accusation. I understood a little where she was coming from.

  “I’ve been chasing Jared for years and for all the wrong reasons,” she said ruefully.

  “Sometimes we want what we can’t have.”

  “But that doesn’t give me the right to take my disappointment out on you.”

  I nervously ran my tongue over my lips. “Jared and I were only ever friends, you know.”

  Her face eased into a knowing smile. “He loves you, Megan. You’ve got no idea how much. You’d be silly not to take a chance on a guy like him.”

  “He’s one of my very best friends. I don’t want things to get weird between us.”

  Gillian pursed her lips thoughtfully. “So everything thing up till now has been normal?”

  The door at the top of the stairs swung open loudly and Desperate poked her head inside with an expectant look for Gillian.

  “I’d better go on up.” Gillian offered me a hesitant smile. “Holly and I are starting a new Cardio-Kickboxing class tonight.”

  I sucked in a deep breath, gathering my resolve. “Thank you for the apology. There was nothing to forgive though. We all have those moments of brief insanity over a guy.”

  She chuckled a little, a smile curving her full lips into a pretty smile.

  I watched her go, trotting up the stairs toward Desperate—Holly. She met my gaze with a brittle smile. She’d obviously not been on board with the whole apology thing, but that was okay. They were friends like Anna and I were friends. Everybody needs their friends.

  Chapter Twelve

  I dawdled in the locker room until almost five o’clock. I was waffling back and forth about whether or not I wanted to talk to Jared. I kept thinking about what he’d said about excluding him with my list. I didn’t want him to think that, but I wasn’t certain what the truth was. I hated the idea that I’d made Jared, my friend Jared, think he was less than perfect because of some stupid list that was becoming more trouble than it was worth.

  Finally, grumbling beneath my breath and feeling disgruntled by my indecisive behavior, I slammed my locker door shut and prepared to leave. I wrapped a rubber band around my messy ponytail and shoved a few stray curls behind my ear. Jared had seen me looking far worse. It wasn’t as if my appearance was going to shock him now.

  The crowd had thinned out a lot since I’d arrived. There were still quite a few people on the machines. Through a wall of glass windows, I could see into the mirrored room where Gillian and Holly’s Cardio-Kickboxing class was in full swing.

  Guessing Jared to be near the front desk preparing to finish out his day, I headed in that general direction. I glanced around for Anna, wondering if she’d already been by for her punishing daily routine. I needed to call and let her know that I was going to be okay.

  “I swear to God, if you pry into my business even one more time I’ll come in here and wipe the floor with you. Understand?”

  The angry voice garnered some minor attention from the other people working out near the front desk. I quickened my steps, a knot of dread forming in my belly. The last time I’d heard that voice it was whispering poisonous lies about Jared into my ear.

  “I don’t care if you are some hot shit personal trainer.” Ollie leaned over and growled right in Jared’s face. “I’ll put my foot so far up your ass that your kids will be born with my foot print on their faces.”

  I paused behind a support pillar and rested my arm on the water cooler stashed there. I had been convinced I was falling in love with that? Had I ever suspected Ollie was capable of being such a total asshole? He was worse than Professor Jackass.

  “How long have you been playing this game?” Jared’s palms rested flat on the smooth wood of the front counter.

  “What game?”

  Jared’s low laugh sent chills racing down my spine and raised the hair at the back of my neck. There was very little of my friend Jared in the man facing off with Ollie less than a dozen paces away. Every muscle rigid, Jared’s cold expression was like nothing I’d ever seen before. Gold hair gleaming in the overhead lights, he looked a little like a vengeful Greek god.

  “If you’ve never had your cage rattled before, you’re either very good, or you’ve never tried to play a woman like Megan,” Jared said roughly.

  Ollie snorted, tilting his head arrogantly. “A woman like Megan? They’re all the same in the dark, just another piece of ass.”

  My chest constricted as his words burned through my heart to my soul. How had I bought into the bullshit he’d been offering? Ollie said I was special, beautiful, and desirable. The worst thing was that there was still a part of me that longed to hear him say it again.

  “You’re a fool,” Jared argued.

  “What’s the matter, player,” Ollie mocked. “You got feelings for her?”

  “Even at the top of my game I wasn’t as big a fuck up as you are.” Jared’s voice was laced with venom.

  “I’m a fuck up? You’re the one who’s pussy whipped by a woman who considers you her friend.”

  Jared shook his head, body practically vibrating with anger. “It’s over, you egotistical asshole. She knows the truth.”

  Ollie tensed, as if he were far more worried about that than he was willing to let on. “Then you’d best keep that bitch on a leash or I’ll have to put her down before she causes trouble.”

  Jared moved so quickly that I barely had time to swallow my sound of shock. One second he was standing, palms flat on the counter. The next he had a fist full of Ollie’s shirt in each hand and was glaring into his face.

  “If you touch her I will take apart every portion of your life until there is nothing left of your dogshit existence.”

  Ollie tried to hang onto his bravado, but I could see it faltering. He’d severely underestimated Jared. Ollie might be bigger, but Jared was stronger and in better shape. As was obvious from the way Jared was practically pulling Ollie over the counter by his cheap polo shirt.

  “Let go or I’ll file charges,” Ollie demanded.

  “How typical. You’re all talk until things get physical. Then you hide behind assault charges.”

  Jared shoved Ollie back. I watched the man I’d once believed to be my Mr. Wonderful stumble backwards, nearly falling into the front doors as he scrambled to regain his balance.

  “Get the fuck out of here and don’t come back,” Jared ordered vehemently.

  I didn’t watch Ollie leave. I couldn’t. Shame burned through me, and I wondered if anyone else realized my humiliation. How could I have been so thoroughly duped?

  My eyes slid shut and I pressed my back against the cold support pillar. I took deep breaths until I stopped feeling dizzy and sick.

  “Megan?”

  Jared’s voice was rough with emotion, but gentle to my ears. I wanted to fling my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder until al
l of this went away. But I couldn’t. How could I even face him after something so embarrassing?

  He reached out, as if he were going to offer the kind of comfort I craved, but I pulled away. “No, Jared.”

  “Don’t shut me out. None of this was your fault.”

  “It wasn’t my fault?” I stared at him, wondering how he could absolve me of responsibility for this fiasco. “I bought it all, every word. Anna was right, and I was wrong.” A stab of sorrow cut deep into my gut. “Not just wrong, Jared. I was the worst kind of wrong.”

  His expression was tortured, the muscles of his face taut as he fought to maintain control. Was he angry? It was hard for me to judge. My own guilt colored everything I saw on his face. Less than ten minutes ago, I’d been ready to try and talk to him about how I felt, about the list. I hadn’t known where that conversation would take us, but I’d been ready to try. Now it was all back to dust.

  “Megan, please.”

  I was done, done with shame and wondering and feeling guilty. I pushed past him and headed for the front doors, my head down and eyes on the floor. People stared at me as I passed. I wondered if I would ever feel as if they weren’t staring at me after Ollie had aired our private business to the entire gym.

  Was this what it felt like to have that scarlet letter pinned to your chest?

  I stumbled, catching my toe on the uneven sidewalk as that thought latched onto my mind and wouldn’t let go. Adultery. That was what it had been when I decided to sleep with Ollie. That wasn’t me! I was single. I wasn’t supposed to have to worry about that kind of thing. I was a single woman dating single men. I wanted a lasting monogamous relationship.

  Tears stung my eyes, falling in hot tracks down my cheeks. I swiped them away, inhaling deeply to try and control my emotions. The scent of diesel exhaust filled my nose. A big metro bus ground to a halt at the curb half a dozen paces away. Two people shifted impatiently, waiting to board. I glanced at the destination emblazoned on the back of the bus and broke into a jog.