Mr. Wonderful Lies

by Kaitlin Maitland

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, my voice wavering.

  “I want this, Megan.”

  “I do too.” I arched my back, grinding his groin against the vee of my pelvis.

  He hissed and his eyes narrowed as he fought for control. “But not like this.”

  What had only moments before been a raging inferno of desire was gone as though doused with glacial water. “You don’t want me?”

  “Megan…”

  “Nobody wants me!” I said brokenly. “What’s wrong with me?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you, Megan. I’ve told you a thousand times that you’re perfect in every way.”

  “You say that now,” I spat bitterly. “But in the end, you’ll choose someone else too.”

  “No, never.”

  He was so sure, so dreadfully certain about his feelings. I’d been struggling for so long not to be that person, that insecure person who needed constant affirmation. I told myself I was confident, that I didn’t care what anyone else thought. I said I was just as good as any gorgeous, waif-thin model. But the truth was just the opposite. How would I ever be able to believe that someone like Jared could love me, when I couldn’t even hang on to the Ollies of the world?

  He rolled sideways and grabbed me up, crushing me to his chest. “Don’t ever think I don’t want you, Megan. I’ve dreamed of this moment for longer than I’d like to admit. I want nothing more than to love every inch of your body until both of us are exhausted.”

  “Then why are you saying no?”

  “Because when I make love to you, I want you to be thinking about me and nobody else.”

  I began to sob, my tears coming in torrents that matched the rain beginning to pound the windowpanes. He stroked my hair, murmuring softly and pressing gentle kisses to my forehead. I clung to him, fingers clenched in his shirt and face buried against his chest. Feeling as though the floodgates had opened wide, I let go and cried as I should have from the moment I discovered the truth.

  * * *

  I don’t know what time the sun woke me the following morning, but it was too early. I knew immediately that I’d forgotten to close the blinds again. I didn’t have to look to know that my butter-yellow bedroom walls would be patterned with strips of pink-and-orange sunlight, or that the same pattern was repeated on my pillow making it difficult to open my eyes.

  I didn’t care. I wasn’t inclined to open my eyes anyway. I was dead tired, too tired to get up and shuffle my way into my office to begin a productive day. So I hovered between that state of sleep and wakefulness where my brain drifted.

  It didn’t take long for my brain to wander its way toward recent events. As if fast-forwarding scenes from a bad movie, the past few days whipped through my mind and left me breathless with agony.

  “Jared,” I whispered in a voice hoarse from my previous night’s tears.

  Something stirred on the bed behind me. I froze, equal parts thrilled and horrified to realize a deliciously warm, deliciously male body was curled protectively around me. Groggy with sleep, I hadn’t realized at first that the intense heat source keeping me toasty warm was alive and breathing.

  “Good morning, Megan,” he murmured, stretching languidly and briefly tightening his snug hold.

  I sucked in a breath, held it and then exhaled slowly. “You stayed.”

  He shifted, propping his body on one elbow so that he could stare into my face. I was suddenly shy, tongue tied even. This was Jared, my friend Jared. I kept reminding myself that nothing had really changed. But that wasn’t entirely true. So much had happened between us that nothing would never really be the same.

  “You needed me, Megan,” he told me softly, reaching down and stroking my face with the palm of his hand. “When you need me, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

  “About last night,” I began, too embarrassed to say any more.

  His eyes clouded. “If I hurt you, I’m sorry.”

  “No! I’m glad you…” I paused, nibbling my lower lip while trying to come up with the least embarrassing way to tell him thanks for not letting me make a total ass out of myself. Again. “I’m just glad you had your head on straight.”

  “It wasn’t the right time, Megan.”

  “No, it wasn’t.”

  There was a moment of silence between us. For once I didn’t force myself not to stare shamelessly. He looked perfect, even at that ungodly hour of the morning. His blonde hair was tousled and his face was covered in dark gold stubble. He looked like a sexier-than-hell man who’d just spent the night with a woman. How lucky was I to be that woman, the woman who’d lain cradled in Jared Walker’s arms?

  “Yesterday…” I tried to order my words carefully. “Before Ollie’s tantrum. I meant to talk to you about my list.”

  “Which list would that be?”

  “The undateable list.”

  “I hate that list.”

  I swallowed, determined to make things right. Ollie’s betrayal had forced things to move forward, but this conversation between Jared and I had been coming anyway. “I never meant to hurt you with that stupid list. I thought I was doing you a favor.”

  “A favor?”

  He didn’t look convinced and I couldn’t blame him. My reasons seemed stupid in retrospect. “I didn’t want to be that friend who keeps trying to be more than friends. I didn’t want to be a pest, or a hanger-on or a”—I decided to go for broke—“a Gillian.”

  “God, Megan,” he murmured, closing his eyes. “All this time, that’s what’s kept that stupid list alive?”

  “I just didn’t want to lose your friendship.”

  “You’ll never lose my friendship, Megan. That’s one of the things best things about you and me.”

  I frowned, wondering at the time I’d wasted, only to realize that it hadn’t been wasted. Nothing was going to make our shared experiences or the fun things that we’d done together disappear.

  He gently smoothed away the frown lines between my eyebrows with one fingertip. “What are you thinking?”

  “I’m wondering how I got so lucky.”

  “I’m the lucky one.”

  “How can you say that after everything with Ollie?” I swallowed. It was hard to choke out his name.

  “Is Ollie any different than Gillian?”

  I started to speak, to protest the comparison, but he pressed a finger to my lips.

  “We both have baggage, Megan. Hell, everyone has baggage. We’ve all got pasts. The point isn’t what happened, it’s putting it behind us and loving in spite of it.”

  I thought about the night I’d thrown the Gillian issue in his face. Had I really been apprehensive about his past, or had I been using it as an excuse to run away from my feelings about him?

  “As much as I hate to admit it, I think the Gillians and Ollies in both our pasts served their purposes,” I hypothesized. “So maybe we not only have the baggage, we need it.”

  A wry grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Well, you can’t see the world without baggage coming along for the ride.”

  “Hmm, tour the world with you? Where do I sign up?”

  He lifted his head, searching out my alarm clock. “How about touring the gym first so I can open up?”

  I thought about his gym, about the part it’d played in my past and the part it was most likely going to play in my future. “You know, I think that’d be a great place to start.”

  “Good.” He leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to my lips. “Because Anna’s probably waiting at the door, tapping her watch and cursing me for screwing up her daily itinerary.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I assured him. “She’ll be so glad to say I told you so when we show up together that she’ll forgive the crime against her schedule.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  It was dark and quiet inside the gym. Light from the front windows cast odd patterns of morning sun and shadow on the silent equipment. Despite my long-standing friendship with Jared, I’d never seen th
e place so silent. It was strangely peaceful.

  “Is it always like this in the mornings?” I asked, feeling the urge to whisper as though I were in church.

  One of his dimples made an appearance, his eyes mischievous in his handsome face. “If you like the quiet you’ll have to keep getting up early.”

  “An extra hour of sleep or time alone with you.” I pretended to think it over. “Hmm, I’ll have to get back to you on that one.”

  He placed both hands over his heart in mock hurt. “You wound me with your indifference.”

  His words were said in fun, but the possible meanings weren’t lost on me. The smile slid from my face and I turned away and wandered toward the natatorium. The bulbous ceiling lights were dark, but the pool lamps were on. The blue glow gave the room a dreamlike iridescence that appealed to my battered soul.

  “Megan?”

  “Is that how you’ve seen me? Indifferent?”

  He closed the distance between us, reaching out and taking my hand in his. “Not indifferent, just stubborn.”

  I frowned, slanting a sideways look at him. “That almost sounds worse.”

  He shifted, moving behind me and sliding his arms around my body. I hadn’t realized how cool the interior of the gym was until I was nestled against his warmth. It felt right to be there, to be with him. But when I considered a real future for the two of us, there seemed to be a list of overwhelming odds stacked against us. Sure, baggage was a part of who we were, but how could we get past it? It couldn’t be that simple.

  “Where do we go from here?” I murmured, still staring down at the mirror smooth water. “After everything, after Ollie, I don’t even know if I can do this again. I don’t want to lose you. I’ve never wanted to lose you. That’s why…”

  Gentle fingers brushed against my lips and I stopped talking to suck in a deep breath as the bottom dropped out of my stomach.

  “Go get your suit on and meet me down there in five minutes.” He nodded toward the pool below.

  I watched him turn toward the men’s locker room. “But the gym is supposed to be open soon,” I protested. “Don’t you have responsibilities?”

  He shrugged a shoulder. “This is more important right now.”

  * * *

  He was already in the water when I descended the steps into the humid natatorium. He hadn’t turned on any of the overhead lights, choosing to swim in the dim blue glow of the pool lamps.

  I battled a sudden case of shyness at the sight of his athletic body cutting through the smooth water. I reminded myself a thousand times over that this was just Jared, no matter what he looked like. It didn’t help. But I kept repeating it anyway.

  My flip-flops kicked aside, I nibbled my lower lip and dropped my towel to the floor. There was no two-piece bathing suit in my wardrobe. I’d worn regulation team suits in team colors growing up. Other than choosing a few more adventurous patterns to downplay the more ample aspects of my figure, I still did. Until that moment I’d never thought twice about it. But right then it might’ve been nice to do a little striptease number with my towel to reveal a sexy two piece bikini that would’ve had his full attention.

  Except that I did have his full attention.

  Gripping the edge of the pool, he reared back, giving me a spectacular view of his rippling abdominals coated in droplets of water. My mouth went totally dry and I fought the desire to grab my towel and run.

  “You’ve got five seconds to be in this pool before I get out and throw you in.”

  His overbearing order somehow shattered my uneasiness. I propped one hand on my hip and glared down at him. “Don’t get pushy with me, Walker. I know where you live.”

  He growled, bobbing in the water as though he intended to jump out and make good on his threat.

  “You wouldn’t dare!”

  “Oh I would.”

  Graceful as an Olympic swimmer, he emerged in a tidal wave of cool water. I yelped as he wrapped his arm around my body. We weren’t even in the water and yet I felt strangely buoyant and light as a feather.

  “Take a breath,” he warned.

  I inhaled deeply and held as he leapt for the pool.

  We hit the water with a colossal splash. The surface above closed, and we were lost together in the tranquil underwater world. He loosened his hold and I pushed away, propelling my body toward the other end of the pool with broad, powerful strokes.

  There was something utterly sensuous about being there with Jared. It was as though he gave off some unexplainable male vibe that was amplified a thousand times by the cool kiss of the water.

  Gripping the smooth, round rails of the pool ladder, I watched him float languidly in my direction. Broad shoulders flexed, sending his muscular arms through the water. Strands of his water-darkened hair curled across his forehead, only to be swept back as he fully submerged, closing the distance between us in seconds before surfacing.

  His head tilted back, slinging water from his face. He was quite close now, enough that I could see the faint trail of dark gold hair near his navel that thickened at his waistband before disappearing beneath his blue Speedo. I tried not to focus on that form-fitting piece of clothing. I wasn’t ready for that just yet. The gryphon’s tail caught my eye as Jared treaded water before me, the image rippling as his legs moved.

  My hand reached slowly through the water, my fingers brushing the creature’s tufted tail. “I’ve always loved this.”

  I was afraid he’d make some remark about my stupid list, but he didn’t. Instead, his eyes slid shut briefly and his breath turned ragged. Strong arms snaked out and grabbed the ladder on either side of my body, effectively trapping me.

  Was that reaction because of me? Because of my touch?

  “Again,” he said hoarsely.

  Curious, I brushed my fingers over his hipbone again. Braver this time, I traced the silky expanse of skin along his waistband. His muscles went rigid with tension. Emboldened by his reactions I ran my hand upward, skating over the grooves of his stomach and chest until I reached the barbell piercing his nipple. His blue eyes opened just as I picked gently at the piercing with my fingertips. Our gazes locked and held only seconds before his mouth descended on mine.

  The kiss was consuming, electric, like gravity and science and nature and more. Our tongues met, dueling silently as we both fought for control. My hands left the ladder and settled around his neck, trusting him to keep us afloat as I stretched my body full length against his and reveled in the perfection of his kiss, in knowing that I was meant to be with this man.

  He broke away first, breathing heavily as he gently pressed his forehead to mine. “We should stop.”

  I tried to slow my breathing, aware that my heart was beating fast enough to create ripples in the water around us. “Why?”

  “If I don’t stop now I won’t be able to, and I want this to be right. I want to go slow.”

  I pulled back, mystified. “Why?”

  A wry grin pulled at the corner of his mouth. “Because this is too important to take chances.” He used one hand to sweep the room. “We haven’t gotten this far by rushing things. And believe me, Megan. I’m an expert on rushing things.”

  I laughed. I was beginning to understand what it was he was driving at with this speech.

  “There are so many things I want to do with you, Megan.”

  I couldn’t help the smile that broke over my face as I considered continuing where we’d left off with that kiss. Jared read my thoughts, probably because they were plastered across my face.

  “I promise I’ve got plenty of those kinds of desires too. But this isn’t the time. You need time to heal and I’m not going anywhere.”

  It sounded perfect, too perfect. Clearing my throat, I gave voice to my deepest fear, knowing that I could trust him to be honest. “What if you get tired of me, of waiting for me?”

  He let go of one side of the ladder, cupping my face with one hand while holding us steady with the other. “I love you, Megan. I’
m not going anywhere. I promise.”

  “Then I guess there’s only one more thing to do.” I sighed dramatically.

  He lifted an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

  “Get Anna’s I-told-you-so speech over and done with.”

  His deep-throated chuckled turned into a belly laugh that echoed around the empty natatorium. I laughed along, loving the sound of our voices blending together. I figured it was a lot like our lives, better as a pair. I was beginning to understand how deep a real long-term relationship could be as long as it involved the right people. And I couldn’t wait to keep figuring it out.

  January 17th - One Year Later…

  “There’s the birthday girl!”

  I let the door of Cheeky’s Bar and Grill close heavily behind me as my face flamed red hot at Robbie’s enthusiastic welcome. A group of rowdy college students fanned out around the flat screen began heckling me. Their joyous birthday salutations quickly turned ugly, though, when the Detroit Red Wings scored on the Blues.

  I shook my head, aiming for our usual table on the other side of the bar.

  Robbie met me there with a cold bottle of Bud Light. “Where are your partners in crime?”

  I scrambled up onto a bar stool and set my coat and handbag on the extra chair. “No doubt planning some horrific birthday surprise. I was told to come here and wait.”

  “At least you know it doesn’t involve an embarrassing proposal of marriage,” Robbie commented slyly.

  “There is that.”

  I glanced down at the diamond winking brightly on my left hand. No, there wouldn’t be a proposal of marriage. Jared had already taken care of that on New Year’s Eve.

  “Oh, I almost forgot,” I gave Robbie a stern look. “Anna is bringing a date with her tonight.”

  “That so?”

  “It is so, and I want you to promise to be nice. I think she really likes this one.”

  “Is that so,” Robbie mused, scratching his chin.