A Test of Faith
Page 32
But on April 23, 2002, my sweet mom’s body couldn’t fight any longer, and she left us for eternity. I was stunned. It was as though someone had reached in and ripped out part of my heart. As much as I adored my mom, I hadn’t realized how much of my identity was tied to her, how much I leaned and depended on her. Awash in grief, I went to the Christian bookstore, frantic to find something—anything—that would help make sense of what I was going through.
There was very little.
I found general books on grief, most about losing children or spouses. But there was nothing—not one book—about a woman losing her mother. Fortunately, God gave me wonderful friends and family, and talking with them helped. And showed me I was far from alone.
While men shared their losses, it was the women’s stories that got to me. Women of all ages poured out their sorrow and pain. Losing a mother is hard for anyone, but I realized that for a woman, whether she’s close to her mother or not, it’s one of the most difficult, painful, and shattering things she’ll ever face.
Good, bad, or indifferent, mothers mold us. They model womanhood, motherhood, and friendship. They impart physical, emotional, and relational threads that weave together to make up the very fabric of who we are. So much of our focus, as young girls and as adults, centers on our mothers. We want to be as much like them (or as different) as possible, to make them proud (or not embarrass or humiliate them), to do what they did (or didn’t do) in their parenting, to make them smile (or stay out of the line of fire).
And when our mothers die, we often feel lost. Abandoned. Incomplete. It takes time to sort through all of that. To understand who we are without a mother-mirror reflecting the image we have of ourselves. To find our way as individuals rather than as daughters.
I’m still sorting it all out, and it’s been just over two years since Mom died. But at least I can see a picture of my mom now, or share a memory of her, without falling apart. And I’m discovering, in some ways, she’s still here. People tell me I have Mom’s smile or her hands, that they hear her when I laugh. I love that. Part of my sweet, loving, godly mom lives on in me. And though I don’t have children of my own, I share Mom and all she taught me with the young girls and women in my life.
Because she was amazing—the most wonderful mother, the most gracious woman.
And so, when my editor, Julee, came to me almost a year after Mom died and asked me to write a novel about a daughter losing her mother, I didn’t run. I asked for time to pray, and when God made it clear He was asking me to do this, I said yes.
Writing The Breaking Point was hard; writing this book was devastating. When I got to the scenes about Anne’s illness, and especially her death, I could hardly type for the tears and sobs. It was like losing Mom all over again. And yet…
God brought me great joy in sharing this story. Because in doing so, I get to let you all know what a remarkable woman my mom was. What a blessing she was to me. What a pure gift from God. I get to give you a glimpse of the woman who shaped and molded me, who taught me above all else that God is good, He is in control, and He is worth trusting.
If your mom is still living, I pray this book will help you appreciate and cherish her. If your mother is gone, I pray it will bring you a touch of comfort from someone who understands—really understands—that loss.
May the Master touch you today, may He grant you peace, and may He hold us all in His hands until that day when He comes again. And I don’t know about you, but on that day, I know my mom will be there, waiting, her arms open wide. And I plan to run to her as fast as my legs will take me, throw my arms around her, and not let her go for a really, really long time.
I can hardly wait.
Peace,
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Part One
1. How would you describe your relationship with your mother? With your daughter(s)?
2. Did you think Anne and Jared handled Faith wisely? Why or why not? Did they contribute to the problem? Consider Job 28 and Proverbs 2. How can you, as a parent, avoid making matters worse when your children rebel?
3. If you have troubled relationships with your children or with your parents, do you feel free to share your struggles with your church family? Why or why not? Read Romans 1:12; 2 Corinthians 13:11; Philippians 2:1–2; Colossians 2:1–2, 3:12–15; 1 Thessalonians 5:11. In light of such Scriptures, what is our responsibility both as those struggling and as those seeking to help those who struggle?
4. Exodus 20:12 says: “Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God will give you.” Ephesians 6:3 tells us: “And this is the promise: If you honor your father and mother, ‘you will live a long life, full of blessing.’ ” What does it mean to honor your mother? How can one honor a mother who was less than wonderful? Do you feel you’ve honored your mother? If so, how? If not, can you think of one thing you could do that would be honoring to your mother?
5. Proverbs 1:8 warns: “Don’t neglect your mother’s teaching.” What is the most important truth you learned from your mother? What seeds of truth are you, as a mother, planting in your own children?
6. Faith struggled with wanting to be loved and accepted as she was. What kept her from seeing that love in her mother? In God? Are there things that keep you from seeing another’s love for you? God’s love for you? Read Proverbs 10:12; John 17:22–24; 1 John 3:16–17, 4:8, 17–19. What do these verses say to you about God’s love for you? Can anything stand in the way of that love?
7. Both Faith and Anne realized they were in rebellion—Faith against her mother and God, Anne against her disease and its impact on her body. What was the result of each one’s rebellion?
8. Read the following verses: Joshua 24:19; 1 Samuel 15:23; Psalm 39:7–9; Ezekiel 18:30. What is the cost of rebellion for a believer? Now read Psalm 32 and Ezekiel 18:31–32. What can we do when we realize we’ve given in to rebellion?
Part Two
1. Serious illness and death are difficult issues for any of us to face. Often grief brings anger and doubt. Sadly, many in the church are afraid to talk honestly about illness, death, and grief. Do you feel free to be open and honest about these things in your church? What does Scripture say about sharing our struggles? (See Romans 12:12–13, 15.)
2. Have you had a family member or close friend who was seriously ill? How did you cope with the situation? How did you offer comfort and support to that person?
3. Proverbs 23:22 gives us all an interesting caution: “Don’t despise your mother’s experience when she is old.” Our parents’ generation has experienced so much. They hold a wealth of wisdom for us, if we’ll only take the time to listen. Why do we so often struggle with spending time with those who are older than we are? Why are we often uncomfortable in places like nursing homes?
4. Faith had to act as her mother’s advocate with the medical world. Have you ever had to stand in the gap for someone when those who were the “professionals” weren’t doing what you knew they should be doing? How do we know when it’s time to step in for friends or family in such situations? How should we conduct ourselves when doing so? (See Proverbs 3:1–8, 13–26; 1 Corinthians 13.)
5. Have you offered fervent prayers for someone’s healing, only to have that person die? How did that affect your trust in God? How do we reconcile Scriptures like Matthew 7:7–11; John 14:13; and James 4:2 with such unanswered prayer?
6. Even the firmest believer may be shaken when someone he or she loves deeply dies. Loss is never easy to endure. Grief can be debilitating. Is it a sin to doubt in the face of loss and death?
7. Read through the book of Job. What does this teach us about doubt? About grief? About false comfort? When her mother died, Faith was angry when people offered her empty comfort or careless platitudes. How can we truly help those dealing with grief? What are some practical things Faith’s friends did for her?
8. Read Psalm 18; Matthew 4:15–16; Romans 5:21; 7:4–6; 8:34–36; 1 Corinthians 15:54–57; and 1 Th
essalonians 4:13–18. What do these verses tell us about death and dying?
9. Read Psalm 42; 94:17–19, 22; and Romans 15:13. Where can we find hope, even in the darkest of times?
“Karen Ball has penned a modern classic and given us two unforgettable characters to root for. This is an author to watch!”
—ROBIN LEE HATCHER, bestselling author of
Firstborn and Promised to Me
Gabe and Renee Roman are on the edge—relationally and spiritually. But after years of struggling in their marriage, their greatest test comes in the most unexpected of forms: a blizzard in the Oregon wilderness. Their truck hurtles down the side of a mountain, and suddenly they are forced to fight for survival by relying on each other. But both must surrender their last defenses if they are to come home at last—to God and to each other. Only then will they learn the most important truths of all: God is sufficient, and only through obedience to His call can we find true joy. Can the Romans overcome their greatest obstacle—themselves—in time?
www.waterbrookmultnomah.com
“A wonderful story of love, forgiveness, and stewardship over the world God has given us.”
—FRANCINE RIVERS, bestselling author of And the Shofar Blew and Redeeming Love
Taylor Sorensen has a secret: There are wolves on her ranch. Taylor’s new ranch hand, Connor Alexander, has a secret, too: He’s a wildlife biologist who’s been sent to find out if, after sixty years, wolves have returned to Wyoming. Caught in a fierce battle against angry ranchers and centuries of superstition, Taylor and Connor are drawn together by their desire to protect these wild, majestic animals. What they don’t know is that there’s someone else out there who hates the wolves, someone who’s determined to get rid of them—and Taylor and Connor if necessary—at any cost.