Sophie Hartley and the Facts of Life

by Stephanie Greene

  “I’d hardly call that ‘preparing dinner,’” Mrs. Hartley was saying as she took plates out of the cabinet and put them on the counter.

  “He had it delivered, too,” Nora said.

  “Whose side are you on?” said Mr. Hartley.

  “Don’t knock it, Nora.” Thad helped himself to two slices. “It beats his world-famous chicken chow mein.”

  In the past, whenever Mrs. Hartley had gone away for a night and left their father in charge, Mr. Hartley had immediately bought the largest can of chicken chow mein he could find, heated it up, and poured it over dry Chinese noodles.

  Luckily, she left them for only one night at a time.

  “That stuff looks like spiders in slime,” said John.

  Sophie thought that was a perfect description, but she felt sorry for her dad. She thought it was nice that he’d offered to fix dinner. Nothing he did these days seemed to make their mother happy.

  “Chow mein’s not so bad,” she said loyally.

  “‘Chow mein’s not so bad,’” Nora mimicked. Then, under her breath, “LMS.”

  “What’s ‘LMS’?” said John.

  “Nora’s swearing at me,” Sophie told him.

  “Nora said a swear, Nora said a swear,” John sang.

  “Nora,” Mrs. Hartley said tiredly.

  Nora rolled her eyes and carried her plate to the table.

  “‘That stuff’ is bean sprouts, John, and they’re good for you.” Mr. Hartley sat down at one end of the table. “You children are getting to be an ungrateful bunch.”

  “What have I been trying to tell you?” said Mrs. Hartley. She put a bowl of salad on the table and sat down at the other end.

  Sophie looked from her mother to her father. They sounded as if they were agreeing and arguing at the same time.

  “Guess what I signed up for today in school?” Sophie said. “Yoga. It’s supposed to be good for self-control.” She looked hopefully at her mother, but Mrs. Hartley was busy putting salad onto John’s plate.

  “You, taking yoga? That’s a joke,” Nora said. “It involves exercise. You realize that?”

  “I know it does,” Sophie said.

  “You stink at exercise,” Nora said.

  “Yoga’s different.”

  “Tae kwon do’s better,” said John.

  John had started taking lessons at the White Tiger Tae Kwon Do Center near his school. He practically lived in his white uniform. The top had a drawing of a snarling tiger on the back.

  John was up to his yellow belt and proud of it. He’d even started referring to himself as “White Tiger.” Whenever anyone in the family got mad, John would place the palms of his hands together, bow slightly, and say, “White Tiger says, ‘Do not use angry words.’ White Tiger says, ‘Use hands and feet.’”

  They’d all quickly learned that even though he was skinny, John’s bony feet could hurt when strategically directed at their shinbones.

  “I’m learning how to break a board in half,” John announced.

  “Why would anyone want to break a board?” said Nora. She was methodically cutting her pizza into neat squares. “You’re a nut basket, John.”

  “Yeah, and like he’s the only one in the family,” said Thad.

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Thad,” Nora said.

  “Please.” Mr. Hartley held up his hand. “Could we get through one dinner without any bickering? I’ve had four nights of it in a row. I find I have a low tolerance for it.”

  “And I don’t?” The arctic winds in their mother’s voice wafted over the table. Judging from the look on her face, that wasn’t a good thing for Mr. Hartley to have said. “Do you think I like it, having to listen to this all the time,” Mrs. Hartley said to him, “while you’re blissfully alone on the road somewhere?”

  “Blissfully alone”? Wasn’t that insulting to the children?

  “Alone in the cab of my truck or in a motel with paper-thin walls, you mean?” said Mr. Hartley. “I’d hardly call that ‘blissful.’”

  “At least you’re alone.”

  That was definitely insulting to the children. Sophie looked at Nora and Thad for confirmation, but they kept their heads down.

  “It wasn’t so bad when they were younger,” Mrs. Hartley went on, as if “they” weren’t sitting there listening. “I could send them up to their rooms. Now look at them.”

  Her parents actually turned and looked at them. Sophie was shocked. They didn’t look at John and Maura, only at Sophie and Nora and Thad. One at a time, too. Long, pointed looks that were decidedly unfriendly.

  It was Mr. Hartley who finally broke the silence. “I guess we have to keep them,” he said.

  “I suppose so,” Mrs. Hartley said with a sigh. “Who else would take them?”

  “Mom!” Sophie said. “That’s not very nice!”

  “Is this what they refer to as a ‘warm family moment’?” said Nora.

  “I think we should all take yoga,” Sophie said indignantly. “Then maybe no one would say every flammatory thing that came into their head.”

  “That’s inflammatory, Soph,” said Thad.

  “I’m not being inflammatory,” said Mrs. Hartley. “I’m making an observation.”

  “Yeah, a mean one,” said Sophie.

  The phone rang as they were clearing the table. Nora raced to get it. “Sophie!” she yelled. “It’s for you!”

  Sophie picked up the phone in the family room and said, “Hello?”

  “Destiny called me,” Alice said breathlessly.

  “She did?” said Sophie. “What did she want?”

  There was a short silence. Then Alice said, “She said she really, really liked the tie-dyed belt I wore last week.”

  “‘Really, really’?” Sophie repeated. “So, why’s Destiny being so nice all of a sudden?”

  “I don’t know. She also said . . . well . . . don’t get mad, Sophie, but she said she was scared about the movie but she was excited, too,” Alice said. “She wanted to know if I wanted to come to her meeting.”

  “Destiny’s holding a meeting?” Sophie said. “What for?”

  “One of her friends is going to tell her what’s in the movie and Destiny’s going to tell us.” Alice sounded miserable.

  “That’s ridiculous. You know what she’s trying to do, don’t you?”

  Nora came into the room and frowned when she saw Sophie was still on the phone. “Sophie . . .” she hissed furiously. “Get off! I’m expecting a call.”

  For once, Sophie was glad to do what Nora told her.

  “I’ve got to go,” she said to Alice. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  The nerve of Destiny, Sophie fumed as she went up to her room. Holding a meeting about the movie. What an idiot. Sophie wished they’d never heard about the movie and that there was no such thing as P-U-berty.

  “Patsy, get off!” she said grouchily to her kitten. She lifted Patsy off the pile of clean clothes her mother had left at the foot of Sophie’s bed and dropped her onto the rug. Then Sophie immediately felt remorseful and picked her up again.

  “I don’t know why I’m blaming you.” Sophie squeezed Patsy to her chest until Patsy let out a tiny mew. “Sorry,” said Sophie, and put her gently back onto the pile. “Just be glad you’re not a person.”

  She took her homework papers out of her backpack and dropped the pack onto the floor. That Destiny! She was obviously trying to steal Alice, and Alice was too nice to suspect anything.

  Sometimes it was so frustrating, the way Alice insisted everyone was good. Why, if Sophie had her way—

  Sophie stopped herself.

  Oh, no. It was happening.

  She was acting about Destiny the way Nora acted about Lisa Kellogg. Lisa had annoyed Nora since they were in the fifth grade. For three whole years, Nora had been letting Lisa upset her. It was ridiculous! Sophie was not going to let Destiny bug her the same way.

  “Did Alice tell you Destiny called her last night?” Sophie asked Jenna
when she joined her and Alice in front of the school the next morning. Alice immediately looked guilty.

  “What for?” said Jenna.

  She and Sophie both looked at Alice.

  “She just wanted to talk about the movie,” Alice said meekly.

  “Tell her the rest, Alice,” Sophie said. To Jenna: “She invited Alice to a meeting she’s going to have to tell everyone about the movie.”

  “That’s dumb. She doesn’t even like you, Alice,” Jenna said. “You aren’t going, are you?”

  “Of course not,” Alice said unhappily. “Not if you and Sophie aren’t invited.”

  When it was time for yoga that morning, the girls who had brought sweatpants from home were allowed to change in the girls’ room. Ms. Bell was talking to Mr. Duncan when they got to the gym. She was dressed in black pants and a T-shirt. “Everyone grab a mat and sit down,” she called as they filed in. “Space out your mats. Give yourselves plenty of room.”

  Sophie grabbed one of the blue mats from a pile at the front and put it on the floor near the bleachers. The mat was thick and spongy. It was fun to have her own space. Kids from each of the three fourth-grade classes were putting down their mats all around the gym floor. Destiny and Hailey put theirs in the front row. The only three boys in the class were way in the back, next to one another.

  Alice put her mat near Sophie’s and said, “This is a lot better than volleyball.”

  “How do you know? We haven’t done anything yet,” said Sophie.

  “Maybe we’ll get to take a nap,” said Alice. “Like kindergarten.”

  Their giggles were cut off when Ms. Bell spoke again. “I want you to take off your shoes and make yourselves comfortable while everyone gets settled,” she said. “Cross your legs and sit quietly. Close your eyes and just relax.”

  No one ever let them take off their shoes in school. Or told them to relax, for that matter. It was usually the opposite: Hurry up and do your work. Be quiet and open your books. Sophie dutifully took off her shoes, sat cross-legged, and closed her eyes.

  At first, it felt strange to sit in a room with her eyes closed when she was surrounded by kids she knew. Sophie peeked a few times to see whether anyone was fooling around, but they were all sitting quietly. She finally closed her eyes and kept them closed.

  When the sound of the kids in the hall on their way to the cafeteria suddenly dropped away, Sophie opened her eyes again. Ms. Bell had closed the gym doors and was putting a CD into her player. Soft music started to play, one clear flute note at a time.

  Sophie closed her eyes again. The gym was unnaturally quiet. It became easier and easier to sit still. Then Ms. Bell spoke.

  “Okay, you can open your eyes now.” She was sitting with her legs crossed on her own mat in front of them. “I’m happy to see so many of you here. Yoga is the best kind of exercise. It’s fun and relaxing, but it will also make you strong.” She smiled around at everyone. “Best of all, in yoga everyone gets to move at his or her own pace. It’s not a competition. It’s you against yourself, doing as much as you can.”

  That sounded good. Sophie got tired of the way kids in the fourth grade tried to be the best all the time. The best at math, the best at writing, the best at sports.

  “By learning the different poses and practicing them at home, every one of you can become stronger. Your body will become leaner,” Ms. Bell went on. “If you keep doing yoga, you’ll become more coordinated, too, and have more energy. But first, I want to talk about how to breathe.”

  “How to breathe”? If they didn’t know how to do that, they’d be dead. Sophie and Alice looked at each other and giggled. So did some of the other kids.

  “I know—it sounds funny,” Ms. Bell said, “but bear with me.”

  She told them to sit up straight and rest their hands on their knees with their palms up. “Now, close your eyes again,” she said, “and slowly breathe in and out. You inhale, or breathe in, through your nose. When you exhale, or breathe out, it should be through your mouth.”

  Sophie closed her eyes and tried to concentrate.

  “Inhale . . . and exhale . . .” Ms. Bell’s voice was slow and gentle. “When you inhale, feel the air fill your lungs . . . As you breathe, feel your body . . . Pay attention to your body.”

  “Your body.” There it was again.

  Sophie didn’t know why it should suddenly feel so embarrassing. Before yesterday, body was only a word. Now it felt full of meaning.

  She opened an eye to find Alice looking at her, and quickly closed it.

  “You’re doing great. Let’s move on,” Ms. Bell said. “Next, I want to teach you some of the yoga poses we’re going to use.”

  Most of the poses were named for animals or things in nature. They learned the cow pose and then the cat pose. Kneeling on their hands and knees, they arched their backs.

  “Like Halloween cats,” Ms. Bell said. “Stretch your back as high as you can. Feel the stretch. Good.”

  In the downward dog pose, they had to put their hands and feet flat on the floor and raise their bottoms in the air as high as they could.

  “Stretch! That’s right,” Ms. Bell called. “Try to keep your heels on the floor and lift your bottom! Feel the muscles in the backs of your legs!”

  Alice looked so funny with her bottom sticking up. Sophie started to laugh. Alice did too, and fell over.

  They learned the tree pose next. It was meant to improve their balance. Sophie stood with her arms out to the sides, the way Ms. Bell told them, and rested the sole of her right foot against her left leg. She glanced to see how other kids were doing and saw Destiny put her foot on the floor to steady herself. Sophie started to wobble too. She looked back at the floor and stared as hard as she could at the blue circle in front of her. Don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall, she told herself.

  Slowly, her leg got steadier. Sophie was amazed. By using her brain and concentrating, she was able to calm her body down enough so that she could stand on one leg, still as a tree. She even felt like a tree, except without branches. Maybe she was going to be good at this. She was pretty sure she could already feel herself developing self-control. But then Ms. Bell called, “Do not watch your friends! If they wobble, so will you!” So, of course, Sophie had to look at Alice.

  That was all it took for the two trees to wobble, giggle, and fall.

  five

  “It was pretty hard, but it was fun,” Alice told Jenna when the other two joined her in line in the cafeteria.

  “I think it gets easier when you get stronger,” said Sophie.

  “Did Alice tell you about my meeting?” It was Destiny. She and Hailey stood holding their trays. “One of my friends is going to tell me about the movie after they watch it,” Destiny said.

  “You should be there,” Hailey said, “unless you’re too babyish to hear about the facts of life.” She twisted her fists in her eyes and said, “Wah-wah,” like a baby.

  Destiny laughed.

  “I already know about them,” Sophie said. “My parents always say, ‘Sorry, but it’s a fact of life,’ when they make us do something we don’t want to.”

  “Mine, too,” said Jenna. “Like mold’s really going to grow on my teeth if I don’t brush them every week.”

  “Not that kind of fact,” Hailey said scornfully.

  “I think they mean the birds and the bees,” said Alice.

  “Why don’t you just come out and say it?” said Destiny. “S-E-X.”

  Sophie’s and Jenna’s eyebrows rose up without their even trying. Alice blushed.

  “I didn’t think so.” Destiny and Hailey exchanged superior smiles. “At least you might be mature enough to come, Alice,” Destiny said.

  No way. Sophie wasn’t about to let Destiny steal Alice right in front of them. “Alice is coming to my meeting,” Sophie said.

  “I am?” said Alice.

  “She is?” said Jenna.

  “You’re having a meeting?” Destiny said.

  �
�I don’t believe it,” said Hailey.

  “Well, my mother’s a nurse, in case you didn’t know,” Sophie said. “If I want to know about . . . things . . . I can just ask her.”

  It wasn’t a total lie. Sophie could ask her mother. She never had, because she didn’t want to know. It was coming soon enough. Why rush it? She had certainly overheard her mother and Nora talking about girl things. When Nora’s voice dropped and she told Mrs. Hartley that she needed to talk to her “in private,” Sophie blocked it out. Even so, she’d heard Nora say “that time of the month” often enough, usually when she didn’t want to take gym, to know it meant something.

  Something Sophie didn’t want to know about.

  “Oh. Well.” Hailey looked at Destiny, as usual.

  “Fine. Have your three-person meeting,” said Destiny. “I already invited all of the other girls to mine. Come on, Hailey.”

  “Are you crazy?” Jenna said when the girls walked away. “Are you really having a meeting?”

  “Destiny will never stop bugging us unless I do,” said Sophie.

  “I forgot about your mom,” Alice said eagerly. “She can tell you everything and you can tell us.”

  “This is all your fault, Alice,” Jenna said as they put their trays on a table and sat down. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about a dumb movie.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know about these things,” said Alice.

  “There is if you’re only doing it because girls like Destiny are pushing you,” said Sophie.

  “Anything Destiny knows, I don’t want to hear,” Jenna said. “As far as I’m concerned . . .” She pinched her nose shut and raised her eyebrows.

  “Me, too,” said Sophie. She did the same.

  “Me, too.” Alice pinched her nose shut, unpinching it long enough to quickly add, “I still think it’s okay to know,” before she pinched it again.

  “I don’t see why you won’t let me,” Nora was saying when Sophie opened the door to the mudroom after school.

  “Hair straightening is expensive,” Mrs. Hartley said. “Your hair is lovely. You should be proud of it.”