The Hitwoman and the Mother Load

by JB Lynn

  “You are?” He practically squeaked his surprise.

  I grinned. I’d been thinking about this. If I hadn’t met Patrick when I had, if he hadn’t taken me under his wing, taught me how to shoot, how to kill, I wouldn’t have been able to save the lives of Darlene’s daughters.

  If he hadn’t helped me, I wouldn’t have been able to provide the best medical care for Katie.

  Hell, if he hadn’t seen some redeeming qualities in me at a time when my life had been imploding, I might have completely fallen apart.

  In many ways, the hitman had saved me.

  I didn’t tell him any of that though, all I said was, “You were the perfect person for me, at that time in my life. I needed exactly what you offered then. I’m just not that person anymore.”

  He nodded slowly. “So this is the most amicable break-up ever?”

  “I hope so. As long as we both agree to never take a contract on each other.”

  “Maybe we’ll even work together again,” he said, warming to the idea.

  I chuckled. “Maybe.”

  “You really are an exceptional woman, Mags. It’s just…she’s the one. She’s always been the one and when I realized I could have her again…I had to go after what I wanted for once. Do you understand?”

  “I do. I really do.” I shivered against the cold. “I also should have worn something warmer. I’ll see you around, Detective Mulligan?”

  He grinned. “I really hope so.”

  With a wave, I retreated into the house and closed the door on that chapter of my life.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Later that day the B&B was filled with the voices of Marlene, Doc, and Uncle Larry Griswald being trounced by Katie in a game of Go Fish.

  Zeke had disappeared into the backyard to make yet another mysterious phone call.

  I went looking for a cup of much needed coffee and found Aunt Susan in the kitchen.

  “How’d it go with Doctor Donna?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “She told me Katie hates me.”

  Susan arched her eyebrows. “She doesn’t hate you, dear.”

  “She thinks she does.” I leaned back against the counter. “The doctor has assured me though that a solution will present itself.”

  “What kind of solution?”

  “She didn’t know,” I admitted.

  Susan shook her head.

  “Why did you say no?” I asked curiously.

  “What?”

  “Why did you say no when Larry asked you to marry him?”

  Looking away, she smoothed her hair.

  “He’s a good man. He’s crazy about you. You’re crazy about him too, aren’t you?”

  She nodded tightly.

  “So then why?”

  She waved her hands. “This. All this. How could I subject someone to all this?”

  “I’m pretty sure he’s got a handle on what all this,” I mimicked her movements, “entails and he asked you anyway. The least you could do was honor such an act of courage.”

  Susan smiled, and then covered her mouth with her hand as though she’d done something wrong.

  “Do what’s right for you for a change,” I urged.

  “I’ll think about it,” she promised.

  “Do that.” I poured myself a cup of coffee and prepared to escape to the basement.

  “Angel wanted to see you,” Susan said. “He’s up in his room.”

  I poured a second cup and carried both upstairs. When I reached his room, I knocked softly with my foot.

  The door swung open.

  “I don’t think I thanked you for your help last night,” I said, trying not stutter as I realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt, which left his impressive physique on display.

  He must have caught me staring at him like a dog eyeing a steak, because he quickly grabbed a shirt and yanked it over his head. “Is one of those for me?”

  I nodded handing him a cup.

  Taking the drink, he stepped back and ushered me into the room.

  I hadn’t been in there since he’d moved in. I noticed his collection of Navy t-shirts were laid out on the bed.

  My breath caught in my throat. Was he leaving? “Are you going somewhere?” I choked out past my alarm.

  He saw me looking at his shirts. “No. I just like to organize my stuff when I’m stressed.”

  “What?”

  “I like organizing. It makes me feel in control.”

  “Is this about Angelina?”

  He nodded. “Partially. There’s just a lot going on. A lot of…” He trailed off, searching for the right word.

  “Insanity?” I provided helpfully.

  “I wasn’t talking about this house or your family. I meant this town, my family. There’s a lot of history, a lot of expectations, way too many secrets.”

  “So you’re folding, but not packing?” I stared at the bed, unable to shake the fear I was about to lose my favorite manny.

  “I wouldn’t do that to you, Maggie,” he promised. Stepping closer, he put a hand on my shoulder sending a bolt of awareness through my body. “You can count on me.”

  I let out a shaky breath. “Okay, for a minute there I thought you were leaving and it scared me.”

  “Because you wouldn’t know what to do with Katie?” he asked with a quiet intensity, his eyes roaming over my face, searching for the truth.

  I swallowed hard. “No,” I admitted, “not just because of Katie. I’ve gotten used to having you around. It’s kind of nice.”

  “To have someone around to move furniture?” he teased lightly.

  I flashed a smile. “That and other things.”

  “I’d like to explore those other things at some point,” he admitted.

  I bit the inside of my lip, unsure of how to respond. Hadn’t I told Zeke earlier that mixing business and pleasure was a bad idea? How could I even entertain the possibility of pursuing something romantic with Angel?

  He sighed patiently, waiting for me to answer. The move stretched the fabric of his t-shirt tighter across his impressive chest, reminding me of just one reason I found the man so tempting.

  Taking a step back, I said coyly, “We’ll see what happens.”

  “I’ll take that for now,” Angel agreed, “but I won’t wait forever.”

  I nodded my understanding and backed out of the room. “I’ll leave you to your folding.”

  Hurrying back downstairs, I hid in the basement and poured out my concerns to the animals.

  “I have to make decisions about what to do with Katie, and Darlene, and now Angel,” I wailed. “What am I supposed to do?”

  “Breathe,” God suggested.

  “Breathing’s good,” Piss agreed.

  I sat there on my couch, hyperventilating, ready to burst with anxiety.

  “Nap,” DeeDee suggested. “Nap.”

  “As suggestions go,” God declared, “that one is actually pretty good advice for this situation. You’re exhausted and need sleep.”

  “You’ll feel better after getting some shut-eye, sugar,” Piss purred.

  I stretched out on the couch, convinced I was too tense to fall asleep.

  The next thing I knew, there was a knock on the door that led to the kitchen.

  I sat up, startled.

  “You were sleeping,” the cat soothed, kneading my leg.

  “You snored for hours,” God complained.

  More knocking.

  “Door someone’s the at,” DeeDee panted in case I’d suddenly gone deaf to knocking.

  I didn’t respond to anyone.

  The knocker opened the door anyway.

  “Go away,” I grumbled.

  DeeDee ran over to greet him. “Zeke. Zeke.”

  “Typical fickle female,” God groused. “First she’s gaga over the redhead, now she’s nuts for the con man.”

  “Go away,” I said again, louder.

  “Trust me,” Zeke said. “You don’t want me to do that.” He walked down the stairs.
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  I picked up a throw pillow and chucked it at his head.

  Catching it, he said, “I knew you were sitting down here feeling sorry for yourself. This whole self-pity thing really isn’t working for you.” He flopped down on the seat beside me.

  “Screw you.”

  “That would be my teenage dream come true,” he admitted melodramatically.

  I couldn’t help but grin a little. Part of his charm had always been his ability to make me laugh at myself…well that, and those blue eyes and cleft chin.

  “See? A smile is a much better look on you,” he teased. “You’ve got to wash up and come upstairs for dinner. Susan’s made a feast in Gypsy’s honor.”

  “I’m not hungry, Tiger Man.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Darlene told you about that?”

  I nodded. “Why didn’t you?”

  He shrugged. “You were in the middle of nursing your distrust/hate toward me. It would have seemed like I was trying to duck your wrath.”

  I frowned. “Sorry about that. I don’t really hate you.”

  He chuckled. “Never thought you did. But you sure were cute with your eyes flashing as you screamed at me.”

  “Cute?”

  “Cute.”

  “Not scary?”

  He laughed again and then grabbed my hand. “Trust me, Maggie. You need to show up.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we’re about to put Darlene’s plan into action.”

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Aunt Susan had pulled out all the stops for Gypsy’s dinner. The table was set with the best linens, the silver shone (no doubt due to Marshal Griswald’s polishing prowess) and she’d prepared a feast.

  “I went and saw your mother today,” Susan revealed after putting me to work in the kitchen tossing the salad even though she hadn’t finished adding ingredients.

  “How’s she doing?” I asked dutifully even though I could guess at the answer.

  “She’s regressed.” She chopped off the end of a cucumber with undue vigor. “Off in her own world, just like every other time.”

  I stared down at the salad. I knew she blamed my father. I blamed him too, but I didn’t know what to say.

  “Loretta’s going to be released tomorrow,” she said, changing the subject from one problem sister to another. “Angel’s graciously agreed to help convert the parlor into a recovery room.” She chopped the poor cucumber with ruthless efficiency.

  “That’s nice of him,” I murmured.

  “And I’ve forbidden them, absolutely forbidden them, from having sexual relations while Katie’s in the house. The last thing we need is for her to be further traumatized by their ill-conceived shenanigans.” She dumped the cucumber into the salad.

  I waited a moment and then said, “I hadn’t realized Angel and Loretta had such an intimate relationship.”

  “What?”

  “That you’re worried about their sexual shenanigans,” I clarified with a grin.

  Realizing I was teasing her, Susan shook her head, but a glimmer of a smile hovered around her lips. “Perhaps you’re underestimating Loretta’s sexual appeal,” she kidded back. “Lord knows she never does.”

  We looked at each other, both trying to keep a straight face, before we simultaneously dissolved into laughter.

  “That’s a beautiful sound.” Griswald sauntered into the kitchen, a pleased smile on his face.

  Susan smoothed her hair self-consciously. “Maggie made a joke about Loretta’s… proclivities.”

  “I’m glad,” Griswald replied.

  Susan gave him a sharp look.

  “It made you laugh,” he elaborated. “Anything that makes you happy makes me happy.”

  She relaxed a little.

  Griswald turned his attention to me. “Nice job getting your mother back last night.”

  “It was Angel who spotted her on TV. He and Zeke and Armani helped me find her. It was time for her to come back.”

  “Meaning Archie could no longer handle her,” Susan injected bitterly.

  I nodded. “That’s true. Have the police caught him?”

  Griswald shook his head, watching me carefully.

  “That’s too bad,” I murmured. “He’s out of control.”

  “How so?” Griswald asked.

  I’d been thinking about my dad hitting Zeke with a pipe. At this point I had no problem revealing something that could get him arrested for battery, but I didn’t think Zeke would want to be questioned by law enforcement. So all I said was, “He’s out of control. Robbing people for ice cream money is just ridiculous.”

  “Agreed,” Susan seconded enthusiastically.

  “How about no more talk about him,” I suggested. “It’s not good for anyone’s digestion.”

  Griswald nodded, but I wasn’t sure he’d bought my ice cream argument.

  The timer on the stove buzzed.

  “Dinner’s ready!” Susan trilled happily.

  As someone who could happily, if not healthfully, subsist on frozen, microwaveable meals, I was amazed at her domestic bliss.

  “Take the salad to the table,” she ordered. “Laurence will help me bring out the main course. Let everyone know it’s ready. And bring the animals up. I’ve even prepared special meals for them.”

  I bit back a grin. Considering my aunt hadn’t wanted any pets, she sure put a lot of effort into spoiling them.

  Leaving the kitchen, I put the salad down on the table that was already laden with an array of side dishes. Walking to the bottom of the stairs that led to the second floor, I bellowed, “Dinner’s ready.”

  “Coming!” Marlene shouted back from the bedroom that used to be mine.

  It was easy to find Katie. I just followed the noise of the xylophone. She was on the floor playing the instrument, while Angel sat beside her, providing percussion by knocking on the floor with his knuckles.

  “Dinner’s ready,” I told them, standing in the doorway. I was half-braced for Katie to tell me that she didn’t have to eat just because I wanted her to.

  Angel watched me carefully, no doubt reading the tension in my body language.

  It was for nothing, because Katie put down the mallets, and awkwardly got to her feet, a reminder that she still hadn’t recovered from the accident.

  Angel waited until she was upright before jumping to his own feet. “Race you to wash our hands,” he challenged Katie, saving me from having to give her an order.

  “Thank you,” I mouthed as they hurried past me.

  He winked in response.

  I then went to get DeeDee and Piss. Running down the stairs to the basement, I announced, “Susan’s made you a special dinner.”

  “I doubt that,” God groused. “No one ever gets me a special dinner.”

  “I do,” Piss reminded him. “Fresh-caught crickets.”

  The dog and cat raced up the stairs toward the kitchen.

  I scooped the lizard out of the terrarium. “I’ll make a pet store run just for you,” I promised. “Dozens of crickets.”

  “The store-bought ones don’t taste as good,” he complained as I placed him into my bra. “The home-grown one’s are so much tastier.”

  Ignoring him, I hurried up the stairs, not wanting to be late for the feast.

  I wasn’t worried about the food getting cold, I was just dying to know what Gypsy was going to do.

  Chapter Thirty-five

  I was the last person to take a seat at the table, which meant I had to sit between Gypsy, who’d apparently taken another bath in patchouli oil, and Armani, who was shaking her Scrabble tile bag like a hyper witch doctor trying to cast away evil spirits.

  My eyes watered from Gypsy’s overpowering stench, so thick and pungent it made my head start to ache immediately.

  Looking around, I saw that Marlene’s nose was scrunched up, Doc was covering the lower half of his face with his hand, Angel’s eyes were glassy, Templeton was breathing through a handkerchief, Griswald’s expression was d
eterminedly stoic, and Susan looked like she was about to sneeze. For some reason Zeke seemed unaffected by the stink.