Wilhelmina A Novella

by Ronnell D. Porter

  ‘Nothing,’ I told her.

  ‘Wilhelmina, don’t insult me by lying to me!’ Evonne snapped. I was silent for a moment and I sat up, crawling to the small opening between boards where I could see her light hazel eye looking back into mine. ‘What have you done?’

  ‘I tried to get Mr. Abberdean’s letters while she was having one of her monthly dinner parties,’ I admitted. ‘There was a man who followed me into the governess’ den, and he had the key to her desk drawer. He told me that he would give me the key if I sat on his lap, and that’s all. I swear to you, Evonne, that’s all that happened!’

  ‘Do you realize what you’ve done?’ Evonne barked in a whisper. She hushed me as I began to cry. ‘I know, Wilhelmina, I know. You would never do anything foul for mere letters.’

  ‘What’s going to happen to me?’ I asked, frightened to my very bones. I had no idea what was to become of me, I just wanted to be back in my own little room beside my window reading Jane Austen and looking forward to Tuesday nights.

  ‘The governess said that you may come out when you are ready to cut your hair. She will send Minus to make the offer this evening’ Evonne said. ‘Just accept the offer, Wilhelmina.’

  ‘No.’ I was firm in my resolve and no matter what torture I must endure, I would keep my long hair.

  ‘Wilhelmina, I have seen far more stubborn girls in this shed for better reasons, and you do not want to endure the consequences. Please, just accept the offer,’ Evonne said. ‘It’s only hair.’

  ‘I will not cut my hair,’ I told her sternly, as though she were a representative for the enemy army. Evonne gave in with a sigh and left it at that.

  ‘I must go, I can see the postal boy now. I’ll come back when I get another moment.’ She stood and straightened out her dress. ‘Please think about what I’ve said.’

  I watched her walk away, and felt alone again. The memory of Mr. Abberdean left me after a while, and I sat there, disoriented in time and meaning. I questioned if it was worth this torture to keep my hair?

  Mr. Abberdean might have loved my hair wild and free, but where was he? He was gone, in another country, leaving me to deal with Elizabeth Bathory and the War of the Secession.

  He abandoned me, and left me here on my own without any form of notice but a last minute goodbye.

  Minus was at the door by sunset with the offer on his tongue, just like Evonne told me he would be. I wanted to say yes, that I would cut my hair willingly, that this war was not worth a man who had left me with no sense of regret. My lips were ready, my tongue lapping up whatever saliva my mouth could muster to end this hellish imprisonment. But I couldn’t bring myself to give in. My heart could not forsake the only source of happiness in my life for the last four years. I was almost fourteen, and had never fought for anything in my life. Why would I? I had never believed in anything enough to put up a fight.

  But I believed in love. Charles Abberdean was my love, my one and only, whether it was a friend or more, or maybe even nothing at all. He was the only tangible love I had to hold onto, and that in itself was reason enough to keep fighting, whether he was here with me, or thousands of miles across the ocean.

  Again, I said no.

  The next morning, Evonne went to meet the postal boy as usual and just happened to drop a sausage link through one of the wide openings in the boards. I was grateful for her ‘clumsiness’. That evening, she decided to help the kitchen slaves by taking some of the leftovers to the pig pin to mix with their slops, but she said she was not a destitute woman, and that she shouldn’t have to walk them all the way, so she left the plate in front of the shed door, just close enough for me to reach it. I was grateful for her ‘laziness’.

  But after four days in the shed, Evonne stopped coming by. In the mornings, I saw Minus walk out to greet the postal boy instead of my tutor. He would cast a sorrowful glance in my direction, but he wouldn’t bother to stop or say anything.

  Those few visits were the last I would ever see of Evonne.

  Six days in and I had finally beaten Bernice’s fort hold against the hag that dared to call herself a governess. But my victory was hollow, for I had no friend or comrade to enjoy it with. My stomach had numbed from starvation, so I didn’t feel the hunger pains anymore, but I was beyond parched.

  I needed water. My lips were cracked and dry, and my eyes were itchy from the dryness. And as the long and hot Louisiana days dragged on, the shade of shed and tree wasn’t shielding me from the sun’s heat anymore. I was trapped in a hot and thick shed with no water and no food. My skin was hot, I could feel it, but I could no longer sweat.

  Minus came by that evening, and told me of the governess’ generous offer. Again, I refused.

  After seven days I cried tearlessly to God to save me. But no answer came. The insects that burrowed into the ground could sustain me if there were enough, but even as I caught wandering grasshoppers in my hands, I just couldn’t bring myself to kill them, to snuff out their lives and eat them. In my eyes, that would make me no better than the governess. And so I let them go and continued to hold my stomach in a ball on the ground.

  Minus came by at sunset once again with the offer, and even added a few of his own words, begging me to accept. But still I would not grant the witch the satisfaction of breaking me.

  On the eighth day, I had nothing. I had no strength. No sense of time or day, up or down. I had no hope. I had no will. I had no sense of consciousness beyond staring straight ahead as I laid in dirt, waiting for God to take me home to my mama and my papa. To take me to the crystal kingdom where I would forever be a princess. Where Charles Abberdean would read to me every night and he would be my king.

  I closed my dry eyes and waited for death.

  Pity came to me in the form of tears. I felt them, cold and refreshing, through the ceiling. I wondered if the angels were watching, and if they had finally had enough. But I was not dead, and as I opened my eyes, I saw no sunlight. Instead, there was a grey world outside.

  I sat up, and felt mud where there should have been dirt. Water dripped on my face through the loose boards above me, and I rubbed it across my face to cleanse myself of the grime and shame. It rained heavier, and I sat there, open mouthed and enjoying the water as it ran down my hot throat, cooling me from the inside out.

  The angels had seen enough alright, but it wasn’t the sign of death and surrender I was waiting for. It was a sign that I was going to win this war, that any day now the governess would surrender. When she did, I would accept as smug and proudly as I possibly could.

  I would show her, she would see.

  On the ninth day, I was vindicated. Or so I thought. Minus opened the door to the shed, and I felt a cool breeze rush inside, blowing through my mud-caked hair. He didn’t say anything as he gripped my arm, and I was surprised when my legs wouldn’t work with me. He caught me and swept me into his arms, carrying me into the mansion.

  The servants waited on me as I bathed, and soon after I was dressed and force fed a bowl of soup. I enjoyed every insatiable flavor that hit my tongue as a fraction of my former strength returned to me. This was my victory meal, and I would savor every last drop for I had earned it.

  I imagined Mr. Abberdean sitting across from me with his breathtaking smile lifting his face and my spirits.

  As the sun set on the horizon, I was escorted to the governess’ den by Thea, a young house slave. She so reminded me of Abby; they shared similar facial traits, and had the same sort of glow to their dark chocolate skin. But even though I needed her support, as I couldn’t stand completely on my own, I walked up the tower steps fearlessly as I prepared to face my enemy.

  Thea made sure to help me as I sat gently in the chair set before the governess’ desk. I stared directly into the governess’ eye, shaded beneath her black veil, as she stared back at me.

  ‘Wait outside,’ she instructed Thea. The black girl bowed and backed out of the room, closing the door behind her. ‘Nine days; that is impressive. To think t
hat the love of your hair kept you going for that long is remarkable, though dull.’

  ‘Forgive me, miss, but you’re wrong,’ I said, heatedly. ‘It wasn’t the love of my hair that kept me going.’

  ‘Then what was the source of your stubbornness? Your hatred of me?’

  ‘Hardly.’

  I scoffed boldly. Instead of getting angry as I had expected, she smiled wickedly and looked me over tactfully. She lifted a bundle off of her desk and flipped through the bound letters with her nimble fingers.

  ‘Where is Evonne?’ I asked.

  ‘She has left the state, fleeing at the news of the North’s advances. I wouldn’t count on seeing her again,’ the governess said. ‘Have you changed your position on my offer?’

  I shook my head evenly and matched her glare as she continued to flip through the letters; my letters. ‘We are much more alike than you think, Wilhelmina. More than you’re willing to admit, I’m sure.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter how much we’re alike, because we’re too different to compare,’ I told her coldly. She considered my words as she sat behind her desk and placed the letters before her.

  ‘A letter came today from Fremont, but not for you,’ the governess said lightly. ‘It was a reply from your mother. I told her what happened, and how you’ve done everything in your power to disobey me. She gave me a message to pass along to you.

  ‘Your step-mother and Dinah have gone away, left this morning to go live with an acquaintance of hers in Lebanon, Texas. Rumor has it the North has been spotted in Louisiana, and she made a hasty decision,’ the governess said.

  ‘Then I’ll go with them,’ I said.

  ‘She doesn’t want you to go with them. You are no longer welcome home, which officially makes you an orphan,’ the governess said coolly. I shook my head out of disbelief; I had nothing to say in response to her lies. ‘If you don’t believe me, just read it for yourself.’

  She flicked the envelope toward me harshly, and I clutched it out of reflex.

  ‘You have no home other than what you have here. Everyone you knew has thrown you away.’ The governess was haughty and self-righteous as she inflicted every emotional cut with acute precision. ‘So, where will you go, if not stay here?’

  I shrugged, stunned and distraught. Where could I go?

  ‘If you wish to stay in my estate, sleep in my beds and eat my food, you know what must be done.’ She said, eyeing my mess of hair. I swallowed my pride, gripped my dress in anger, and nodded. ‘Are you agreeing to cut off your hair? You may speak.’

  ‘Yes,’ I said through my teeth. I had no choice but to surrender, otherwise I would never be able to know where Mr. Abberdean was, or where to find him. My eyes burned with the desire to cry, but there were no tears to give, and so I bit my bottom lip as I stared into her veiled face. She picked up Mr. Abberdean’s letters off of the table and held them in her lithe hand as she stepped around the table.

  ‘Let this be a lesson to remind you whose hands are holding you from the endless abyss of destitution.’

  The governess threw the letters into the fireplace and I screamed, scrambling to the floor and watching in agony. It literally seared my soul to see them char and burn, and I tried desperately to grab them before the flames could completely consume them, but I only ended up burning my hands. They stung, and there would definitely be blisters, but nothing compared to the pain inside as Mr. Abberdean’s words disappeared forever.

  ‘You promised!’ I shouted.

  ‘That agreement has long expired. Our deal in the present is your hair in exchange for my care. Your survival depends on it, Wilhelmina, so I would mind my rules and obey my word without question, do we understand each other?’

  I nodded in defeat. This was not the victory I had envisioned; this was not a victory at all. She called Thea back inside to get me up off of the floor, since I could not stand on my own, and she took me back to the ward. Rhoda and Yvette were both glad to see me. Both of them thought I had died in the shed and were pleasantly proven wrong as they held me. I enjoyed their contact, their warmth. It felt as though it had been months since I’d seen them last, not days.

  I was informed by Thea that my hair was to be cut first thing in the morning. It gnawed at my stomach like a little monster chewing my innards. But what more could I do? What could I say?

  I went to bed that night knowing that everything was over; the war, my life, and my connection in life to Mr. Abberdean. I was stuck here, learning how to be a southern belle, until I was set free or died of the shame.

  I was dead certain that the latter would happen first.

  However, I was awakened that night by a sharp click at the ward door. I sat up and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw bodies moving in the darkness, shadows creeping through the rows of beds. I buried my head beneath my sheets and squeezed my eyes, praying that the intruders would leave me be if I was sound asleep.

  ‘Wilhelmina.’

  I peeked and saw Thea at my bedside.‘Wilhelmina, it’s okay, it’s me.’

  I crawled out of my sheets and saw Minus standing next to her, looking down at me with the same anxiety scribed along her eyes.

  ‘What are you doing in here?’ I asked.

  ‘We come to get you out of here,’ Thea said. ‘We’re running, making our way to Gretna where they say they can help us find the Underground Railroad. My aunt Abby told us to bring you with us if we ever made a run for it.’

  ‘Abby is your aunt?’ I asked.

  ‘Me and my husband Minus can’t stay here no longer, not with that witch up there in her tower. She’s a woman of the devil, I seen it myself!’ Thea said. ‘Please, come with us. We can be there by morning if we keep moving.’

  ‘I want to go! Take me with you!’ I said, gripping her hand. She brushed my hair and smiled, holding my hand as she pulled me out of bed. My legs were stronger now, almost strong enough to run, but I didn’t need to as Minus swept me up in his muscular arms again, and carried me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on as Thea led us out of the mansion.

  The path was easy enough without being noticed. We cut through the kitchen and went down into the wine cellar and out the back. We cut across the open field behind the estate and into the forest.

  We were free, and I would never have to see that vile succubus again in my life. Most of all, I could keep my long hair, Charles' long hair that he loved so much. Thea and Minus ran and ran, and both of them were laughing, actually laughing. I had never heard Minus' laugh before, but I enjoyed its deep baritone bass as we all took in the fact that we were free.

  After an hour of walking southeast on Thea’s map, and following the trees with white linen tied around the trunk to ensure that we were on the right path, we came to a clearing and sat down for a moment to rest. It was a meadow, a beautiful flower-filled opening to the sky that was flourishing and ripe with fauna.

  My body ached, and my legs were sore, but as Minus sat me down, I couldn’t help but run and skip through the meadow. The moon was high, and the air was fresh. I ran in circles, in squares, and even in shaped that didn’t exist. Wherever I could run, I would. My hair flew freely.

  ‘Abby was right about you,’ Thea said with a smile as Minus tried to start a fire. Thea helped him gather odd pieces of bark and branches as Minus pulled out his matches. ‘You are a wild thing. She said you were free like the wind; you don’t care where you blow, as long as you ruffle some feathers along the way. I’ve never seen Elizabeth Bathory stood up to the way you did, Wilhelmina.’

  ‘Where is Abby? Is she okay?’ I asked.

  ‘Your step-mother sold her to Ol’ Lou Girthwright’s farm before she skipped town. But Lou’s been helping the railroad for a few months now, and he sent her along her way, telling her how to get to the cottage in Gretna,’ Thea said as she watched the fire grow. ‘She’s waiting for us there, you’ll see.’

  I ran back to them as Thea pulled out a few sausages. She skewered them and held them over the fire,
and they looked so mouth watering that I didn’t care whether they were warm or not. Minus handed me a leather canteen filled with water, and I drank eagerly.

  ‘You go ahead and drink up, Wilhelmina, we got more where that came from,’ Thea said. She handed me a biscuit and I thanked her as I began to work my way through the flaky sinews of bread and butter.

  We sat there in the meadow, laughing while Thea talked about all of the plans she had when she made it to the North. Before she was sold to Elizabeth Bathory, she worked for a veterinarian, and she used to watch him work on horses and hunting dogs, sometimes wounded birds. Thea said that she wanted to learn how to help, how to heal.

  Minus said that he didn’t care too much what sort of work he landed in, so long as Thea was there when he got home. He wanted children, and he hoped that they would have her smile. I agreed. Thea was so pretty whenever she smiled and her eyes were a light mahogany brown, lighter than her skin, and they glowed with absolute beauty in the firelight.

  Our sanctuary was disrupted when he heard noises beyond the trees, all around us. Minus quickly put out the fire and Thea hurriedly shoved their belongings back into her satchel. I looked around, panicking, as Minus picked me up in his arms again, and quickly began to walk toward the south end of the meadow.

  ‘Minus, stop!’ Thea shouted.

  Shadows emerged from the trees ahead of us, drenched in dark colors once they entered the full moon light.

  They were confederate soldiers, most in blue uniforms but some were wearing grey. The man in the center was the only one mounted on a horse. He wore a long striped charcoal grey coat with a faded blue uniform underneath. He stepped down from his steed and told his men to lower their guns as they advanced.

  ‘You there,’ he pointed at Minus. ‘Put the girl down and step away.’ Minus did just that and I nearly stumbled as fear overtook my weak legs. When my legs finally did give out, the man caught me and held me steady. ‘You alright, ma’am?’

  I said nothing as I looked around, afraid of what would happen to the three of us.