Our Love

by Sheena Binkley

  "That doesn't' matter. What happened earlier between you and Charlie? She was just over here upset because you told her that we kissed."

  "You better be glad I just told her that. I could have gone into further detail about our night together."

  "Why didn't you?"

  "Because I didn't have the heart to tell her. You don't understand; Charlie is my best friend."

  "I do understand Eva. I love Charlie. I plan on being with her for a long time. If she reacted to us just kissing, how you think she's going to react when she finds out the actual truth?"

  "You don't think I know that! She probably would kill us."

  "Well we'll make sure that it won't come out. Won't we?" I asked in a serious tone.

  "If you're referring to me not saying anything else, don't worry, I won't."

  "Why did you tell her that anyway?"

  "Come on Michael. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that there is tension between us. She figured it out and confronted me with it."

  I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair.

  "Well don't screw up again. We don't need her finding out everything."

  "I agree. Now, are we finished?"

  "Yeah, I'll see you at the party Friday."

  "What party? Charlie didn't mention anything about a party."

  "Oh, well I guess I'm inviting you. I just moved into an apartment today and I'm having a house warming party this weekend and Charlie thought it was right if she invited you."

  "I'll let her invite me, not you. I don't want her to get any more ideas."

  "Good idea."

  There was a long pause on the other end. I didn't know if Eva was holding the phone or hung up on me.

  "You still there Eva?"

  "Yeah; can I ask you a question?"

  "Go ahead."

  "Did you think about me after that night? Or was I just a one- night stand to you?"

  I looked at a picture of Charlie and me on my nightstand. We took the picture after the homecoming game.

  "Eva, let's not go there," I said.

  "I just want to know."

  "I think it's best if we leave that in the past. I better go. Have a good night."

  I hung up before Eva could say anything else. I didn't know how much more of this I could take. I couldn't keep lying to Charlie about everything that is lingering in my life. As far as Eva goes, I hoped she doesn't have feelings for me. If she does, that's one more problem I have to deal with.

  "I hope she doesn't, for hers and Charlie's sake."

  Charlie

  As I was driving through the north freeway, my mind started to wander. I know Michael promised to be completely honest with me, so then why did I have this nagging feeling inside of me that he was still lying to me? At first, I felt so confident that Michael was always straightforward with me on everything. But after today, I didn't know if I could trust him.

  Don't say that Char. You're in love with him. You supposed to have confidence in the man you love.

  Just like I had in Derrick, I thought as I merged for the Claremont exit.

  After a few minutes of soul searching, I was finally back in Missouri City. As I was approaching my house, I noticed Derrick's blue Mitsubishi Galant parked in the driveway.

  "What is he doing here?" I asked as I parked behind my mom's Lexus.

  As I got out of the car, I quickly went to the front door and took out my house keys. I needed to know why Derrick was at my house. I know I didn't invite him. Unless....

  As I opened the door, my thoughts were confirmed as I saw my mom and Derrick on the couch looking through a photo album. The two were talking and laughing as if they were old friends. I looked at the scene in total disbelief. I couldn't believe my mother would invite him over to the house! My mom looked up from the album and gave me a thousand watt smile.

  "You finally made it home. Where have you been?"

  "What is he doing here?" I asked in an impatient tone.

  "Is that any way to talk to a guest? I invited Derrick over for dinner."

  Derrick looked at me and smiled.

  "Why Mom?"

  "I just thought it would be nice to have Derrick over since I hadn't seen him in a long time. What's wrong with that?"

  "Derrick, will you excuse us please. Mom, can I see you in the kitchen. Now."

  "Sure," my mom said. She smiled at Derrick as she got up from the brown couch and followed me into the kitchen. When I noticed the door was securely shut, I sprung around to face my mother.

  "What gives you the right to invite my ex-boyfriend to dinner? You haven't even invited my actual boyfriend to dinner yet."

  "Technically your father has and for some reason Michael hasn't even bother to show up yet."

  "Like you care if he doesn't. For your information, Michael has been going through some things with his parents. But why am I telling you this. You don't even like Michael."

  "I never said I didn't like Michael. I just don't think he's right for you, Char."

  "At least you're admitting it, Mom. Tell me why you don't like him? The only reason I see is because he's white."

  "That's not it Charlie, and you know it. You know I'm not a racist."

  "Do I? From the looks of it, you are."

  "You think you're so smart, Charlie. You don't have a clue as to why I don't like Michael."

  "Why not clarify for me then. Tell me why you don't like Michael?"

  My mom looked at me and sat down in a chair by the kitchen table.

  "Sit down, sweetie."

  I gave my mom a disappointed look as I sat down beside her.

  "Ever since you were little, you always had this free spirited persona that defined your personality. You always were the girl who was outspoken and open-minded to everything and everybody. But when I found out that you were seeing Michael, I knew that your preference in guys was no different.

  "I never said I had a problem with Michael. In fact, I think Michael is a great guy. It's just that when I saw him that night when the police brought you home, something inside of me felt that he was not the one for you. And ever since you started dating Michael, I noticed a change in you and it scares me."

  "Why Mom?"

  "Because I don't know my little girl anymore. One minute you were asking me for advice about school and relationships, and the next, you were barely giving me the time or day."

  "Mom, I'm not neglecting you. I'm just growing up. I'm not the little girl in pigtails who always ran to you whenever there was a problem. I'm starting to venture into my own world, with a mind of my own. You have helped me through so much in my life, but it's time for me to figure out how life is. I have to experiences the good and the bad; and with the bad, I have to learn the mistakes so I won't repeat them. I hope you understand."

  My mom looked at me and smiled.

  "I understand completely sweetie. How did you get to be so wise in your young age?"

  "I had a good teacher."

  My mom looked at me with tears in her eyes.

  "Don't cry Mom."

  "I'm sorry, it just that looking at you sitting here made me realize that you are growing up and it hard to imagine that you're about to finish high school and go off to college."

  "I know. I still can't believe it either."

  "I love you Charlie, and whenever you need to talk, I'm here for you."

  "I know, Mom. I love you too."

  As I reached over to give my mom a hug, I look at the door and sighed.

  "But all of this doesn't explain why you invited Derrick over."

  My mom pulled away from my embrace and gave me a sympathetic look.

  "Listen Char, I just thought that if you two sit down and talk about your problems, then maybe you could patch things up."

  "Mom, how many times am I going to tell you that my relationship with Derrick is over? I'm with Michael now."

  "I understand that Char, but I also saw something else in you when you started to date Michael. I noticed
that your heart is not with Michael, it still with Derrick."

  "And how you know that?"

  "Believe me, I was young once too. I know you still have feeling for Derrick, and I also know that you can't establish another relationship until you fully let go of your past experiences. I don't know what happened between you and Derrick, but what I do know is that you need to resolve your situation before you can fully be happy with Michael. That's why I invited Derrick over. So you two can talk."

  I looked at my mom as tears started to roll down my face. Even my mom figured it out about my feelings for Derrick! If she can see through it, can anyone else?

  "Don't cry baby. Everything is going to be alright."

  "No, it not Mom! How can I pursue a relationship with someone if I'm still in love with my ex?

  Michael is a great guy. He's everything a girl would want in a boyfriend. He's smart, funny, sweet, compassionate, and handsome. I love him but I don't have the same love that I have for Derrick. Derrick has always been the man I should be with, but I can't go down that road again."

  "Char, no matter what Derrick has done to you, if you love him enough, you can forgive him."

  "He cheated on me, Mom. He cheated on me with Theresa Sherman."

  "I see. Is that why you two had that fight in the gym? Is that why you had to transfer? Because of Derrick."

  "Part of it, but not all. Theresa is really mean to everyone, so she had it coming."

  "Is that why you said you don't want to be with him. Because of that?"

  "He said he changed, but how do I know that?"

  "You'll know. In your heart."

  I looked at my mom and nodded my head in agreement. Maybe I knew all along about my feelings for Derrick, I probably just didn't want to admit it.

  Maybe Michael is my safety net, I thought as I looked at the kitchen door.

  "I think I need to talk to Derrick," I said as I got up from the kitchen table.

  "You sure? Maybe you need time to think this over."

  I smiled. "No Mom. I'm fine."

  I turned and walked out with a nervous feeling in my stomach. As I stepped into the living room, I wanted to turn around and run back into the kitchen. But I knew I couldn't. I had to face this head on. I had to admit to myself my feelings for Derrick and what this meant for us. As I walked into the living room, Derrick looked up from the photo album he was viewing and smiled.

  "Hey. Is everything okay? You two were in there for a while."

  "I know, and I'm sorry."

  "Don't apologize. I know you probably were giving your mom the riot act because she invited me over. Believe me; I didn't have anything to do with this."

  "You don't have to explain yourself, Derrick. My mom confessed to everything."

  "If you want me to leave, I will."

  "Don't," I said softly.

  I went up to Derrick and took his hand into mine. I looked into his hazel eyes and smiled.

  "What's going on, Char?" Derrick asked in a perplexed tone.

  "I think we need to talk about us."

  "What you want to talk about?"

  I had to take several breaths before I could tell Derrick my feelings.

  "I think I haven't been honest with you about my feelings for you."

  "Charlie..."

  "Let me talk please. Derrick, you have always been my first love. You have been everything to me. When I found out that you were cheating on me, it tore me up inside because I thought you were the one I was going to be with forever. When we broke up, I felt like a part of me was missing. I thought I had it back when I started dating Michael, but when I saw you at Range, all the feelings I had for you came back in a major way. I tried to deny it and move on, but I can't. Derrick, I'm still in love with you. I never stopped loving you." I tearfully confessed.

  Derrick looked at me and put his hand on my cheek. Just feeling his touch on my skin made my knees weak. What have I gotten myself into? I just professed my love to Derrick. How am I going to pursue a relationship with someone I cared for and could possibly love, but be in love with my ex-boyfriend!

  "Do you know how this make me feel? I have been waiting to hear those words from you for so long. At first, I thought you weren't sure about your feelings for me, but now I know for sure that you want to be with me."

  Tears started to stream down my face as Derrick leaned toward me and kissed my tears. He looked at me and smiled.

  "I love you so much Charlie, and I promise I will never hurt you again."

  "You better not," I said through tears.

  "I promise," Derrick said as he put my face with his.

  As we stood in the middle of my living room in total silence, all the memories of the past few months flashed through my mind. But the thought that lounged in my brain was the night Michael and I made love. That night was one of the most magnificent nights of my life. Being close to him intimately made me feel like a different person. I never felt that connected to someone before. The way he made me feel that night and every night made me wonder about what I'm about to do with Derrick. I know that my feelings for Michael had to be love because I wouldn't have given myself to him otherwise.

  As Derrick was about to kiss me, the thought of Michael started to fade as I moved my lips towards Derrick's. I knew I should have been thinking about what I should do with my relationship with Michael, but the only thing that was on my mind was kissing Derrick, and that what I was doing in the middle of my living room.

  25. Charlie

  Several months had passed since I confessed my love to Derrick, and now it was the beginning of March. Between working at Chris' uncle's dealership and playing basketball, Michael had been extremely busy and decided to postponed the party until he had a free weekend. Now I was on his doorstep, trying to determine if I wanted to help him with this party or go home.

  Ever since I told Derrick how I felt, I've been miserable. I have been distant from my friends, and from Michael. I know he's wondering what's been going on with me, but I don't have the heart to tell him that I have feelings for him and someone else. I love Michael, but I can't face him with this secret lingering inside of me. Considering that I haven't seen him outside of school in weeks, I'm able to hide my doubts a little better. As I was about to ring the doorbell, Michael opened the door with a huge grin on his face.

  "Hello beautiful," Michael said as he pulled me inside of his place and gave me a sensual kiss on my lips.

  "I thought you said Chris was going to come by after school?" I managed to say after we pulled apart. Michael can still take my breath away with his kisses.

  "He had some errands to run before he came over. Also Ashley is riding with him," he said as he sat down in an arm chair.

  "I know. Ashley called me last night. I'm glad that she's spending time with Chris. He's a great guy."

  "Yeah, I know; enough about them. Let's talk about us," Michael said as he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me over to him.

  "And why do you want to talk about us?" I asked as I straddled myself across Michael.

  "Us is my favorite topic," he said playfully.

  "Oh really," I said as kissed Michael on his forehead.

  He became serious when he looked into my eyes.

  "I noticed that you have been distant, and I know it doesn't have to do with me working lately."

  I swallowed a lump that was forming in my throat as I gave Michael a childlike glance.

  "I don't know what you talking about, sweetie."

  "I'm not blind baby. I know something is bothering you. If something is going on with you, you can talk to me."

  I carefully placed my hand behind Michael's neck and smiled.

  "Nothing is going on with me. It just that I have a lot on my plate with school, that's all."

  I didn't think Michael believed what I just said, but after a few minutes, he nodded his head in agreement.

  "I agree. In a few months, we'll be graduating. Can you believe that our years in high school are almo
st over?"

  "I know. Before we know it we're graduating and heading off into the real world."

  "But we still have a few months to live our high school lives. And of course, there's our prom."

  I wrapped my arms around Michael and smiled.

  "The biggest night of our lives,"

  "Do you wish you were still at Parker, since prom and graduation is coming up?"

  "If you would have asked me that when I met you, yeah I would have said I did, but now, I don't anymore. I'm actually anxious to see how Belmont gets down at prom."

  "I thought you had enough with homecoming?"

  "No baby. That was just an oversight that I care not to relive. Besides, that was just an incident caused by one person. I don't think that will happen again."

  "I don't think so either."

  "What is the theme anyway?"

  "I don't know. Probably 'A Night Under the Stars' again."

  "It doesn't matter, because I will be there with the finest guy at Belmont."

  "And I will be with the sexiest girl at Belmont," Michael said as he started to kiss my neck.

  Although I had feelings for Derrick, I was still purely attracted to Michael. I would love to see him in a tux. I would also love to slow dance with him under the dim lights as people watch us from afar. As I was stroking his soft blonde hair, I realized that he was the only guy that made me do crazy things. When I'm with Michael, I felt like I could do anything. Being with Derrick was different; I was always sort of conservative around him, because that's who Derrick is. But with Michael, he showed me a side of myself that even I never knew existed.

  I lifted up Michael's shirt and pulled it over his head. I slowly moved my lips down his chest, causing him to moan. He peeled off my shirt and threw it on the floor. He unhooked my bra and took it off me, mesmerized at the sight in front of him. He leaned over to my shoulder, giving tiny kisses as he made his way to my neck.

  I reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, while he did the same for me, pulling them off my legs.

  And just like that my mind quickly shifted away from Derrick as Michael and I started to kiss passionately.

  ~

  We were laying on the floor in pure bliss. Michael was lying beside me looking up at the ceiling, while I had my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating fast as if it was going to leap out at me.