Our Love

by Sheena Binkley

  "We ran into Danielle a little earlier and she actually said hi to us. At first I thought hell had frozen over," Ashley said.

  I laughed. "Actually Ash, I thought that too last night when I saw her; but I think after what happened to Michael, it changed everyone's perspective about life."

  "How did Danielle find out anything about Michael? We tried everything last night to get the doctor to talk, but he wouldn't release any information," said Eva.

  "I don't know, but I'm glad he told her."

  "It's amazing that his parents haven't even shown up to see how their son is doing," my mom said.

  "Well that's Michael's parents for you. They only care about themselves," I said as I handed my bag over to my dad.

  As we were headed out the door, we stopped by the nurses' station to sign the hospital release form. While we were waiting, Danielle walked over to us with a smile on her face.

  "Good morning."

  "Hey," everyone said in unison.

  "It's good that you two are released today," she said to Chris and me.

  "Thanks."

  Just as soon as Danielle started to talk again, I noticed Michael's parents coming down the corridor as if they were the concerned parents. Everyone noticed the two people and looked at them with an expression that said, "It's a little too late."

  They walked to the other side of the nurses' station, but when Mrs. Collier looked over at me, she changed course and headed straight over. She pushed several people to the side as she strutted over to me.

  "You did this to my son!" she yelled out to me.

  I looked at Mrs. Collier with a bewildered look on my face. How could she blame me for Michael's accident? If anyone was to blame, it was her and her dictating ways.

  "Ma'am, could you please stop yelling," one of the nurses said behind the counter.

  Mrs. Collier ignored the woman as she looked at me with flared eyes.

  "Excuse me," I managed to blurt out.

  "Michael's life has been unsalvageable ever since you swayed your way into it. So how does it feel to know that if he dies, his blood will be on your hands?"

  "Now wait a minute, don't go accusing my daughter for your son's behavior. No one told him to run a limo into a guardrail," my mom said with an attitude.

  "Was I talking to you?" Mrs. Collier said angrily.

  "If you were a mother to your child, he wouldn't have had to turn to alcohol to solve his problems."

  "Oh fine person to talk about parenting skills. Everyone knows about your daughter being kicked out of school. So don't be lowering your nose down at me."

  "At least I can talk to my child."

  "Stop it!" I yelled out.

  My mom and Mrs. Collier stopped arguing and looked over at me. My friends looked over at me with sympathetic looks.

  "How can you two stand here and argue when he is in the other room fighting for his life? We all make mistakes in our lives, that's what makes us human. Instead of pointing fingers at each other about why Michael's in the hospital, everyone should just hope for the best so Michael can pull through this. He's going to need all the love and support he can get, if he ever wakes up."

  "How sympathetic for you to say when you're the one who put him in there," Mrs. Collier said.

  "She's right Mrs. Collier," Danielle said.

  "What?" Mrs. Collier said in surprised tone.

  "You heard me. She's right. Charlie might not have the guts to say this but I will. Michael has always tried to make you happy but it seemed no matter what he did, it wasn't good enough for you. Instead of you encouraging him to be what he wanted to be, you just brought him down by your negativity and judgment. Even when he tried to tell you about the college he wanted to attend, you just brushed it off and made him apply for a school he didn't even want to go to.

  "Parents are supposed to love their children, no matter what they do in their lives, but Michael never experienced that love because you were always berating him to live up to your standards. Just when Michael needed you the most, you're were nowhere to be found. Take last night for example, while your son was in the hospital struggling to wake up, where were you? Michael never cared about being the most popular boy in school or the star athlete; all he wanted was to make his parents proud, but you never noticed. If you want to blame someone for Michael getting drunk, getting behind the wheel of a car and crashing into a guardrail, then you need to take a good and hard look in the mirror because you and your husband are the blame for it."

  "Why I never..." Mrs. Collier said.

  "Stop it!" Mr. Collier said who was standing behind his wife the whole time.

  "Just stop. We both knew that Michael had a drinking problem. We knew that Michael was screaming out for attention, but what we do? Nothing, but party. We never listened to what Michael wanted or needed. We just thought about ourselves."

  Mrs. Collier looked at her husband with a snotty look on her face.

  "We did the best we could for Michael."

  "Evidentially, it wasn't good enough because we have a son in there that might not even wake up. Can you live with yourself if the last thing we said to him was basically have a nice life, because that's pretty much what we did to him. I knew he was drinking and I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen to me. Now I wish I would have been a parent and put my foot down for once."

  I looked over at Mr. Collier and sighed.

  "It not too late to be a parent, Mr. Collier. You're taking the first step just by being here."

  Mrs. Collier's eyes were staring at her Jimmy Choo shoes. She looked up, and without a word, turned toward the opposite direction of the corridor and headed to the exit.

  While we watched her leave, without even visiting her comatose son, I finally realized that Mrs. Collier never wanted to be a mother. Today, she chose the high life instead of her son.

  Mr. Collier turned toward us and walked into his son's room without even uttering a word.

  Michael

  As I lay lifeless in my hospital bed, I listened to the argument outside of my room. The way Danielle took up for Charlie was unexpected, but I'm glad someone had the guts to stand up to my mom. I wonder why I cannot wake up from this comatose state. I know I'm not in a coma and I must be alive in some way because I'm able to hear and smell. So why am I still unable to regain consciousness? I heard the door open and heavy footsteps glide across the room. From the way the person was walking, I knew it was my dad. He's the only one who had a heavy foot when walking. I noticed he was the only one in the room. I guess my mom decided not to come in. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. My mom wasn't, and never would be, a parent. Even though I established that fact, it still hurt to know that she didn't want to see her son.

  "Hey buddy. I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner. I know I should have, but I'm here now. Michael, I knew you were in trouble, but I didn't know you would do this to yourself. I tried to stop you when I saw you drinking, but I guess I wasn't good enough. If I had been, you wouldn't be here right now.

  "I know you probably don't believe me because I keep saying this, but I want to be a part of your life. I want you to know that I am here for you no matter what. I know I haven't been the best father, but I promise I will try to do better. Even if it takes me all my life, I will be a better father.

  "Please Mike, please wake up. You have so much to live for in this world. You have a promising future, a girl that is crazy about you, and friends that love you. And you have a son who needs his father. Please, if not for anything else, just wake up for your son. He needs someone to guide him in this world. I know I shouldn't give you parenting advice, but I just want you to be the father that I couldn't be for you."

  While my father was talking, I heard a voice inside of me telling me that it was time. Was it God telling me it time to go to heaven, or was He telling me to go back to my life on earth? As if on cue, a sensation was starting to form inside of me as if my soul was being reconnected to my body.

  "Michael, if you can hear m
e, just open your eyes, or wiggle a finger. Just do something so I know that you're okay."

  When I heard my father words, I felt a bolt of energy go through me. Maybe his words were the inspiration I needed to come back. Suddenly I had the strength to flutter my eyes. My dad looked over at me with tears in his eyes.

  "Oh thank you God," my father said.

  "Dad," I said softly.

  "Save your strength, Mike. I'm going to get the doctor," my dad said as he jumped up from his chair and headed to the door.

  I slowly moved my head down to my legs. I knew from the conversation Danielle had with Dr. Carter that I might not be able to walk again. I tried to wiggle my toes, but I couldn't feel anything. What will happen if I can't walk again? Playing sports was not the problem. Just the idea of never being able to use my legs again was my big concern.

  When Dr. Carter walked in with my father, he looked at me with a smile.

  "Welcome back to civilization, Mr. Collier. You gave us quite a scare."

  "Hi doctor," I said slowly.

  "Can you recall anything from last night? Anything that occurred before or after the accident?"

  I looked over at Dr. Carter and sighed.

  "The only thing I remember was the accident. I don't even remember how I got to the hospital."

  "That much I expected. Why don't we take a look at you? We also will have to run some more tests to see if everything is well with your spine and your brain activity."

  I slowly moved my head over to the small window on the door and noticed Charlie was standing by the door with tears streaming down her face. I gave her a longing look before turning away. I knew Charlie, along with Chris, helped me out of the limo, and I appreciated her doing it, but I didn't know if I could face her like this. While Dr. Carter was examining my legs, he did come to the conclusion that the impact from the accident resulted in the loss of feeling in my legs, which meant I might not be able to walk again.

  "Doctor, is there a possibility that I could walk again if I undergo surgery?" I optimistically asked.

  "Michael, I know hearing this is tremendous because you are the star player at Belmont High..."

  "Wondering if I can walk again is not because I want to play football Dr. Carter; I could care less about sports. I just want to know, will I be able to walk with my son again."

  Dr. Carter gave me a reassuring look before speaking.

  "I understand. It's hard to determine right now because no X-rays have been made, but from the examination, it is a possibility that you may not be able to walk again."

  The thought of not walking again was truly a blow to me. I never thought in my life that I would not be able to do the things that I liked to do anymore. My dad looked at me and put a hand on my shoulder.

  "Michael, just because I say that does not mean it is automatic. With surgery or even physical therapy, you may have a chance to walk. Even if it turns out true, there are still alternatives for you to continue your life, such as prostate legs. Just keep everything in perspective."

  While Dr. Carter was talking, the only thing that I could hear was the fact that I might not be able to walk again. I didn't know if I could handle the idea of not walking. How would my son react to me not able to play with him or run with him? Worse, how could I live with myself when I knew this whole incident could have been prevented if I hadn't been so careless.

  When Dr. Carter excused himself out of the room, my father started to talk in a positive light.

  "Son, I want you to know that whatever happens to you, I will be here for you."

  "Thanks Dad, but how do I know that this is not another broken promise? You tell me one thing and do another. I really want to believe you, but how can I?"

  "You can, Michael. I'm trying to be the father that I should have been for you. Just give me a chance to do it."

  I looked at my father and I could tell he was sincere, but I didn't know if I could believe him.

  "Let's just get through the day," I said in a soft tone.

  My dad nodded his head in agreement. "I know you want to get some rest, so I'll let you get to it.

  An image of Charlie came into my mind as my father started to walk out.

  "Dad, can you do me one favor?""Sure. Name it."

  "Could you bring Charlie in? I need to talk to her."

  My dad smiled as he went to the door. I watched as my father went over to Charlie and mouthed some words to her. She smiled and started to walk inside. When I saw Charlie walk in, the memory of the first day we met flashed through me as she came over to the bed.

  "Hey stranger," Charlie said softly.

  "Hey yourself,"

  "From the looks of it, you remember some things."

  "My memory is not the issue, although Dr. Carter did mention some memory loss."

  "I know about your legs Michael. I'm so sorry."

  "That's life, right? The doctor said not to rule out the possibility of me walking again. I will leave this hospital on my own feet."

  Charlie smile at my confidence. I wished I could believe that though.

  "I know you will. I have faith in you."

  "Charlie, the reason I wanted to talk to you is because I feel I need to explain myself about what happened last night."

  "Michael, you don't need to do that."

  "Yes, I do. I need to apologize for my behavior. If I had just listened to you about you being friends with Derrick, then none of this would had happened. I should have put my pride to the side and heard you out before I went off like I did."

  "Michael, let's just keep what happened last night in the past. There's no point in reliving it."

  "Maybe not for you, but for me it is. I don't know if I can live with myself knowing that I almost killed you and my best friend."

  "You were going through a lot in your life that no one really knew about..."

  "Yeah and it almost cost all our lives. Charlie, so much has happened in the past few months and that sent me over the edge. I didn't know how to handle it, so I figured drinking was the only solution to my problems. Even before I woke up today, I knew I needed to change my life. And I'm sorry Charlie, but I don't think you would be able to help me with that."

  I felt a dagger going straight through my heart as I looked at Charlie. The expression she had on her face was filled with sadness and anger that I had created. I didn't want to hurt her again, but it was the only way to get my point across.

  "Why, Michael? Why don't you want me in your life, when you need the people who you love the most to stand by you?"

  "I need to do this on my own. I need to know who I am before I can fully commit to you. If I don't try and put my life back together, it could destroy me and you, and I don't want that."

  "Who said that you would destroy me? You could never do that."

  "I almost did, Charlie!"

  "Is there another reason why you don't want me in your life right now? Is it because of Danielle?"

  "Why would you think that? Danielle and I are over."

  "I don't know, she was the only one who was able to get information about you and she was always here."

  "Because she was concerned about me, just like you and Chris are. Char, I'm not doing this because of Danielle or any other girl. I'm doing it for myself so I can still be around for my son."

  Charlie sighed as she got up from her seat.

  "Even though I don't like this, I have to respect your decision and support you," she said as she started to walk to the door.

  "Charlie, please understand why I'm doing this."

  Charlie turned around and looked straight at me with hurt in her eyes. The cold look she was giving me only made me think that it really was the end between us.

  "I never thought that I would find someone like you in this world. You had everything that I would want in a guy. To be honest, I didn't think that you were like every other guy out there that would hurt someone, and silly me, I let myself believe that you wouldn't, but turns out you did."

>   "Charlie, I'm not trying to hurt you. I need you to understand that I can't have anyone in my life right now. I don't know what's in store for me, and I don't need you to be punished or feel obligated to be with me because of it. Instead, I want you to live your life the way you should. I want you to be able to go to college and have a normal and happy life. That won't happen if you have to take care of me every day. I just need time before we can be together again. Please, don't make this the end of us Charlie."

  Charlie opened the door with a heavy force and stepped into the corridor.

  "I didn't make this the end, Michael. You did that yourself," she said in a tone that I didn't recognize from her.

  I never would have thought that Charlie could be so cold and heartless. I thought she would understand my decision and support me. I guess I was wrong. It proves my theory that you think you know someone, but all along you never did. After that confrontation in the hospital room, that was the last I would see of Charlie.

  38. Charlie

  It's been six months since that horrible confrontation with Michael. Although it has been that long, and now I'm at Cougar Village at University of Houston getting ready for a full day of classes starting with freshman English, that day in Michael's hospital room still haunts me. It took me awhile to realize what Michael meant about me not wanting to be in his life. It wasn't because he didn't want to, it was because he felt he had to protect me from himself. Maybe I always knew that, but didn't want to face the truth. Maybe I felt I had to help him regain his life to make myself feel better. Or maybe I felt that I was the one who helped him save himself before, and I thought I could save him again. Whenever the reason for what I was feeling that day would always be in the back of my mind, no matter what I'm doing.

  A week after prom was graduation, which was sort of bittersweet since Michael was not in attendance. Deborah Ratcliff was salutatorian and decided to dedicate her speech to Michael, who was the valedictorian. When I walked across the stage at Williamson Auditorium, I felt a sense of pride that I finally accomplished one of my life goals. Even though I saw my parents, Eva, and Ashley in the crowd, I still felt empty inside. Something was missing that not even my high school diploma could fill. There was a hole in my heart because Michael wasn't a part of my life anymore.