BLACK(MAIL)BERRY PANCAKES
2 cups flour
1/2 cup blackberries
1 person gone crazy
2 eyes
A boss and an employee in a loving embrace
Leave raw and hold over one’s head until the perfect time is right.
Cooked to perfection
* * *
CHAPTER 16
“What the hell’s goin’ on over here?” Jasmine walked inside Candy’s house and covered her nose. “Girl, when was the last time you took your trash out?” She cautiously walked further into the kitchen and took notice of dishes piled in the sink, three pizza boxes with only remnants of old sauce and thin crusts, empty two-liter bottles, and cookie wrappers lying around.
“I’ve been tryin’ to get a hold of you for over three days, and you kept tellin’ me you were busy. I didn’t even hear from you on Christmas. That’s never happened before. You look horrible and so does your house! What’s goin’ on here?”
“I’m not feelin’ well,” Candy said as she blew into a tissue. “I have a cold.”
“Bull. I can see you’ve been cryin’. Your eyes look like Red Hots. Now spill it!”
Candy looked up at Jasmine from her living room couch. “Gabriel and I broke up.” She quickly turned away, hating to even utter the words that she tried to pretend weren’t true.
“Oh, no,” Jasmine said softly as she approached Candy. She sat next to her and caressed her hair. “I’m sorry, Baby. What happened?”
“I realized our relationship wasn’t a good idea. It hurt me because I love him, but I knew it just wasn’t gonna work. Nothin’ good could come of it.” Candy didn’t want anyone to know the truth. She realized she had to handle this problem on her own.
Jasmine looked at Candy closely then shook her head. “You’re a damn fool. You let that man go because of that? I swear your settings are on self-destruct. You knew who the hell he was eons ago! That bridge was already crossed.”
“Stop badgering me! It was for the best, OK.”
“Then why are you cryin’? Do you know how many women would kill to have half of a man like that? A man with just half of the qualities Gabriel has? No guy’s perfect, but damn it, he’s pretty close, and he’s crazy about you!” Jasmine grabbed her purse to leave. “I wish a man felt that way about me! Candy, I can’t even look at you right now. I know we’re best friends, but with the shit I just went through with ol’ boy, I really want to slap the shit out of you right now. I can’t get a good man to save my life. I’m at home thinkin’ someone shot you or you’re deathly ill. Come to find out, you’re all in shambles over some shit that you did! I’ll talk to you later. Right now I can’t even deal with your self-imposed drama.” Candy jumped as she heard her front door slam.
She lie there on her couch for the rest of the night. She replayed the fight she and Gabriel had several days earlier. The tears came once more. She knew she’d never forget the look in his eyes. The sudden hatred he had for her, the pain. She could feel his energy enter her body and stab her like small daggers in the heart. He stuck to his word. He hadn’t bothered to call or contact her in any way. Early the next morning, she took a look at herself and her house and began to clean until the entire place smelled of bleach. She stood on the scale and shook her head in disbelief. “I gained all of this in just a few days?” She could not believe that her weight had increased by twelve pounds. She took the trash out then returned inside to see a voicemail alert on her home phone. She listened.
“Hi, Sweetness, this is Quentin. I think it’s wonderful that you took my suggestion and ended that situation with Mr. Justice. I even gave you a few more hours out of the kindness of my heart just in case you dragged your feet a little. Now, tonight’s New Year’s Eve, so I’m plannin’ on pickin’ you up for a night on the town at 9:00. As you’ve guessed, I’m back in town. Dress to impress, Baby. I can’t wait to see you.”
Candy rubbed her stomach. She felt queasy. She walked slowly towards the bathroom, rubbing her temples. A migraine of serious magnitude was brewing, adding to the bodily pain she was experiencing. She suddenly found herself purging involuntarily. Her stomach ached and cramped. The taste of chicken wings, devoured hours ago, coated her tongue. She patted her head with the back of her hand and closed her eyes. She stood up and brushed her teeth, then reluctantly looked through her closet. She selected a drab, chocolate brown and tan striped pant suit. Pinning her hair up carelessly, she looked herself over, then slumped back down onto the couch. Whenever she got ready to see Gabriel, she would run around making sure she had the perfect accessories and hairdo for each outfit. She missed getting dressed for him already. She fell asleep soundly, her head pushed firmly into the oversized pillow. She was suddenly startled by the doorbell. She yawned, stretched, and walked to it, opening it up without looking to see who it was before turning her back.
“This is the best you could do?” Quentin asked as he looked her up and down. “You’re tryin’ my patience. You’re gonna have to do better than this later, but for now, just come on. I don’t wanna to be late,” he said as he forced his hand into hers and walked her to his parked rental car. He drove her to the Cincinnatian Hotel. Candy looked around feverishly, rubbing her fingers together as she bit the corner of her full, bottom lip. “I’m not goin’ in there,” she said solemnly.
“Relax. There’s a nice restaurant inside,” Quentin explained. “We’ve got dinner reservations. Look, I know this is upsettin’ for you, but I know it’ll work. Just give it time,” he said as he got out of the car. He opened the passenger’s side, allowing Candy to step out. Taking her by the hand, he ushered her inside. They were immediately seated. The lavish restaurant was decked out in silver and red cloths and linens. Long-stem, fluted wine glasses were on every table. The gangly waiter walked to their table gracefully.
“Good evening. Happy New Year! We’re so glad you’ll be celebrating with us. What may I bring you to drink?” Candy looked away, caught up in a daydream which included her lying on Gabriel’s lap. She imagined kissing him at midnight and smiled to herself.
They both placed their beverage orders.
“What would you like to eat? Get whatever you want,” Quentin smiled.
“I have no appetite,” Candy said, her tone turning from sadness to repulsion. Quentin looked up from his menu with a scowl on his face.
“You have to at least try. If you don’t at least try, the deal’s off,” Quentin warned.
“Quentin, you’re certifiably crazy. I have no idea how I missed this before. Now I understand why someone of your intelligence and attractiveness was a revolving door when it came to relationships. You’re out of your damned mind,” Candy said calmly as she shook her head in disbelief.
Quentin cracked up laughing. “Yeah, I’m crazy. That doesn’t make me wrong though.” He winked at her. Candy realized more and more that no amount of rationalizing was going to change his mind. Time slowly moved along. She watched the clock on the wall intensely as midnight crept closer and closer. She yawned and leaned back, still picking with her salad as Quentin talked incessantly about their future together. Suddenly, her interest was piqued. Candy sat up, hearing a familiar voice in the distance. Unexpectedly, from a side hallway, she saw Gabriel emerge. He was with two other men, laughing. Her heart seemed to leap out of her body, and her eyes shined as they glazed over with fresh, moist tears. She was rendered speechless, as if a ghost had grabbed her throat. Quentin looked at her then followed her eyes. His eyes turned to dark slits as a Cheshire cat smile spread across his freshly shaven face. Like a hunter sensing familiar prey, Gabriel shifted to Candy immediately. He stopped dead in the middle of his sentence and stared at her. Their eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity. His peaceful face soon turned cross as he took Quentin in. Quentin smiled happily and waved. “Hello, Mr. Justice,” he said as he stood up and walked over to him. “Surprising running into you here!” he said, shaking Gabriel’s hand. Candy’s body seemed to be expe
riencing a heart attack. She felt herself become faint.
Gabriel managed to muster a phony smile and clear his throat. “Uh…yes, Quentin, right? Nice to see you as well.”
“What brings you here?” Quentin asked.
“I had a late business meeting at the office. These two gentlemen happen to be staying here, so I met them here for dinner to finalize our business plans. I think we’ll go elsewhere, however. It’s a little noisy in here,” Gabriel said, his eyes occasionally looking over at Candy.
“Please,” Quentin said, smiling as he whispered close to Gabriel’s ear, “please don’t tell anyone you saw me and Candy here. We’re kinda seein’ each other,” Quentin laughed, feigning shyness.
Gabriel held his head high, looking over at Candy who felt as if her complexion had faded three shades lighter. “I see. Well, Quentin, your secret is safe with me. Have a good evening.” Gabriel turned away and returned to the two men he had been speaking with. The trio left through the revolving door into the night.
Quentin returned to the table and continued speaking to Candy as if nothing happened. She threw her napkin on the table as tears flowed fiercely from her eyes. Quentin looked up from his plate, then smiled.
“This is worse than I thought. You really had it bad for him,” he said, smiling and continuing to eat.
Candy’s bottom lip trembled. “You knew he’d be here all along! You did this on purpose! What did you say to him?” she demanded.
“I just told him the truth, that we’re seein’ each other,” Quentin answered, his tone sharp. “Fix your makeup. Your mascara’s runnin’. And stop cryin’. It’s over, OK? I needed to make it clear to him so that he didn’t try to double back for seconds, or thirds, whatever number you two may have been on,” he chuckled.
“How did you know he’d be here?” Candy asked as she wiped her face with the back of her hand.
“Use a napkin, for God’s sake. Do I have to train you in etiquette, too? Come on now. I want the classy, clever Candy. Not the one sittin’ here tonight. I have access to all of your emails, you know that. Gabriel doesn’t lock his, so it makes it that much easier to see them. He was pretty smart though, to never email you anything damaging or incriminating during your little tryst. I would’ve never known about you two had I not followed you the other night. You both are pretty sneaky! I saw he had some sort of meeting scheduled here. I took advantage of the situation. It seemed to fall right in my lap. I even cancelled our other plans for tonight to switch it up to here. I’m so glad I got the final reservation.”
“Take me home,” Candy demanded.
“Not until midnight,” Quentin said, unmoved by her anger. Candy looked at the clock. She braced herself to endure the next twenty-three minutes. Quentin continued to smile and wink at her while she tried in vain to keep from purging again. Quentin stood up as the restaurant staff counted down.
“Stand up,” Quentin demanded as he approached Candy. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Candy slowly stood up from the table. She turned away as Quentin attempted to kiss her lips. He grabbed her chin abruptly, bringing her face towards his, sucking her top lip, then both. Candy grimaced and moaned in abhorrence as the clock struck twelve.
Quentin drove Candy back home, his jaw twitching with anger. “I’m very disappointed in you this evenin’. I’ll give you one more chance, though. I’ll give you some time to cool down. Obviously seeing ex-lover boy was more upsetting to you than I thought it would be. For our next date, I want you to be prepared. You’re gonna give it up. I didn’t come all of this way and stay in this boring-ass city just to talk to you. I’m gonna fuck you,” he said with conviction.
Candy’s stomach felt like it had been punched. Her ears seemed to be playing tricks on her. She heard an echo of Gabriel’s voice pronouncing those words. Now the erotic memory was tainted, soiled with Quentin’s voice.
“That’s how we’re gonna fix this. I remember when we’d have an argument. That was the way I’d ease you back to me. Your mind may have said ‘no,’ but your body always said ‘yes.’ We were good together. I understand you. I understand what you need, and I understand you culturally. What could you and Gabriel possibly have in common besides Blue Sun? That man is way outta your league anyway. I don’t mean that as an insult. I’m just sayin’ there’s no way he was takin’ you seriously. I saved you by doing this. You were just some play thing for him. A lot of white men wanna screw Black women, but they’d never marry y’all. You see his ex-wife looks like something out of Elle magazine with her butt-length blonde hair, giant fake tits, and tiny waist. You don’t look like her. He wanted some of that ‘jungle juice’ they call it – some Black ass. I accept you thick or skinny. Rich white boys don’t want a Black girl, let alone a fat Black girl. As soon as you’d gain that weight back after a baby, he’d leave you, if he did stay with you at all, but we know that wouldn’t happen. I’d stay with you, though. I’d go to the gym and workout with you and everything.” Quentin rubbed Candy’s chin with his thumb. Candy swallowed deeply. She tried to imagine herself in another land, but the more Quentin spoke, the harder it became.
“Now, go on in the house and get Mr. Justice out of your system. There’s a new kid on the block. Well, an old kid who’s returned to take care of you,” Quentin smiled. He leaned over and kissed her lips softly before unlocking her door and turning away. She stepped out of the car and walked like a zombie up the steps, went inside, and stripped off her clothes.
“God, if you hear me,” she prayed as she wept deeply, “please help me. I can’t tell anybody what’s goin’ on, and I don’t know my way out of this. Please help me, Lord!” Candy fell asleep in the middle of her bed, only to be awakened by her cell phone ringing. She answered, not recognizing the number, hoping it was Gabriel.
“Hello!” she said loudly as she sat up in bed.
“Candy, Baby, I’m so sorry to wake you. This is Eric’s mother, Diane, your mother-in-law, Sweetheart! He’s been in an accident. He’s here at Good Samaritan Hospital and keeps calling out for you.”
* * *
Gabriel left the two men after several drinks. Wobbly on his feet, he sat down at a table in the hotel lobby as the two men returned to their rooms. He breathed heavily as the image of Candy with Quentin entered his mind. His body stiffened as the anger in him moved through his veins at lightning speed. He took out his cell phone and dialed the first six digits of Candy’s number then hung up.
“I said I wasn’t going to call you again, Candy, and I meant it,” he said as he slowly closed his eyes. “How could you do this to me, to us? Just as I was fooling myself into thinking that I could quickly get over you, you go and stab me in the heart again. I needed to see this. It just confirmed what I said to you on Christmas. Candy Benet, you’re the worst thing that ever happened to me.” Gabriel rose from the chair and called for his driver. He waited by the lobby doors, rocking on his heels as white mist swirled out of his mouth from the cold breeze. “God, what’s Hell when you let us feel like this? You gave me what I wanted then snatched it away. We’re minnows in a shark tank. This isn’t Earth. The devil lives and works here.”
* * *
Candy walked through the halls of the hospital until she reached the information desk. She tugged on her white turtleneck anxiously. Her eyes thick from previous tears caused her vision to be slightly blurred.
“Hi, I’m looking for Eric Fields. He’s a patient,” Candy said as she leaned over the circular reception desk.
“Are you family? It’s after visiting hours, and we’re only accepting immediate family at this time.” Diane walked out and greeted Candy at the desk, hugging her tightly and kissing her cheek. Candy melted into her arms, needing the warm embrace now more than ever.
“Ma’am, I’m Eric’s mother. This is his ex-wife. Eric asked that she come. Can I stay out of the room and let her visit? We drove down from Columbus, me and his father, and his brothers and sisters are on their way.”
The woman
looked at Diane then back at Candy before saying “OK,” then turning away and going back to the phones. Candy hugged Diane once more and walked to Eric’s room. She slowly opened the door, seeing a nurse updating his chart.
“Come on in,” the nurse said. “He’s a little groggy from the medication, and I’m just leaving.” The nurse finished up as Candy carefully walked around Eric’s hospital bed. He slowly opened his eyes as the nurse left. Candy grimaced at the bruises on his face and the bandages wrapped around his waist. Eric smiled slightly as he recognized her.
“Hey, Beautiful,” he mumbled. “Thank you…for coming,” he said sluggishly.
Candy patted Eric’s hand. “What happened?” she asked as she stroked his cheek.
“I happened,” he laughed. He started to choke. Candy turned swiftly to pick up nearby cup of water, putting the straw in his mouth.
Eric swallowed. “I got in the way again. I messed up, Candy Cane. Got into a car accident. My whip’s totaled.”
“But you lived, that’s what’s most important,” Candy said as she sat down by the side of the bed.
“I did. It was like my life flashed before my eyes. Everything you said about me was right. I’m a selfish motherfucker,” he laughed.
“Don’t say that. Concentrate on getting well.” Candy held his hand.
“No, I am. I was in denial. My mother told me at least once a week how disappointed she was in me after you left me. She knew I was to blame. She loves you.”
“I know she does. I love her too. She’s the best mother-in-law a woman could have. She adores you too. That’s why she was so disappointed.” Candy smiled.
“Probably,” Eric agreed. “All I know is…my life’s a disaster – girl after girl, drink after drink – getting high. Just last night I was at a party smokin’ weed. I was drinkin’ like a fish. I was torn up. I was depressed because I messed up my life so bad. I don’t have you anymore. I don’t have my job anymore. My money’s low.” Eric struggled to talk.
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