Fantasy Gone Wrong

by Greenberg, Martin H.

“Aye,” Caber agreed. And one by one, so did everyone else.

  “Can I walk you home?” Caber asked Amali when they were decided.

  She didn’t feel the need for protection out on the night streets of Yorke, and Caber knew she didn’t need it. She knew what he wanted. His wife had died during the siege, and he was lonely. She was tired enough that she wanted to seek her bed to sleep, but she nodded, and let him take her arm and walk with her the short distance to her house.

  Once at the door, he said, “Can I?”

  She unlocked the door and led him into the front room. A lamp had been left burning on the front table, signaling that the girls were all safely in and snugly sleeping in the room they shared. There were rooms on the second floor used for their trade, but Amali knew how important it was to have a private place to call one’s own.

  Because Caber was a friend, she said, “We can use my room.”

  But that was her only concession. She took his coin. But again because of friendship, she put the money into the jar where she kept the girls’ education fund. Maggi was trying out for a place with a seamstress, and apprenticeships didn’t come cheap. Gods knew the girl showed no promise as a whore, better she was settled into a trade she liked.

  Because Caber was such a big man she always preferred being on top when she was with him. They’d barely settled into the act when a sharp pain between her naked shoulder blades sent Amali off her customer and leaping into the air. She came down hard on her backside on the floor.

  She saw it then—the unicorn. It was the shape and size of a pony, but delicately made. It was the whitest white she’d ever seen, and gleamed with a faint light of its own. Its hooves were crystal, its spiraling horn of purest gold. The huge eyes that regarded her with a calm sternness were the blue of sapphires, and full of deep wisdom. Enough people had seen it, enough to break open the veil between the mortal world and the magical realm. Now it was real.

  It was still real two days later when it followed Amali into Gran’s kitchen.

  “You don’t look like you’ve slept any,” Gran said when she saw Amali.

  “I’ve had plenty of sleep,” she answered. “More than enough sleep.”

  “Well, you look worried.”

  “You would too, if you were being driven out of business.” Amali glared at the creature leaning cozily against her hip. It looked up at her with those big, wise eyes, and she couldn’t help but run her fingers through its satiny mane. “Sweet as it is to me, this thing is a terror. First it drove Caber out of my house, now it won’t let anyone else come near me. I think it’s backward. Maybe the horn caused it some sort of brain injury.”

  “How can a magical creature be backward?”

  “Well, they’re only supposed to be attracted to virgins, aren’t they? I keep trying to make it understand it’s got the wrong woman, but I can’t get it to go away. It’s driving me crazy. Aren’t you, sweetheart?” she added, rubbing her hand up and down the golden horn.

  “If you stop petting it, it might go away.”

  “How can anyone not pet this?”

  “Do you want it, or don’t you?”

  “Oh, I like having it around, but it won’t let me work. I like my work. And I wouldn’t mind being alone every now and then.”

  “It never leaves your side?”

  Amali sighed. “Never.”

  “Well, I can do something about that.”

  Gran had been kneading a large pile of dough while they talked. Now she wiped her hands on her apron and came around the worktable. Squarely facing the unicorn, she put her hands on her hips. She and the unicorn looked intently at each other.

  “By all the rules of your world and mine, the innkeeper’s word is sovereign within her own place,” Gran said. “Is that not so?”

  The unicorn slowly nodded its head.

  “Well, then, get your furry flanks out of my kitchen this instant. Wait for your lady in the taproom. I don’t care how fine that coat of yours is, I won’t have you shedding it in my bread.”

  The unicorn tossed its head and stamped its crystal hoof, but it turned, flicked its tail, and walked out of the kitchen.

  Gran dusted her hands together. “That ought to give you some peace. Do you want to start taking customers upstairs here?”

  Amali hugged her friend, then glanced nervously at the door. “Maybe I could rent a room from you. But that wouldn’t strictly be inn business. So it might feel free to charge after any customer I try to take upstairs.”

  “I never said anything about renting you the room, lass. Though I could use the income if you wanted to pay,” Gran added. “What with this tax assessment to worry about.”

  Amali laughed.

  “What’s so funny about taxes?”

  “Not a thing.” She reached into a pocket and pulled out a chamois bag. As she handed it to Gran, she asked, “Do you know what unicorns poop?”

  “What?” Gran looked at her suspiciously. “You didn’t bring droppings from that creature into my clean kit—”

  “Jewels,” Amali told her. “When he lifts his tail, jewels come out.”

  Gran opened the bag and filled her palm with glittering stones. “Gods!”

  “And it pisses gold.” Gran stared at her, mouth agape, and Amali nodded. “I swear. I think there’s enough unicorn droppings there to pay the whole district’s taxes, and pay for Maggi’s apprenticeship, and organize the fire brigade we need. The council can decide what else.”

  “Gods, girl, why are you complaining you can’t work if the creature’s made you rich?”

  “Have I ever been one to count on something just being given to me? I’ve always worked. I earn my way. Besides, I like the sex.”

  “You could get yourself a good man.”

  Amali took a step back in surprise. “You know, I never thought of that.” She gestured toward the door. “But not as long as I have a unicorn defending my nonexistent virtue.”

  Gran gave a cackling laugh, but the sound was soon drowned out by crashing and shouting coming from the taproom.

  Amali rushed out of the kitchen. The taproom was full of guardsmen surrounding the unicorn. The arrogant officer was back with his men, and they had ropes around the unicorn’s neck. The beast’s hoofs flailed the air, it swung and stabbed with its horn. But it was not a large creature, and there were many men. The ropes were shining silver threads. Gossamer. Strong enough to bind any magical creature.

  Amali rushed forward. “No! Stop! What are you doing?”

  The officer didn’t bother to answer. He turned on her and brushed her aside like a fly. She flew backward. Her head slammed hard against the wall, and everything went dark.

  “You’ll be all right, child.”

  Gran’s voice was a comfort, but Amali felt inexplicable grief as she came awake. “What happened?” Hands helped her to sit up and she looked around. For some reason she was lying on the floor in the taproom. “My head hurts.”

  “Well, of course it does. The doctor came and went and says you’ll be fine. You still have a sore knot on your head.”

  “But how—? The unicorn!” She remembered now. “They took it! Why? Where?”

  “The queen mother wanted it.”

  “But it’s mine. At least, it came to me.”

  “But you don’t want it. Weren’t you just complaining about how it’s ruined your business?”

  Amali rubbed the throbbing spot on the back of her head. “Yes, but—”

  “Then this is the best thing for you, and for it. Though the queen could’ve asked nicely instead of sending men to steal the beast away. But politeness is not to be expected from the foreign witch, is it?”

  “No, I suppose not,” Amali agreed. “But it didn’t want to go. It was frightened. I remember.” Even troublesome magical creatures shouldn’t be forced to do things they didn’t want to do.

  “You’re better off without it,” Gran soothed. “Except for the treasure part, that is.”

  “I don’t want t
reasure.”

  “That’s the bump on your head talking.”

  “Yes, very likely. But—”

  “And it’s better off living off in a castle, now isn’t it? It’s too decorative a thing for our mean streets.”

  “The streets aren’t that mean. We work very hard to keep them that way.”

  Gran grasped Amali by the shoulders. “Girl, will you listen to me? This is for the best. You’ll know that when your head stops hurting.”

  Maybe she would. She had to admit her thoughts were not at all clear. “I’ve gotten used to having it around.”

  “Get yourself a puppy. Or a husband. But don’t pine over a lost unicorn. Its appearing to you was a mistake, anyway.”

  Amali nodded slowly, and was gratified when her head didn’t actually fall off, though she was left dizzy. “Yes. Yes, I suppose it was a mistake. The thing will be better off decorating the queen’s garden.” This was true, but it made her sad. She sighed. “All right, I’ll leave it be.” What else could she do, anyway?

  She let Gran help her to her feet. She swayed on them for a few moments, and the room swung dizzily around her, but everything steadied soon enough.

  “I’m going home.”

  Gran looked dubious. “You could rest upstairs for a while.”

  Amali gingerly shook her head. “I need to get back to work.

  Gran Nautha didn’t argue with this logic.

  Amali supposed she should have been relieved, yet she set off down the street with a heavy heart. There was just something about having the unicorn around that was—comforting.

  Unicorns were very special creatures, very rare. What were all the things they could do? As she walked along, she ran over all that Caber had told her about the creature. They were symbols of purity, yes. And they could heal. And they were highly prized by kings and nobles who hunted them for—

  Amali came to a dead halt in the center of the street. “Oh, my gods!”

  All the great nobles were at the castle, being entertained. What did great lords and kings find entertaining? Hunting, of course.

  Her heart hammered hard in her chest. “They’re going to hunt my unicorn.” The knowledge terrified her. And it made her furious. “Oh no—they’re not.”

  She didn’t know what she could do, but she wasn’t going to stand idly by while a bunch of bored and foolish rich men destroyed something so pure and beautiful for sport. She set off up the long hill to the castle gate with firm purpose, but absolutely no plan whatsoever.

  The gatekeeper was a long-time customer of hers, and it was easy enough to convince him that she had noble clients waiting for her inside. Once in the great courtyard she followed her nose. For the unicorn had a distinct, strong scent of rose and iris. Since it was autumn and both flowers were out of season, she had but to find and follow these aromas of spring and summer to find her way to the creature.

  She caught the unicorn’s scent quickly, and it led her into a vast garden. She actually remembered the garden from when she was a child, and once or twice a year the old king would invite the citizens of Yorke to celebrations inside the castle grounds. Here flagstone paths led across meadows and woods and ornamental flower beds. There were fountains, and streams spanned by delicate bridges. It went on for acre upon acre, and the trees and flowers were riotous with fall color.

  Amali was aware of all the great beauty as she passed it, but paid it little mind while she pursued her quest. She did take cover behind a topiary bush the first time she came upon a young woman seated on a bench under a tree. The girl was lovely, dressed in pink and white brocade, with long golden hair framing her perfect features. She had her hands folded demurely in her lap, and her gaze was on the ground. She took no notice when Amali screwed up her courage and tiptoed by.

  She came upon several other girls seated still as statues as she followed the scent. They took no mind of her, so she ignored them as well. She had no idea what they might be about, but the games of noble ladies were none of her concern. She could hear hunting horns and shouts every now and then, and the game the noblemen played filled her with dread.

  “Where are you, unicorn?” she demanded as she came into a clearing past a stand of aspen trees. She took a deep breath. Yes, the creature was nearby. “Don’t you know we have to get out of here?” She took a risk, and shouted, “Unicorn!”

  The beast came trotting up behind her and poked its horn into the small of her back.

  “Ow.” She whirled around and grasped the offending horn. “Why was it I came to rescue you?” Her gaze met the unicorn’s, and she smiled. “Because you’re sweet, and I’m a fool.” She tapped the tip of the beast’s golden horn. “And because you want me here for some reason. Isn’t that so?” The beast nodded its beautiful head.

  “My lady!”

  Amali whirled around at the shout, to find a young man kneeling in the grass near her. “Nobody calls me that!” she told him. The unicorn nudged her toward him. “Hey!”

  The young man turned a persuasive smile on her. “But you are my lady.”

  “I’m anyone’s lady for the pri—”

  The unicorn nudged her again.

  Unicorn bait, she realized. That’s what those girls were. “You definitely have the wrong unicorn,” she told the young man.

  He rose to his feet, all grace and coiled energy. He had the look of a warrior to him. And a king.

  “Oh, dear,” she murmured.

  She wondered if she should bow. More importantly, she wondered when the guards were going to show up and drag her off to some horrible fate.

  “This is my unicorn,” she stated firmly, figuring she might as well tell the truth and take the consequences. She folded her arms beneath her ample chest and looked defiantly up into eyes as blue as the unicorn’s. “It came to me, chose me, and I’m keeping it.”

  The king kept smiling, and tilted his head as he looked her over. “Of course you are, my lady.”

  “I’m leaving now,” she said, and tried to sidle around the king.

  “Oh, you must not go.”

  She was afraid he’d say something like that. “I don’t—” He took her by the hand. “I don’t belong here.”

  “Of course you do.”

  This time the voice came from a young woman. The young woman was dark haired and dressed in embroidered gold velvet. She wore a jeweled circlet around her forehead, and was surrounded by courtiers. Guards in black and red stood in the background. This woman, obviously, was the queen mother.

  “But you’re so young.” Amali clapped a hand over her mouth, and felt like a fool. She tried curtsying, to see if that would help any.

  “Leave us, please,” the queen said. The courtiers and the guards hastily retreated from the clearing. “Not you,” the queen added, when Amali began to back away. “Would you please give me a moment alone with your lady?” she politely asked the king.

  He bowed, grinned, and waved at Amali, then he was gone.

  Amali stood with her hand on the unicorn’s head, nervously wondering what would come next.

  The king’s stepmother walked up to her. “I don’t feel very young,” she told Amali. “But it was gracious of you to notice. I was sixteen when my husband died. Leaving me—” She made a small, elegant gesture that took in the whole world. “With this.”

  “The kingdom of Yorke,” Amali said.

  “It’s not much of a kingdom, really. Not in comparison to the rest of the wide world.”

  Amali bristled. “I like it.”

  The queen smiled. “Of course you do, that’s why you’re here.” When the unicorn huffed, she added, “One of the reasons. Congratulations, my dear, you are about to live happily ever after.”

  Amali gave the young woman a narrow-eyed glare. “What do you mean?”

  The queen made another of those slight, but significant gestures. “Happily ever after is what you make of it, of course. And it’s different for everyone. For example, keep my dear stepson happy in bed and send him off
to war when you must, and he’ll be the happiest man alive. And he’ll adore you for it. He’s a charming lad, but not at all complex. For me happily ever after will be knowing that I’ve fulfilled my obligations to Yorke, and returning to studying sorcery at the Hidden Tower. For you, the rule of Yorke will be the most satis—”

  “What are you talking about?” Amali didn’t suppose it was wise to abruptly cut off a queen, but she was finding this whole incident quite annoying. “I have a headache,” she said. “That’s because you stole my unicorn. All I want to do is leave.”

  The queen never stopped smiling. “You can’t leave. This is your home now. You’re going to marry my stepson and live happily ever after. By royal decree,” she added, and there was steel in her voice, and in her eyes.

  Amali gulped. “I really don’t understand.”

  “Sorcery,” the queen answered. “Magic. I am a great sorceress, you know.”

  “So we’ve heard.”

  “So speaks the skeptical defender of the citizens of Yorke. And don’t try to deny that you are neither, for I know all about you, Amali of the Cobbles District. I’d heard about you even before the spell brought you to my attention.”

  “Me? Spell? Pardon me?” Amali’s head was spinning, and not because of the bump on the back of it.

  “I’m very fond of my stepson.” She held up a hand, as though she thought Amali was going to protest. “I know stepmothers have a reputation for being wicked, but I was never able to get the hang of it. I took my responsibility to raise him quite seriously. But he has come of age, and I want my own life back. So I decided to find him the perfect bride, the woman who would be perfect for him, and more importantly, the queen Yorke needs. You.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes. So the unicorn has chosen.”

  Amali looked at the magical beast. “This is your doing?”

  It nodded its lovely head and whinnied. The sound held the tone of a wicked chuckle.

  “You’re serious,” Amali said to the queen.

  The queen nodded. “I sent the unicorn spell out into the world to find the right woman. The unicorn took shape when it found a woman of purity and beauty. You,” she said again.

  Amali considered for a moment, then said, “I think you have a defective unicorn.”