Christie Kelley

by Every Night Im Yours

  She smiled up at him, and he almost forgot about taking this slow.

  “I would love to do that.”

  She skimmed her fingernails up his chest, over his nipples until she reached the buttons on his linen shirt. With quick movements, she released each one and then pulled the shirt out of his trousers and over his head. He closed his eyes as her nails trailed a path to the buttons on his trousers.

  “You’ll need to sit so I can remove your boots.”

  He moved to the sofa and groaned as she turned her perfectly rounded bottom toward him and pulled at his boots. A gentleman should have offered to do the job himself, but this was far too enticing. Each movement exposed flashes of her womanly folds and forced him to hold the fabric of the sofa to keep from touching her yet.

  Finally, each boot hit the floor and she turned to remove the trousers. He smiled as her eyes widened when his cock sprang from its confinement.

  “Come here,” he said softly.

  Avis straddled him, anxious to be closer to him, dying to have him enter her now. But another part of her wanted their time to go slowly. She wanted to savor their lovemaking as they did in the cottage those weeks ago.

  The moment their lips touched, all thoughts were gone. His hands burned her back as he pressed her closer to him. Their tongues warred for possession and domination until he broke the contact and kissed her neck. Avis could scarcely breathe as his lips trailed down to her breasts.

  “Banning,” she murmured as he suckled her breast. “I’ve missed you so terribly the past few weeks.”

  “I wanted to take this slowly with you, Avis,” he said, after breaking his wondrous contact with her nipple. “But I find I can’t. I want you now.”

  She smiled against his forehead. “Please don’t wait any longer.”

  He lifted her up and brought her down on his hard shaft, filling her completely, making them one once more. She never wanted this to end. She never wanted to be without him again. How could she have thought for one moment that she could live without him? She would have him forever and nothing would stand in her way now. He nuzzled her neck, nipping at the sensitive skin there as she lifted her hips and brought herself down on him.

  Pleasure built as they increased their speed until she felt forced to close her eyes and let her release wash over her. He grasped her hips and thrust into her one last time, spilling his seed into her.

  “I love you,” she whispered spent against his chest.

  “I love you too.”

  She lifted her head and stared at his blue eyes, filled with love for her. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

  His eyes darkened with confusion. “Sorry? About what?”

  “Not talking about my fear of marriage with you.”

  “What changed your mind?” he asked, caressing her hair.

  “A lot of things.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “You. Your mother. An old acquaintance of mine.”

  “How did I help you?”

  Avis smiled and wondered how he couldn’t have known how he helped her. “You taught me that love is patient. Love is worth taking a risk and more importantly that love is worth facing a fear.”

  He kissed her softly on the lips. “And my mother?”

  “She told me about her marriage and a little more about my mother’s marriage.”

  “And this friend of yours?”

  “Mary and I talked for most of an afternoon with her children in the room. She also had a father who believed it was all right to strike his wife and children. But she also told me if you find the right man it will never happen.”

  Avis blew out a long breath. “More importantly, I think I have learned to trust myself.”

  “Yourself?”

  “Oh, Banning, I hit you in anger.” She caressed his cheek with her hand. “The man I loved. I was terrified that I would hurt you again, or worse, an innocent child. But the more time I spent with Mary the more she helped me realize I could do it. I could have the man I love. I could have children to love and cherish.” She looked up at him through teary eyes. “I could have everything I was always too afraid to believe possible.”

  “I’m so glad you became reacquainted with her.”

  Avis let her head drop back to his shoulder and sighed. “So am I. I discovered I want so much more out of life than just writing. I want you. I want children with you. I want our love and companionship forever.”

  Banning held Avis until she fell asleep against his chest. Slowly, he lifted her into his arms and placed her on the sofa. She stirred, blinked her eyes open for a moment before smiling and closing her eyes again. After placing a soft blanket over her, he dressed, then sat down behind his desk.

  He should have sent her home this evening. He shouldn’t have made love to her tonight. If he were unable to go through with this duel, which was a frightening possibility after the last time he needed to use a gun, what would happen to her? His reputation would be ruined and marriage to him would reflect poorly on her. She might be pregnant. If he didn’t return from this meeting, she would be left alone, pregnant, and scorned by Society all because of him.

  He couldn’t let that happen.

  Banning reached into the bottom drawer of his desk and slowly pulled out the box. He stared at the dueling pistol box he had managed to place on his desk. This was the closest he’d been to holding a gun in his hands since that unspeakable night in Whitechapel. Even now if he closed his eyes, he could relive every detail. But he had to do this. Her honor, and his, was at stake. And more importantly, he couldn’t let Billingsworth get away with this any longer.

  Avis let out a small sigh from the sofa. Her hands tucked under her cheek and a few curls fell across her forehead. She was beautiful. And his. No one would malign his future wife, kiss her or strike her as long as he could breathe.

  Even if he had to face his biggest fear.

  Love is worth facing a fear. Her words haunted him. If she could face her fears of marriage then he had no choice but to face his.

  He rubbed his hand across the smooth cherry box. Lifting the lid, he saw the two Manton pistols lying in the red silk lining. How appropriate that the lining would be the same color as spilled blood. Would the grass at the field be the same color in a few hours?

  Warm fingers caressed his cheek. He turned toward her warmth wondering how she approached him without making a sound.

  “You can’t do this.”

  “Are you defending him again?” he whispered.

  She turned his head toward her and pointed at the purple bruise on her jaw. “He did this.”

  “I know.”

  She blinked several times. “Did you bait him on purpose? To protect my honor?”

  “Perhaps.”

  “Very honorable but you are not picking up a pistol for me.” She kneeled down next to him and drew the blanket around her. “I know, Banning. I know you no longer like pistols or rifles or hunting.”

  Banning closed his eyes but that only served to bring back unwanted memories. “I have no choice, Avis.”

  “You do.” She let her head fall to his lap. “I can’t lose you now that I finally decided to set my own fears aside and marry you. I can’t let you do this for me.”

  He caressed her tawny hair and smiled down at her. “If I don’t meet him, my honor and your reputation will be in tatters.”

  “If you meet him, my reputation will be ruined if people believe the duel was on my account.”

  “Assuming I can even pick up the damned pistol,” he muttered under his breath.

  Avis lifted her head and then rose to her feet. She grabbed his hand, leading him to the sofa. “Tell me what happened.”

  Perhaps talking to her about what happened in France would help. But he couldn’t tell her about the other incident.

  Banning blew out a long breath and closed his eyes. In his mind’s eye he saw it all again, as if it happened only yesterday and not six years ago. He’d never told anyone about what happened in France. Not his si
ster, not his parents. Only Trey and Somerton knew the truth.

  Feeling her clasp his hand in comfort, he began, “I believe I already told you that I was shot in France.”

  “Yes, as were many people. Yet none of them seem to have the aversion to guns that you have now.”

  “Trey and I had tracked down a spy who lived outside of Paris. Our mission was quite simple, either bring the man back to England or kill him.”

  “Oh my,” she whispered.

  He rose and walked toward the window, staring out at the dark garden, but not seeing anything except his memories. “We tracked him to a house in a small village. All the information we received told us that he lived there alone. We decided the two of us could easily grab him and spirit him back home.”

  Banning paused to gather his thoughts. “We crashed through the door and found the man standing in his kitchen. I drew my pistol and aimed for him, not intending to shoot him.”

  “Oh,” Avis whispered. “Then you accidentally shot him?”

  “No. The man pointed his gun at me.” Banning closed his eyes reliving every moment. His heart pounded in his chest as if it were happening here and now and not six years ago. Tell her, his conscience shouted. Tell her what a monster you are.

  “Just as I pulled the trigger the man’s young son flew toward his father to protect him and took the bullet in his heart. He was only ten years old, Avis.”

  “Oh, Banning.” She stepped behind him and hugged him, her soft, warm arms holding him tight. “What about the man?”

  “He shot me.”

  “And then Kesgrave shot the man?”

  “Yes.”

  She rested her head on his back. “It wasn’t your fault, Banning.”

  “Yes, it was,” he bit out. “We should have known about the boy.”

  “How could you possibly have known?”

  “Somerton had been scheduled to meet up with Trey that afternoon. He had the information on the boy. But we decided to get the mission completed so we could go home sooner.”

  “That’s how Somerton knew about it,” Avis commented.

  “Yes.”

  “But how did Billingsworth discover all this?”

  Banning shook his head. Don’t tell her. She’ll hate you for the coward you were. “I’m not certain.”

  “So all this time you’ve had this fear and guilt and never told me about it?”

  She sounded a bit miffed by his secrets. He turned around and lifted her chin up. “If I remember correctly, you didn’t seem to be in any hurry to tell me about your father, or your own fears.”

  Avis glanced away. “True enough. I never believed in all the tales of love that I’d heard and read about through the years. I saw what my mother went through in the name of love. She loved him, Banning. Your mother even told me that. Yet, she couldn’t leave him in order to be happy.”

  “Maybe she had to fight her own fears.”

  “Perhaps she did.”

  “I still have to meet him,” he whispered.

  “No, you don’t.” She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “The only thing he wants is money. If I offer him a large sum—”

  “No.”

  “Banning, I can’t let you do this when all we have to do is pay him off.”

  Banning moved away from her. She didn’t understand any of this. Honor. Reputation. Courage. Right now, he had none of those things.

  Avis started to dress. There was only one thing to do and she would do this herself. Now that she finally had Banning she wasn’t about to let a stupid duel get in the way of her happiness.

  “Are you going somewhere?” he asked, coming up behind her.

  “I need to return home.”

  “No.”

  She turned and faced him. “I shouldn’t have stayed this long, my servants will be worried.”

  He tilted her chin up. “You are not going to him.”

  “I will do whatever I have to in order to stop this duel. You will not fight over me.” She twisted out of his reach and strode for the door, determined to leave before he stopped her.

  As she reached the door, he whispered, “I’m not fighting this duel over just you.”

  She halted and blew out a breath. “I’m sure that girl at Eton would appreciate the sentiment but wouldn’t require you to defend her honor at this point.”

  “It’s not just her either,” he said softly.

  “There were more?” Please say no. She couldn’t bear to hear another story about a woman beaten by him.

  “Yes.”

  Avis turned and leaned against the door. “What happened?”

  “If I had been there only a few minutes earlier…”

  “What would that have done?” she murmured to keep him talking. He raked his fingers through his hair, giving him a wild look. Her stomach clenched at the sight of him.

  “Maybe I could have saved her.”

  “Who?”

  “I don’t know her name. I never learned her name.”

  “Banning, what happened?”

  He sank in the chair by the fireplace and dropped his head into hands. “It was two years after I came back from France. Trey and I had been down in Whitechapel, gambling and drinking, but I’d had enough and decided to head for home. I was walking up the street looking for a hackney when I heard a noise from the alley that caught my attention. It sounded like a wounded animal so I went to investigate. When I walked back there I saw him.”

  “Emory?”

  He nodded. “I had heard the rumors that he spent a lot of time in the taverns down there but I never expected our paths would cross the one night I decided to go there. When I reached the back of the alley I was in shock…he was beating her, Avis. Not just one time. Over and over again.”

  She didn’t want to ask but knew she had to. “What did you do?”

  “I couldn’t do it.” He picked up the glass from the table next to him and hurled it at the fireplace. “I couldn’t do it, Avis.”

  She walked over to him carefully as if he were the wounded animal. He flinched when she touched his shoulder. “What couldn’t you do?”

  “I had brought a pistol with me for protection. I never thought I would need to use it, but you know how Whitechapel is. I assumed if anyone tried to rob me, I could go for either my knife or just point the gun at them and they would run off. But I knew as soon as I saw Billingsworth’s enraged face…I knew he wouldn’t be stopped by just a gun pointing at him. I would have to shoot him.

  “The pistol was in my greatcoat pocket. My hand curled around the handle. I pulled it out and froze. I couldn’t point it at him even to protect that poor woman.”

  “What did Emory do?”

  “He pulled a gun on me and told me to get out of there.”

  “And?”

  “And I ran like a coward. I finally found the nightwatch but by the time we arrived back there Billingsworth was gone and the girl was dead.” Banning rose and walked away from her. “Because of my cowardice that girl died.”

  Avis ran to him. “No. Because of Emory that girl died. Why wasn’t he arrested?”

  “When he was questioned he had three people, all peers, who supported his alibi. God only knows how he paid them off, but he did.”

  “So that’s how he knows about your fear of guns,” Avis muttered.

  “Yes.”

  “I have to do this, Avis. I can’t let him get away with murder any longer.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “I know.”

  “I shall be fine. Somerton is my second and the surgeon will be present just in case.”

  He kissed her softly on the lips and she savored the sweetness, absorbing every detail of his mouth, of his body.

  “I want to come with you.”

  “No,” he ordered. “If you are there my concentration will be on you and not where it needs to be.”

  She pressed her lips together but nodded in agreement. “Very well. But I don’t want to leave. I need to be here when y
ou get home.”

  “I want you to be with my family.”

  “Banning, why do you think Emory has changed so over the last month?”

  He stiffened with her mention of Emory. “The creditors are demanding payment. I believe he knew that if you and I were courting he would be the loser. You have given him too much money the last few years but it still wasn’t enough.”

  “Still, it seems rather dramatic to go to such lengths as kissing me and then striking me,” she mumbled.

  “I believe the man may be going slightly mad. There is a rumor that no one wants his newest manuscript.”

  “Oh no.” Avis kissed Banning’s hand and rubbed her cheek against it. Fine hairs tickled her face and made her smile. “Do you really think he was jealous of my writing?”

  He nodded. “I do.”

  The knocked sounded loudly on the front door. They both turned their heads and Avis frowned. “Who would—”

  “Somerton.” Banning moved away from her.

  “Already? It’s only a little past four.”

  “And it will be getting light soon.” He opened the door just as the footman appeared. “Show him in.”

  The footman nodded and walked away only to return with Somerton in tow. Somerton sauntered into the room, noticed Avis and smiled. “Miss Copley, good morning.”

  “Somerton,” she replied.

  “Will you excuse us, Miss Copley,” Somerton said. His usual casual yet caustic demeanor was gone, replaced by tight-lipped seriousness.

  “She can stay,” Banning replied before Avis had even opened her mouth to deny Somerton’s request.

  “Thank you, Banning.”

  Somerton shook his head. “Very well. We finalized everything. Anderson requested pistols, of course.”

  “Of course,” Banning commented. His jaw tightened and he inhaled sharply.

  “I did my best to request swords, but Billingsworth has no skill with them according to Anderson.”

  Banning shrugged. “I’d thought as much.”

  “Watch your step this morning, the grass is still wet,” Somerton said, testing the grass with the toe of his boot.

  “I will.” Banning stared down at the box in Somerton’s hand.

  “Just think about Miss Copley,” Somerton said. “Think about your future, the children you will have, the nights making—”