Please Don't Tell My Parents I'm a Supervillain
Page 32
“Gangway! Official arachnid business! People cooler than you, coming through!” Lucyfar barked as she marched us down the escalators, threading us through the three supervillains who’d been content to let it carry them down normally.
We’d worked our way around to the other side of the central mall, and Lucyfar dragged us out into a cool, dark night. My pang of worry that this was too rough a pace when Ray had just been injured disappeared as fast as it arose. He might have stumbled the first few steps and breathed heavily the next few, but after that he moved normally again.
I wondered if those martial artists gathered around Master Scorpion would be angry that Ray had stolen the prize they all fought for, then rejected it. I hadn’t had a chance to see them react. Lucyfar resented every second it took to travel to some new madness. As she led us down the block, she rattled off, “Spider’s offices are underground. She never comes upstairs, not that I’ve ever seen. There are entrances all over the place, but the easiest one to use is through a garage over here.”
It crept over me. Time to see Spider already? I’d been enjoying myself. I’d let myself forget about our appointment. Criminy. On the other hand, Lucyfar thought there would be an “after” and that we’d even be in the mood for fun. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad.
She walked us down a block of relentlessly similar squat white shops, then paused at the little alley backing them up. Squinting down it, she nodded sharply. “We’ll go in the back. Might as well take the easiest way.”
She hustled us down the alley. It felt like we were being hustled. Even for Lucyfar this was too fast, too manic, and too suspicious. What could I do about it? I should say something.
Someone else spoke up for me. The transparent, gray upper body of The Apparition floated out of a wall as we passed and demanded, “Lucy, what are you doing?!”
Lucy let go of my and Ray’s arms, and scratched the back of her head. She looked completely unconvincingly sheepish. “Come on, App. Don’t make this any more awkward than it already is.”
The Apparition glared at her. “They’re our friends!”
Lucyfar held up her hands. “Spider insisted. Really insisted. You know?”
The Apparition gave up on her and turned to yell at us what I’d already figured out. “Kids, this is an ambush. Run!”
Too late. With a thunderous clatter, the wall next to us exploded. A mammoth, gray shape lunged for Ray, arms outstretched. The super-powered thug wasn’t fast enough, and the hit to the stomach hadn’t slowed Ray down enough. He jumped, planting a hand on the monster’s head to flip over and behind him. Ray’s foot connected in a savage kick on the thug’s kidneys as he dropped, but the thing didn’t even seem to notice.
The thug swung around. He was ugly. It wasn’t pebbly, but he had a thick, wrinkly gray hide like a rhinoceros, and from my tiny point of reference he looked eight feet tall. I’d never seen so many muscles on anything. How could his arms even move? When he did move, slits gaped like gills all over him. It was thoroughly gross and also familiar.
“Aren’t you supposed to deal with nuisances like the ghost, Witch Hunter?” demanded a screechy voice. The villain who flopped out of a window and onto the alley’s concrete behind us looked vaguely like the big guy, but with lots more fins and a rubbery round mouth with teeth everywhere.
This one was obvious. “They call you Hagfish, right?” I asked.
The hulking villain shuffled around and croaked, “And I’m Leviathan, and you humiliated my nephew in front of the whole world.” Yes, that was why he was familiar. This guy was almost as ugly as Sharky, and bigger. Way, way bigger.
And I was unarmed. And we were outnumbered. Witch Hunter stepped out of a doorway beyond Leviathan, while a window above him slapped open and a man in one of those Carnivale skeleton costumes perched on the sill. Sharp spikes that certainly looked like bone stuck out of that costume everywhere.
“Not that we’re here for anything that personal. The Council Of Seven And A Half hired us to tell you how happy they aren’t,” cut in Witch Hunter. In this narrow alley, he left his swords sheathed and had out a couple of exotic knives with multiple curving blades.
I glared at Lucyfar, standing on the other side of Hagfish. She leaned against a wall, arms folded, pretending this had nothing to do with her. After a few seconds of my stare, she spread her hands in an awkward shrug. “I was ordered by Spider to lead you here and not interfere, one way or the other.”
Claire slid into motion, ducking under Leviathan’s arms and holding up her hands to Witch Hunter and the villain in the skeleton suit as she coasted on frictionless feet out the other side. She glanced back at us, then at them, eyebrows raised in amused and friendly disbelief. “Is this the time and place for a fight, guys? You’ve delivered your warning. Not to sound too clichéd, but can’t we all just get along?”
She tilted her head to one side, smiling infectiously. I knew I would rather talk about this. At the very least we could put this off for a few minutes. These guys had to be feeling the pressure. Who could hit a little girl in bear pajamas?
Who could? I had to answer that question. I had to think instead of stare at Claire’s lumpy, wrinkled costume and her grinning cherubic face and messy blonde bangs. At least I knew to fight this. Leviathan and Witch Hunter could only gape. Even the guy from the window jumped down, his own head tilting as he stared at down at Claire with a crooked, adoring smile.
After all these rough, throaty villains he had a surprisingly honeyed voice. “You are the sweetest child I have ever met. It’s like meeting an angel.” His hand darted out and closed around Claire’s throat, lifting her off the concrete. Her bear feet flopped as she kicked helplessly, like a toddler.
Lifting Claire’s face to his, the villain in the skeleton suit purred excitedly, “I have to own your skeleton. Oh, yes.”
Cold panic washed through me, pushing away the warm, comfortable feeling that had kept me staring. I had to save Claire. What could I do? I could escape easily, but there was no way I was leaving her behind. I hadn’t brought any weapons but Vera. I wasn’t sure even Vera could hurt Leviathan. Ray could certainly take the bone guy, maybe him and Witch Hunter together, but the bony white blades on the back of the skeleton costume’s gloves were already pressed against Claire’s neck. Even if we won, we wouldn’t be able to save her. There had to be something I could do.
I couldn’t think of anything.
I heard a thump behind me. Something else was going on. The skeleton suit murderer and Witch Hunter weren’t looking at Claire, or me, or even Ray anymore. They were looking past me, so I turned around.
Bull stood in the mouth of the alley. Blood matted the fur around one swollen eye, and he limped as he walked up the alley toward us, but that was Bull. I was surrounded by legends tonight.
“What do you creeps think you’re doing to those poor kids?” he snarled. He had a faint lisp, and he certainly looked like he’d been hit in the mouth one too many times tonight. Underneath that, I could still make out a mild Irish accent.
“We’re working for the Council. This is none of your business,” Witch Hunter answered him.
Witch Hunter’s tone had been cool and official. Leviathan’s growl had a lot more venom. “Look at you. You’re a has-been. Go away before we hurt you.”
Bull limped past Lucy, past Hagfish, past me. With swollen eyes, he met Leviathan’s yellow-eyed stare. Then Bull hit the gray giant.
The blow wasn’t lightning fast like Ray’s and Master Scorpion’s, and Leviathan pulled up his stubby arms to block it. That didn’t make any difference. When Bull’s fist hit, air blasted past me and the boom shut out all other sound, leaving my ears ringing. This was the kind of punch I’d seen Bull trading in the ring earlier. His metal opponent had been able to take it. Leviathan flew off his feet, soaring down the alley to crash into and flatten a dumpster. Ray, Witch Hunter, and the skeleton-costumed villain ducked out of the way, and the skeleton man dropped Claire in the process.
Bull kept limping forward. Thanks to his long head, I could see his lips pulling up in a sneer at the edges. Over the ringing in my ears I could easily hear the contempt in his voice. “I’m a has-been, that’s true. I’m still out of your league.”
Behind me and Claire, Hagfish backed away several paces. His webbed hands swung up in panic. “Spider gave us permission to punish these children!”
Hagfish backed up past Lucyfar. She grinned at him, showing off all her teeth before she answered in a wicked drawl, “And I can hear Spider’s voice now. ‘I didn’t say you would win.’“
“Am I going to have to hit anyone else?” Bull demanded, his voice echoing loudly down the alley. The villain in the skeleton suit scurried away. Witch Hunter backed up, face averted, and sheathed his knives. Hagfish just ran, out of the mouth of the alley and into the night.
Bull grunted. “Then we’re leaving.” Turning around ponderously, he stumped back up to me and Claire. Big, hairy hands curled around our waists, hoisting us up and seating us on his broad shoulders. I clung to a horn, breathing deeply, getting my wind back. I’d be fine in a few more seconds. It looked like everything would be fine now.
Maybe not everyone felt as relieved as I did. The horn I leaned against pulled at me as Bull turned his head, looking down at Ray and telling him gruffly, “Don’t let it nag you, son. Your girls are safe.”
Ray didn’t answer. I couldn’t see his face under the brim of his hat, but he nodded and kept walking alongside Bull.
The shoulder I rode on rocked gently up and down, uneven thanks to the limp in Bull’s gait. He carried us out onto the dimly lit Chinatown street. In the alley behind us, I suddenly heard Lucy speak up. “Well! I’d say that fight is officially over, and I’m on my own time again. I know this is boring and personal and judgmental of me, but, Bones, I feel a spree of superheroing coming on. You will get way, way out of town, or every crime you commit from now on is going to end with you in the hospital punctured like Swiss cheese. You have no friends, Jagged Bones. Nobody will step up to defend a freak like you. Remember that.” Wow. Her voice had started off with its usual playful cheer, but every sentence got sharper until her words oozed anger.
Bull kept walking, carrying us out of hearing range. When we lost Lucy’s voice, he scowled and grunted. “Spitting in the wind. For every gentleman rogue in this game, there’s ten scum like that.”
I just held onto his horn with both hands. Claire did the same. She looked shakier than I did, and I couldn’t blame her. “Thanks,” I managed to whisper.
“Come on. You’ll feel better with something to eat,” was Bull’s non-answer.
I leaned against Bull’s horn and let myself go blank as he walked back to the big central building. It had been an intense evening already, and it was far from over. I welcomed a couple of minutes rest.
My gaze drifted down to watch Ray, walking next to us and a little behind. I couldn’t see his face under the hat, but he kept pressing his palms together, pulling them apart to form up a pink and purple ball of energy in-between, then slowly pushing that ball back into the gems inside his gloves. Then he would do it again, drawing out the energy ball and forcing it back into storage.
Bull noticed too. His giant hand reached out and covered both of Ray’s. “I told you, son. Don’t let it nag you. This life will drown you in could-have-beens if you let it.”
Ray nodded, and, when Bull let go, his hands fell back by his sides.
We walked back into the noise and the crowd, and the warm golden light that spilled out of the interior of the mall. Bull had mentioned food, and something smelled good, like the sweet and sour sauces of oriental food. Sure enough, several tables of food were set up by the door. Bull stopped in front of one and pointed at one of the trays, then flashed three fingers at the Chinese young man in the white outfit behind the table. Must not speak English.
Bull handed each of us a package wrapped in white paper as he explained, “There’s a restaurant on the top floor. They cater for us on the weekend. I’m sure Spider pays them well, but, still, good people and great food.”
I unwrapped a big, sticky ,and soft white ball. It smelled like rice. On the other side of Bull’s head, Claire unwrapped hers and spoke for the first time since Jagged Bones grabbed her. “Would you mind giving me your autograph? Being rescued by Bull is kind of a big deal to me.”
I bit into the ball. It tasted like rice, but sweet and puffy and slightly gooey. Then I bit deeper into intensely sweet and sour pork, and the taste flooded my senses. This was great. Why had I never had one of these before?!
Oh, right. Because superheroes didn’t go to Chinatown.
Bull chuckled. It was a good thing I’d let go of his horn to eat this rice bun, because I’d have been yanked off his shoulder when he turned his head to look up at Claire. He sounded gruffly dismissive, but he agreed, “Sure. I never liked seeing anybody hurt kids. Now that I’ve got a daughter your age, I can’t stand it.”
I desperately clamped down on my imagination. Bull had a daughter? This giant, hairy man-beast had… there were so many questions here I did not want answered. I would just file this under “There’s someone for everyone out there.”
Instead, I swallowed a mouthful of pork bun and changed the subject. “You look pretty roughed up. Did you get hit by a train?” I hadn’t meant it as a joke, but it sounded like one when I heard it.
He shook his head. Thank goodness I wasn’t holding onto his horn anymore. “I lost a boxing match.”
I knew I should drop it, but I couldn’t. I was too surprised. “Who could beat Bull? My Mom told me that when you were a teenager and fought Evolution, all the other villains were furious because of how strong he got.”
Bull’s sigh sounded no worse than resigned. “That was forty years ago. These days, the answer is ‘everyone.’”
Then he changed the subject himself, telling us in a much more jovial tone, “Anyway, I was beaten once by The Audit, and she has no powers at all. You’d have been babies when it happened.”
Claire rubbed sauce off her mouth with the wrist of her bear suit so she could express her disbelief. “How?”
“Pushed sand into my eyes, then my nose, my ears, and my mouth. While I could barely see, she lured me into punching a telephone pole and electrocuting myself. Then she hit me with a bus.” He chuckled. After this many years, a memory like that must seem darkly humorous to him. To me, it was a reminder why I never, ever wanted Mom to find out I’m a supervillain.
Ray listened with a slight, vicious smile. To him, I suspect this was a tutorial.
Soft and sweet, Claire took hold of one of Bull’s horns again and asked, “Can I still have your autograph?”
Trust Claire to know exactly what to say. Bull’s next chuckle sounded honestly pleased. “Sure.”
Ray had his go at changing the subject, tilting his head to the side and asking, “Hey, Lucyfar said something about getting our fortune told. Was she just making that up?”
I had a front row seat to Bull’s eyes widening. “That’s right. This is your first time in Chinatown, isn’t it? You have a lot to see.”
With that he lurched into motion, and I stuffed the rest of my pork bun in my mouth and clung to his horn. His limp had eased, and he carried us through the crowd inside the mall to one of the tiny, dark shops lining the walls. This one hadn’t been sealed up. It had been emptied, except for the mechanical shape of a pinball machine lurking against the back wall.
At least, it had the size and
shape of a pinball machine. In the shadows I didn’t get a good look until Bull carried us right up to it. There were no bumpers, no glass-encased area for the ball. The machine’s counter mostly held a mechanical arm holding a pen, a box the pen stuck into, and a lot of levers and gears supporting both. The back had been decorated in astrological constellations and eyes—wood, plastic, glass, and ceramic eyes of all colors that turned stiffly to watch us when we moved. Creepy in a fun and cheesy way.
The world dipped as Bull crouched, sliding me and Claire off his shoulders to stand in front of the machine. “What do we do?” I asked.
“Turn the crank,” Bull answered. A brass handle stuck out of one side. Ray grabbed hold of it in one hand and churned it around and around. As he did, the mechanical arm moved, scribbling audibly with the pen on something inside the box. After a few seconds of that, a card slid out in front of me with “Bad Penny” written on the back in elegant script.
Ray let go of the handle, but the arm kept moving. Moments later two other cards fell into place on either side of mine. They read “E-Claire” and “Reviled.” Of course.
I picked up my card. Ray and Claire picked up theirs. I had to squint in the dark shop and with goggles that didn’t match my nearsightedness, but mine read “She is no threat to you.”
Slowly and hesitantly I announced, “I think it’s telling me not to blame Lucy.”
Claire nodded, just as slowly. “She’s definitely telling me that.”
When Ray didn’t say anything immediately, Claire and I looked over at him. He stared at his card with wide eyes and a shocked, intense expression. He kept staring at it for several more seconds before telling us, “Mine is personal. Too personal to be a coincidence. Is this machine always right?” While Ray looked up at Bull for an answer he slid the card with great care into the bottom of his shoe. Wow. He must have gotten a good one. I’d have to push aside my curiosity and forget about it. It was pretty plain this was a secret Ray would never share.