The Firefighters Baby

by Roberts, Alison

  ‘I’ll fix her a bottle, shall I?’

  ‘I couldn’t,’ Shelley told Jason. ‘We’d taken a boat trip out to Slipper Island and the weather got rough. We had to stay overnight and when I went looking for you the next day, you had gone. I had no idea how to get hold of you.’ The sigh was heartfelt. ‘I tried again when I found out I was pregnant, of course, but all I knew was your name and that you were a fireman. You wouldn’t think New Zealand was a big enough country to make it difficult to find out where someone lives, would you?’

  ‘No,’ Jason said. Megan cried again, more loudly this time, and Laura simply got up and walked to the kitchen.

  ‘After Megan was born my b-brother decided he had to help.’

  What was that stammer about? Laura wondered sourly, as she stirred formula. Had she just managed to modify ‘boyfriend’ into something acceptable in time? It hadn’t been a ‘brother’ Mrs Mack had seen delivering the box to the station’s doorstep. And where was he now, anyway? She went back into the sitting room a few minutes later and silently handed the bottle to Jason.

  ‘Thanks.’ The smile Laura received was distracted, however. Jason’s attention was firmly directed to the woman on the couch. ‘Where have you been for the last month, Shelley?”

  ‘Just travelling,’ she responded sadly, watching as Jason sat down in the armchair and arranged the baby and bottle into satisfactory positions. ‘I was in Dunedin most of the time. My brother, Darryn, has a friend there who’s trying to find a job. I was just filling in time, thinking about you and Megan and wondering whether you would learn to love her if you were given the chance.’

  The longer the silence that fell ticked on, the more significant it seemed to become. Finally, Jason cleared his throat.

  ‘Yeah…well, I guess it worked.’

  Shelley’s huge blue eyes radiated joy. ‘That’s wonderful. Now all we need to do is plan our future.’

  ‘Our future?’ Jason’s incredulity echoed the word that was sounding a strident alarm in Laura’s head.

  ‘We have a baby, Jason,’ Shelley told him softly. ‘The result of the love we shared.’

  ‘For one night,’ Jason reminded her. ‘It was sex, not love, Shelley.’

  ‘For you, maybe. I think it was more than that. I’ve never forgotten that night, and I’ve never forgotten you.’

  Laura could understand that, even if she still wasn’t at all convinced of this woman’s sincerity. If she’d only ever had a single night with Jason, it would be burned into her memory banks for ever as well.

  ‘I want my baby to have a father,’ Shelley whispered. ‘I want her to have her father.’

  ‘I have no intention of abandoning my daughter.’

  ‘But I want her to have a real father. Not someone on the other side of the world.’

  ‘I’m not planning to shift to Britain,’ Jason said firmly. ‘But Megan can stay here. I’m sure she’ll be allowed to stay in the country on a permanent basis once I’m legally registered as her father.’

  ‘But I wouldn’t be allowed to stay,’ Shelley said softly. ‘And my daughter is staying with me.’

  Stick had hit the nail right on the head, Laura realised. Shelley Bates was out to emigrate and Megan was the ace she hadn’t bothered to keep up her sleeve. If Jason wanted to keep Megan in his life, he was going to have to marry her mother. And that wouldn’t be too much of a hardship, would it?

  Shelley was obviously too clever to push the point right now. Instead, she stood up, walked towards Jason and held out her arms.

  ‘I think it’s time I got to hold my baby, isn’t it?’

  For a long second, time seemed to stop. Don’t give her Megan, Laura pleaded silently. If you hand her over then she’s already won. Then Shelley wiped away a tear that was trickling slowly down the side of her nose.

  ‘Please, Jason?’

  The lone tear had done the trick. Laura watched the conflict play across Jason’s face. Should he do what he wanted to do and hold onto his child or create further suffering for the woman who was, in all fairness, Megan’s mother? Slowly, grudgingly, he transferred his bundle.

  To Laura’s immense satisfaction, Megan took one look at her mother and started howling.

  ‘Oh, I know, darling.’ Shelley clutched the baby and rocked her back and forth. ‘Mummy’s sorry she left you. But I’m back now. Everything’s going to be fine.’

  Laura looked at her. She looked at the overnight bag beside the couch. She looked at Megan. And she looked at Jason, who wasn’t looking back at her.

  Everything was not going to be fine but there was very little Laura could do about it. She had competition now for what she wanted most in her life and while she would be prepared to fight if she knew she had any chance of winning, the odds were rapidly stacking against her.

  Even Megan seemed to be letting her down as her cries died away. Shelley continued rocking her and another tear rolled down her cheek.

  ‘I don’t know how I’ve lasted this long without her,’ she sighed. ‘She was all I had left that really mattered.’ She looked up through dewy lashes to smile brokenly at Jason. ‘I have a lot to thank you for.’

  He simply raised an eyebrow. An unwanted pregnancy for a teenager wasn’t usually a cause for celebration.

  ‘When Sharon died I felt so terribly alone,’ Shelley continued softly. ‘To lose a sister is bad enough but being a twin made it unbearable.’

  ‘What happened to Sharon?’ Jason sounded disconcerted.

  ‘She had a blood clot that they said was caused by her being on the Pill. It caused a massive pull…pum…something that wrecked her lungs.’

  ‘Pulmonary embolism?’ Laura suggested.

  ‘That’s it.’ Shelley didn’t bother to look at Laura. Her gaze was still fixed on Jason. ‘She was put on the waiting list for a heart-lung transplant but it didn’t come in time.’

  Jason’s face softened noticeably. ‘That must have been rough.’

  Shelley nodded and Laura closed her eyes. Jason was starting to feel sorry for Megan’s mother. Any judgmental attitude was undergoing reconsideration. She could almost feel another chunk of the fantasy future she’d been building being ripped away.

  ‘When did it happen?’

  ‘She lived just long enough to see Megan. To…hold her.’ Shelley’s lip quivered and she struggled to maintain control. ‘It was Sharon who chose her name. And she made me promise that I would try to find you and give her a real family. She said my life…and her baby’s had to go on, and what better way to make a new start than in a new country?’

  Jason’s expression plainly revealed the level of sympathy she would expect from someone as kind as he was. The story had touched him deeply, which was hardly surprising. Even Laura could feel a lump the size of a small boulder lodged in her own throat. How factual this story was didn’t matter a damn. Shelley had just cracked any barrier Jason had in place and it was only a matter of time before she broke through completely.

  Megan must have sensed the tension in the atmosphere because she began crying again.

  ‘I’ll have to go soon,’ Shelley said. ‘I’ve got nowhere to stay in Wellington so I’ll have to find a motel or something.’ She looked around. ‘Is Meggie’s blanket here somewhere?’

  ‘You’re not planning to take Megan to some motel, are you?’ Laura was horrified.

  ‘She’s my baby.’

  ‘You’re not taking Megan anywhere,’ Jason told her firmly. ‘Not until we get a few things sorted out.’

  ‘I’ll have to stay here, then. I’m not going without her and I’m too tired to talk any more tonight.’

  Megan hiccuped, then burped and then her crying stopped. The silence stretched on even longer this time. Laura tried desperately to make eye contact with Jason to warn him not to fall into the trap, but he was avoiding her gaze.

  ‘I suppose you could have Mitch’s room for a night or two,’ Jason conceded at last. He looked at Laura finally, a plea of his own written acro
ss his face. But Laura wasn’t prepared to go along with this. Megan might be this woman’s child but it just felt wrong to see the baby in her arms. She couldn’t stay in the same house as Shelley Bates.

  ‘It’s time I went home for a night or two, anyway.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I think Shelley’s right. This is something the two of you need to sort out.’ She couldn’t bear sitting here like a piece of the furniture, watching her future unravel before her eyes. It was simply too painful.

  ‘You can’t just walk out.’ Jason followed her to the door a short time later. ‘What the hell am I supposed to do with Shelley?’

  ‘It was you that invited her to stay, Jase.’

  ‘Only because I don’t want her dragging Megan off to go hunting for a place to sleep.’

  Laura shook her head. ‘You don’t need me here. I think you’ve got more chance of dealing with all this if I’m not here. You’ve got the rest of tonight and all day tomorrow to try and sort things out with Shelley.’

  ‘I don’t know how to sort things out.’

  ‘You need to decide what you want and don’t let her manipulate you into anything else.’

  ‘I want you to stay.’

  ‘What about Megan?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Jason said miserably. ‘I know Shelley’s her mother but something doesn’t feel right.’

  Laura said nothing. Of course it didn’t feel right. Any concern Shelley had for her child was blatantly fake. Jason, however, had developed a very genuine bond with his daughter and if he decided that Shelley wasn’t going to give Megan the love and security she deserved then he would do whatever it took to put things right. And of course he wanted Laura to stay. If he did end up keeping Megan, he would never manage on his own, would he?

  Love came in so many shades. Laura knew that Jason was perfectly sincere in telling her he loved her, but did his love come anywhere near measuring up to the depth of her feelings for him? John used to say he loved her often enough when what he really loved was having someone around to love him.

  Laura suddenly felt very, very tired. If Jason didn’t feel as strongly as she did right now, he never would, and she was not going to spend the rest of her life trying to earn a love that came anywhere near being reciprocal.

  Megan was the key to all of this. The magic had begun with her unexpected arrival in their lives and now reality was kicking back in and choices had to be made. Jason had accepted responsibility for his daughter. Now he had to take responsibility for making those choices.

  Laura knew she could never happily accept a future that didn’t contain Jason. Now it was time to find out whether he felt the same way about her, and the only way that could happen was if she stepped back.

  Standing on tiptoe, Laura planted a soft kiss on Jason’s lips. ‘Good luck.’

  ‘I’ll need it.’ The last glimpse of his face as the door closed showed an expression as grim as his tone.

  But it wasn’t Jason who needed the luck, it was Laura. And she had a horrible feeling that she had used up more than her fair share already in the last month. The fairy dust had well and truly worn off.

  Chapter 9

  For once, the baby’s whimper at 5 a.m. came as a relief.

  Jason rolled from his bed, tightened the frayed cord supporting his pyjama pants and reached into the nearby bassinet. At the touch of his hands, Megan fell silent. As Jason picked up his daughter, she smiled at him.

  ‘I don’t think you’re that hungry, are you?’

  Knowing that Shelley was in the house made Jason reluctant to leave his room. He had transferred the bassinet in here last night, and closing the door firmly had given him a sense of safety. His own space to consider developments in the company of the things that had become most important to him.

  Shelley had simply shrugged when he said he’d keep Megan in his room. ‘I guess you know where all the nappies and bottles are,’ she’d said. ‘We’ll sort all that out tomorrow.’

  She might have raised an objection if she’d seen Oscar slipping through the gap before the door closed, but the dog was now part of the family as far as Jason was concerned, and his family needed protection. Laura should have been here as well. Jason eyed the empty bed and scowled.

  How could she have packed a bag and deserted him at a time of crisis like this? Maybe he’d been wrong to feel he could trust her with his life. Maybe she wasn’t as strong as he’d thought. The going had got tough and Laura had got going in the direction of the nearest available exit.

  With a deep sigh, Jason climbed back into his bed with Megan still in his arms. He pushed Oscar with his foot to make some more space.

  ‘You won’t get away with sleeping there when Laura comes home again, mate.’

  Except she had gone home, hadn’t she? This wasn’t her home. She’d only been here because of Megan, and now Megan’s mother had returned to lay claim to her baby. No wonder Laura had left. Jason closed his eyes on a wave of misery. He’d been wrong in thinking that Megan might be the ace up his sleeve in his determination to keep Laura in his life on a permanent basis. Perhaps she was the only real draw card and if he lost his daughter then he would lose Laura as well. What did he have to offer apart from his daughter, anyway?

  A reputation as a shallow Casanova, that was what. With an excellent specimen of the kind of woman that had populated his past right here in his house at present. He had a career with awkward shift hours that could put pressure on a long-term relationship and a house that he would have trouble affording the whole rent on if he had to support a family. Laura seemed to like the sex but the kind of passion they had been sharing for the last couple of weeks couldn’t last, could it? Jason knew from repeated personal experience that good sex wasn’t nearly enough.

  ‘You’ve got soggy pants,’ he told Megan. He poked her tummy gently. ‘Do you want some clean ones?’

  Megan reached out and caught his forefinger with her hand, still so tiny that his finger looked ridiculously huge. Jason felt his eyes prickle as he watched the little starfish hand curl into a miniature fist with his finger locked firmly in its centre. Dammit—he’d had no sleep and too much to think about and his physical and mental exhaustion was turning him into a girl.

  ‘Not that there’s anything wrong with being a girl,’ he said aloud, apologetically. Megan beamed up at him and Jason groaned inwardly.

  ‘You’re not making this any easier, you know.’ With another sigh, Jason gave in and smiled back.

  ‘The way I see it, Peanut,’ he continued softly, ‘I haven’t got a chance of getting what I really want out of all this. If I get to keep you, I get your mum in the picture as well, and that’s not going to make Laura very happy. If I don’t get to keep you then I probably won’t get to keep Laura either. And…’ Jason’s voice dropped to a whisper. ‘I really like Laura, you know? She’s warm and funny and kind and very, very clever and…’

  Jason’s gaze drifted to the empty side of his bed. Megan’s ears were way too young to hear about how he could never get tired of Laura’s soft, delicious body and the way it responded to his. He’d never go for a skinny chick again. No way.

  Hell, he didn’t want to have to even think about going for anyone else.

  He wanted Laura. So much that it hurt. Another smile from Megan twisted the knife in his gut. He also loved this tiny person he was holding. A very different kind of love but just as strong in its own way. Or was it so very different? He got the same feeling of responsibility for their health and happiness, the same fierce desire to protect them. Even the disreputable canine currently sprawled over his feet elicited an echo of that feeling. They had all become a family and Jason was learning the hard way that a family was a valuable asset rather than the liability he’d always feared.

  A squeak from Megan interrupted the spiral of thoughts Jason had spent the night revisiting.

  ‘You do need breakfast, don’t you?’ Jason eased his foot out from under Oscar’s rump. ‘And clean pants.�
� Pins and needles assaulted his foot as it made contact with the floor. ‘Come on, then, guys.’

  It was still dark but the dawn chorus of birdsong could be heard starting up. Jason flicked on a lamp and moved quietly in the dim light as he prepared a bottle, the weight of the baby on one arm a now familiar and easy burden to cope with. It was a little harder to test the temperature of the milk one-handed so Jason waited until he was settled onto one end of the couch.

  ‘Sh…sh…sh,’ he soothed Megan, whose cries rose demandingly when she caught sight of the bottle as he sprinkled milk on his wrist. ‘OK, it’s just right. Here you go, sweetheart.’

  Megan sucked hungrily, making a contented grunting sound at the same time. Jason watched, letting himself relax for the first time in hours and simply enjoying the moment instead of agonising over the complications his life now contained. Things would sort themselves out somehow.

  They had to.

  Oscar raised his head from Jason’s foot a minute or two later, floppy black ears pricked forward and the faint rumble of a growl coming from deep within the shaggy chest. Glancing up, Jason felt a rush of adrenalin tightening his muscles and wiping out any sense of relaxation.

  ‘Hi.’ Shelley was wearing a tiny singlet top with shoestring straps that left her belly and half her breasts exposed. The silk boxer shorts that sat low on her hips did nothing to conceal long, tanned legs. ‘Can I help?’

  ‘We’re fine, thanks.’ Jason had to clear his throat. There was no denying that Shelley was an extremely attractive young woman. It was all too easy to remember exactly what had led to their fateful night together. It had probably been all too easy for Laura to understand as well, Jason realised. He could only hope that Laura didn’t think he was still attracted, at least on anything more than an ‘enjoying the eye candy’ basis.

  ‘It’s very early.’ Jason turned his gaze back to the infant he was holding. ‘Why don’t you go back to bed for a while?’

  Shelley said nothing and Jason felt the air in the room stir as she moved towards him. With fluid grace, she sat down and then curled her legs up beneath her on the other side of the couch. He looked up to see her head tilted provocatively to one side.