Infinite Faith Infinite Series, Book 4)

by L. E. Waters

  “I can’t imagine Jessie in a place like this.” I wave my hand away. “You don’t need to bring him here.”

  “It’s just like you said. As soon as we saw each other, it was like I’ve known him forever.”

  “Well you practically have.”

  “I know, and I always believed you—” I give her a smirk. “Well, at least the last few years when things started coming together like you said they would. But Carsten is so different from any of the other boys I’ve dated. I just wish I could be with him all day long.”

  “I’m so happy for you, Kathrin.” I reach out and hold her warm hand. I hate being so separate now from her life. I feel like I’m watching it through a window.

  “You’ll feel the same way as soon as you find green-eyes. Maybe he will get you out of here.”

  The ratcheting sound of the gate clangs down the hall as Bathilda marches back onto our floor, her presence like thick clouds covering the warm sun on a cold day.

  Bathilda questions Frieda immediately. “Who is visiting Annelie?”

  “Her twin sister.”

  “How long has she been here?”

  “Only ten minutes.”

  “I’ll be lining them up for lunch soon.” She walks over to our table. “All visitors will have to leave in five minutes.” Her hard heels click away.

  Kathrin hovers closer. “Does she have steel eyes?”

  I nod. “Yes, it’s her…or him, that is. That’s one of the reasons why I have to stay here.”

  “Why would you want to stay with such a miserable person controlling everything here?”

  “I think it’s why I’m here. I have to make things better. I can’t let her continue her torture.”

  Her wide eyes get even wider. “Has she tortured you?”

  I shift in my seat, trying to take the pressure off my soreness. I know I can’t tell her about the bath. If I do, she’ll tell Mother and I’ll be removed immediately. “Just only makes things unpleasant for me. But Frieda’s been very kind.”

  “How can you make a difference here? You’re only a patient.”

  I wink at her. “Dr. Evert, of course.” I get her to smile at least. “He’s already trying to improve the food here, and he brought in those books and games. Before that, the patients had nothing to do but pace and rock. He’s even bringing a piano in!”

  “You must be very convincing.” She gives a sinful smile.

  “That’s just what Bathilda thinks.” I stare in her direction. “I’m going to make her life miserable as well. Finally.”

  “I like the idea of steel-eyes getting a little negativity back, but be careful, Annelie. I have a bad feeling about this place.”

  “We better say goodbye; I think our time’s almost up.”

  “Wait! I almost forgot.” She opens up her purse. “I brought some goodies. From Halloren Chocolate Factory.”

  My favorite place, and always worth the short trip from home.

  Bathilda hears the buckle unclasp and immediately looms over us. “All gifts must be checked first.” She keeps her hands out to confiscate the goods.

  Kathrin holds them close to her. “It’s only some sweet rolls, confections, and chocolates.”

  “If you don’t hand them over for inspection, I’ll have to have the orderlies remove you from the hospital.” She beckons for the goods with her hands. “Hospital rules, I’m afraid.”

  I take a quick look at the delicious treats, sure that I’ll never see them again. Kathrin gives them over and sticks her tongue out at Bathilda’s back as she walks away. Ursel sees it and brays loudly, causing Bathilda to turn her scorn back in our direction.

  I get up to hug my sister. I tell her, as I inhale the smell of our wonderful soap, “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’m supposed to be here right now.”

  She pulls away and holds my shoulders. “I’m only letting you do this because I believe that. But as soon as things get too difficult, you’ll let me know, right?”

  I feel confident that things haven’t gotten too hard yet and I nod. “I promise.”

  She hugs me again just as Bathilda calls out, “Visitors must leave, and patients please line up against the wall for lunch.”

  “Thank you for the gifts,” I call down as she walks away, re-clasping her purse. As the gates close, she gives me another wave before descending the stairs.

  Chapter 5

  Dr. Evert returns in the afternoon, just as he promised, and it’s nice to get some fresh air on the first warm day in a long time. I’m going to miss the fresh air I get walking with him every day.

  “After the week is over, how much will I get to see you?” I try to step off the pavement and through the grass as much as I can.

  He gives me a little smile over his shoulder. “Do you like our sessions?”

  “It’s nice to get outside a bit.”

  “Oh, that is why you want more.” He laughs. “Well, maybe we could see each other three times a week going forward.”

  That doesn’t sound like a lot. I hurry my steps to keep up with him.

  He opens the window as soon as he gets into his office. He strains slightly. “These blasted bars make it so difficult to open.” I get up to help, and it’s nice to be so close to him.

  “Ah, thank you. Much better.”

  The restless early spring wind stirs up the air in the office. I take in as many deep breaths as I can.

  “Is everyone enjoying the books and games?”

  “Yes. That was kind of you.”

  He is finally relieved by my gratitude. “I’m still working on the food improvements, but I think you just might have some coffee soon. Not the best cup, mind you, but it does the job.”

  “Anything would be nice.”

  He settles down in his chair. “I’m anxious to hear more about what you think you remember.”

  “What would you like to know?” I find my seat.

  “Do we all have past lives?” He holds his pen at the ready.

  “I only know about mine and the people connected to me.”

  “Why do you think you’re the only one that remembers them?”

  “I don’t know why I remember them. Maybe it was a mistake.” He seems surprised by my answer and scribbles something down.

  “Why wouldn’t we all remember? What would be the point of living before if we just forget?”

  I shrug and sweep my hands in front of me. “Look where it’s gotten me.”

  “Good point.” He belly-laughs. “Why do you think some of your lives have been male? Deep down, do you wish you were a male?”

  I thought I’ve already been through this. “No, I’ve chosen to be female in this life.”

  “Chosen? You think you chose who you are?” More writing.

  I only nod, since I know explaining to him how things work is fruitless.

  “If you get to choose, like you say, then why did you choose to be male seven out of the twelve times?”

  I’m glad he’s at least humoring me, as others don’t even want to entertain my ideas. “I find being female more of a challenge, but it’s necessary to learn such lessons.”

  “Does that affect who you’re attracted to?”

  “Attracted to?”

  He blushes slightly. “Are you attracted to males or females?”

  I don’t see what this has to do with anything. “I’m drawn to my soul mate—whoever has those green eyes and a gap between their front teeth. I haven’t found them yet.”

  “Green, you say?” His tongue discreetly moves across his front teeth, as if checking for a gap. “So if it was a woman…”

  “It wouldn’t matter.”

  His pen dances on the page.

  “You speak of soul mates. You are looking for this one person only?”

  “I have unfinished business with him/her. But there is another who I’ve been close to in the past as well.”

  Imagine if I confes
sed it was him. Surely this would be our last session.

  “What sort of unfinished business?”

  “So many times we’ve tried to be together, only to get separated by something, or someone.”

  “And you haven’t met this person yet?” He lets his pen rest.

  “No, I’ve been looking everywhere.”

  “Have you met this other person, the one you say is also close to you?” He catches my eyes, and it makes my stomach drop for a second.

  “Yes. I have found him.”

  “Him?” He straightens his shoulders. “Have you had a relationship with him?”

  “No. I only just met him.”

  “Are you still in contact with him from the hospital?”

  “Yes. We communicate quite frequently.” An unruly smile curls. This is sort of fun.

  “You seem happy when you talk about him.” He doesn’t seem pleased, though, that something could make me smile so. Could his sudden flatness be a result of jealousy? The mischievous part of me decides to toy with him.

  “He is quite handsome. Intelligent. And very kind.” His eyes have lost their sparkle, so I let up my game. “But I have no idea if he should ever think of me in the same way.”

  He looks down at his paper. “You are all those things as well. I’m sure he has noticed you.”

  I screw up my face in fun. “Handsome?”

  “Um, well, you know…pretty.” Now he pretends to shuffle his papers and check the clock on the wall. “We’ve run a few minutes over again. We must pay more attention to the clock next time.”

  I stand up, wishing we had ten more minutes. I know next session he will carefully stay away from this subject.

  “Thank you, Doctor.”

  He nods slightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, same time. Please wait for the nurse outside to walk you back after she brings in her patient.”

  As I’m opening the door, he leaps up from his seat. “Oh, did you get the extra blanket I left for you?”

  “You left that for me?”

  He fans his hand through the air. “It was nothing. I just wanted to be sure you had it and your suitcase back.”

  “Thank you. I sleep so much better.”

  “Let me know if I can do anything else to make you comfortable.”

  I think to tell him of the bath regime but decide to leave it at that for the day. “Thank you again.” I close the door quietly behind me and a nurse stands there, tapping her foot, with another patient.

  She huffs and barges through the door. I’m sure he’s going to get a tongue-lashing for the extra wait. After she reemerges, she clips ahead of me three or four paces, without so much as a glance back, until we reach my landing.

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  Even though there is the normal amount of waiting in line for no reason, we can tell something is different in the dining hall. An actual appetizing smell streams out from the kitchen, something that holds the promise of seasoning and taste. My stomach growls in response, and we sit down with eager eyes and spoons in hand.

  The orderlies bring out fresh bread rolls, still warm from the oven. I break into the golden crust to sink my fingers into the doughy center. I stuff a piece in without even noticing the soft, churned butter. I dip a taster finger into the creamy pat and smile as its salty deliciousness hits my tongue. Even if this is the only improvement he has been able to make, I will be very happy. No one else looks up as they tear into their bread and butter. Odelia even nibbles on hers. Gitta gives me a happy smile as she chews an extra-large piece of bread. No one is even prepared for what’s brought out next: four steaming sausages with a cream sauce gravy atop a scattering of peas. To anyone else, this would be a pauper’s supper, but for some, who haven’t had a mouthful of meat for months, this is a miracle. Ursel and Minna can’t contain their joy, and squeals erupt as they devour their sausage with their fingers. Zelda hurries to stuff them inside, in hopes of grabbing someone else’s meal, but everyone hovers protectively over their plates. I sop up all the extra gravy with the rest of my bread and feel close to full for the first time in days. Bathilda walks by with her nose turned up to the ceiling. Frieda can’t contain the smile spreading across her face. Then a teacup of dark liquid is placed before me and, with one long inhale, I know that he managed to get us coffee. The orderly stirs in a spoonful of sugar from a jar, and even without cream, the rich, hot liquid is a perfect way to end the day.

  We walk back to our floor lighter, with our bellies heavier, and even though an outsider would not think much has changed in the strange group, I can tell that the overall atmosphere is less glum and more relaxed. Many of the patients curl up with a book, some reading them upside down, but still with a smile on their faces.

  If the patients have lightened a bit, the heaviness has transferred to Bathilda, who’s been rattling her ring of keys since the dining room. She sits in a chair in the hallway instead of pacing her normal route, making sure no one forgets she is there, always watching. She sits there with a faraway look. The defeated look of giving up or the imaginings of revenge? I’m sure we will find out soon.

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  I stand out in the cold, as Odelia, Verena, Ursel, Elfi, Minna, and Gitta stare down at me from behind the bars of the windows. A bitter wind takes my breath away, and I turn to see a dark cloud with Hitler’s swastika looming over the hospital. I take cover under the brush beside the building as the swastika cloud opens up in hail, lightning, and freezing rain. The buildings around me catch fire, and the people inside the windows gasp and clutch the bars before they slump to the ground. Suddenly, I see Dr. Evert help them back to their feet and pull them away from the windows. He’s trying to save them and I’m just hiding here. I hold my sweater over my head and make my way to our building. The smoke fills the stairway, but I crawl up to our floor and scream out each one of their names. I hear coughing in reply, and Odelia, Verena, Ursel, Elfi, Minna and Gitta emerge, holding on to one another.

  “Follow me!” I call, and turn to follow the pathway I came up. As soon as we’re outside in the fresh air, I say, “Where is Dr. Evert?”

  Once Gitta stops coughing, she says, “We lost him.”

  I look back to the building, which is fully consumed in flames and black smoke.

  James.

  Chapter 6

  I’m thirty pages into Pride and Prejudice, escaping into Austen’s peaceful world, when the gate rattles open and a man is allowed in. He’s middle-aged but still handsome, especially in his expensive, dark coat and dapper hat. As he removes the hat, my jaw drops open. How can it be? The same man I called out to on the street once I noticed that scar running from his wrist to his elbow. The very reason why I was put here. So this is how our paths would cross again.

  He doesn’t look around at all of us watching him, but turns his back and sits at an empty table. Frieda hurries to the bathroom to fetch Odelia. A commotion sounds from the tiled walls and Frieda tries to pull Odelia out into the hall, but she clings to the doorjamb like a frantic cat.

  “I won’t see him! Tell him to leave!”

  Frieda tries to calm her. “He is only here for a short time. He’s concerned about you.”

  “If he was concerned about me, then he wouldn’t have put me here.” She turns to scream directly at him. “Leave! Stop pretending that you care! Leave me here to die!”

  He removes his hat. He stiffens, as if he’s unsure if he should get up to go to her or stay safely at a distance.

  Bathilda is drawn from her office. “What’s going on here?”

  Frieda blocks Odelia from running back into the bathroom. “Odelia’s husband has come to visit, but she doesn’t seem to want to see him.”

  Bathilda walks over to his table. “I’m sorry, but your presence is upsetting your wife and the other patients.”

  I check around, and only Minna has broken out in hives from the stress, but all of the other patien
ts appear entertained rather than upset.

  The man rolls his hat in his hands. “She hasn’t seen me in three weeks. Why am I paying so much money if she doesn’t seem to be getting better?”

  Bathilda stands rigid. “That is for you to discuss with Dr. Evert. Would you like me to show you to his office?”

  He stands up and leans to address Odelia. “Won’t you just come and talk to me for a few minutes? I came an hour on the train to see you.”

  Odelia screams. “Both our children die in my arms within a week and you think three weeks here will cure me?” She spits in his direction, and Frieda wraps her arms around her before she charges him. “Get out of here!” she shrieks at the top of her lungs. Odelia spins out of Frieda’s grasp and her husband jumps back behind the table for fear of her attacking him, but she heads back into the safety of the bathroom.

  Gitta runs into the bathroom to help her. Frieda stands guard at the entrance in case she comes back.

  Bathilda demands, “If you don’t leave on your own immediately, I will be forced to have you removed.”

  I nearly scoff. She would like nothing better.

  The man turns around for the first time to check who has been watching it all and he does a double-take at me. He points at me. “You are that girl that grabbed me in the streets of Dresden.”

  I nod.

  “You called me Molly.”

  Verena and Ursel spurt out in laughter.

  Bathilda places a stony hand on his shoulder and he turns back to walk out through the opened gate, just as Dr. Evert is coming in.

  Bathilda says, “We were just coming to see you, Doctor. Mr. Steinthal has some concerns.”

  “I was coming to pick up a patient for an appointment, but I have a moment to speak to you.”

  Bathilda leaves them to talk outside the gate, but we can still hear them.

  “She’s been here for three weeks, Doctor, and she won’t even speak with me.”

  “Three weeks is not a very long time, but I assure you I see some progress.”

  Mr. Steinthal raises his hands up. “She practically charged me today. What kind of progress can you see?”

  Dr. Evert keeps his voice low even though Odelia’s husband’s rises. “She has been crying less, interacting with the other patients more, and has started eating again.”