Infinite Faith Infinite Series, Book 4)

by L. E. Waters

  Georg pulls back away from me. “Is this your husband?”

  Evert answers him. “No, her doctor. She should have been back to the hospital by eight o’clock. It’s nearly nine-thirty now.”

  “Hospital?” He looks me up and down for defects he might have missed and then realizes what he means. The nearby psychiatric hospital is well known in this city.

  Dr. Evert tries to pull me up from the bench, but I shake him off and stand on my own.

  “Goodbye, Georg. It was nice talking to you, and thank you for the coffee.” What’s the point? He will never talk to me again after this.

  Dr. Evert halts a moment to study Georg’s green eyes. “Uh, yes, thank you for keeping her safe.”

  He then prods me to the car and I get in. Georg just stares after me. I turn away as we drive off in a hurry.

  “At great risk to me, I let you out on this pass and you decided not to return. Do you know how many other passes I’ve given out this whole year? Two. For funerals! Do you know what would have happened to me if you didn’t come back?”

  “I was going to come back. I just lost track of time.”

  “I didn’t know what could have happened to you.”

  “I was fine.”

  He bites at his upper lip before saying, “Who was that man?”

  That seems to be what is really making him mad. “Someone I met tonight.”

  “You just stay out all night with strange men? Did you go sit beside any man with green eyes? I will never let you out for another day pass again.”

  “You wanted to discharge me, I was the one that wanted to stay. Maybe I do want leave.”

  “You are driving me mad now.”

  Silence.

  We get back to the hospital and he grabs a cigarette from his coat pocket. I never saw him smoke before.

  He says finally in a quiet voice, “I’ll say I assisted you all night and that a family event held you past curfew.” He takes a few long drags. “Put on your ID.”

  I fumble for it in my pocket and slip it on. He tries to take my arm and I pull away. “I don’t need to be led.”

  We get to the door and he takes a few desperate puffs before following me in. He waves his pass at the guards and they give a curious look to us coming in together so late, and he tells his lie to the office.

  Bathilda gives a worse look when we walk past her station, and our footsteps echo in the empty hallway. All of the patients have been drugged to sleep.

  As soon as we get to my wing, he checks to see if Bathilda still has her eyes on him. He reaches for my arm and I let him hold it, but stand rigid.

  “Did that man hurt you at all?”

  “No. We had coffee and then you stormed upon me.”

  “You have to be careful with men like that.”

  “Like what?” I blow out the breath into my bangs. “It’s useless to even talk about this. I will never see him again now. Thanks to you, he thinks I’m an escaped lunatic.”

  I walk away to my room, and I feel him watch me all the way to my door.

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  The next day, I have a visitor, and they allow me to wait for them in the garden on this beautiful summer day since Frieda monitors the garden. I expect it to be Mother or Kathrin, and I lie in the warm grass trying to soak up the last of the day’s sun with my head down until I hear their footsteps near.

  “So they let you outside again.”

  I sit up quickly in response to the unexpected male voice. Georg holds his hands deep in his pockets as he searches the expanse of the garden around him. He notices Frieda watching us from the roses.

  “I…I…” I stumble for a bit before I can find the words. “I help take care of this garden. I designed it.”

  “Finer than ones I’ve seen in Berlin.” His flattering comment calms me down for a moment.

  I get to my shaky legs. “I’m surprised you’ve found me.”

  He shrugs. “It was the closest hospital.”

  Why do I feel so much weaker here than in the city? For the first time, I feel embarrassed of where I am, even in this garden. “I mean I’m surprised you sought me out.”

  “Why, because of this place?” He looks into my eyes. “I could tell you were as sane as I am.”

  I laugh far too loudly in relief. “What does that say about you?”

  Happily, he laughs along with me. His laughter is light, like a child’s.

  “I honestly don’t know why I’ve come.” He takes his hands out of his pockets to hold them up to the sky.

  “Maybe it’s to see my rabbit.” I point to the hutch and he smiles. I take her out and place her in his strong arms.

  Her soft, warm body becomes the welcomed distraction to break the awkwardness threatening to cause him to walk away once and for all. He holds her stiffly, though. “I’m afraid I’ll drop her. I’m not good with animals.”

  I scoop her up roughly to show him how relaxed she is and lay her sprawled out in my arms to rub her ample tummy. “She’s a love.” He pats her stomach along with my hand, letting our hands overlap occasionally. I long to just hold on to his freely. Georg holds his arms out again to try to hold her a second time and I fill them up.

  Why, of all times, does Dr. Evert have to stride into the garden with a flowering plant in his hand? He halts as soon as he sees the visitor beside me in the garden. His face falls and he attempts to turn, but realizes that I’ve seen him already. He walks up to us.

  “Dr. Evert.” He holds a rigid hand out to the man he’s sending daggers at with his eyes.

  Georg fumbles a bit with Teresia to free his hand to shake. “Georg Elser.” He smiles, and Dr. Evert’s eyes widen once he sees the gap I have spoken so much of.

  Dr. Evert looks to me. “I only came out here to apologize for my outburst last night.” He hands me the flowers I don’t have growing in my garden. Violets. “I was only concerned.”

  “They are lovely.”

  Georg seems to be studying the doctor now.

  Dr. Evert stiffens. “Well, I’ll let you get back to your…visit.” He turns around to quickly add, “I’ll see you at your session tomorrow.”

  He hurries away, as if he wishes he could run, but sticks to the fastest pace that would seem normal.

  “Is it just me, or is that doctor a little too concerned about you?”

  I place the violets atop the hutch and take Teresia from him to hold her little twitching nose up to mine. “He is a very good doctor.”

  “Can I ask why you’re here?”

  I put Teresia back in the hutch. “Because I have memories that people say I shouldn’t have.”

  He’s unprepared for this. “What do you mean?”

  “Ever since I was young, I’ve remembered things, from before I was born.”

  He laughs uncomfortably. “What kind of things?”

  I watch his eyes carefully as I say the words. “From other lives I’ve lived.”

  “What?” he blurts out, and then, seeing my disappointed reaction, he asks, “You’re serious?”

  I turn to pull Teresia’s food bowl out to fill, wishing I just simply told him that I was delusional.

  “I’m sorry. Please, I want to know more. Sit down with me on this bench.” He takes the bowl out of my hands and places it next to the violets. As soon as we’re sitting, he says, “You believe we reincarnate?”

  “Yes, and most people don’t remember their lives when they enter a new one, but for some horrible reason, I remember. I remember everything.”

  “But people think you’re imagining all of this and they’ve sent you here?”

  “My mother was hoping that they would cure me of the memories, but no one can because, you see, I’m not crazy.”

  “What does the doctor think?” He looks back to where Fridric disappeared.

  Oh, how can I explain that?

  “He thinks I could leave this place, that I shou
ldn’t be here. But I don’t want to leave just yet.”

  “Why would you ever choose to stay here?” He squints up beyond the morning glories to the looming brick building.

  “I’m here for a reason. Something is going to happen at this place and I should be here for it.”

  “How do you know that if you only see the past?”

  I didn’t want to completely scare him away. “I just have a feeling about it.”

  He didn’t seem to pull away from me yet. He looks into my eyes. “I try hard not to judge things as everyone else sees them. I haven’t thought much about reincarnation, and I’ve only just met you, but I won’t say that it’s impossible. I believe anything’s possible.”

  A sweep of hair falls close to his eye and I wish I knew him longer so that I could reach up to push it away for him. Just those words fill me with so much happiness. He shakes the hair away and stands up too soon.

  “For instance, how do I know that you hate having your face touched?”

  He pauses, but I continue, “You don’t even like touching your own face. You never have. I don’t even remember why, but I love to tease you about it.”

  “It’s true, but I don’t know how you know that.”

  “I knew you before. For many lives.” I study him for a moment, then go out on a limb. “You always have something in the shape of an infinity sign.”

  He stares at me for a long moment and then cracks a grin as he pulls a carved infinity sign out of his pocket. “See here, I made it to keep in my pocket for fidgeting. But how did you know that? You’re a pickpocket, aren’t you?” He pats his pockets and pulls out his wallet. “Good, still there.” He smiles. “You must have slipped your hand in when I wasn’t aware.”

  I take the sign and rub my fingers over its silky smoothness. “I promise you, I have not put my hands in your pockets.”

  He takes his sign back and wags a warning finger at me. “Still, I will keep a safe distance from you.” He playfully hops back a few paces.

  “I also know why you don’t like to drink.”

  His smile disappears for a moment. “And why is that?”

  “Only two lives before you were in love with an alcoholic.”

  “Wrong.” He seems relieved. “In this life, I have lived with an alcoholic.”

  “Oh…I’m sorry to have forced you to reveal that.” I can’t believe how stupid it was for me to bring such a subject up.

  “It’s no secret. The whole village knows about my father.” He takes a few steps closer to me. “Would you mind if I come back to visit you again?”

  I want to say, Please stay longer, but decide on, “I would like that very much.”

  He sticks a finger in to touch Teresia’s nose, and she jumps up at the surprise touch and hops around the cage. He sends a smile back over his shoulder and pulls the gate closed behind him. For the first time, I wish I weren’t stuck here.

  Chapter 15

  Frieda walks me to my appointment and I knock lightly on Dr. Evert’s door.

  “Come in,” he says, and feigns interest in a file he’s reading.

  He doesn’t glance up until I sit down. He has distanced himself since seeing Georg in the garden. He is my serious doctor once again.

  “I need to speak to you about an extremely confidential matter.” No, it’s not only jealousy that straightened his face; there is great worry there, too. “Can I trust that you won’t discuss this with anyone in the hospital, since I would be in great danger if you did?”

  I brace my feet on the ground and think for a moment that maybe I don’t want to know what he has to say. “You can trust me.”

  “I’m only telling you so that you are aware of what’s coming.”

  “What is coming?”

  He waves the file in front of him. “These are orders sent down from the Führer himself of changes to be made in the institution, necessary for the good of the German people.”

  “What kind of changes?” Kathrin’s prediction echoes.

  “Each patient’s rations will be restricted to worse quantities than what you experienced before.”

  “Well, at least we will still have the garden. The food we grow will suffice.”

  “It’s not just that. A sterilization policy will go into full swing, especially for those who have any hope of release. Also, patients will be crowded in order to open up buildings for government use or housing soldiers.”

  “Is that everything?” I can tell it isn’t.

  “The thing that worries me most is that the hospital director has just been sent to Berlin to meet with Hitler. Nothing good will come from that. I fear things will be discussed in person that would never be written down in any of these files.” He brings his hand up to hold his temple. “Hitler does not like spending government money caring for the weak or ill. He would like nothing more than to eradicate all spending for institutions such as ours. He only values beautiful, young, strong, pure Germans who will follow him in a trance and do his bidding. Terrible things are ahead for us.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because it’s time that you go home.”

  I shake my head immediately.

  His voice hardens. “You must listen.” He leans forward. “This hospital is becoming a dangerous place. If we wait any longer, you might be sterilized, or worse.”

  “Sterilized?”

  He nods. “They remove any possibility of having children in the future.”

  “Are they truly doing that to patients? Without permission?”

  “They have for some time, but the cases eligible for surgery are steadily increasing.”

  I study his face for a moment. His smile has deserted his face. He looks so much older without it. I can’t tell what is truly upsetting him. “Is this all because of Georg visiting? Do you think sending me away will separate us?”

  He slams the file down. “Do you really think I’m thinking about myself right now? This has nothing to do with Georg, you fool. This is a much bigger matter. Don’t you realize that I won’t get to see you anymore either if I send you back? No, I’d rather not see you ever again just to know you’re safe. Please listen to me.”

  I let his words settle for a moment. “Are you sending everyone else home?”

  He scoffs. “What? Your whole floor, your building, the whole hospital? Of course I can’t do that.”

  “At least my friends?”

  “Not possible.” He leans back to cross his arms.

  “Only eight patients, including me.”

  He shakes his head and counts down on his fingers. “One, I might get in dire trouble just releasing you. Two, I’ve already told you I thought you should be discharged and these others, your friends, are not on the same footing. And three, some of them don’t have a home to return to. Where will they go? Who will care for them?”

  “I can’t leave them here. I have to try to help them somehow. I need to keep up the garden just to help feed as many people as we can. I won’t leave yet.”

  “I can force you to leave, you know.” His eyes burn with the threat.

  “You wouldn’t do that.” I watch him to see if I’m right.

  “Would you ever speak to me again if I did?”

  I cross my arms. “I would never.”

  He gets up to stare out his window. “I don’t know why you feel you must stay here. I know it’s not to stay closer to me. Do you worry that this Georg person won’t travel the extra hours by train to visit you?” He turns to watch my expression. “Your soul mate?”

  I rise up out of my chair with a squeak and storm out the door.

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  I can’t help but eat dinner that night like it’s the last supper. Everyone around me is so oblivious to how delicious our meals have become with the better quality of food, portions, and fresh vegetables from the garden. How fat and healthy everyone has grown. They were mere shades of th
emselves only months ago. I wish I could tell them to savor it all, not to leave any scraps on their plates. No telling what we’re going to have on our plates tomorrow.

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  Breakfast is no surprise. No fresh bread, no fresh butter, no sausage. There’s quite a stir in the dining hall as patients raise their voices to ask what has changed so suddenly. The watered-down tea resurfaces with the grey oatmeal, only fit for consumption with the additions of our fresh berries from the garden. I try to stay quiet to their protests, even when Gitta turns to me and says, “You have to tell Dr. Evert what has happened. Get him to change things back again.”

  “I’ll look into it,” is all I can say. I cannot worry them about what lies ahead for us.

  Frieda interrupts, “Annelie, there is a certain gentleman waiting for you out in the garden.”

  “Georg?” I can’t believe he is back so soon.

  “I’ll take you out if you’d like.”

  I get up immediately, scooping all the berries up to eat as we walk out. I’m so relieved Frieda isn’t making him come up to our dreary floor, with everyone watching and listening to us.

  My palms grow sweaty and my stomach rises in my throat walking out to him. It was so much easier yesterday when he just appeared. He walks around the garden, pretending to inspect the flowers. My feet hit the graveled walkway just as he’s smelling a cabbage rose.

  “You’re back so soon,” I call as I walk toward him. Frieda pretends to busy herself filling the buckets for watering.

  “Too soon?” He removes his cap.

  “Oh, no. I…” I’ve insulted him within the first minute. “It’s perfect timing.”

  Relief washes across his beautiful face. I sit down on the bench, leaving plenty of room for him to sit, but he stands in front of me.

  “I probably shouldn’t even be here.” His thumbnail finds the familiar spot between his teeth in worry.

  “Why not?” I can tell part of him wants to run out of the garden. “There’s no limit to how frequently I can see visitors. Only how long they can visit for, and Frieda won’t be as strict as Bathilda.”

  “It’s not that, it’s other things.” I’m not sure he will tell me.