Infinite Faith Infinite Series, Book 4)

by L. E. Waters

  People start filing out of the hall. “We have to find Kathrin.” I stand on my tiptoes to search for her.

  “Your coat.” Lee turns and fights against the river of uniforms and dresses to get back in.

  Lee returns after fetching my coat from the coat check and he’s out of breath.

  “You didn’t have to run.”

  He smiles. “With all these brazen Yanks milling around, I didn’t want to leave you alone for one minute.”

  “Very funny. I think the fact that I can’t say one word to them will hinder any romantic notions they might have.”

  “I don’t think these boys care much for conversation.”

  I nudge him and he looks around for Kathrin, waving her coat in the air. Finally, she reappears with a gang of soldiers encircling her. She breaks through, saying in her best English, “My boyfriend.”

  Lee is taken off guard as she grabs onto his lapels and pulls him to her. She gives him a close hug and they all curse and walk back into the dance hall.

  “Phew, I thought they were going to follow me home.” She grabs her coat and Lee fumbles after the unexpected moment, but then pulls himself together. “So sorry to attack you, Lee. I hope you didn’t mind.”

  “I’m available for such unpleasant attacks anytime either one of you should require it.”

  Kathrin laughs and I smile. He does look handsome in the faint sliver of moonlight. Kathrin rubs her hip. “I think I’m going to be black and blue tomorrow. I never suffered so many bumps learning a dance before.” She laughs and holds her shoe up. “I’m afraid I’ve worn down the soles of my shoes.”

  “It’s bad enough I have to buy women’s hosiery and now women’s shoes. I can imagine the looks I’ll get from the shopkeeper.”

  We walk back to the car singing many of the English songs that played tonight.

  A caravan of Americans buzz by honking and hooting at us. Lee says, “You would think that wartime would give a chap a better chance with the ladies left home without their beaus, but with the flood of soldiers from all over the world, this is a bloody nightmare.”

  Once we get back to the dark house, Kathrin says she’s exhausted and goes inside. Lee says, “Come close, Annelie.”

  I’m hesitant and walk slowly over to him. I can barely make out the whites of his eyes and glowing teeth.

  “Cup your hands around my match once I strike it. I only have one left.” Lee strikes a precious match and I try my best to shield it from the playful breeze. Our faces have never been this close. He gets a few puffs in and shakes the match out. I turn to go inside, but Lee stops me. “I just lit this cigarette. Won’t you stay with me while I finish it?”

  “Just don’t blow it on me. It takes days to get the smell out of my hair.”

  He leans over me and takes a deep breath. “Your hair smells wonderful to me.”

  I laugh. “That’s because ashtray scent is one of your favorites.”

  We quiet our laughs down to look out on the incredible, hushed countryside.

  “These stars. One brilliant thing to come out of this whole mess is how amazing the heavens look when all the lights are out.”

  “It is something, isn’t it?” I search the clusters of diamonds. “I wish I knew the constellations.”

  “Oh, you don’t know them? Well that one there is the one Hitler’s renamed after himself.”

  I shove him and laugh.

  “No, really. You didn’t see that in the papers? He’s just claimed it for himself like the rest of the world. His mouth and anus share the same star because it serves the same purpose.”

  “Stop it.”

  He blows out a long stream of smoke away from me. “You remember when you asked what I will do if Georg doesn’t come back?”

  I nod.

  “Well, frankly, I’m more worried about what will happen if he does come back.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If he comes back, then I will have to stop coming here. He’d take care of you and I’ll be sent elsewhere. Most likely back to Germany again.”

  “That won’t be so bad if Hitler is taken care of. I hope I’ll get to go back to Germany soon too. As lovely as this place has been, I miss home.”

  “No, I don’t care if I’m here or in Germany, but I don’t like the idea of not seeing you anymore.”

  “Oh.” I hug my arms close to me. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again.”

  He scoffs. “I don’t know how I can say this any clearer.” He takes a drag and blows it like a dragon out his nose. “I feel guilty because I’m almost wishing Georg doesn’t come back—”

  I immediately turn to the house, but he drops his cigarette in order to grab me.

  “Wait—”

  “I can’t believe you’re saying that. I don’t want to hear it.”

  He spins me to him and bends down so close I can smell the cigarette on his warm breath. “I told you I felt guilty about it. I just want you to know how I feel and that if he shouldn’t come back, I won’t leave you. For anything.”

  “I can’t think about that possibility while Georg is still alive. He’s probably looking up at these very stars right now.”

  “I just needed you to know how I feel about you.”

  “You shouldn’t have those feelings.”

  “How can I not?” he says like he’s crying mercy.

  I see the orange glow of the spent cigarette extinguish on the ground. “Well, your smoke is over. You should probably be leaving, since it will take you ages to get home in this darkness.”

  He lets out a long-held breath. “If you truly had mercy on me, you’d lend me the use of your couch tonight.” I hesitate for a few moments and he says, “Oh, don’t bother. I’ll probably make it home by first light.”

  “Come on, you can sleep on the sofa if you promise to stay there the whole night.” I open the door for him to come in.

  He laughs and, as he passes near me, he says, “Unless you shall need me for anything, then I’ll gladly be at your service.”

  He gives a playful bow and I swat a blanket at him. “Go to bed.”

  I awake to the sound of sirens. Lee opens the door before I can even touch the knob. The house is pitch black with the blackout shades down and the lights out. I put my hand out to find him and lay my hands on his firm chest.

  “Do you think we need to go out to the shelter?”

  “We better. Sounds like anti-aircraft guns. Airplanes might be coming down.” He takes one hand and I yell for Kathrin to come outside.

  Happily, there hasn’t been any rain for days and the inside of the shelter is relatively dry. Lee takes off his sweater for me, but I point to the stash of blankets we’ve kept for cold nights on the shelf above. He lays one out for me to sit on before laying Kathrin’s and then his own. Kathrin finally joins us and we strap our gas masks on.

  “Do you have yours?” I ask.

  “I left it in the car, but I’ll be fine.”

  Kathrin and I watch our hot breaths fog up our masks as we strain our ears for airplane engines, machine gun fire, and bombs.

  Strange that we can get so used to these sounds. I look at the walls of earth and metal around us and truly wonder if they can stop a bomb from blowing us to pieces.

  “I don’t think this war will ever end,” Kathrin says.

  “Sshhh,” Lee says as a plane comes near. “Germans.”

  “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want,” I start praying. Kathrin curls her knees up and brings her hands around her head. We don’t hear any sound of incendiaries or bombs. Then the happy sound of RAF trailing behind makes my heart swell.

  “Let’s just hope he doesn’t bring him down on our heads.”

  Lee takes this opportunity to scrunch closer to me after some more planes fly overhead. He wraps a warm arm around my shoulder. Kathrin notices it immediately and I don’t try to get him to remove
it. It feels good to have someone close in moments like these, but as soon as the all clear signal goes up, I roll him off.

  We fold up our blankets and replace our masks. Lee walks me back to my bedroom door even though he’s the one tripping on furniture in the dark.

  “See you at breakfast,” I say as I close my door.

  He says, “I’ve got to leave at sunup tomorrow.”

  “Oh, well, after the next grocery run, then.” I hesitate for a moment. “Thank you for dragging us to the dance. It was a nice night.” I close the door.

  Chapter 35

  The British advance from Egypt as the Americans advance from French North Africa, and they join hands in the middle. We celebrate in July when Mussolini is overthrown and Italy surrenders in September. Lee notifies us that our village in Germany has been severely bombed, and weeks drag on as we wait for a letter from home. It comes on Christmas day.

  My dear girls,

  You must be sick with worry upon hearing about the terrible bombing on December 4th. First off, your father and I are fine. We had no warning in the early morning hours and we had no time to get to a shelter. We managed to get down to the cellar and prayed. The sound of planes and explosives was terrifying. You can’t imagine what hell truly sounds like. The house shook with every blast nearby, and when we emerged, some of the houses just down the road were turned to heaps of rubble. We were so lucky to be on the outskirts of the city since the firestorm raged, destroying the center of the city, and the hot wind from it could be felt from our front door. Thousands of people died, and what we saw that day will burn in our minds forever. I have never been so happy that you are not with us now and are out of harm’s way. Your father has decided to leave our only home in Leipzig because it’s such a target with all of its factories and he’s sure it will be bombed again. We are leaving in a few days to Dresden, since it’s less of a military target and your father can find some work there.

  Keep us in your prayers as you are always in ours.

  All my love,

  Mother

  With the new year, the Germans resume the blitz night raids on London and it lasts for three months, although at least they’re not as bad as the 1940-1941 raids.

  Around us, the skies are never silent. Winter and spring bring endless convoys of lorries, planes, tanks, and bulldozers all heading south or west to the sea.

  Lee is sitting with us one night when more come by our house, creating such a noise that we can’t hear each other or the radio. Everything shakes and Lee bounces up to catch a plate that dances off a rattling side table.

  “They’ve broken three teacups already,” Kathrin says as she takes it from him and rinses it in the sink.

  “What’s happening?” I watch his reaction. “You know, don’t you?”

  “Of course I do, and everyone else knows what’s happening, too.”

  “How long will it take to get ready for the big assault?” Kathrin asks. “They’ve been gathering here since the winter.”

  “It’s no small thing to get troops gathered from all over the world and in place for one of the biggest battles in history.” He gets to the end of smoking his third cigarette since he’s been here.

  “I’ve never seen you smoke more than one in a sitting.” I hand him an ashtray.

  “That’s because cigarettes are easy to come by now.” Instead of using the ashtray, though, he uses the butt to light his next cigarette. “It’s the matches that are impossible to find now. It’s sheer torture. So I’m forced to light one after the other.”

  Kathrin comes over. “Yesterday I walked by a GI’s camp—”

  “I’m sure that brightened their day,” Lee says.

  “No, no one even so much as looked at me. It was all very serious. I walked closer to see what was distracting them so and there was a sign on a pole saying, ‘Do not speak to the troops.’”

  Lee leans forward. “I’ll let you in on one thing. It’s not the commotion that tells you that the battle is about to begin, it’s the sudden quiet. When nothing moves—no troops can be seen, no planes are heard—that is when it’s about to begin. Then sit tight and stay close to the radio. One of the most important battles is coming.”

  “But we can’t listen to the radio. How will we know what’s happening?”

  “Oh, I almost forgot.” He lays down the wafting cigarette on the lip of the ashtray and reaches into his back pocket for a German-to-English translation book. “You could always write down phrases and then look them up with this.”

  I shift through the pages. “I wish we had this years ago.”

  “Sorry.” He picks back up his cigarette and takes a short puff. “I only thought of it the other day, but I bought a very thin one so that you two still need me for something.”

  Kathrin laughs. “I could’ve used this to talk to the soldiers the other night.”

  Lee holds out his hand to take it back. “You see, this is a very bad idea after all.”

  I hold it close to me. “No, it will be so helpful. Thank you, Lee. I’ll be sure to keep it away from Kathrin, though.”

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  As if Lee summoned it, the next day is stone quiet. Kathrin and I keep our door open to listen for any sounds of life and only a few lone bicycles roll by. When we go for a short walk, other neighbors venture out in their yards and stare toward the sea to see where all the noise disappeared to. It is like the sea pulling back before a tsunami strikes.

  Then the tsunami comes. I jump to my feet at 5:30 a.m. to a roar of noise. Kathrin meets me in the hall with her robe half on and we go to the front door. The skies are full of aircraft, horizon to horizon, all heading toward the coast in one perfectly assembled stream. They pick a clear, sunny day for their strike, and Kathrin and I do nothing but write and translate words until we decipher at 9:32 a.m. that John Snagge announced, “D-Day has come.”

  Lee arrives a week later, even though he should’ve been here sooner, since our supplies are growing low. “Did you hear the news?”

  “Thank goodness we were able to use the book you gave us”—I flap our new favorite toy—”or we would have been waiting on you for a whole week before figuring out what was going on.”

  “That, and the fact that every other hour someone rides by on their bike screaming, ‘D-day at last!’ or ‘Hurrah, God save the king!’”

  “I’m sorry. You can imagine things are very busy.” He puts down two boxes of supplies this time.

  “So, will this be it? Will it all be over soon?” Of course, I really want to ask if this means Georg will be saved.

  “The Germans are not giving up so easily.”

  “Do you mean the revenge bombs?” That’s all Kathrin and I have been able to gather.

  “We don’t like to call them that. Doodlebugs sound much more innocuous.”

  “So they aren’t dangerous?” Kathrin asks.

  “Oh no, they’re horrific. I won’t go anywhere near London right now. It’s Germany’s most devastating weapon yet, and to make things worse, they’re unmanned. These things buzz across the sky with flames shooting from their tails and we shoot them down thinking we’ve triumphed, but then they crash to the ground and explode with great force. So we can’t shoot these down or stop them.”

  I’m so glad we’re so far away from London, but I feel terrible that people are living this nightmare right now.

  “Sad, that so many people made it this far to the end of the war only to be killed in Hitler’s last-ditch effort. What a waste.” Kathrin stares out the window toward London. “War is only waste.”

  ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

  Just when we think things should ease up with recent victories, the summer of 1944 is worse than any of the other London blitzes. The ‘doodlebugs’ are relentless, and they rattle even the toughest battle horses when their attacks peak in July and August. The patriotism and steel that first surges at the start of th
e war has now faded to a worn and exhausted lot. We have barely anything left. Rationing and shortages are at their worst. After the doodlebugs disappear, the blackout slowly progresses to a dim out. We used to dream of all the lights coming back on in a dramatic show of triumph and victory, but, instead, we’re allowed to switch from the thick black material at the windows to the original curtains that the owners left in a large trunk in the attic. Direct lights are still forbidden, and the dim out needs to become a blackout again if sirens sound. Streetlights become brighter as long as they can be snuffed out in a raid.

  We trudge through another wartime Christmas and New Year’s, and we don’t even try to make it festive since such festivities fall so far back in our memory. These days of celebration seem just like every other day with an additional Merry Christmas hug or a New Year’s kiss.

  Lee visits with the light February snowfall and doesn’t even remove his scarf and gloves. He comes over to me where I’m sitting by the window and says, “Annelie, where’s Kathrin?”

  “She’s resting upstairs.”

  “Go get her. I need to tell you both something important.”

  I fetch her and she rushes down to hear what could possibly be so important it necessitated waking her.

  “They’ve bombed Dresden.”

  We both know the moment he says this what will come next. Kathrin collapses in my arms and I bury my head in her hair as he continues. “Your parents’ house was bombed and your parents have been killed.”

  We just keep crying. Even though we knew Germany wasn’t safe, we never thought it would come to this. “They moved to Dresden because it didn’t have any military significance. Why would they have bombed there?” I need to get up to fetch a dishtowel to wipe my nose. Lee pulls his handkerchief out for Kathrin to use.

  “I don’t know the details. We’ll know more later, but I came as soon as I heard.”

  “Who will bury them?”

  “We have no control over that. Once the war’s over, we can try to make sure they’re properly buried.”

  “They should have stayed in Leipzig,” Kathrin cries.