Deception and Desire

by Janet Tanner

  At first Maggie could scarcely believe it. For so long she had believed herself unable to conceive that she had almost stopped thinking about it. Now she found herself experiencing a cocktail of confusion, joy and something not unlike panic. For instinctively she knew the child she was carrying was not Ari’s, but Mike’s.

  What the hell was she going to do? she asked herself now, sitting on the wall and looking out to sea. As yet she had not told Ari the news and she did not know how she was going to bring herself to do it. He would be delighted and so would his family. Wasn’t this what they had wanted for so long? But the thought of accepting their congratulations was anathema to her; pretending the baby was Ari’s was a deceit she could not countenance. Yet to tell the truth would mean the end of her marriage.

  There is no way out, no way at all, Maggie thought, and found herself thinking of Dinah, faced all those years ago with a similar dilemma. Dinah had solved her problem by having her baby adopted and Maggie supposed her own parallel solution would be an abortion. But it was something that she could not consider for even a moment. She wanted her baby, wanted it desperately, not only for herself, but also because it was a part of Mike.

  The breeze whispered in from the sea and Maggie shivered. She got up from the low wall and started back towards the house; halfway there she heard the telephone ringing.

  The sense of déjà vu was immediate, whisking her back to that other evening when Mike had telephoned to say Ros was missing and it had all begun. Could it be … Would she lift the receiver and hear Mike’s voice at the other end of the line? The longing was a sharp pain deep inside her. She ran into the house and snatched up the receiver, and when she heard the crackles on the line signifying a long-distance call she began to tremble.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Maggie! Is that you? Can you hear me?’

  Not Mike, but Ros. Maggie felt the disappointment like a physical blow.

  ‘Ros! Hi! What a surprise!’

  ‘A surprise to be able to get through!’ Ros quipped. ‘How are you anyway?’

  ‘Fine.’ But it was a lie. ‘And you?’

  ‘Yes. Look, Maggie, I don’t think we should waste time on small talk in case we get cut off. The reason I’m ringing is to let you know that Mike and I have broken up – gone our separate ways.’

  Maggie felt her stomach fall away.

  ‘You and Mike? Why?’

  ‘Lots of reasons. For one, I think I’m in love with someone else.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Dinah’s son – her real son, Mac. I can’t seem to get him out of my mind, Maggie. I can’t stop thinking about him.’ In spite of the poor quality of the international line Maggie could hear the glow of pride and pleasure in Ros’s voice, a nuance that had been missing through the turbulent years.

  ‘I see. And what about Mike?’

  ‘Well to be honest, that’s the reason I’m ringing. I think Mike is in love, too. With you.’

  Maggie’s heart had begun to beat very fast and very irregularly.

  ‘Why? What has he said?’

  ‘It’s not so much what he’s said as the way he looks whenever your name is mentioned. What did you do to him, I’d like to know?’

  ‘Nothing. I’m sure you’re wrong …’

  ‘I’m sure I’m right! You can’t pretend nothing happened while you were here. I just don’t believe you. You haven’t been happy with Ari for ages – admit it. And if you feel the same way about Mike that I feel about Mac you’ll get on and do something about it. He hasn’t been in touch, I suppose?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘No, he wouldn’t. Wife-snatching isn’t his style. Well, darling, I guess it’s up to you now. Don’t let him slip away, Maggie, if it’s as special as I think it is. That sort of thing only happens once or twice in a lifetime, believe me.’ The line crackled. ‘Look, I’d better go now. Maybe see you soon.’

  ‘Yes – and thanks for ringing, Ros.’

  ‘No problems.’ And she was gone.

  Maggie replaced the receiver and stood with her hands pressed to her mouth. All kinds of emotions were darting inside her – surprise that Ros and Mike had broken up, in spite of what had happened between them, pleasure for Ros that she seemed to have allowed herself to fall in love again at last, and a crazy spiralling excitement that maybe, now that the coast was clear, there could be something between her and Mike. But the sense of euphoria that Ros’s call had evoked lasted only briefly – and then reality was rushing in. There was no getting away from the fact that the telephone call had come from Ros – Mike had made no effort to contact her and try to persuade her to return to England, and she didn’t think he would. And even if he did, there was still Ari to consider. Maybe theirs was not a happy marriage but to Maggie it was still a binding one.

  The hell with it, Maggie thought, I am going to have a cigarette. Just one can’t possibly hurt.

  She fetched her wrap, lit that one forbidden cigarette, and went back outside to sit on the patio. She was still there, an hour later, when she heard Ari’s car on the track.

  He came swaggering around the corner of the house and she knew at once that he had been drinking. When he saw her sitting there he checked, adopting a hectoring tone.

  ‘What are you doing sitting out here for? Why aren’t you ready for bed?’

  ‘Why shouldn’t I sit out here as long as I like?’ Maggie flashed back. ‘And talking of time, where have you been? If it’s too late for me to sit on the patio, surely you should have been home hours ago.’

  ‘Maggie, we are not going to go all over this again, I hope. What’s the matter with you, always nagging?’

  He made to walk past her and as he did so she caught a whiff of that unmistakable, elusive perfume.

  ‘You’ve been with her, haven’t you? Melina! Don’t deny it, Ari. I can smell her from here.’

  ‘What if I have? At least she doesn’t nag me all the time.’

  ‘I don’t suppose she does – she’s not your wife!’

  ‘More’s the pity.’ He muttered it under his breath, but she heard.

  ‘What did you say?’

  ‘I said ‘‘more’s the pity’’,’ he returned defiantly. ‘The trouble with you, Maggie, is that you are too damned English. Greek girls know how to treat their men. They don’t nag all the time and they don’t go flying off home at a moment’s notice. My family warned me, did you know that? They wanted me to marry someone like Melina. But oh no, I knew best. I thought I was a modern man and we would have a modern marriage.’

  ‘But we haven’t, have we?’ Maggie said. Suddenly she was not angry any more, but sad. ‘This isn’t a modern marriage. It’s a Corfiote one. In the end your traditions were too strong for you to break. And I don’t think I can cope with them, Ari.’

  He shrugged. ‘Oh come on, this is getting us nowhere. Let’s go to bed.’

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘ We can’t sweep it under the carpet yet again. Tell me the truth – would you rather be married to Melina than to me?’

  ‘What sort of a question is that?’

  ‘An honest one. I am asking you a simple question and I want a straightforward answer. Would you be happier married to Melina?’

  ‘How should I know?’ he blustered. ‘You are my wife.’

  ‘But if I wasn’t – would you go to her? Your family would like it, wouldn’t they? A nice Corfiote girl who behaved the way they expected. Could she bring you a dowry, Ari? A few olive groves, perhaps? And I’m quite sure she could give you …’ She broke off, her hands flying automatically to her stomach. Ari had always insisted that the fact they had not had a baby before now was her fault, but obviously that was untrue. She had made love with Mike on just one occasion and she was pregnant. That meant, surely, that the fault must lie elsewhere. She hesitated, torn yet again with indecision as to what she could do about her situation – and Ari’s. But as she hesitated his black eyes flashed angrily. He had seen the small instinctive gesture – and misunderstood it.<
br />
  ‘Yes,’ he grated. ‘If you were going to say she could give me a son I am quite sure you are right. I don’t know what’s the matter with you, Maggie. Haven’t I done enough to make you pregnant? Yet nothing happens. You know what I think? That you are a barren woman! You will never give me a child. I am ashamed to face my parents and tell them there is no little one. You have failed me in this, Maggie, and it is worse than the nagging, worse than all your stupid English ways. I am a man – I deserve a son. And yes, I think Melina could give me one, since you ask. And my parents would be pleased to know their grandchild was pure-born Corfiote!’

  His outburst had shocked Maggie to the core. She had been on the point of trying to tell him gently that perhaps he really should seek medical advice; now suddenly she saw his blindness for what it was and it made her furiously angry. How dare he blame her for his childlessness? How dare he patronise and chastise her? And how dare he treat her – and their marriage – with such disdain? Perhaps he was Greek, but he had been in England long enough to see things from her point of view if he only had the sensitivity. But he did not.

  ‘Well, if you want a child with Melina I suggest you do something about it!’ she said.

  She saw the shock on his face. ‘Maggie …’

  ‘No, I mean it,’ she said. ‘You have obviously regretted your rashness in marrying me for a very long time. And to be honest I have regretted it too. I have tried, I really have tried to make this marriage work because I didn’t want to admit defeat, didn’t want all the prophets of doom to be proved right. But I’m afraid they were right. It’s never going to work, Ari, it’s never going to make either of us really happy. And I suggest we end it here and now before either of us gets hurt any more.’

  Ari made to speak, then gesticulated impatiently.

  ‘Maggie, I am going to bed. We will talk about this again in the morning.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘But I already know what the outcome will be.’

  He threw her a black glance and went into the house. By the time she followed he was already in the bedroom, banging about.

  Maggie crossed the living room, looking around and wondering why the house that had been her home ever since she had come to Corfu suddenly looked so alien to her. There was really nothing of herself here, she thought; she had tried so hard to adapt to the Greek way of life, but it had not worked out. But suddenly it was almost unimportant, a mere curtain-raiser to the rest of her life. Only one thing was important now, and that was being with Mike.

  She crossed to the telephone, picked up the receiver and dialled the international code for England. The bell at the other end seemed to ring for ever and she began to think he was not there. But with a sort of desperate optimism she waited and waited, praying that the line would not break up, praying that he would answer.

  When she heard his voice her knees went weak. Dear God, she loved him!

  ‘Mike?’ she said. ‘Mike – it’s me, Maggie. I’ve just decided. I’m coming home.’

  She held her breath then, half afraid of what he would say. When he replied his words were typically phlegmatic, but even across the thousands of miles of telephone wires she heard the genuine emotion in his voice.

  ‘Thank God for that, Maggie. I’ll be waiting.’

  Copyright

  First published in 1994 by Arrow

  This edition published 2014 by Bello

  an imprint of Pan Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited

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  ISBN 978-1-4472-6640-2 EPUB

  ISBN 978-1-4472-7044-7 HB

  ISBN 978-1-4472-6639-6 PB

  Copyright © Janet Tanner, 1994

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